pain

Grief, anger, infertility, pain, suffering, truth, devotional, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Grief: Learning to Praise God in Times of Acute Pain

DevotionalsAugust 19, 2019August 16, 2019

Grief is crippling. Often times our physical bodies heal faster than our spirits. In these times we must learn to praise God through the pain.

Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint; LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.
My soul is in anguish. How long, LORD, how long?
Turn, LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.
No one remembers you when he is dead. Who praises you from the grave ?
I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.
My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.
Away from me, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping.
The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer.
Psalm 6:2-9, NIV

Spiritual and Physical Anguish

The moment after the ultrasound that showed that our supposed “miracle baby” was meant for Heaven rather than earth, my body ached with devastating grief. Sorrow is insidious, seeping in and replicating like a virus or cancer. It hits fast and hard — starting at the chest, knocking the wind out of you, and quickly traveling to every muscle, joint, bone, and nerve.

The bodily pain mended more quickly than my broken spirit, and that pain comes back now and then: when a friend has a baby, when I see the baby pictures of other people’s children, when I have none of mine, when I think of how my due date is fast approaching every November. It has been in those moments–those breathless, agonizing moments, where my faith has been tested. Would this be the time that I fell to my knees to pray for healing? Or would I shake my fist to rail at my Heavenly Father for His cruelty, His neglect, His silence?

Directing Our Anger

I’d like to tell you that I always ended up on my knees, but I have raised my fist towards God in anger more times than I would like to admit. Luckily for me, God has always been capable of taking the brunt of my anger. Fortunately for me, He has already forgiven my rage and impertinence. Thankfully, He has always guided me back to dedicated prayer and relationship with Him.

I know God has delivered me. He has saved me because of His undying, steadfast love. He always hears my weeping, my cries for mercy. God patiently listens to my pleas and accepts my prayers. His silence isn’t a sign of neglect. This silence has a purpose which He will reveal to me in His time.

Pain of Grief

I think it is important to remember this Psalm, even in the darkest depths of grief. The Psalmist cries out to God just as any one of us does on any given day. He feels the bodily pain of his grief and the weariness from enduring so much sadness. He wonders how long God will allow him to withstand his anguish.

My soul is in deep anguish. How long, LORD, how long?
Psalm 6:3, NIV

This is a familiar refrain. But the Psalmist remembers that no matter how his body aches, how much his soul anguishes, he is blessed with God’s unfailing love.

These Feelings are Natural

I think we, especially as women, find shame in lifting our frustration and rage up and directing it at God. We know that we are supposed to find solace in Him, to trust in His plans, His timing, His goodness. But the world presents us with such indefinable suffering that there is no tangible “who” to place our blame upon. God, then, becomes the logical culpability bearer.

This is natural. It’s normal. You are no different than I am in this transgression. Plus, God has proven time and time again to be long-suffering with our misplaced anger and doubt in Him. He hasn’t broken off relationship with us in the past, so why would He in our present or future?

This is the comfort we can seek, this unity in our weakness and assurance that our Father will love us through it all. Sit in that for a moment. But don’t stay comfortable too long, because comfortable people do not change. God tells us time and time again in Scripture, we are to be transformed by our relationship with Him. So, now that we have cast away the shame we feel in misplacing our anger in Him…

Seeking a Different Way

We have to seek a different path. Every time I misplace my anger at my circumstances and place it firmly on His shoulders, I go back to the question my small group leader always asks: “What do I know to be true?”

I know God is good beyond my capability to comprehend. I am assured that He loves me with an unfathomable love. I know that His Word bears evidence of His goodness through generation, upon generation who came before me. I know that His way is always best and that I never regret His way once the conclusion has played out in my life. I am certain that what I do not understand today, I will understand when I am in Heaven.

This knowledge should transform how I react. It should impact how I respond to my suffering. I should look to Job and Joseph and see how they embraced God in the midst of their troubles.

Job praised God. His wife wanted him to curse God and die. I know that feeling. I cannot judge her for having that resentment without living at the height of my own hypocrisy. But I can aspire to be more like Job.

Joseph had been so maligned by his brothers that no one could blame him had he cast his brothers out of Egypt without food. He, however, saw the good God did in the midst of his travails and was able to show genuine forgiveness to his bullies and assailants.

Praising through Pain

It seems counterintuitive. We know bad things happen despite our faith and God’s goodness, but in the midst of our suffering, it does not seem like God deserves our praise. That is exactly when we need to get out of our broken hearts into our heads.

What do we know to be true?

He is always worthy.

He is always good.

We must praise Him always.

In the end, we will endure our burdens much more easily when our eyes are set on Him in adoration. The trust we have in what we know to be true about our Father is a buffer that shields us from the harshest parts of our suffering. It won’t remove the stress and pain altogether, but it will shield us from the worst of it and allow us to see how God works in spite of the pain, because of it, and alongside it.

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5, ESV

We endure our burdens when our eyes are set on God in adoration. The trust we have in what we know to be true about our Father is a buffer shielding us from the harshest parts of our suffering. Click To Tweet

Kirill Pershin

Heaven, home, travelers, faith, pain, suffering, hope, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Travelers: Resting in the Truth, This World is not Our Home

DevotionalsJuly 28, 2019July 16, 2019

Whether we move around or stay in one place, feeling at home can be difficult. As Christians, we are travelers passing through this perishable world, trying to reach our true home.

I am a traveler and an exile. This is not my home, but I can still live in the confidence that my Father is good and just.

Where is My Home?

This year I will celebrate a milestone. It is the longest time my husband and I have lived in any one location. 8 years and as I think about what it means to have a home and to be a part of a place, I keep coming back to the time I spent in 1 Peter. The exiles, sojourners, and the travelers he wrote to knew what it was like to be in a country that did not want them. Where the political climate felt unnerving at best, and unsafe at its worst.

I have lived away from home in the sense that my husband and I have lived in a few states- Georgia, Kentucky, Indiana, South Carolina. So, I learned really quickly to make a home wherever he was and wherever my children slept. I was often “not from around here” and learning the systems spoken and unspoken has taken some time to understand. Some I never did pick up on.

This is not My Home

I am not just a traveler in the earthly sense, though. I am a heavenly traveler too. This is earth not my home and Peter reminds us of this truth over and over again in 1 Peter.

Since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God;
1 Peter 1:23

Why do we forget? Why do I make this earth and all that it has to offer so valuable? I think Jesus knew our flesh would be tempted to depend on what we could see, touch and contain. He reminded His disciples…

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
John 16:33

I Forget

Jesus knew we would face temptations and trials. He knew our frame –that we were dust and frail and prone to give up and give in. But, He still called us…

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
1 Peter 2:9

He Reminds Me

Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.
1 Peter 2:10

No matter where I lay my head, I am His and I have an eternal home in heaven. As I have gotten older, I long for heaven more. I grow weary of seeing people I love suffer through illness and fear. I see sadness and overwhelming grief. But, I have also seen God’s hand move in ways I would have never dreamed was possible, in spite of me and my unbelief. How can we find hope in the midst of such uncertainty? I think we trust in the example that our Savior gave us…

When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.
1 Peter 2:23b

While We are Travelers, We Can Trust Him

Jesus had every right to demand better treatment. He was God. He had every reason to want obedience and worship. But, He knew that He had a good Father that He would trust with His very life. And so do I. When my life is not making sense, I can lean into Him. I can trust that He sees the whole picture and knows me and knows best.

This is not blind faith. It is faith informed by His word. What do you need help releasing that is really just perishable, won’t last, can’t satisfy? He bore our sins so we could die to sin and live to righteousness. Jesus is our home.

No matter where we lay our heads, we are His and have an eternal home in heaven. What do you need help releasing that is really just perishable? He bore our sins so we could die to sin and live to righteousness. Jesus is our home. Click To Tweet

All scripture references come from the English Standard Version.

Gabrielle Rocha Rios

hope, pain, perseverance, restored, suffering, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Gain: Understanding God through Our Pain and Suffering

DevotionalsJuly 15, 2019July 15, 2019

God does not promise an easy life. We will see pain and suffering, but we will gain a better understanding of Him through those seasons.

I have always avoided the book of Job. To be honest, I was somewhat afraid of it. It just didn’t feel like the God I believed in. I had this irrational belief that if I ever came to terms with a God that would test Job in this way, maybe, just maybe, He would test me in a similar way.

Gain Understanding through Job

So, when Lisa Harper’s Bible study on Job was announced as the next one our women’s group would be doing, I struggled with whether or not to sign up. Deep down a part of me knew what I was really signing up for.

The next week as I was perusing through the library, something drew me to Harold Kushner’s The Book of Job: When Bad Things Happened to a Good Person. For the next couple of weeks, it sat on my nightstand unopened, taunting me. It felt like some kind of sign that God wanted me to understand Job, really understand Job. So against my better judgment, I signed up for the Bible study and forced myself to actually go.

The Story of Job

For those of you who are not familiar with Job or those who have also hidden from it, the first chapter introduces you to a man named Job who seems to have everything–great wealth, land, family, friends–but most importantly, he is considered blameless and upright by God. Wow! It sounds like his life is pretty much perfect, and that is where Satan steps in.

He tries to convince God that the only reason that Job is righteous and loves the Lord is because God has protected him and given him everything his heart desired. If all those things were to go away, so would Job’s love for the Lord. But God knows better. Not only does Job have faith in God, but God has faith in Job.

So Satan strips away all of Job’s comforts: he loses his cattle, his servants, even his own children. In chapter two, we learn that Job is also afflicted with a disease that brings constant pain and suffering.

The story continues with Job trying to make some kind of sense of his senseless suffering. He talks to his friends, who instead of empathizing with him, try to persuade him that he must be to blame for this sudden turn of events. Job eventually comes face-to-face with God and receives the answers in which he desires. And in chapter 42, Job’s health and wealth are not only restored but doubled.

Making It Through

See, I think that most of us are living a story much like Job, although maybe not quite to the same extreme.

And if we could, we would take a time machine from one end to the other and miss the mess in the middle. But for all of you mathematicians out there, what is the difference between 42 and 2? That’s right, 40. If you took that time machine, you would miss the “40”.

Trials to Transformation

40 in the Bible has always been symbolic of a period of testing that leads to transformation.

Because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:3-4, NIV

When it rained for 40 days and 40 nights, Noah learned that he could trust God to help him weather any storm.
The Israelites wandered through the desert for 40 years to prepare them for the Promised Land.
Jesus was tempted by the devil for 40 days in the wilderness before his ministry began to give him the strength he would need to overcome him.

It is through these trials of life that God prepares us. That He transforms us.

We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5, ESV

During those 40 messy, middle chapters of Job’s life, his eyes were opened in a way that would not be possible without his suffering.

Redemption Over Retribution

Those 40 middle chapters of Job dismiss the Jewish belief of divine retribution; the long-held belief that suffering is caused by sin, while prosperity and peace come to those whom God is pleased with.

Bad things DO happen to good people. People get sick, lose their job, get divorced… every day, and sometimes through no fault of their own. Job was blameless before God and still endured terrible hardship. Yet, through it all, he remained faithful to God.

Empathy Over Sympathy

The story of Job is not only an example of how we should handle our own suffering but that of those around us as well. God does not want us to be like Job’s friends and blame others for their problems. Or to look down on them in judgment.

God wants us to look past people’s misgivings and show them empathy and love. He wants us to show others the grace that He has shown us. It is not our job to ask how they got into that situation, but instead, we need to ask ourselves how can we lead them back to the One who can redeem all situations.

Relationship Over Religion

God’s praise of Job and reproof of his so-called friends, shows that God wants honest communication with us–relationship over religion. Job’s friends said what they thought God wanted to hear; their words were only for show.

Job, on the other hand, hid nothing from God. One minute, Job seems confident that God will hear his pleas, and in the next, he seems to have lost all hope in God’s willingness to listen and rectify his situation.

Sound familiar? God wants us to persist in asking, questioning, and sharing our thoughts and emotions with Him. In His time, He will respond with the answer that is best for us.

Eternal Over Temporal

God is forging a new deeper, relationship with Job. Job tells God, “I heard about you from others; now I have seen you with my own eyes.” (Job 42:5). There is nothing as powerful as the life-altering experience of being in the presence of God. There is no time that we are closer to God than when we are walking through those dark hallways of life; closed off from all the “should be’s” and the “might-have-been’s”.

But here’s the thing about hallways, they lead to a better destination. And during those dark times, we are reminded of what truly is important. All those little things we have been fretting over, just don’t seem to matter anymore. We start to see things a little more clearly, a little more like God. We start to focus on the eternal, instead of the temporal.

I suggest to you that it is because God loves us that he gives us the gift of suffering. Pain is God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world. You see, we are like blocks of stone out of which the Sculptor carves the forms of men. The blows of the chisel, which hurt us so much are what make us perfect.
C.S. Lewis

During dark times, we have hope. All those little things we’ve been fretting don’t seem to matter anymore and we start seeing things a little more like God. We focus on the eternal instead of the temporal. Click To Tweet

Gain Over Loss

I wish I could say that I did the Job Bible study, nothing bad happened to me, and I was blessed beyond measure, but that’s not the truth of it. We cannot get to the promised land without first making our way through the wilderness.

The full story sounds a little more like this: I did the Bible study, some bad things happened to me, yet God never left me and I was blessed beyond measure. However, I don’t believe that my health issues occurred because I finally read and understood the message of Job. I think that God gave me the message of Job when I needed it most to help me gain an understanding of my suffering.

So what I really learned from Job is that sometimes instead of asking WHY, “Why is this happening to me?”, I need to be asking WHAT, “What does God want me to gain from this?”

And I can promise you, the gain will always be greater than the loss.

Annie Spratt

comfort, held, hurt, pain, suffering, trials, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Suffering: God is Sufficient Amidst Our Worldly Pain

DevotionalsJuly 10, 2019July 9, 2019

God promised pain and trials in our lives, but He holds the victory over our suffering. It may not be easy, but we can allow Jesus to hold us amidst hurt.

This morning a precious friend came to mind. I pray for her and her family often because, from my vantage point, her life burdens are heavy, painful, and very hard to bear.

Trading Suffering…

I remember the first time my heart knit with hers. We lived in the same state then and attended the same church. Our worship leader was leading the congregation in a lively, spirited song called, “Trading My Sorrows.” The words to the song were discordant with the upbeat rhythms…at least for where my life was at the time, and incidentally, what my friend was experiencing in her life, too.

Standing silently next to each other in the choir while everyone around us loudly sang, “Yes, Lord, yes, Lord…,” she muttered, “I’m not singing that! I can’t sing that right now!” I murmured back, “Me neither. It’s too close to home right now.” I’m not sure I ever sang that song, again.

How Do We Sing?

My friend had a very ill baby. My father was dying of cancer and my husband had recently been diagnosed with cancer. It was a difficult season of life.

Neither of us knew the long years of sorrow and suffering that lay ahead of us. If we had, the weight of it might have broken us both right there in the choir loft. But God graciously hid our earthly eyes from that vision and walked us one step at a time into the future. At times, He held us.

How do we, as the song states, ‘trade our sorrows, sickness, pain, for the joy of the Lord’? How does one sing and dance about these things when in the midst of them?

Trust He is Sufficient

I’m not convinced that we are called to sing and dance, but trusting in Him is key…

And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing, I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10, NKJV

Suffering is Normal

Pastor and writer Tim Keller wrote a book called, Walking With God Through Pain and Suffering, in 2013. One Amazon reviewer had this to say: “Americans seem to suffer more due to the fact that they are even suffering – than because of the suffering in and of itself. Keller wisely shows that suffering is a normal part of living in a fallen world.”

It does seem to be an affront to us when we suffer – as though we should all be given a ‘pass’ on suffering because we are living in the 21^st Century! Or because it’s not on the schedule, or because we are Christians, or, as Joni Erikson Tada said:

We are infected by our culture of comfort and convenience, and would rather erase suffering out of the biblical dictionary. We want a God who supports our plans, who is our “accomplice”; someone to whom we can relate as long as he is doing what we want. If he does something else, we “unfriend” him.
Joni Erikson Tada

Finding God

But He doesn’t always do what we want, does He? Daily, our lives are touched with suffering and death, if not personally, then vicariously. Keller wrote:

As I took up life as a minister, I tried to understand why so many people resisted and rejected God. I soon realized that perhaps the main reason was affliction and suffering. How could a good God, a just God, a loving God, allow such misery, depravity, pain, and anguish? Doubts in the mind can grow along with pain in the heart…
But at the same time, I learned that just as many people find God through affliction and suffering. They find that adversity moves them toward God rather than away. Troubled times awaken them out of their haunted sleep of spiritual self-sufficiency into a serious search for the divine…It is an exaggeration to say that no one finds God unless suffering comes into their lives—but it is not a big one. When pain and suffering come upon us, we finally see not only that we are not in control of our lives but that we never were.
Tim Keller, Walking With God Through Pain and Suffering

Biblical Suffering

A careful search of the Bible will find, beginning in Genesis, two of the main themes are suffering and adversity. And as Keller noted, the Psalms are filled with cries of pain. Full of questions concerning injustice and why God allows suffering.

Vindicate me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation; Oh, deliver me from the deceitful and unjust man! For You are the God of my strength; Why do You cast me off? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?
Psalm 43:1-2, NKJV

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Awake! Why do You sleep, O Lord? Arise! Do not cast us off forever. Why do You hide Your face, and forget our affliction and oppression?
Psalm 44:23-24, NKJV

How have we missed this? Or have we simply denied it? Exodus, Job, Ecclesiastes, Jeremiah, Habakkuk, Hebrews, I Peter- all these and more, my sisters, address suffering, adversity and sorrow. Our Lord, Jesus Christ was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief, (Isaiah 53:3).

Upsidedown

Recently, Pope Francis took the authority to change some wording in the Lord’s prayer considered offensive to this world’s senses, opting for a more sensitive approach. We too often choose our finite ideas, which are continually distorted by sin and culture, requiring what John Piper calls a hermeneutical headstand. As Piper stated in his blog post: “We must continually refine them, [our ideas] by what the Bible teaches.”

Right side up, we would say, ‘The Bible teaches that God does such and such. Therefore, we should seek to discover the wisdom and goodness of why he would act that way.’ But standing on our heads, we would say, ‘We already know what is wise and good before the Bible tells us. So, if this text tells us God acts contrary to what we know, we will conclude that the text can’t mean that, or it’s mistaken.’
Daring progressive Christians say the text is mistaken; less daring progressives claim to hold fast to biblical authority while changing the meaning to fit their prior view of God. In either case, authority has shifted from heaven to earth.
John Piper

Jesus Holds the Final Word

Oh, precious one, if you are suffering, I hurt with you. More importantly, Jesus holds you and comforts you if you will allow Him.

After all, doesn’t He have the final word on suffering?

In our suffering, Jesus holds and comforts us if we will allow Him. He holds the final word over our pain! Click To Tweet

JOHN TOWNER

apology, forgiveness, grace, pain, freedom, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Apology: Asking for Forgiveness is Difficult but Freeing

DevotionalsJune 10, 2019June 11, 2019

Admitting we have hurt someone and asking for forgiveness can be difficult. A genuine apology shows obedience to God and frees us from sin and pain.

Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32, NET

Polarizing Tactics

For the first twenty-five years of our marriage, Gary and I seldom argued. That isn’t to say that we didn’t disagree, didn’t hurt each other’s feelings, or give each other the silent treatment; I’m simply saying we seldom argued.

Neither of us came from homes where disagreements were handled in a healthy way- his dad went to the basement; mine hid behind the newspaper. Therefore, neither of us were equipped to manage conflict well… so, we didn’t. We went to our separate corners and waited for the storm to pass. Or, perhaps more realistically, I waited for him to apologize and he waited for the storm to pass!

What it took me many years to learn was that his family, (and men in general,) didn’t learn to express regret when they were wrong or wronged someone else. Apologizing, admitting mistakes seems to be a learned trait for about half of the population. Yet, I felt like I was saying, “I’m sorry,” for everything, sometimes even my existence! But that was my own issue, not Gary’s.

Deteriorating Foundation

One of the many problems with this scenario in a marriage or friendship is that the tiny papercuts and the buildup of infractions can become a gaping, bleeding wound which eats at the foundation of the relationship. Then someday, an incident that is seemingly a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10, becomes an immediate 10, and your spouse or close friend, doesn’t know what hit him, (or her, as the case may be).

That was our cycle. Build-up, build-up, build-up, BOOM. My anger would explode at something Gary had done or not done. He would remain quiet, calm, and in control, while I ranted; then I felt shame because I would be reminded of how my mom reacted toward my dad, (and I promised myself that I would never be like her, of course).

Each time this happened, my heart closed a bit more toward my husband, like the bloom of a flower closing against the night. (Now granted, I wasn’t exactly the Proverbs 31 wife with a gentle, quiet spirit. Our five years of marriage counseling was for both of us!)

One-Liner Apology

During our marriage counseling, Gary began learning the importance of saying he was sorry when he had hurt me. However, for many years it continued to feel disingenuous and rehearsed to me, probably because he usually followed up with, “but I didn’t know” -or- “but I didn’t mean to,” which left me feeling hollow.

Ted Cunningham wrote for Focus on the Family about ways not to apologize. These are some famous one-liner apologies that should never be used! (Do they sound familiar?)

“I’m sorry you feel that way” is another way of saying, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” It’s one of the world’s worst apologies.
“If I offended you, I’m sorry” is another way of saying, “You shouldn’t have been offended by that” or “You’re too sensitive.”
“I’m sorry you took it that way” is another way of saying, “That’s not what I intended.” What your spouse hears is more important than what you say.
“I’m sorry I said it that way” is another way of saying, “What I said was right, I just said it in the wrong way” or “What I told you was truth and you needed to hear it, but maybe my tone wasn’t right.”
www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication

Apology

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, has also written that there are five languages of apology. He believes that this is the reason why so many marriages stutter at the apology and don’t travel forward to much-needed forgiveness.

Expressing regret – This is the emotional aspect of an apology. People who speak this language believe it is important to acknowledge that you offended them and to express your own sense of guilt, shame and pain that your behavior has hurt them deeply. Actually being able to say “I am sorry” is very important to a person who speaks this language.
Accepting responsibility – In this instance, an apology means accepting responsibility for one’s actions and being willing to say “I was wrong.” This is often very difficult because admitting you are wrong can be perceived as weakness.
Making restitution – For an apology to be genuine, it isn’t just about saying “I am sorry.” Instead, it’s all about making things right for a person who speaks this language. They want acknowledgment of the wrongdoing and they want to know what you are going to do to make it right.
Genuinely repenting – The word repentance means “to turn around” or to change one’s mind. If a person speaks this language of apology they are expecting that you not only apologize but that you will seek not to repeat the offense again in the future.
Requesting forgiveness – A person who speaks this language believes that an apology not only includes “I am sorry,” but also a request for forgiveness. Requesting forgiveness indicates to some that you want to see the relationship fully restored.
www.firstthings.org

Biblical Forgiveness

While I have great respect for Dr. Chapman, my guiding principle is always the Word of God. It speaks clearly about forgiveness. Jesus delineates the need to take all the steps which Dr. Chapman has laid out, not one that we choose to be our personal language.

Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
Luke 17:3, NET

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“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
Matthew 6:14, NET

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Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if someone happens to have a complaint against anyone else. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also forgive others.
Colossians 3:12-13, NET

Abundant Grace

And there it is, the inarguable point; how can we contend with this? The Lord’s forgiveness has been abundant, vast…how can we withhold grace and the mercy of forgiveness from one who has offended or wounded us? I had to learn…am still learning…to forgive half-hearted – or no – apologies. My brother was one who never asked forgiveness for the pain he inflicted.

And there are unfathomable wounds some of you have endured, aching wounds for which no one has borne responsibility or asked forgiveness.

But God…

He knows your pain and He covers it with His balm of healing grace.

Forgive them, so that you may go free.

The Lord’s forgiveness has been abundant, vast…how can we withhold grace and the mercy of forgiveness from one who has offended or wounded us? Click To Tweet

Dallas Reedy

suffering, pain, freedom, praise, blessings, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Exchange: A Wonder-Full Trade of Beauty for Ashes

DevotionalsApril 29, 2019April 29, 2019

God calls us amidst our sorrow, pain, and despair. He invites us to exchange this life’s suffering, with His beautiful gift of freedom.

Excerpts From: Zimrah Dream Singer by Susan Valles

In the spring of my fourteenth year, Master Jesse came back from a long voyage at sea. I had not seen him since the leaves were falling from the trees the previous year. He strode into the courtyard still wearing his head covering held in place by two blue cords and a warm smile on his neatly bearded face. His linen robe was long and light in color against the heat of the sun with three small buttons at his high collar. Covering all, he wore a handsome mantle of a rich, dark blue. I noticed a small package enclosed in one of his long-fingered hands.

“Master Jesse! You’ve returned.” I stood in Nina’s herb garden, brushed soil from my hands and knees, and received his kiss on both my cheeks.

“Look at you! Little Zimrah, not so little anymore.” He pulled back to hold me at arm’s length, so he could look at me. “You’ve grown tall, and more beautiful than ever. You’re probably taller than other girls your age, by a head at least!”

Beautiful

I smiled but discounted the compliment. Beautiful? Me? I was too tall, too dark, and my eyes too strangely grey to be deemed beautiful. Instead, I considered the dusting of grey in his beard and gazed into his deep brown eyes. The skin wrinkled around them when he smiled back at me. I saw tenderness there, but also the old sadness that still lingered.

Perhaps he saw something of the loneliness in my eyes or the fear that tormented my nights and clouded my days, causing my dread of the inevitable setting sun. Perhaps what he saw had sparked the compliment. There was no beauty in me.

He held out the package and I opened it, discovering a lovely, ivory comb carved in the shape of a butterfly.

“Thank you, my lord,” I whispered with emotion threatening to overwhelm me. I held back tears, not wanting to cry in front of my master and possibly have to explain what the matter was. How could I tell him how much this small token of love and consideration meant to me in contrast to all the fear?”

That is why the Scriptures say, “When he ascended to the heights, he led a crowd of captives and gave gifts to his people.”

Slavery

Although my book is about a slave girl living in Judea at the time of Jesus, the battle portrayed within its pages is just as real today. Fear is a horrible, relentless slave master with no compassion or mercy. Like Zimrah, my younger years were plagued with slavery to a presence I couldn’t describe or shake. Fear. It followed me everywhere I went and whispered lies from the shadows whenever I was alone, which was often.

Unlike Zimrah, who grew up in one, protected house, I lived in 13 houses, in four different states. I never stayed anywhere long enough to make any real friends and became as familiar with loneliness as I was to the inside of a moving van.

Now, (on the other side of years of healing prayer) I know that my parents were amazing, and like Master Jesse, gave me gifts and called me beautiful. But at the time, I couldn’t receive the truth enough to outweigh all the whispered lies in the darkness.

My parents…gifts from my heavenly Father. They gave me an upbringing in the word of God, and my dad…what he gave me was priceless…

Sparkle of Light

“I walked back through the sunbeams into the courtyard—the sunlight doing much to dispel the atmosphere of sadness that lingered—and crossed the shade of the almond blossoms. Their sweet aroma made me think of pressing oil with Nina when the fruits ripened in the summer. I walked into the cool entryway and then turned left into the library.

I loved this room. It was saturated with the memories of Silas sitting at the heavy cypress table with his scrolls, brushes and ink, teaching me Greek, Hebrew or Phoenician letters and their meanings. I ran my fingers on the familiar lines on the low table, imagining as I did when I was younger, little faces of animals or mythical woodland creatures in the scattered circles of darker wood made by the grain. Across the room, in one of the shelves built into the plastered wall, I pulled out Master Jesse’s ledger, right where I left it half a year ago. As I crossed the room to return it to him, something to my right caught my eye. It was a little sparkle of light coming from the adjacent storage chamber.

I hardly ever ventured into this chamber anymore. I had no reason except curiosity when I was much younger. It was full of Master Jesse’s family things, trunks full of old scrolls and maps of ancient boundary lines…But now by some trick of the sun coming in the windows at just the right angle, the bronze fittings on an old trunk resting on the back wall were highlighted. It drew my eye and awakened my curiosity.

Treasure

I knelt on the tattered and dusty carpet on the floor, which might have been brightly striped once, but was now so darkened with age that the original pattern was unrecognizable. I placed the ledger beside me and touched the bronze fitting that had caught my eye. I half expected it to burn my fingers as if it were truly hot from a fire. Blowing dust from the top of the ancient oak and undoing the clasp, I opened the cover.

It was full of what one might expect—musty smelling cloaks and folded cloth, but under a few layers of heavy fabric was something else. It was a case made of a dark wood that looked older than the trunk, though much better preserved.

My curiosity flared. What could be in it? The carving on top of the wooden case was an outdoor scene, a meadow surrounded by lush trees on the side of a hill. I ran my fingers over the smoothness and marveled at the quality of the workmanship. The case was so beautiful in itself. I could not imagine what kind of treasure it contained. I placed it gently on my lap, so I could close the lid of the trunk and use it for a table. Moving up to my knees, I put the case on the lid and opened it. What I found would change my life forever.”

Exchange

What Zimrah found in the case was a lyre, an ancient instrument like Kind David played. What my father gave me was based on that ancient musical device—the guitar. He taught me how to play and how to worship, and like King David, he taught me the power of singing the word of God. It is that word and learning to accept the love of the God who spoke it, that sets me free from slavery to fear. His words are true.

Because you are precious to Me. You are honored, and I love you. Do not be afraid for I am with you.
Isaiah 43:4-5

In the midst of my fear, He is calling. In the midst my loneliness, He is singing, “Daughter Mine, fair and fine, light in the morning sun. Come to me, sing to Me, before the day is done.”

He is calling me to a wonderful exchange: freedom for slavery, beauty for ashes, joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.

What joy to hear His call every day and respond, “Thank you, My Lord.”

In the midst of fear, God is calling. He is calling us to a wonderful exchange: freedom for slavery, beauty for ashes, joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair! Click To Tweet

If you would have asked me when I was eight what I wanted to do, I would have said, “Write.” God had a lot of other wonderful things planned for me first. Daughter, wife, mother of four, songwriter, worshipper. He knew they would all be used to tell a story of victory.

Zimrah Chronicles are an allegory for that story. I am constantly learning how to live the adventure Jesus spoke before I was born, to live from heaven to earth, and to bring as many with me as possible.

If you would like to connect with Susan more you can follow her on Instagram, Facebook, her lovely Podcast, or on her website.

Yoni Kozminsi

broken, beauty, pain, idols, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Stripping: When God Begins Removing To Bring Brokenness

DevotionalsMarch 10, 2019March 10, 2019

God reveals idols in our hearts that keep us from being able to draw near to Him. This stripping process can be painful, but the outcome is a beautiful result.

Stripping – it isn’t a word we use often in the course of our daily lives. Unless we’re referring to furniture, the word has a rather negative connotation. Consequently, it isn’t something we generally discuss with our friends at the coffee shop. Talk about questioning looks from the nearest tables!

I’m kind of a word-nerd, so the meanings of strip interest me: to deprive of covering; to deprive or divest; clear out or empty; to take away or remove…

To Deprive of Covering

These definitions describe perfectly how it feels when the Spirit of God begins shining His light into my life to reveal what doesn’t belong, what doesn’t reflect His image. This is usually due to a heart problem within me. Truthfully – I asked for it! But I’m never prepared for the pain of the stripping process.

Remember Adam and Eve after they sinned against God? What is the first thing they realized? They were naked…and ashamed. Their instinct was to hide, and we’re still hiding today. I don’t know what you hide behind, but when I’m feeling exposed, I have a few favorite fig leaves to hide behind.

When my kids were home, I could hide behind being “the-best-mom” and “a-better-mom-than-my-mom.” Ladies, I had the cleanest house, baked the best bread, cooked dinner every night, and homeschooled before it was cool. Then those kids began growing up. Oops, my mom-covering was slipping off my shoulders!

To Deprive or Divest

While my husband Gary and I had taught Bible study classes or Sunday school since we were in our twenties, we began leading a community group when our children were older. Each summer, I taught in or directed a grade in Vacation Bible School. I led Baptist Young Women, a mission organization. In addition, my husband and I sang in the choir and later, on a worship team.

When our youngest was a senior in high school, I felt a calling on my life to return to school to complete a degree in counseling. Did I slow down at church? Of course not! I began a support group for families in crisis! However, after a few years, deep, spiritual problems were discovered at the leadership level in our home church. Ultimately brokenhearted, our family moved to another church…and later, another denomination.

All that meaningful busyness was over for a season. Another fig leaf was batted away from me.

To Empty

Being ever the resourceful woman, I soon filled the hours with graduate school and chaplaincy work. During this time our family experienced each of our children’s marriages and one of them going through a painful divorce. Also, my father and my husband had been struck by cancer; my father had ultimately died from the disease.

I didn’t have enough sense to stop and rest, so my body finally stopped me, almost literally in my tracks. One day, while walking the 2 blocks to my car from my job at the hospital, I seriously wondered if my legs were going to get me to the parking lot. It seems I finally reached empty…for a while, that is.

Shattered

What do you trust in more than the Lord? God will break your dependence upon anything other than Himself no matter how long it takes or how difficult the process may be. He is committed to bringing you to a place of wholeness and spiritual maturity—conforming you to the likeness of His Son (Romans 8:29)
-Charles Stanley

Those of you who have been reading my posts for a year or so know that this incident was the beginning of the Fibromyalgia and chronic migraine story I live daily. Please don’t read this post as a narrative blaming God for the bad things that happen. However, as a loving Father leads a child away from danger, and as Scripture repeatedly bears out, He will break our dependence on anything other than Himself, (which results in idolatry). That process will always be painful.

Thankfully, our Father doesn’t leave us like a shattered vessel dropped at His feet.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit, [or a crushed spirit].
Psalm 34:18, NKJV; See also Psalm 147:3

To Take Away or Remove

“When I was in my early 30’s, I seriously thought I would have this spiritual stuff all figured out by now,” I told Gary last week. We both laughed heartily. There is NO FIGURING IT OUT, dear sister; there is no secret formula. No matter our age or maturity level, we are each traveling on a journey headed toward our Home with Jesus.

The context of my earlier statement was spurred by a Brennen Manning reading:

Trust is purified in the crucible of trial. From the depths of a purified heart, trust clings to the belief that whatever happens in our lives is designed to form Christ within us. Unwavering confidence in the love of God inspires trust to thank God for the spiritual darkness that envelops us, for the loss of income, for the arthritis that is so painful…

Many things have been removed from my life which I thought were essential-most of them good things, Godly endeavors, my health. But years ago, when I asked God to make me holy, to form me into His image, He took me seriously and began slowly stripping away areas where I placed my treasure rather than in Him.

God Alone

Jesus said the entire Law rested on loving God with our whole, undivided hearts, and loving our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-40).

Therefore, the stripping is necessary, because our hearts so easily run after other lovers, (see Hosea; Psalm 78:10-11; 2 Kings 5-17). In fact, we’re witnessing it occur throughout the Church at large, as one leader after another loses his fig leaves. We may hide our idols from other people for a season, but they are never hidden from our Father. His breaking is required to unclasp our grip from the idols which have taken supremacy in our hearts. The stripping takes place to bring about our brokenness, to reveal our deep need of Him alone, not God + _____.

Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom…
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart – these, O God, You will not despise.
Psalm 51:6 & 17, NKJV

I sincerely desire to know His wisdom, but it requires giving up my fig leaves…daily.

We may hide our idols from other people, but they are never hidden from our Father. His breaking is required to unclasp our grip from the idols which have taken supremacy in our hearts. Click To Tweet

Ankul Singh

hope, pain, rest, season, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Season: Learning to Rest in Times of Pain and Suffering

Devotionals, Stay SaneDecember 10, 2018January 13, 2019

There are many different times in life. During a season of suffering, it is important to remember that it is okay to not be okay, but we are called to rest in Jesus.

Through the past year, I have had some of my lowest lows and some of my highest highs. I am currently, by the grace of God, in a season where everything seems to be going well. I am feeling more confident and am having a lot of good days. Because of that sometimes I forget that I am allowed to have bad days. I focus a lot on what “should be” instead of facing what is. We all go through different seasons of life but in every season we must hold tight to our Savior.

Having it all Together

Sometimes, as Christians, we tend to think that we have to have it all together. We are constantly bombarded with phrases that lead us to believe that we are not allowed to have bad days or to feel upset for a time. When we confide in people they usually respond with “just have faith” or “you just need to pick yourself up”.

While this is all true, we also need to realize that there will be seasons of pain and times where we don’t feel okay. And the truth of the matter is that it’s okay to not be okay. The pain will fade and God will come through for us and bring relief.

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, the one who called you into his eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will himself restore, empower, strengthen, and establish you.

1 Peter 5:10, CEB

A Season for Everything

There truly is a season for everything, and that includes seasons of not ‘okay’. Scripture clearly states that there is a time for crying and laughing and a time for mourning and dancing. Life happens in seasons. Sometimes that season is one of pain. We are allowed to feel pain and to not be “on” all of the time. At times we must rest in our suffering and our pain.

There’s a season for everything and a time for every matter under the heavens:

a time for giving birth and a time for dying, a time for planting and a time for uprooting what was planted, a time for killing and a time for healing, a time for tearing down and a time for building up, a time for crying and a time for laughing, a time for mourning and a time for dancing, a time for throwing stones and a time for gathering stones, a time for embracing and a time for avoiding embraces, a time for searching and a time for losing a time for keeping and a time for throwing away, a time for tearing and a time for repairing, a time for keeping silent and a time for speaking, a time for loving and a time for hating, a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, CEB

Suffering

The Bible is clear that there are times where we will not be ok. The difference comes when we learn to give it to Jesus and learn to be ok again. We are not called to live a life without suffering but to give our suffering to our great God.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Romans 5:3-5, NLT

We can rejoice when we run into problems and trials. Some other versions say that we can rejoice in suffering. When we generally think of trials or suffering the word rejoice does not come to mind. But, it is clear that we all go through suffering and that it happens for a reason…

That reason is hope. Suffering will also ultimately develop hope. A hope that will never let us down. A hope that can only come when we give everything over to Jesus. Jesus died so that we do not suffer alone.

He took the punishment for our sin. He suffered so that we can trust in Him. Jesus knows first hand what it is like to not be ok. We have a confidant, a supporter through all of life’s trials. This is the hope we need in order to see the good in our suffering. To learn to rest in it.

Suffering will ultimately develop a hope that will never let us down. A hope that can only come when we give everything over to Jesus. He died so we do not suffer alone. Click To Tweet

Suffering with Each Other

When others are suffering, we are called to stand with them. We need to help them. We need to be a safe place for people to be able to talk about what they are going through. It is important that we give people permission to not be okay. There are times when people are looking for help solving a problem and times when they just need someone to listen to them. As believers, we are called to do these things.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2, NIV

Carry each other’s burdens. This is what scripture implores us to do. Part of loving one another is carrying each other’s burdens. When we are in times of pain and suffering, having someone carry the burden with you can change everything.

God did not create us to go through life by ourselves. When we are in times of turmoil it is important to seek Godly counsel and support. When we are the ones giving the support, we must do so in a way that is helpful, loving, and honest.

Joy Comes in the Morning

It is truly okay to not be okay for a season. We all have days or weeks or even months of not being okay. The difference comes when we give our pain over to God and learn to rest in Him. We may have bad days, but we can have confidence that we will be okay again… the sun will rise.

For his anger lasts only a brief moment, and his good favor restores one’s life. One may experience sorrow during the night, but joy arrives in the morning.

Psalm 30:5, NET

life, unplanned, choose, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry

Life: Four Keys to Handle the Life We Didn’t Plan On

Devotionals, Stay SaneMay 29, 2018June 27, 2019

Life is full of unplanned detours and painful pieces. So, how do we handle life when it doesn’t turn out the way we planned?

Remember the 1994 movie “Forrest Gump?” Among the many quotables, Gump uttered the famous line: “Momma said life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.” Those words could perhaps be the subject matter of a college exit course, especially for the students who think they have their lives mapped out…

Unplanned Detours…

My husband and I attended a birthday party for the 32-year-old, handicapped daughter of some long-time friends of ours. This child came out of the womb with a heart condition, but mentally sound. However, due to complications and lack of oxygen during heart surgery days later, her brain was then affected. She is the youngest of three. Our friends did not have taking care of a multiple-handicapped child in their life plan, but you know what? They adjusted. They sacrificed, worked extra hours and extra years. I’ve never heard one complaint from their lips. Their other 2 children, and now their sons-in-law and grandchildren love her deeply. Life without her can’t be imagined, despite the hardship. And one day, when mom and dad are gone, one of those sisters will take over her care.

A reunion was held at the church where Gary and I grew up and raised our children. We saw many old friends, some who have experienced great hardships since we have last seen them. One woman had been in a motorcycle accident and lost her leg two years ago, but stood before me thanking God that her life was spared. Another friend who had dated my brother-in-law decades ago is now running a business while taking care of a husband and a grandmother who both have dementia!

I have a chronic medical condition. Symptoms began not long after I started a career/ministry I loved – definitely not in my plans. For a while after I was diagnosed, I stopped participating in life, but not completely because of my illness. I was more limited by the meaning I had assigned to the illness and the power I gave the meaning.

Painful Pieces…

The reality of life is this – it isn’t only to be lived by well people, or people who have their lives going as planned, or the super intelligent or the super spiritual.

In the early stages of my illness, (and sometimes during tough seasons!) I did not choose life in whatever form God chose to give it. I wanted to pick and choose the life I wanted.

Rachel Remen, M.D. said in her beautiful book, Kitchen Table Wisdom:

When I accepted certain parts of life and denied and ignored the rest, I could only see my life a piece at a time – the happiness of a success or a time of celebration, or the ugliness and pain of a loss or a failure I was trying hard to put behind me out of sight…We are always putting the pieces together without knowing the picture ahead of time. I have been with many people in times of profound loss and grief when an unsuspected meaning begins to emerge from the fragments of their lives. Over time, this meaning has proven itself to be durable and trustworthy, even transformative. It is a kind of strength that never comes to those who deny their pain.

Life involves many types of pain; you don’t have to have many years under your belt to know this. It is in our flesh-nature to avoid/ignore pain, to hide it from others when we can, or to rage against it as unfair, but we are sojourners and exiles in this world (1 Peter 2:11). Paul warned us in 2 Corinthians that things would become wearisome here.

For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling... For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened – not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.

2 Corinthians 5:2-4, ESV

Choose Life…

When God told the Israelites in Deuteronomy 30:11-19, to “choose life,” do you think they had been listening for the previous two chapters? I ask because, in my opinion, God spelled it out very clearly what would happen if they walked with Him and obeyed Him, or what the consequences would be if they didn’t. However, it doesn’t seem as though they were prepared for the latter years of trials.

Despite how clearly pain and trials are delineated in Scripture, I fear that many Christians today are not well prepared for the Life to which they are called, either. Hardships, pain, and trials arrive and some become shell-shocked and believe God has thrown them overboard. However, Jesus succinctly warned in John 16:33 (ESV): I have said these things to you that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

His disciples were clear on this point; in 2 Timothy 2:3, Paul invites Timothy to join him in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. Suffering was a given.

Keys to Accepting…

I believe the keys to accepting the life God gives us each day is hidden in the Deuteronomy 30:11-20 passage. God said that it isn’t too mysterious for you, nor is it far off…but the word is very near you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may do it (v. 11).

I love that – I can hear Him saying, “People! This isn’t rocket science!”

…I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days…

Deuteronomy 30:19-20, NKJV

The Keys…

Choose life
Love the Lord your God
Obey His voice
Cling to Him

Don’t wait for a new life. Live this one boldly as you cling to Him.

The reality of life is this - it isn't only to be lived by well people, or people who have their lives going as planned, or the super intelligent or the super spiritual. Click To Tweet

near, pain, grace, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry, encouragement, spiritual growth

Near: Showing, and Being Shown Grace Through Pain

Devotionals, Stay SaneMay 7, 2018September 8, 2019

Experiencing pain is part of life. Hopefully it produces growth. Regardless of what gets us into uncomfortable or agonizing situations, our Father is always near to us showing us grace.

Riding a skateboard isn’t like riding a bike. You can’t jump on a board and grind your way through the neighborhood if you haven’t ridden in months. It takes core balance and a strong center of gravity, both horizontal and vertical. A lot of continued practice is necessary to hold your own on a board and become an aggressive skater. Or to use the skater term: shred. Bombing a hill is even more intense than that.

My 10-year-old son, has a pretty gnarly skateboard. My husband, Sean, got it for him right after we moved to Northern Virginia at the beginning of 2016. Last week, he tried something brave. Historically he has started at our driveway and allowed the board to pick up speed as he glides down the slight grade of our street. But yesterday he went three houses up to the top of the hill. About 35 to 40 yards down he zoomed past our house. He saw Sean watching from our yard and yelled, I’m going too fast! I’m terrified I’m gonna crash! Sean started walking toward him.

Soon after, the wheels started to shimmy. In his fear, he didn’t remember to crouch or heel brake; he just stood straight barreling down the hill. Inevitably, he crashed and rolled about 20 feet. Sean got to him. He asked, “Can you stand up?” The response, “No.” So Sean picked him up. They made the walk back to the house, my son unavoidably smiling because Sean said: That was epic. I guess you know your new limit.

At this point I walked outside and my girls told me he had crashed. I asked if it was bad and they said, “Dad’s with him.” When I saw the blood, I went back inside, grabbed first aid supplies, and took over.

Pain and Grace…

For Sean, caring for our son in that moment meant letting him be in pain, but holding him through that pain. He said, “Crying doesn’t make you weak; it just means you feel. They aren’t synonymous with one another. Pain is real; consequences can sometimes be overwhelming, but our Father stays. So will I.”

As a mother, I knew he would be okay. In God’s mercy, there were no broken bones, and his helmet had protected from a head wound or concussion. I didn’t want to fuss over him, but he was in a lot of pain. Tending to his wounds with soft cloths and oils felt like the natural nurturing thing to do.

Both approaches were good and right. Now, we haven’t always responded the way we did last week. Sean used to approach injuries with practicality. If they weren’t dying and didn’t need stitches, they’d feel better soon enough. But he was never harsh or uncaring. I, on the other hand, took the path of reassurance and hands-on treatment. Whatever they needed to feel or express in the moment was okay while I communicated the pain wouldn’t last forever. Discomfort in others equals discomfort for me. I needed to fix them and make them happy ASAP. I feel like Sean and I balanced each other out, even if we didn’t see eye to eye with the other’s methodology.

That’s why my son’s most recent crash was different. Sean took on a role of nurturing and attentiveness. I still cleaned up the wounds, but it wasn’t because of a felt need for tranquility. It had more to do with the fact that we were on our way out the door and I didn’t want blood dripping down his arms and legs at a restaurant. There was no question he would be okay. And I knew his father had cared well for him.

Near…

Experiencing pain is never fun whether self-inflicted or not. But last week’s event reminded Sean and me that every moment of brokenness is an opportunity to show or encounter grace. Testing boundaries is part of life. Hopefully it produces growth. Regardless of what gets us into uncomfortable or agonizing situations, our Father is always near to us.

Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.

Deuteronomy 31:6, MSG

Every moment of brokenness is an opportunity to show or encounter grace. Click To Tweet

Maarten Deckers