past – Oh Lord Help Us

altars, past, present, promise, brokenness, sin, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Altars: Readying Our Hearts for New Transformation

DevotionalsMarch 26, 2019March 26, 2019

We can be distracted by the ways God showed up in the past, that we miss how He is showing up in the present. We dance around old altars, instead of readying our hearts for a new transformation.

It seems to me that we often, almost sulkily, reject the good that God offers us because, at that moment, we expected some other good. Do you know what I mean? On every level of our life…we are always harking back to some occasion which seemed to us to reach perfection, setting that up as a norm, and depreciating all other occasions by comparison.

Readings for Meditation and Reflection, C.S. Lewis

When those words crossed my vision path I was staggered to a halt. Like Sleeping Beauty’s finger, my spirit was instantly pricked with sharp conviction, prohibiting me from continuing on to the next paragraph. How often I have gazed longingly back to previous seasons of my life, whether spiritually or otherwise, and viewed those times as perfection.

I wonder, now, how much I have missed in all my present moments while I stood gazing backward at the altars I had erected.

But these other occasions, I now suspect, are often full of their own new blessing, if only we would lay ourselves open to it. God shows us a new facet of the glory, and we refuse to look at it because we’re still looking for the old one.

Readings for Meditation and Reflection, C.S. Lewis

Old Testament Altars

Altars are scattered throughout the Old Testament. God instructed Noah to build the first altar in Genesis 8:20. He later instructed Abram, Isaac, Jacob, Moses and many others to build altars). They are mentioned often in the New Testament, as well, (Matthew 5:23-24; Acts 17:24-25; Hebrews 13:10; Revelation 6:9-11, 16:7). Sacrifices were involved in the Old Testament. The ultimate Sacrifice had come in the New Testament.

Thomas W. Davis wrote in Baker’s Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology: “Altars were places where the divine and human worlds interacted.” I personally identify with how former Pentecostal Pastor and songwriter Jack Hayford said it:

Altars represent the occasion and place where we have had a personal encounter with God.

Past Encounters

I imagine that many of you can envision times in your past, even the recent past, when you have had beautiful encounters with God. The presence of His Spirit was more real than the person sitting next to you or in the next room. Jesus felt closer than your best friend.

My husband and I have been mightily blessed in our lives to be involved with a few spiritually rich churches. While different, each was graced with Biblical pastors and anointed worship leaders. Each offered altar moments for us – beautiful, corporate encounters with God…which helped increase intimate, individual altar moments. Those were amazing grace gifts from our Father.

Everyone knows we can’t live on the mountaintop, don’t we?? But…isn’t it pretty up there? Isn’t it a gorgeous view?! Wouldn’t it be wonderful to stay on that high peak forever?

For us, life changed; sometimes sin invaded, (as it usually does, since we humans are prone to let our guard down,) and the mountaintops crumbled. A church split, a pastor caught up in sin, a move, whatever the circumstance that created the change, Gary and I found ourselves gazing back at our altar moments rather than looking ahead expectantly to new encounters God had in store for us in the present. In essence, we had taken our altar moments, our powerful, grace-filled encounters with God and demanded an encore!

Repeat Appearance

That, my friend, is a travesty, in the least, and sin at most.

And the joke, or tragedy, of it all is that these golden moments in the past, which are so tormenting if we erect them into a norm, are entirely nourishing, wholesome and enchanting if we are content to accept them for what they area, for memories. Properly bedded down in a past which we do not miserably try to conjure back, they will send up exquisite growths.

Readings for Meditation and Reflection, C.S. Lewis

Altars appear throughout scripture for different reasons – a place of encounter being one. The most common altar built was the altar of incense, the holy place where the priests offered worship to God on behalf of the people and themselves. Even the pagans used an altar to worship their false gods.

We can stumble into error when we take a gift of God, such as an altar moment, a time of a holy encounter with the Lord, and attempt to turn it into a precedent or demand for God. We can become like the prophets of Baal in I Kings 18:20-40, when they attempted to dance furiously around their altar, demanding Baal to perform, attempting to prove that he was more powerful than Almighty God.

Our attempts to stay in the past, clinging to old altars, are perhaps out of fear that our Father won’t show up again. Fear that despite His power and nearness in that moment, He won’t love me enough to do a repeat appearance.

Our attempts to stay in the past, clinging to old altars, are perhaps out of fear that our Father won’t show up again. It's sometimes easier to look back at what God did then than to allow Him to work in us today. Click To Tweet

Price of Altars

However, my sisters, it could also be our fear of the price that altars have. It’s sometimes easier to look back at what God did then than to allow Him to work in us today. As Jack Hayford stated:

God intends that something be ‘altered’ in us when we come to altars. To receive the promise means we make way for the transformation.

In Genesis 22, Abraham was required to offer his only son to God on an altar – a test of Abraham’s faith. Was God truly His provider? Indeed, He was.

After Jacob encountered God in a dream in Genesis 28, he built an altar. Jacob was so overwhelmed by God’s promise to him that he vowed to God a tenth of everything He gave to him.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:23-24:

Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.

And there is the beauty…no shame, no guilt…just go and reconcile, repent, then return to the altar and worship. We can bring our brokenness to the altar; His arms are open wide.

Olena Sergienko

forget, new, past, resolution, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Forgetting: Leaving the Past Behind and Pressing On

DevotionalsJanuary 21, 2019January 22, 2019

Forgetting the past and pressing on towards the future can feel unobtainable. But the Lord calls us to witness the new things He is doing in our lives.

Ah, a new year is upon us yet again. (It will likely take me six months to remember to write 2019!) A new year can mean different things to different people – a fresh start, a renewed exercise/diet plan, or beginning the latest Bible Study. Forgetting the former year’s mistakes or blunders may also be part of a new year agenda.

Have you been making resolutions? Thinking about resolutions? Breaking them already? I gave up New Year’s resolutions several years ago because it was too discouraging when I didn’t keep them…year after year after year! Finally, I accepted who I am: someone who doesn’t keep resolutions! Or…more honestly, is not going to stick to a diet or exercise program, which is, unfortunately, what they usually pertained to.

Upheaval

2018 was a turbulent year for me. As many of you know, my mom died in December of 2017, after a long and demoralizing battle with dementia. Following a five-year struggle against lung cancer, my only sibling died in June of 2018. In addition, my husband retired in August and we hauled our lives from our home state to another state to be closer to our grandchildren. In doing so, we left our oldest son and daughter-in-love, dearest friends, our church, and beloved neighborhood.

With so many upheavals occurring in my life within one year, chronic migraines assailing me, the latter part of 2018 found me hiding in a dark place, spiritually and emotionally spent. My prayers went something like this:

Leave me alone, God. I’m tired and sad and lonely. Tell me again why we moved? These migraines are disabling me – I’m useless to You now…and I’ve gained weight!

Arrested

But my Heavenly Father would have none of it. He waited patiently…and loved me through all the mess and self-pity. During the last few days of 2018, He arrested me with a challenge for 2019. Through His Word, the Spirit of God challenged me with a passage from Isaiah.

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:18-19, NIV

I also love the wording of another translation:

Thus says the LORD, who makes a way in the sea, a path in the mighty waters,…”Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

Isaiah 43:16, 18-19, ESV

As someone trained in the field of counseling, and as a veteran of therapy myself, I have spent a great deal of time looking back. Remembering former things is what you could call my specialty. Learning from the past, delving into family-of-origin dysfunction, which impinges on current daily life, old wounds which have never healed – studying these areas can lead to emotional health.

Drowning in them can lead to emotional sickness and death.

Forgetting

There are several instances in Scripture when God invokes His people to remember: Exodus 20:8; Deuteronomy 7:17-18; I Chronicles 16:12, 15; Luke 22:19; 2 Timothy 2:8 – to name a few.

There are also times when His people chose to remember God’s works to strengthen themselves in difficult situations: Psalm 45:17; Psalm 77:11; Psalm 78:35.

Remembering isn’t a bad thing, especially when we remember in light of Jesus and how He has worked in our lives. Remembering can become quicksand when we glorify the past or make it an idol, as though God can’t work like that, again. I know; I’ve committed that sin. It was subconscious, at first, but the message to my Father was the same: “You can’t top what you did in my life back there!”

Loss is Gain

If anyone had a license to point back boastfully to what God had done in his life, we all know it was the apostle Paul. Who among us was blinded by a dazzling light, clearly spoken to, and commissioned by the Lord Jesus Himself?! I won’t even go into his immense apostle resume, but he gives a rundown of his Pharisee vitae in Philippians 3. Nevertheless, Paul stated that his intellectual and religious past was, in his own words, rubbish.

But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ…

Philippians 3:7-8, NKJV

Pressing On

Can you imagine? In his day, essentially, Paul had gained the whole world. He was revered as a Jewish scholar among scholars. After Jesus captivated him, he became the apostle of apostles, if you will allow me license here. He preached to masses, healed many, cast out evil spirits, (Acts 19:11-20). He even corrected Peter before the Church council (Galatians 2:11-14)- Peter! the rock upon whom the Church was built! In addition, Paul wrote most of the New Testament. Yet, the accolades to which many of us would cling with tenacity meant nothing to him.

Not that I have already obtained this, or am already perfect; but I press on, to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14, ESV

Forgetting

Forgetting what lies behind – the failures AND the victories. For some of us, it’s easier to forget the victories than the failures. They eat at us and gradually the enemy sees that they become our identity. The failures become little foxes that spoil the vineyards of our lives, (Song of Solomon 2:15), eviscerating us and leaving us powerless.

For others of us, the victories are clutched to our chests and we refuse to release them. They define us. Whether they are spiritual, religious, or business successes, we believe we would be naked, vulnerable…nothing without them. Perhaps our identity is wrapped up in them, so how can we forget those bouquets of victory?

Oh, Beloved, forget the former things; don’t dwell on the past. If we will lay down the past, our mighty God will do a new thing this year. He longs to. He will make a way in the wilderness of our lives and rivers in the desert that was once our dreams.

Press on, sisters.

Beloved, forget the former things; don't dwell on the past. If we will lay down the past, our mighty God will do a new thing this year. He longs to. He will make a way in the wilderness of our lives. Click To Tweet

freedom, grace, past, resentment, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Past: Leaving Resentment and Pain Behind Us to Live Freely

Devotionals, Stay SaneDecember 16, 2018January 13, 2019

The holiday season can quickly bring up old wounds and resentments within us that cause pain or anger. Leaving the past behind enables us to love freely.

Most of us have spent the first of America’s two major holidays of the year with members of our extended family. For various reasons, many of these family members are so out of our daily orbit that we only see them once or twice a year.

This could be a happy thing or an annoying thing. It depends on whether we’re talking about the favorite cousin with whom you had a blast when you were young, (yay!), or the rude uncle who always teased you until you cried and then laughed at you, (boo!). I imagine few of us have only Hallmark memories of the holiday season, but for those of you who do, I salute you. This piece may not be for you.

Expectations

Any therapist will tell you that depression and anxiety are higher around the holiday season. Sometimes it’s due to this being the first major holiday without a loved one (or the 10th), but very often it is due to family relationships and expectations, whether our own or what we perceive others have placed upon us.

Family systems therapists will tell us that unless we have differentiated from our family of origin, we can’t go home without being pulled back into the role we played within our family. I know; it stinks. But if you haven’t recognized it, you will.

The same, old resentments seem to resurface when the family gathers for any length of time – often for reasons that aren’t immediately clear. Siblings begin behaving in familiar, juvenile ways they would never exhibit with anyone outside of the family circle. Underlying tension can be felt by all. Anxiety hums beneath the piety. Maybe some false good cheer.

Triggers

The felt tension or anxiety may trigger excess drinking for some families. It could also cause mom to amp up the superficial happiness as she attempts to please everyone and keep the peace. These coping mechanisms numb the pain and eliminate the need to address any uncomfortable topics. Family members with less patience or tolerance, (or perhaps more emotional health,) start to exit, sometimes angrily, sometimes in tears, always with relief…

Another happy holiday is behind us!

Haven’t we all laughed – or cried – at the numerous holiday movies that portray these very scenarios?

Resentment

Psychologically, there is so much more that can be said concerning this topic. I spent 20 years living the above. Then, I thought if I studied it and understood it rationally, I could master the resentment and bitterness that had welled up within me. Despite my Bible knowledge, despite my growing academic knowledge, every year, every holiday I was gobsmacked yet again by the very same family dynamics that had entrapped me the year before!

Finally, after a professor recommended it, I sought therapy. Accompanied by prayer and spiritual retreats, and by God’s grace and mercy, God revealed to me how I had held on to all the pain – every. single. year. of pain. Doing so had not only deeply burdened me, but had laden me down with unforgiveness toward my family. I was so busy storing up the injustices, the barbs and ongoing criticisms, the substance abuse, that I was incapable of loving them with the love of Christ.

Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old.

Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:18-19, NKJV

Free

The Spirit of God released me from my heavy load of pain and unforgiveness, instructing me to not dwell on the past. Believe me when I say that it wasn’t a once-for-all occurrence for me. It happens that way for some but was a slow sanctification process for me. However, the God who could make rivers in a desert, could and did deliver me from my sin and my past that had strangled me.

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.

Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,

I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14, NKJV

Sisters lay it down. Aren’t you tired?

Whatever it is that you have been dragging around behind you, that deep sorrow in your soul for so many years; put it in Jesus’ hands. It’s wearisome to continue to carry it around. God’s Spirit may instruct you to take additional steps; I don’t know. But I do know that clinging tenaciously to past wrongs is death to us. By His grace and power, choose to leave it in the past and press on toward the prize, the upward call of God in Christ.

You are so worth it…because you are His.

Whatever it is that you have been dragging around behind you, that deep sorrow in your soul for so many years; put it in Jesus' hands. Click To Tweet

time, present, past, future, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry

Time: Making The Most of It by Living in The Present

Devotionals, Stay SaneJune 28, 2018July 30, 2019

When we dwell on the past or fixate on the future, we can’t make the most of the time we have. Let’s learn to fully live in the present.

When I was a little girl, for all practical purposes, I lived outside of time as we know it. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, my family lived on a small, sustainable farm without electricity, indoor plumbing, or other modern conveniences.Local school kids and youth camp groups used to come out to our homestead for field trips to literally see how the pilgrims used to live. Except my family wasn’t just reenacting history, we were living it!

In lieu of electric lights, we showed the kids how we rendered beeswax and paraffin for hand dipped candles to light our home. Rather than driving to the local grocery store, we explained how all our food came from our farm–eggs from the chicken coop, meat from the animals we hunted or butchered, vegetables from our gardens, and fruit and berries from the orchard. And instead of looking at a watch or clock to check the time, we noted the angle of the shadows cast by the sun as it made its trajectory across the sky. We understood that time existed, but we were not slaves to it. We were simply living and doing the work that was necessary to survive.

Behind or ahead?

When I compared our lifestyle to that of our neighbors in their modern homes,it felt as if we were living a century behind. But as I observe today’s trends of doing it yourself (DIY), going green, and living sustainably, it appears as if my folks were about a generation ahead of their time when they moved off the power grid in the early 1970’s. Today, people are returning to methods that a decade or so ago would have seemed old fashioned. Folks are choosing environmentally friendly health and beauty products instead of chemically produced ones. They’re growing vegetables in their own backyard gardens and eating whole organic food rather than processed products. And they’re using essential oils and other natural remedies rather than relying so heavily on pharmaceuticals. It’s as if history is repeating itself.

That which is has already been, and what is to be has already been; and God requires an account of what is past.

Ecclesiastes 3:15, NKJV

A reckoning with time…

It’s as if we in the western world are in the midst of a reckoning with time. In the name of convenience and productivity, we’ve created a whole host of environmental, social, and health problems that we’re trying to dig our way out of. And time seems more elusive than ever. No matter how many time-saving strategies and gadgets we develop, no one seems to have enough time to accomplish all that they want to in a day.

People are stuck in the past, worried about the future, and don’t know how to live fully in the present. It’s like we are all little figurines in one of those old fashioned cuckoo clocks. Everyone’s rushing in and out of little trap doors and screaming cuckoo all the time. Before the hands of the clock fly off and hurt someone, let’s pause and consider how the Lord invites us to regard this time that He gives us.

Dwelling on the past…

We’re encouraged not to dwell on the past, but so many people seem to be stuck there. Whether it’s regret about a decision that we made or resentment for someone who hurt us, we can re-live old wounds over and over again. Others might dwell on seemingly positive things from the ‘golden years’ of their youth. That can’t be harmful, right? Actually, yes, it can be if we’re looking back nostalgically on years gone by and pining for things that are no more.

Dwelling on the past trains our minds and our souls to sort and filter for similar kinds of experiences in the present. Then we wonder why the same destructive patterns that have wreaked havoc in our families for generations keep repeating themselves. Or we lament the fact that our current life never quite seems to measure up to the memories we’ve created and recreated in our mind’s eye. But beloved, when we are reborn, we are made new in Christ. And if we will let Him, the Lord wants to do a new thing in our lives.

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

2 Corinthians 5:17, KJV

And in Isaiah, we learn that we should literally forget the past:

Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43: 18-19, KJV

Let's not spend so much time trying to unravel the knots of our past that we miss the new thing the Lord is doing in our lives. Click To Tweet

Fixating on the future…

Just as scripture instructs us not to live in the past, it also warns against fixating on the future. Often our uncertainty about what is to come breeds anxiety and worry. But we learn that worry does not help us get through today.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34, NIV

Rather than worrying what the next day will bring, we are to make the most of each day. Just like the manna, or the daily bread, that the Israelites would receive every morning in the desert, we are given 24 hours of time daily. We can’t stretch those hours out any longer, and we can’t save any of them either. What we can do is trust that what is coming will be good, because God promises us that it will be:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11, NIV

Indeed, He is leading us somewhere even better than we can arrange for ourselves or really even imagine:

But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

1 Corinthians 2:9, KJV

Living in the present…

With no regret from the past or fear of the future, we are free to fully live in the present. And that’s where the Lord invites us to reside. With Him.

To live in His presence in every moment. To learn to walk daily with Him, trusting that He is ordering our steps. To know that He will shoulder our burdens if we’ll cast our cares on Him. To trust that He will feed us like the sparrows and clothe us like the lilies of the field. To experience the joy that He has set before us. To taste and see that He is good in the land of the living. To enjoy and make the most of our time with our loved ones. To win souls for the kingdom. To live out the desires that He has placed in our hearts. To believe that He is Immanuel “God with us.” Right now.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:11, NKJV

How are you making the most of this day? Have you left the past behind? Are you rooting your hope for the future in Jesus?

All of us need encouragement. Share this message with others!

Schalk Neethling

forgiveness, grace, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry

Clean: Understanding Hurts and Extending Forgiveness

Devotionals, Stay SaneMay 14, 2018September 8, 2019

When we understand the past of people who have hurt us, we are more capable to extend grace. We are able to wipe their slate clean with forgiveness.

When I was in grade school, I loved it when my teacher would choose me to wipe the chalkboard clean at the end of the day. There was something almost magical about that simple physical process. What had been a murky mess—rows of math tables, diagramed sentences, partial erasures, and a lingering cloud of dust—could be wiped completely clean. What remained was literally a new, clean slate for the next day’s instruction.

As believers, we can glean a simple yet profound message here: the Lord’s forgiveness is a complete work, with mercies that are new each day. In Isaiah we read:

I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.

Isaiah 43:25, KJV

And in the Psalms we’re reminded of just how far away He casts ours sins:

As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:12, KJV

An Ever-Present Need

Being a mom of two young kids has done wonders in teaching me about the need for mercy and forgiveness. From meltdowns, to accidents, to intentional misbehavior (and those are just on my end!), to sibling rivalry, and the list goes on… We have an ever-present need for grace, mercy, and forgiveness in our home. Many days I feel as if I’m working at a deficit in my parenting bank. But if I’m operating in the red, that is precisely the time to turn back to the blood of Jesus. To let His strength perfect me in my weakness; to allow His forgiveness to flood my soul; and to let Him father me as I mother my children.

Misuse of The Rod

It has been hard for me to wrap my head and heart around the notion that God is a loving dad who gently guides me and forgives me when I make mistakes. My slowness to internalize this truth stems from the lies I learned and the wounds I sustained when I was very young. I was raised in a strict, legalistic, and abusive home. Repentance and chastisement were heavily emphasized, but somehow forgiveness seemed to be forgotten. If it’s the Lord’s goodness that draws us to repentance (Rom. 2:4), it was my mom’s misuse of the rod that drove me further from her, and for many years, further from God.

I remember one day when I was probably four years old. I had dropped a jar of cream that shattered and spilled all over the kitchen floor. Positive parenting classes I’ve taken would likely recommend a patient response to this kind of scenario. Consider whether a task is age appropriate for the child; acknowledge when something is an accident; enlist the little one’s help to clean up the parts of the mess that are safe for her to tackle. Patience, mercy, kindness. A Christ-like response.

But my mom had torn a page from a different kind of book and claimed that it was from the Good Book. She began shouting at me; dragging me out to the dark mudroom where she would whip me repeatedly on my backside with a leather strap. She slammed the door behind her, leaving me alone, scared, and wounded in the dark.

Tiptoeing on Eggshells

This was the typical pattern. I would misbehave somehow or accidentally break or spill something, and the hammer would come down. Hard. I would be “disciplined”, which usually meant abused, and a silent treatment would ensue. The painful welts on my body or missed meals were nothing compared to the punishment inflicted by Mom’s cold shoulder of emotional isolation.

I would then have to tip toe on eggshells and placate my mom until her storm of anger passed. Rarely, if ever, was there a loving conversation about how my misbehavior could be changed or what a reasonable consequence would be if I committed the same offense in the future. Instead, I would be forced to say sorry and accept the blame for whatever had happened. I can’t ever remember a time in those early years when Mom asked me to forgive her for how she had treated me.

On Pins and Needles

My mom died nearly three years ago. I recall a conversation I had with her a few years before she died. In the past, she had told me that she was raised in an orphanage from age seven until she graduated high school. But she had never gone into detail about what she had suffered there.

During her years at the orphanage, Mom found herself in the unfortunate position of being under the tutelage of a strict and abusive house mom named Ms. Hupp. Mom had harbored a deep fear of and hatred for this woman. She said Hupp would wake up all the girls before dawn, barking orders at them to get dressed, make their beds, straighten their belongings, and report for duty. Duty entailed meticulously hand scrubbing floors, washing walls, helping prepare meals, and various and sundry other tasks that she seemed to create just for the sake of keeping all the girls busy. Mom said Hupp’s constant scrutiny and criticism kept her on pins and needles.

Connecting the Dots

As she described Hupp’s mistreatment, I began to connect the dots to my own experience of how Mom had treated me when I was little. Young women sometimes joke that one day they will probably become their moms. Well, Mom had grown up and become like Hupp. Without her own mom in the picture, she had learned from the only mother figure she knew. As Mom spoke about her hard heart toward Hupp, I could identify with her anger, but in a way, my own heart was softening toward my mom. Mom told me how the Lord had helped her to finally forgive Ms. Hupp. She said He had let her see Hupp’s wounded heart so that she could forgive her. As I write this, I can say that I have forgiven my own “Hupp” too.

Wiping the Slate Clean

After many years, my mom asked me if I could ever forgive her for all the ways she had mistreated me. When I told her that I had already forgiven her, I could almost see a weight lift off her. For so many years, she had borne the heavy shame and regret of her abusive behavior. Her abuse drove my dad to divorce her and fight for full custody of me and my siblings. Her abuse made it impossible for us to return to live with her when my dad died. But the pain Mom inflicted also drove her to her knees, to sincerely repent to the Lord and seek His forgiveness.

Although she knew she had been forgiven, she still struggling with the shame of the hurt she had caused. Somehow, she still needed to hear that I had forgiven her. Although we can seek the Lord’s forgiveness, we also need to humble ourselves to ask forgiveness of the people we have wronged; and we need to extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us. When we do so, we are free to fully love and be loved.

And when you pray, make sure you forgive the faults of others so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you. But if you withhold forgiveness from others, your Father withholds forgiveness from you.

Matthew 6:14-15, TPT

Is there someone in your life whose slate you need to clean with your forgiveness? Is there someone whose forgiveness you need to seek?

Although we can seek the Lord’s forgiveness, we also need to humble ourselves to ask forgiveness of the people we have wronged; and we need to extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us. Click To Tweet

Keilidh Ewan