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Friends: Strengthening Our Friendship Foundations through Christ

DevotionalsJuly 9, 2019July 9, 2019

We often take our friends for granted, creating a sandy foundation. We must strengthen our friendship foundations through Christ.

Have you ever considered the parable of the builder in Matthew 7:24-27 as an allegory on friendship? When you spend time with your friends, share your life with them, and depend on each other you are building on a strong rock foundation. However, if you don’t talk often or only share the good stuff, you’re building on sandy soil. I tend to have some shifting sand. I need to work on this.

Friends in Sandy Soil

I love my friends. They are amazing. But sometimes I totally take them for granted. God has blessed me by putting a few wonderful people in my life and I am sure He doesn’t want me to neglect them.

As a mom, my life is always on the go, usually at 90 miles an hour. No matter how often I tell myself I need to slow down, or dream about an idyllic life of green fields, gurgling streams and slow relaxed days…it is highly unlikely to happen.

What does usually happen is I get so busy I neglect my friends for days, weeks, or months. It can be hard to find more than a few minutes to talk on the phone or send a text. Dropping by for a visit, meeting up for a cup of coffee, or taking a walk together can escape my weekly plans. For this, I feel extremely guilty.

God loves the pure-hearted and well-spoken; good leaders also delight in their friendship.
Proverbs 22:11, MSG

Asking for Help

So what can I do? What should I do? First (and maybe one of the hardest things to do), give it over to God. Ask for guidance in strengthening my relationships in meaningful ways. Creating a firmer foundation is necessary. As a servant to my Father, I should be there for my friends when they are in need. And I should also be able to go to them when I am in need.

It has been a super hard week. My son and I have left for school early almost every day this week due to testing, end of the year meetings, and my need to have everything prepared before my students come through the door. That in and of itself isn’t unusual. But we have had an amazing VBS at church this week.

Our main church campus is about 5 miles from school. Rather than trek 30-45 minutes home and then back, we stayed at school. Three days I brought dinner from home and heated it up. Two days we went out to eat. While VBS was going on, I worked on end of year paperwork, finished up a class for my teacher license renewal, and graded papers.

Shoring Up the Foundation

I didn’t want to put anyone “out” so I didn’t ask for the help that I really needed. It turns out that when you try to be superwoman you can end up exhausted and crabby and overly emotional. My weekend was spent with me hiding from my family by binge watching tv shows, and praying for silence.

Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshed the soul.
Proverbs 27:9, MSG

Here is the kicker…if someone had asked me for help I would have been there for them (well maybe not last week, but in general I wouldn’t think twice). I know I need to start working on building a better definition of friendship and allowing myself to be vulnerable…or I really don’t have any real friends.

Prayer for Strength

So what do I do? I work on my friendships? Prayer is always a great place to start:

Dear God,

Help! I am so lost and can’t seem to get up from this spot. You made us to live together but I have isolated myself out of pride. Thank you for providing me the time and opportunity to reflect. I feel uncomfortable and unsure of myself. I have tried for too long to ignore my place in friendships and I worry I have destroyed more than I have built. Please give me the vulnerability to ask my friends for help when I need it. Let me humble myself and lighten my burden so I can be a light to the world for You.

love,

Rock Solid Foundation

God desires us to build strong foundations in all our relations to glorify Him. He tells us this time again throughout the Bible. God, Himself, desires our friendship. Isn’t that incredible! I love my God and am so happy He reaches out to me and holds me tightly.

The amazing grace of the Master, Jesus Christ, the extravagant love of God, the intimate friendship of the Holy Spirit, be with you all.
2 Corinthians 13:14, MSG

God desires us to build strong foundations in all our relationships in order to glorify Him. Even God longs for our friendship. Click To Tweet

Anita Austvika

alone, loneliness, friendship, relationship, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Alone: Learning How to Combat Loneliness in a Godly Way

DevotionalsJune 11, 2019June 11, 2019

We can go through seasons of loneliness. It is important to surround ourselves with trusted people when we feel alone and remember God is always with us.

Loneliness is something that many of us deal with at one point or another. I know I have. Being single often leaves me feeling alone. While others my age are getting married or having children, I can feel at times like maybe I am doing something wrong. This leaves me to feel incredibly alone.

There are many reasons we may feel alone, for me it comes out in my singleness but for others it could be lack of friendships, living away from family, or not having a good support system. Through all of these situations, there is one thing that remains true…We are never truly alone. We are constantly in the presence of our truest friend and savior, Jesus.

Living Life Alone

Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, ESV

We are not meant to do life alone. A lot of times loneliness can be felt because we don’t have people doing life with us. We don’t have a “tribe”, as many like to call it. While it is true that we always have Jesus, we still need other brothers and sisters around us.

It can be incredibly difficult to put yourself out there and find your people. Trust me, I know. I have just recently found people outside my family that feel safe and that I can genuinely do life with. Let me tell you, the awkwardness is worth it.

God created us as social beings and as such it is important we find people to go through the ups and downs of life with. When you have people to do life with, the feeling of loneliness happens less and less.

Never Separated

No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:39, NLT

There have been many times throughout my life that I have felt separated from the Lord. This left me feeling completely and utterly alone.

Whether it is a difficult season of life, a sin struggle, or just a normal day, there are many ways we can feel separated from God and lonely. The truth is in the above verse. There is absolutely nothing we can do to separate ourselves from God. Nothing. And if we are not separated from God that means we are never alone. Sometimes we may feel distant or disconnected, but we are never separate.

Even in times of distance, He is there. Even when we can not feel Him, He is there. I am learning, daily, how true this is. He is constant. Look at the trees, the sky, birds, He is there. His creation is proof that He exists and insurance that He is here for us in all circumstances.

Even in times of distance, God is there. Even when we can not feel Him, He is there. His creation is proof that He exists and insurance that He is here for us in all circumstances! Click To Tweet

Dominik Scythe

friendship, Holy Spirit, listen, patience, relationships, grace, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Listen: Hearing Other’s Pain through the Power of the Holy Spirit

DevotionalsMarch 27, 2019March 27, 2019

We often try to fix those we love instead of allowing a safe space to exist and be heard. Helping others in pain requires us to listen through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

James 1:19, NLT

Making sure others feel comfortable when we interact is one of my greatest desires. I want them to feel the freedom to occupy space as their true selves. Feeling safe with someone allows for a deeper strengthening of friendship. I’m not going to say I have it all together because I don’t, but one way I ensure this result is through listening. Sincerely listening.

I’m still learning how to truly hear those around me. To hear through the Holy Spirit and not through human methods. Because, let’s face it, all the distractions, screens, noises, and even selfishness get in the way. Listening takes discipline and an immense amount of patience…

Selfishness

Many times in my life I’ve been told I’m a great listener, which you think would cause great pride inside. In reality, I selfishly carry it around like a burden… I’m easy to talk to because I’m silent. When do I get to speak??

See, selfish. On the outside, I sit silently, making eye contact and nodding. While on the inside, I am screaming to be heard; creating comebacks, forming opinions, preparing the right words to say. This is NOT active listening; NOT listening as God commands us to listen.

We all have this innate desire to be heard, to be allowed space to exist. But God asks us to lay ourselves down to allow His Spirit room to breathe. To give us supernatural patience to hear; truly hear. He is the very best part of us, and He is the very answer for loving those who are hurting…

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

Philippians 2:3-4, NLT

Deeply Listen

Undistracted, uninterrupted, completely attuned… Not everyone is a natural at this and not everyone can pick this habit up quickly. I definitely struggle. I still find myself interrupting my friends. -sigh- I know how much I can’t stand to be interrupted.

Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.

Proverbs 18:2, NLT

Half listening, then interjecting to fix a problem with human words is foolish. Our attempts to ‘be there’ for our friends is sometimes overshadowed by our want to ‘fix‘ them. To make their life ‘right’ and easy. It’s honorable, we think it’s out of love, but it’s not helpful. It’s not Spirit-led.

Some of my closest friends have come by way of just listening. Not trying to have all the answers, not trying to have the perfect words, but saying ‘My heart hurts with yours.’ There’s a tenderness when a friend will silently and intently listen to your words; deeply listen. This exemplifies God as He bends down from Heaven to listen to our cries (Psalm 116:1-6).

Language Between

I cannot tell you the countless times I’ve skimmed over deep pain in my heart, only to have a friend hear it’s depth and speak truth to it. There’s language between the verbal words and the silence. Silence can give just as much, sometimes more, information than hearing. Hearing the entire language of hurt prepares our hearts and minds to speak from a posture of wisdom.

Our inability to shut our mouths does a disservice to those who are hurting. In our attempts to break awkward silences and fill the space with noise, we block potential Holy Spirit work. Whether the work is in us, in the other person, or both. Leaving space for the Spirit to move, may give us discernment, as the listener, to hear the words that haven’t been spoken. To understand the words under the words.

Trust

When we actively and truly listen, we prove our love. Not just our love for the other individual, but our love for God. Not waiting for a chance to be heard, but laying down our selfishness. Selfless listening, Holy Spirit listening is powerful. Allowing the other person space to exist to be who they are in that moment cultivates confidence; trust.

And from this trust, we have a unique ability to point the pain to our Savior. Because there’s no amount of pain, human circumstance, or issue that has not already been healed through the blood of Jesus.

Selfless listening, Holy Spirit listening is powerful. When we actively and truly listen, we prove our love. Not just our love for the other individual, but our love for God. Click To Tweet

Romello Williams

friendship, grace, love, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Friend: Loving at All Times Through God’s Abundant Grace

DevotionalsFebruary 6, 2019February 6, 2019

We can all be tempted to be a superficial friend. Being a true friend requires God’s abundant grace to lay down our lives.

Resting on my desk in a silver frame is a photo of beloved friends sitting, smiling, and leaning into each other around a table. It was taken at a favorite restaurant in early December 2016. We had gathered to celebrate the season. Eating, laughing, and exchanging the silly gifts we each had brought.

Weathering Life

This group of 11 consisted a majority of a community group my husband and I led at the church we attended at the time. But a number of us had been together for several years and had walked many roads hand in hand. We had prayed, studied, laughed and cried together, which has a tendency to bond folks. In addition, we had weathered cancer, parents with dementia, kids moving away, babies being born, and mid-life career changes.

Behold how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity.

Psalm 133:1, ESV

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As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

Proverbs 27:17, NLT

My husband and I live in another state now…

Sweet Melody

One of those friends called me today. Her voice was like a melody to a music-deprived ear. I’ve assumed they’ve all moved on without me/us. She had assumed we’re always busy with grandchildren. She began to cry as she shared how much she has missed us. My tears joined hers as we dispelled the lies the enemy had whispered in our ears. And we promised to do better, to call when we think about the other, to not listen to the lies…

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

Proverbs 27:9, ESV

Because God knows we need our friends, wherever they live. The enemy knows this, too; he prefers to keep us isolated and alone.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm, alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him – a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, ESV

Isolation is Unhealthy

According to God, we’re just no good alone; we don’t function at full capacity. I know this personally. Left to my own devices, I am a natural loner, an introvert. When I am unhealthy spiritually or emotionally, withdrawal is my first choice. Like a wounded animal, I crawl into what feels like a safe corner, keeping supposed predators away.

But in that corner, there is no one to lift me up, no one to keep me warm or help me prevail against my enemy. I am actually more vulnerable there.

The enemy prefers to keep us isolated. But God knows we need our friends. We're no good in isolation; we can't function at full capacity and tend to be at our most vulnerable state. Click To Tweet

Bad Rap

If you were to ask 5 people what a friend is, you’d likely receive five different answers. They may be similar descriptions, but all slightly nuanced to what that individual needs a friend to be to them personally.

You know, women get a bad rap as friends. Generally speaking, we can be the best of friends one day and the worst the next. We can be terrible gossips, revealers of secrets, and queens of jealousy. We can also show up with a hot Starbucks when night class is about to begin, (a friend once did that for me).

We’re also the first to recognize when something is troubling a co-worker and ask what’s up. We show up with a meal when someone we know had a baby or got a bad diagnosis.

Being a superficial friend is something women can do naturally. Being a true friend requires God’s grace…

That’s just how we are…which is why we must look to an unchangeable Word to instruct us on how to be a friend.

A Friend Is…

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

John 15:13, ESV

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A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 17:17, ESV

There was a time when I believed that laying down your life meant literally dying – and certainly, in some cases, it has. However, despite this culture’s obsession with death and the vast entertainment industry saturated with death, the truth is – the spiraling depression, anxiety and ever climbing suicide rates among our young reveals that it seems a much easier choice to die than to live and lay down one’s life daily.

Because, you see, the two are completely different.

Oswald Chambers wrote:

…It is much easier to die than to lay down your life day in and day out with the sense of the high calling of God. We are not made for the bright-shining moments of life, but we have to walk in the light of them in our everyday ways. There was only one bright-shining moment in the life of Jesus, and that was on the Mount of Transfiguration. It was there that He emptied Himself of His glory for the second time, and then came down into the demon-possessed valley, (Mark 9). For thirty-three years Jesus laid down His life to do the will of His Father.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest

At All Times

What does it mean to lay down my life for a friend? My first thought is to be inconvenienced, probably because most of us don’t flex well. For an example, simply drive down the road and stop to let someone pull out in front of you. Often, the non-flexers behind you will honk irritably! Try it sometime.

It may be something different for you; you know what it is. Sadly, too often, I place conditions on friendships. My version sometimes reads:

A friend loves when it works within my schedule.

Or:

A friend loves when the other person doesn’t hurt my feelings.

Or:

A friend loves when the other person agrees with me doctrinally.

The list could be limitless, but being a friend would be limited. Proverbs 17:17 helps define true friendship: a friend loves at all times – not only when she agrees with me on parenting, politically, theologically or anything else, for that matter. I don’t read a waiver in the verse, do you?

Sisters, will you choose with me to lay down your life this year? It won’t be easy, but the Spirit will walk with us every step of the way.

Evan Kirby

encouragement, friendship, love, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Encouraging: Reaching Out to Others Costs Us Nothing

DevotionalsJanuary 27, 2019January 29, 2019

Reaching out and encouraging others can feel like we are being a bother. The opposite is quite true: we are giving strength to weary people who need it.

Discouragement was weighing heavily on me. It was the week before Christmas and I had done very little to prepare. For the previous 7 weeks, my husband was traveling for work. I spent a lot of this time getting ready for our foreign exchange student to experience her first Christmas. But she was gearing up to leave our home forever.

I was run down and feeling low when, suddenly, a text appeared on my phone. A friend, many states away, reached out to tell me she’d seen a meme that made her think of me. It was nothing extravagant. She forwarded the meme with her thought, however, she had no way of knowing it was exactly what I needed to hear!

Encouraging

I wonder how often we are given a name by the Holy Spirit but brush it aside with a warm thought and never follow up? I know He wants us to pray for one another…He tells us so in the Bible. But in this day and age of instant communication, we rarely reach out and talk to one another. All I know is, the message that’s been clear to me the last month is this:

Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you.

2 Corinthians 13:11, NLT

When I receive an email from a colleague, a text from a friend, a call from my dad…all of these things let me know I’m loved. I’m on their mind. I matter to other people. It’s so encouraging!

In this day and age of instant communication, we rarely reach out and talk to one another. But God's Word is clear. We are to encourage and uplift one another in love so that God may dwell among us. Click To Tweet

Strengthening

As a busy mom and wife, I am so worried about the home front that I often neglect my own needs. When others take the time out of their own busy lives to let me know I’m important to them, I feel strength course through my veins! The mind is a powerful thing. As my friends and family speak love and encouraging words to me, I am somehow given a very physical reaction to an emotional feeling.

The Sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know how to comfort the weary. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will.

Isaiah 50:4, NLT

Sometimes, in this digital age, we convince ourselves that reaching out is really a bother to busy people. I am a witness to how untrue that is. When I see someone I love taking the time to reach out to me, I never feel bothered. I feel encouragement and strength.

With this news, strengthen those who have tired hands, and encourage those who those who have weak knees.

Isaiah 35:3, NLT

Reaching Out

How might this word help you today? Is there someone or several people in your life you’ve been meaning to connect with and haven’t? Do you have an email almost finished to send, a letter to an elderly grandparent unwritten, a kind word of praise to your child? Maybe a word of support and appreciation to your spouse?

I don’t know about your own lives, but I know many times I think of friends and family and don’t take a few minutes to reach out. It costs me nothing but a moment of my time. Time I may be squandering on social media or reading an inconsequential novel. We all have the same amount of time, and we need to prioritize some of it to bring encouragement to one another.

It may not be everyone’s gift, but it certainly is a discipline we all can and should develop. I encourage you to make a list of people God has put in your life. Try to reach out in one manner or another each day to one person.

Patrick Selin

loyal, friendship, faithful, love, pursue, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Loyal: Pursuing Steadfastness in Our Relationships

Devotionals, Stay SaneJanuary 2, 2019January 13, 2019

In times of stress, we tend to isolate ourselves from everyone and everything. But we need to be loyal to our relationships, our word, and our lives, portraying the steadfastness of Jesus.

The little break between Christmas and New Years can be disorienting. What day is this? When did I shower last? I know I bought batteries…where are they? But tucked in the midst of confusion are nuggets of reflection. As I was mustering the strength to pack for another trip to Indiana, I found myself reflecting over this past year and the years before.

There were several major differences from previous years, but one stood out the most: friendship. I have never been the one to juggle many different relationships and friendships, but here I am. I owe a lot of this to Oh Lord Help Us and a bit to volunteering at church. No matter who I owe, one thing is for certain: I am rich in relationships.

Introvert

I know just as well as anyone that moving to a new place can be daunting. Making new friends is even harder. Especially for those of us who identify as introverts. There are different levels of introvert, but all the same, it’s difficult and paralyzing.

It’s been four years since we moved to North Carolina and I just now feel like I’ve found some of my people. It took me stepping out, being uncomfortable, fighting against my nature. It’s more than just fighting against myself, it’s following through. Showing I’m reliable, accountable, trustworthy. Showing how much I care…

Wholehearted

I never regret the moments I push past myself to be uncomfortable. Sadly, I used to be extremely fickle… cancel outings, not answer calls or texts. It took me a long time to realize how surface my life was without quality relationships. I can name a few dear souls that never quit.

Praise Jesus for those people who wait patiently for you to get your act together. The loyal, wholehearted ones who know there’s a special friend somewhere inside. They wait… and they wait. Those are the ones who you should hold on to. The ones you thank over and over for not giving up on you. For pursuing you through prayer, texts, invites, etc. I strive every day to live the gracious example of these special friends.

Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.

Proverbs 3:3, ESV

We need each other… through hardships, pain, seasons of grief. Because this life is ever changing with swells of inconsistency and unknown, we need to be found loving and faithful through it all.

We need each other... through hardships, pain, seasons of grief. This life is ever changing with swells of inconsistency, we need to be found loving and faithful through it all. Click To Tweet

Richness of Relationship

Financially, this has been one of the toughest years to date. But what I lack in monetary wealth, I make up for with rich, rich relationships. In previous years of financial strain, I would isolate myself; cut myself off from the support and love of a friend or even family members. I allowed the overwhelm and embarrassment to overthrow my faithfulness.

Not only was my dedication to those I loved strained, but my loyalty to the Lord suffered. My bank account was poor and so was my spirit. I became sporadic in going to church and was even more disloyal in my Bible reading. Hitting my knees? Yeah, non-existent.

Praise God He stays true…

This is a trustworthy saying: If we die with him, we will also live with him. If we endure hardship, we will reign with him. If we deny him, he will deny us. If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is.

2 Timothy 2:11-13, NLT

His loyalty to my heart didn’t bail me out of financial hardship, but it did draw me closer to Himself. In doing so, it showed me the value of relationship over wealth. Of loyalty over inconsistency. In this season, I’m thankful for that lesson. It’s kept my head above a tsunami of stress and encouraged me to draw close to those who love me.

Loyal Example

The Bible’s layout of loyalty is strictly relational. This is no coincidence. We follow Jesus’ example of loyalty straight to the cross. The cross is a symbol of loyalty to God’s divine plan and a devotion to all of us sinners. Not only did Jesus’ faithfulness make it possible for us to have a relationship with God, but also allows a devotion to one another.

“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Mark 12:29-31, NIV

We need to strive each day to portray our steadfast devotion to Jesus, and in turn to one another. Love God, love each other. Loyal servants, loyal friends.

Jan Romero

friendship, conflict, honesty, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Change: Some Friendships Were Not Meant to Last

Devotionals, Stay SaneNovember 1, 2018January 13, 2019

The loss of a friendship can feel like death, especially when it ends in a hurtful way. But all of us change, and some friendships last for only a season.

We were supposed to grow old together. Raise our children together. Experience joy and laughter together. But it didn’t happen the way I had envisioned. My heart was broken. It was like death.

It was death – it was the death of a friendship.

The back story, from my perspective…

She had always been concerned with her health for things that I did not see as a big deal. I felt like she made problems that all people experience into things that she alone suffered. She was constantly going to the doctor and trying remedies that, in my mind, were not necessary.

When my mother was in a drug-induced coma fighting for her life my friend came to visit. As she and I were sitting in the waiting room, she started to complain about her health problems. I was beyond upset. But I never said anything. Well, for almost 10 years I didn’t.

After that, there was a season of time we only spoke sporadically. Our friendship did, however, survive. And after the birth of my son, it thrived. We lived in separate cities, but it didn’t matter. We talked several times a week. I vented about how much I disliked where we were living. She vented about her health.

Eventually, all her doctor’s visits and medications did lead to serious health problems. Like, to the point she could hardly walk. Her doctor prescribed a drug that was way too strong, and it came with serious consequences.

It consumed her. It had become part of her identity. And I missed my friend.

Over time our friendship became mostly conversations about her and her health. She never asked about me. So, I simply stopped sharing. Then one day she asked why I was not expressing excitement with her about a new remedy she was going to try. The floodgates opened – I said it all. All the disappointment, all the hurt, all the judgment; and I said it with great emotion.

We talked twice after that day. That was about six years ago. I still think about her almost daily.

My own faults…

Our friendship couldn’t handle the honesty. There are few relationships that can. In order to be brutally honest with someone there needs to be a level of trust. Trust that there is unconditional love. With unconditional love, there is acceptance and forgiveness. Acceptance if the person doesn’t change, and forgiveness if they do.

I would like to sit here and tell you that the loss of our friendship was all her fault. But I can’t. We both played a role, of course. Victim is not a label I put on myself. Since I am learning that I cannot change others, and am only responsible for my own actions, I must be responsible for what I did wrong.

I was prideful and selfish. I couldn’t understand. I wasn’t patient. I didn’t allow her to change. I wasn’t honest. I buried hurts that had not healed. I thought she needed to listen to me and take my advice. I was unkind and unloving in my delivery. I wanted to prove a point. I wanted to feel justified.

I am sorry.

Friendships change…

My peace in this death has been the question: What if it wasn’t meant to last? What if we weren’t meant to grow old together?

Each of us has our own journey in life. People are placed on our journey of life for seasons of time. During this time we help encourage, challenge, and shape each other. Sometimes our journeys are aligned. Sometimes they align for a long time. But our journeys change us and relationships must change as well. If they don’t, they will hold us back from where we need to go.

Each of us has our own journey in life. People are placed on our journey of life for seasons of time. During this time we help encourage, challenge, and shape each other. Click To Tweet

We were both changing and were not able to support each other as our lives took different paths. We had helped each other become who we were, but we were starting to hold each other back on who we needed to be.

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.

Proverbs 27:9, NLT

I don’t regret the loss of the friendship, but I do regret the way it ended.

Whenever I think about her, I pray for her, her health, and her family. A few times I have facebook stalked her because I need to know how she is doing, and this is somehow acceptable in our society now. But my journey has led me to walk with different friends now, with a new level of trust and honesty.

For these friends I am thankful, and I pray I will love them well.

community, friends, growth, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, ministry

Community: God’s Invitation into Spiritual and Personal Growth

Devotionals, Stay SaneJune 5, 2018June 28, 2019

Having friends, working side by side toward a common goal is the definition of community. God gives us an invitation into His community helping us grow.

We went to the park today to play. My son wanted to have someone to play with but he can be shy in new situation. He tends to mirror play until someone invites him to join in. As soon as that happens, an invitation, he opens up. Laughing, running, smiling. As a mom that simple joy makes me so happy.

Invitation…

I think that is how our Heavenly Father is with us. He want us to find friends. Those who will invite us in and make us feel part of a community. I imagine when he sees us together, laughing, talking, loving each other, He is so happy.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

John 15:12-15, NIV

My husband, Phillip and I have tried several small groups over the years. Some have been good, some boring, some felt exclusionary, and some have tried too hard. All of them I think had good intentions and truly wanted to spread God’s love. But none of them felt just right for us. Some came close but none were the kind of fit where you just felt comfortable and free to be yourself.

Finding community…

In the last year we have joined a small group that feels like family. There are a lot of us and we can be overwhelming when you first meet us. There are more kids in our small group than I have in my classroom. The first night we met everyone, Phillip and I weren’t sure what we had gotten ourselves into and were wondering how to politely get out. But very quickly we saw how much these people loved each other. They would do anything within their power to help each other out. When I need help someone is always willing.

We all come from different parts of the country, have a variety of jobs and interests, and everyone has a different story about how they came to know God. But God is our connection. He is our foundation that all our connected links start with.

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.

Proverbs 27:9, NIV

We have had various members who have been sick, hurt, or have surgery in the last year and our group texts are quickly replied to: What can I do to help? Can I bring you something? We are praying for you. When you see all the outpouring of love and genuine support you are so uplifted and encouraged.

Occasionally someone needs help with a task. Picking up a washer and dryer, yard work, help with child care. Within minutes our team has agreed to help out and you know you can depend on them.

Growth…

This small group restores my soul, fills my faith and refreshes my love. For that I am eternally grateful that God placed them in my path. Because of them and other believers in my life, I am able to be mighty and sure when an unbeliever crosses my path.

To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.

Thomas Aquinas

Not that I agree exactly with Thomas Aquinas here, but I think it shows the struggle of speaking with non believers. It can wear you out. Last year our group volunteered with the Raleigh Dream Center. We went out and delivered food, fun and fellowship to an underprivileged neighborhood. It was awesome and exhausting.

I had a little boy tell me that his mom liked when those church people brought food but wished they would keep their praying to themselves. I must admit I am easily discouraged by such things. One of our small group leaders is just the opposite. Though she didn’t know that the little boy had said this, I saw her pray with every person she came in contact with, including that little boys mom. I saw the mom give a big hug to my friend toward the end of our time, even after she had prayed with her. These seeds of God’s love being planted create a new view of faith that comes in rushing waves. I am thankful to Him for the experience.

Your invitation…

I encourage you to find people who share God’s love and purpose. Yes we should bring Him to the unchurched and those who don’t have a personal relationship, but that can drain your spirit and make you question. Faith and grace are found in the midst of a group of believers who you share your life.

For where two or more are gathered in My name, there I am also.

Matthew 18:20, NIV

Faith and grace are found in the midst of a group of believers who you share your life. Click To Tweet

Dear God,

Thank you for family. Not just the family we are born into, but Your family of believers.

love,
me

Hannah Busing

Friendship: A Practice in Sacrificial Love

Devotionals, Stay SaneDecember 3, 2017September 8, 2019

Worldly standards on friendship can hinder our ability to be a Godly friend. In our quest to become the “truest” friend, we often stretch our personal boundaries and limits to the point of breaking. The Bible offers a multitude of advice on friendship and why sacrificial love is key.

I have the worst habit of telling new, potential friends that I am a “bad” friend. I began believing this idea when I started comparing what my friendships looked like with other friendships.

Surely a good friend should be able to drop anything at a moment’s notice. Isn’t a true friend able to carry the other through any darkness with strength and perseverance? Aren’t you “supposed to” go shopping, do lunch dates, talk on the phone?

I figured, since I wasn’t able to follow through on these standards 100% of the time, it meant I was not a “good” friend.

Well, that’s a load of junk.

Friendship: The Honest Truth

In my experience, stereotypical norms discourage Godly friendships from thriving. The world standards of “girl-friends” doesn’t always align with my personality type. I am not one for getting excited about shopping dates. I sometimes cringe at the thought of play dates. Socializing leaves me feeling exhausted. Typically, I get heavy after long conversations. Not by the subject matter, but by over analyzing my words and interactions.

Most people cannot commit to answering the phone WHENEVER the call comes; work, sleep, and alone time are extremely important. Many of us can say that we will not ALWAYS make that coffee date; life happens and money is sometimes tight. We cannot ALWAYS keep it together while the other is going through a valley; pretending to have it all together is tiring, and quite frankly, insincere.

So, are these the reasons friendships go awry? Does lack of perfection cause us to feel guilt and give up?

Friendship: Where We Go Wrong

When thinking back on fizzled out friendships, I was surprised to find they were completely within my control. Instead of enriching relationships inside my own God-given strengths, I shook them off. I compared and belittled what I brought to the table.

Having a successful relationship, doesn’t usually fit into obvious standards. Feeding into the lie that we have to be like all the other friendships, is where we go wrong. God created us to be exactly who we are: unique. Thus, our friendships will be unique.

You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17, MSG

God ordains friendships knowing that each person has what the other needs. When we try to operate outside of this knowledge, we mess it all up. When we refuse to allow God’s love to fill in the empty spaces, our friendships die.

Friendship: What the Bible Says

The Bible emphasizes love as the greatest way to be a friend. When we come together IN love, TO love, we are committing our hearts to serving the Lord.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.

1 Peter 4:8-9, NIV

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Romans 12:10-12, NIV

Jesus spoke the most significant advice on friendship…

This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you.

John 15:13-14, MSG

Friendship: The Promise

Jesus’ sacrifice gives us the greatest example of how to truly be a friend. Laying down our lives doesn’t necessarily mean our hearts stop. Sacrificing our lives looks like prayer. It looks like following through, being trustworthy, showing respect. Sacrificing ourselves resembles grace in the midst of pain; love in spite of selfishness. Love looks like 1 Corinthians 13.

I have come to terms with the fact that I will always be in a state of progress. I will never, ever be a “perfect” friend because I am not Jesus. Understanding and accepting these truths, has made me realize, I’m not a “bad” friend just because I’m not a “perfect” friend. I may not commit to every coffee date, phone call, or outing. But, I can promise, from the depths of my being, that I will love fiercely.

If we can become comfortable with who we are and what we have to offer, I believe we would see less broken relationships/friendships. Striving to love in friendship, honors God more than striving to do and be all the things.

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

Pretending to have it all together is tiring, and quite frankly, insincere. Click To Tweet

Don Ross III