value

Fear, judgment, afraid, priorities, value, assurance, hope, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry, nonprofit

Healthy Fear: Identifying Values and Mirroring the Messiah’s Love

DevotionalsSeptember 15, 2019September 16, 2019

Anxiety, worry, and stress all result from an underlying pulse of unhealthy fear. No one is immune and control is an illusion. What are you tempted to fear most, and what does it say about the things you value? How can we tell between healthy fear and an unhealthy one?

Things We Love

What are some important things in your life? You can probably rattle off a few pretty quickly. My thoughts immediately go to my kids, turning in my grad papers on time, and protecting Thursday night quality time with my man.

Now, I did not say the most important thing—just the stuff that instantly springs to mind. Likely, there is nothing bad about these priorities individually. However, depending on the level of passion we display to protect them, healthy fear can be thrown out of balance before we realize it. As a result, we begin to worry.

Unhealthy Fear

It was recently brought to my attention which unhealthy fear sits at the top of my list. It is not a phenomenon. Actually, it’s quite common.

How was I enlightened? Well, among three categories (money and possessions — people and their judgments — death, pain, and punishment) I had to answer which one I am most tempted to fear. Before reading into each classification I assumed it would end up being pain. While that certainly is not appealing, the prospect of pain is surprisingly low on my list of daily anxieties.

A few weeks ago, I would have confidently said I don’t care what others think about me because I know who I am in Christ.

Turns out, I have a persnickety care meter.

Actions Speak Loudly

It is not what we say, but what we do that defines us. For instance, I say I like to go camping—which is very true—but I haven’t been in three years. I like the idea of hiking and being out in nature is extremely soothing and grounding. Yet despite my ultra-hip metal REI coffee mug, no one would classify me as an outdoorsy chick.

When I started thinking about what controls my routine thoughts, it wasn’t fear of getting into an accident or the ravages of cancer. Now, I don’t want to diminish the suffering those circumstances bring. It is simply to say they do not linger at the forefront of my worries. In relation to pain, I have a healthy fear of the Lord. Suffering is an inevitable part of life, but not a thing to live in fear of. I trust to have grace for what will come.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 4:16, ESV

What Fear Reveals

Remarkably (to me anyway), fear of people and their judgments crossed my finish line with flying colors. Oddly enough, I sense it the most with strangers.

When I’m in my car I’ll feel myself getting anxious over what another driver might be thinking when I take the right-of-way. I wonder if other motorists get frustrated with me when I fail to go as fast as they clearly want to on a two-lane road. In check-out lines, I tend to hang back so the person in front of me doesn’t feel rushed by my presence. Also, I act overly cordial, even giving apologetic smiles to other patients in waiting rooms when my number is called. But why?

I consider myself to be polite, but I will be honest. I know my overt friendliness toward people, whom I will likely never see again, is for the sake of my own comfort. My fear is betraying me. It has a spotlight on what I crave. It’s screaming what is important to me: My reputation and the respect and adoration of people.

The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.
Proverbs 29:25, ESV

Calming Fear

How do we find a healthy fear balance? We have heard to “Love God and love others.” Amen. But those are thirty thousand-foot directions. God knows we will wrestle with fear. He repeatedly says in His Word, “Do not fear,” “Do not be afraid,” “Do not be anxious.” These are not empty words to get us to be quiet or chill out. God is not annoyed by our anxieties like we may be with one another.

I’ve been guilty of saying something meant to soothe, but I delivered it with a self-serving motive. “Just turn your lamp on and go back to bed. You’ll be okay.” (Please don’t wake me up again.) “You know it’ll work out…” (I don’t want to step into your pain.)

History is proof that human beings are fickle in the help department. At best, they’re unreliable sources of protection. Yahweh, on the other hand, has always proven trustworthy.

God Speaks to Fear

When God tells us not to be afraid or anxious, He always follows up with promises, assurances, direction, and hope.

I am with you
I will strengthen you
I will uphold you
I care for you
I will give you peace
I will guard your heart
I have redeemed you
I will never leave you or forsake you
I will rescue you
I will fight for you
I provide for you
I am the First and the Last
I sustain you
I will help you
I keep you safe
I will deliver you

Take some time to meditate on these passages. [Deuteronomy 3:22, 31:6; Psalm 34:7, 55:22, 118:6-7; Proverbs 29:25; Isaiah 35:4, 41:10, 13-14, 43:1; Luke 12:22-26; Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Peter 5:6-7; Revelation 1:17-18]

When God tells us not to be afraid or anxious, He always follows up with promises, assurances, direction, and hope. Click To Tweet

The Way Ahead

There is only one path forward to effectively vanquish unhealthy fear. First, we seek to know the character and power of Jehovah. Then we practice living the way Jesus modeled for us. His love enables us.

We love because He first love us.
1 John 4:19, ESV

My fears say I want and expect to be loved by everyone, including people who don’t know me. Jesus was not loved by everyone, even the people who had heard about His stellar reputation. Many were more suspicious of His healing power than accepting of it. His hometown even rejected Him. As His follower, why do I assume I will be treated better than the Son of God?

Healthy Fear

Let us ask the Father of mercies to do a work through His Spirit to create the kind of love in us that mirrors His own. This is not easily won, and we can turn methods of “loving others” into ploys to extract more love for ourselves—I’ve done it—so be alert!

If you struggle with fear of man, practice loving others more than you love yourself. That doesn’t mean befriending everyone, but the things they think—perceived or known—will not hold the same weight they once did. This way won’t be free of heartache, of course. Being dismissed is painful. But it will no longer have the ability to derail your allegiance to Jesus Christ.

And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear Him who can destroy both body and soul in hell.
Matthew 10:28, ESV

If we have a healthy fear of Almighty God, the One who loves us and sent His Son to die for us, what is there to fear more? Our hope and our safety have already been secured in Jesus.

If we have a healthy fear of Almighty God, the One who loves us and sent His Son to die for us, what is there to fear more? Our hope and our safety have already been secured in Jesus. Click To Tweet

Staffan Kjellvestad

wealth, value, salvation, love, grace, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Rich: Living As New Creations in Christ and Heirs to His Kingdom

DevotionalsJuly 17, 2019July 11, 2019

We are new. We are in Christ. This means we are heirs to the Kingdom. Rich beyond measure. How then can we continue to dwell on the empty wealth of this world?

Joy or Cash?

Money. Yikes. Man’s best friend and the root of all evil. As someone who loves stuff, I find money to be quite convenient to have. Besides, in a world where everything costs an arm and a leg, why not rack up on cash? As I begin to learn the ways of the world (and money), I’ve definitely fallen to the stigma of “more is better” and most of the time don’t even realize it.

Why is it that we’ve been given everything we need, even a lot of what we need, yet we’re constantly looking for more stuff and more things? At the root of it, at least for me, personally, it’s that I am discontent with what the Lord has given me. I think I know what’s best, therefore, I strive for it; all my energy wasted.

Daughters of the King

When you think about it, we’re all richer than we could imagine. Heirs to the biggest kingdom there ever was and ever will be. We need not ask for anything because we have already received eternal wealth.

But let me ask you this, as daughters of the one true King, what has God given us and what makes it so much better than anything earth could offer us? My darling we can’t even imagine…

And God will open wide the gates of heaven for you to enter into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
2 Peter 1:11, TLB

Rich in Christ

In heaven, we receive love. Not circumstantial love that can only live off of what we do for it, but true, unconditional love greater than we could imagine.

In heaven, we receive peace. Not the peace we find when we lay in our bed after a long day, not a peace we have to work for. But a peace for the soul. No more restlessness, no more tossing and turning. I honestly can’t imagine that peace, but I am sure as heck willing to give everything I have to be with the One who gives it.

How do I do that though? How are we supposed to be poor in spirit so that we can be rich in Christ? And how do we non-reluctantly give up every single thing we have and know and pursue Christ? What does that even look like?

Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him?
James 2:5, ESV

New

Many of us have heard 2nd Corinthians 5:17. We are told that in Christ, we are new creations. While reading over this, I thought in the context of my questions… new creation can be taken literally. New. Not what we were. Not what I was. This means there must be a change. A change so vast that the word new can be applied to us.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
2 Corinthians 5:17, ESV

When I look at my life since I’ve given it to Christ I honestly don’t look a whole lot different. I still find myself caught up in a lot of what I used to do. For me, I believe living for Christ will start by no longer living for myself. I can’t continue living the way I was. I am new in Him; rich in Him. I know this, but what am I doing to change it?

My encouragement to you is to find what you’ve been holding on to, or what it is you refuse to change. God I pray, please help me rid me of myself. Help me live for you and not the world.

Our wealth lies in God's overwhelming generosity. Through Him, we gain immeasurable grace and love. Above all, we gain the precious gift of salvation. Click To Tweet

Vanesa Papučíková

"but God..." Story, approval, value, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Approval: Looking to God for Our Acceptance and Worth

Devotionals, Stay SaneOctober 11, 2018January 13, 2019

So often, we find our identity and approval in the things we do. We even believe this to a point of completely depleting our energy. However, our true acceptance comes from God. We can find rest in Him.

I had just wrapped up a conference for local ministry teams in our area, was managing a small staff team to oversee the kids ministry in our large and growing church, and in a season of solo parenting while my husband was working out of town. I was nailing it. “We couldn’t have done it without you,” was both the mantra and drug of choice in my life…

Blindsided

I didn’t see it coming.

I probably should have, but in what felt like the blink of an eye I went from a high-capacity leadership position to curled up in the fetal position, barely able to leave my bed to get to the bathroom.

What had happened?

In a blazing flash of light, I had sparked and burned out.

Naturally, I assumed a week of vacation would solve it.

It got worse.

I took a leave of absence and saw a counselor. Surely a couple of weeks would be the cure…

It wasn’t.

I was sent to so many doctors and specialists, looking for a way to “fix” me. But none made a difference.

I became broken and devastated.

Desperation

For months, I did my utmost to drag myself out of bed, to the office, to the dinner table – trying to will myself to get back up again. I cried out to God in desperation, begging for his strength and provision.

Then, an uncomfortable truth crept in: they were managing without me. I felt disposable.

My self-worth plummeted as I sank into the reality that not only did I have nothing left to give, but the energy I had spent to the point of exhaustion wasn’t even what God had asked of me.

How had I arrived at this point, believing my worth was based on what I did for others?

Why was this not only a health crisis… but also an identity crisis?

Where had I gone wrong?

Earning Approval

If I’m honest, this idea – this view that who I am is based on what I do – wasn’t new. From the time I was young, I believed I needed to earn love and approval…

Teachers praised positive role models.

Parents approved of good grades.

Church groups applaud volunteerism.

I could earn approval and love through hard work and being good.

Our “Best” For Approval

Honestly, in most seasons of life, this mentality worked for me. I’m an energetic person. I love being involved. I’m a natural leader who can’t help myself from jumping in when a project needs rescuing. Much of my life I’ve felt fully alive bringing my best to the table.

But not always…

There have been times when I’ve asked for help, just to find rejection. Times I’ve struggled in ill-fitting roles and asked for wiggle room, just to find patronization. Times I’ve vocalized my concerns, just to find condescension.

I’d learned to move on – to be the solution, but never the problem. To push past pain, smooth over rough edges and paste a bright smile on my face, determined never again to feel the pain of being dismissed. Until that pain burst out of the edges and took over.

Crying Out

In that season, I begged God for strength…

He said, “rest”. (Matthew 11:28)

I pleaded with Him for healing…

He said, “be still”. (Psalm 46:10)

I wrestled with Him. Asking for a way to be meaningful, productive…

He said, “not yet”. (Psalm 37:7)

And in my complete helplessness, God drew near.

He pointed out women who had my complete respect, and whose productive years were far behind them. I respected them for their courage and their character, not their accomplishments. He said I could be the same.

He pointed out my insane pace of life that didn’t allow me to hear His voice and invited me to new rhythms where I could live out His truth:

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:30, NIV

God clarified my calling – and for a season it was simply REST. Then He added, “LOVE your family”. Now, He’s adding TESTIFY. He bade me “let go of feeling responsible for everyone else”. He’ll carry the world on His shoulders – I can let go.

I’d love to tell you I have found complete healing from ever again finding my worth in my accomplishments. Unfortunately, I’m not sure that’s true. In fact, I suspect I’ll always need reminders of this truth. But I do know, as I walk this journey of healing, I’m finding a newfound freedom and joy in living as His daughter instead of just His servant (2 Corinthians 6:8). His masterpiece instead of just His tool (Ephesians 2:10).

True Identity

So don’t worry! You are more valuable to him than many sparrows.

Matthew 10:31, TLB

I’d like to think I’m the only one with faulty vision. I’d love to believe women everywhere are getting this right, and I’m alone in my brokenness. But, the more I look around me, the more I see the lies this world gives us are too easy to believe. So, here’s the truth Sisters…

Our home in its perfection and imperfection is not a true reflection of our worth.

Income does not dictate our level of success.

We are not alone (Deuteronomy 31:6).

We are His beloved daughters (1 John 3:1).

Our children are not our net worth.

We are loved (Zephaniah 3:17).

We are valued (Matthew 10:31).

Our ministry is unrelated to our favor with God.

We are invited to rest (Exodus 33:14).

We are created in His image (Genesis 1:27).

Be blessed by these truths.

Kirsten Sandland Kroeker is a Jesus-lover in pursuit of the abundant life Christ offers and finding God’s rest in the midst of burnout. She loves the Canadian wilderness, Chai tea lattes, board games, and a great novel.

You can read more from Kirsten at kirstenkroeker.com You can also connect with Kristen on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and via email: kirsten.sandland.kroeker@gmail.com

value, Oh Lord Help Us, mentoring, women

Value: Giving Worth to Ourselves, Others, and God

Devotionals, Stay SaneSeptember 17, 2018January 13, 2019

As women, we are prone to diminish our worth. When we rely on God, He changes our thoughts and actions to express value in ourselves, others, and Him.

My early twenties have been nothing that I thought they would be. While there are accomplishments in my life I am immensely proud of (buying my first house, getting my first ministry job), most of my twenties have consisted of crazy things that I never would have expected to happen. They have also consisted of constantly de-valuing myself.

Twenty-four

I turned twenty-four this past week, officially entering my “mid-twenties”. There are so many things the Lord has taught me over the past four years, but I know that I have only scratched the surface. Also, I know that in the next four, He will teach me so much more.

I have been feeling like a light-bulb went on in my head. I seemed to wake up from a long sleep and realize I need to get my life together. They say when you turn twenty-five your brain is fully developed and it becomes increasingly difficult to change. That gives me one year. One year to change the things about myself that are holding me back. To learn how to value myself, advocate for myself, and take care of myself.

The Lord is teaching and challenging me more every day. And every day I feel like I am one step closer to who He has created me to be. Don’t get me wrong I have A LOT of growing to do and I will never be perfect, but I am excited to live in the truth of God’s grace and to live my life according to His purpose.

“Value” is the focus word that I have chosen to give myself for my twenty-fourth year. I want to value myself, value others, and most importantly value God. I know that the Lord has major plans for my next year of life and I am ready to value all the things he has for me.

Value Ourselves

How can we value ourselves? That is the golden question, isn’t it? We know that we should and that God wants us to, but what does that look like? It means that we respect ourselves, we take care of ourselves. That starts with replacing the de-valuing lies with God’s truth. It means taking care of our bodies; physically, emotionally, and spiritually. When we focus on that, we truly begin to know what it means to value ourselves.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own.

1 Corinthians 6:19

Treasure Others

When we learn to value ourselves the next step is valuing others. This is a crucial part of what God has called us to and a life-giving thing to do. This can take form in many ways. From sending an encouraging text to a friend, to donating time to a non-profit organization. Treasuring others is important and can be life-changing.

Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.

Romans 15:7

Cherish God

The most important part of value is valuing God. We must love God before we can value anything else. We must cherish His blessings, His presence in our lives, and His unwavering, unconditional love.

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.

Matthew 22:37

God loves and values us, and in return we need to value Him, others, and ourselves. When we live up to this idea of value and act it out in our lives we have richer, more joyful, and more peaceful lives.

We must love God before we can value anything else. We must cherish His blessings, His presence in our lives, and His unwavering, unconditional love. Click To Tweet

All scripture is from the ESV Bible.

valued, worth, identity, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian Mentoring, Women of Faith, Spiritual Growth

Valued: Living Confidently Because We Know Our Worth

Devotionals, Stay SaneJuly 25, 2018September 8, 2019

When we put our identity in relationships, we can question if we are valued. People are going to let us down. This post discusses where we find our worth.

It started simply enough. My friend shared some good news. Only she didn’t share it with me first. I heard about it from another friend… A friend had a physical need and I was there front and center. When I was facing my own storm, I did not hear from her for weeks and then she never mentioned what we both knew I was going through… A good friend canceled plans and didn’t try to reschedule.

Each time, I tried to convince myself that my friends’ actions were unintentional and that my friends were really not trying to hurt me. But I was hurt, and ignoring the way I was feeling was actually making it worse. I started distancing myself from these friends. What was going on?

My identity…

A lot actually. The biggest issue was in the area of identity. God used these situations to show me the depths of my heart. When the relationships in my life were going well, I had a tendency to think well of myself. But when I began to feel unnoticed or worse unwanted I began to see what my heart was really clinging to.

Who am I when no one notices me? Do I matter if my friends don’t care or show up? I had to admit that for me the answer was a hearty no. I was feeding off the attention of others.

Who am I when no one notices me? Do I matter if my friends don’t care or show up? I had to admit that for me the answer was a hearty no. I was feeding off the attention of others. Click To Tweet

My jealousy…

This wasn’t a new problem for me. I can remember in 2^nd grade being friends with Kellie and Kathy. We were the 3 Ks. I can still remember the day I found out that Kathy had been invited to Kellie’s house to spend the night and I had not been included. I was devastated. How could they leave me out? I knew I could not let them know how much it mattered to me. But, man it mattered. This led to making assumptions about how they felt about me. I never asked them then how they felt… I just made it up… Therefore, I must not matter.

This kind of thinking followed me through high school, college, and even marriage and parenting. My heart had begun to rely on the subtle lie that my worth was based on how others perceived me and treated me. If I was wanted, valued or important, I was noticed, pursued even. That was a recipe for disaster. One that helped me see what I had been missing even as a believer. It’s a simple but profound truth.

My pursuer…

He pursued me.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8, NIV

People were never intended to define me or to give me worth. That was God’s job. In my desire to be pursued, I had missed the biggest pursuer of all- Christ. I still have to work on this mindset. My heart still yearns to be noticed and validated, but I must allow God to validate me. That takes a lot of practice and a lot of “taking thoughts captive.”

My help…

I’ve seen a few things help:

I have had to admit that I have an addiction to relational idolatry. I depend on the relationships in my life to give me significance. This is so hard to fight. I have to confess and ask for forgiveness where my relationships are sin and where they have taken places in my heart that really belong only to God.

Because I am prone to think I only matter if I am pursued or valued by others, I have to speak the gospel over myself again and again. The gospel tells me that Jesus pursued me when I was hostile to him. My worth is based on His actions not mine.

I have to be quick to admit my wrong and ask forgiveness from those I have offended and I have to pray about situations in which I have been offended. This may lead to me going to that person or it may mean I can lay this hurt down with Jesus.

We can rest in the worth that Christ has given us. Our worth does not have to rely on the hope from friends, or anyone else in life.

I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker or heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1, NIV

Jon Del Rivero

worth, significance, confidence, strength, Oh Lord Help Us, ministry, Christian, women, encouragement

Worth: Strength and Confidence from Knowing Our Significance

Devotionals, Stay SaneApril 24, 2018September 8, 2019

Our worth does not come from the affirmation of those around us. Once we know our significance, we have the freedom to live confidently, with strength.

I used to ask my husband to say ‘I love you’ more and tell me I looked pretty or beautiful. We’ve had several conversations, some highly emotional on my part, about my need to hear those phrases. Now, I know my husband loves me. I know he sees me as beautiful. But the desire to hear those things were deeply rooted in my soul. It took nearly two decades for me to stop needing that.

Learning to love myself as God’s remarkable and wonderfully made child has been a long journey. I grew up in a loving, secure home where I never once doubted my father’s love for me (or my mom’s). Then when I married my husband, I started down this unfamiliar path of feeling I needed his approval to affirm my worth.

When I would ask him to affirm me, it seemed silly to him. He would say things like, “I chose you to be my wife.” He believed saying that would make me feel honored; because his standards were so high. At that time in our lives, he thought he was a really. big. deal. He confesses now that that was about his ego; not about me. We were both seeking to fight for one another. The disconnect was, we were only fighting for our own perceived happiness. We failed to look out for the interests of each other. Not a good recipe for success.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:3-4, ESV

Today, my husband and I are much more attentive to each other’s needs when it comes to showing support. I make myself available when he wants to call and chat during his ride home from work. He sits in the kitchen on a hard stool instead of the comfy living room couch while I make dinner because he knows I like having him near. I set up the coffee pot the night before so all he has to do is push the button when he gets up at 5am. He’s nicknamed me ‘Little Bear’ and it makes me blush. Every time. I can’t even explain it! We laugh a lot!

Significance

The beauty is, the pressure if off. Understanding my significance as God’s child frees me up to be a stronger wife, friend, mom and coworker. I am able to recognize when I am acting out of a wrong view of who God says I am. In that moment I can smash the lies of be more, you’re not enough, you should’ve known that, and destroy the arguments that counter the knowledge of God.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14, ESV

So why don’t I crave those affirmations anymore? God has taught me and my husband where our worth lies. We came up empty when we used accomplishments as a gauge. Our finite understanding of excellence doesn’t hold a candle to God’s! But as we are learning to know God’s character more through His word, we are resting in who He says we are. Daughter. Son. Adopted. Worthy, by the blood of the Lamb. God, who called us by name, who created us in a marvelous way, loves us to the point of death on a cross. Understanding this radical love dispelled my hunger for constant affirmation. Because my worth is sealed in Jesus Christ.

Understanding this radical love dispelled my hunger for constant affirmation. Because my worth is sealed in Jesus Christ. Click To Tweet

Annie Spratt