freedom

Comparison: Finding Validation in Christ and Not Others

DevotionalsMarch 11, 2019March 13, 2019

Comparison is something that we all battle. It is crucial that we focus on what God has given us so we can break loose from the bondage comparison brings.

“Why did they get that and I didn’t?” “What do they have what I don’t?” “Must be nice.” “I wish I looked like that.” How many times a day do we allow ourselves to think and even speak these things?

Comparison has reared it’s ugly head many times in my life. It is a constant battle to not compare myself to those around me. I often find myself focusing on what others have that I don’t, instead of focusing on the blessings in my life.

Comparing Accomplishments

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct.

Galatians 6:4-5, NLT

I am one that tends to focus on what those around me are doing. I focus on the things they are accomplishing and wonder why I am not able to do what they are doing… then I wallow.

We are called to focus on our own work. We need to pay attention to what we are doing and make sure we are doing our work admirably and with good conduct. This results in a job well done. When we turn our attention to what we are doing it allows us to grow and will help us overcome the trend of comparison in our lives.

Comparing Possessions

Then Jesus said to them, ‘Watch out! Guard yourself against all kinds of greed. After all, one’s life isn’t determined by one’s possessions, even when someone is very wealthy.’

Luke 12:15, CEB

One of the biggest ways comparison takes root is when we look at what others have. I constantly have the thought that “it must be nice” when I look at what those around me have. We can be so quick to focus on what we are lacking that we forget about the many blessings we have. Our life is not determined by our possessions but by our actions.

For we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world.

1 Timothy 6:7, ESV

No possession we have on this world will be taken out. It is futile to be jealous of what others have. At the end of the day, Jesus has to be enough for us. Therefore, it has nothing to do with how much money we have or how nice our car is. It is all about how we live out our faith.

Comparing Stages of Life

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:18, ESV

It seems like no matter where we are in life, we are always ready for the next stage. Because of this, we compare ourselves to others in the stage of life we desire. When we are single we want to be in a relationship. When we are in a relationship we want to be married. And when we are married we want kids… so on and so on. We are in a constant state of discontent…

This goes against what the Lord wants for us. He tells us to give thanks in all circumstances because this is God’s will. Our stage of life in God’s will. This is the point He has taken us. Each person is where God wants them to be, so instead of comparing where we are in life with everyone else, we should celebrate with one another; Content and thankful for where we are.

Comparing Looks

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous — how well I know it.

Psalm 139:14, NLT

At least ten times a day I am bombarded with thoughts of how my looks don’t measure up with those around me. There are so many voices out there telling us how we are supposed to look. And advertisements trying to sell us on how to look better. We are constantly comparing our looks with those around us.

When we do this we are telling God he made a mistake and that he should have done a better job creating us. We are wonderfully made. God’s workmanship is marvelous! God beautifully, uniquely, and perfectly created us.

We all look different from one another but that doesn’t mean we should compare ourselves with one another. While it is true that we need to take care of God’s creation, that does not come through comparison it comes through paying attention to and being grateful for the body God has given us.

Ending the Comparison

Comparison is something we will constantly have to battle in our lives. Recognizing when it happens, allows God’s truth to replace the lies. The lies telling us we aren’t good enough. God has blessed us abundantly and individually. Comparison is a disservice to ourselves, our neighbors, and most importantly, our God.

God has blessed us abundantly and individually. Comparison is a disservice to ourselves, our neighbors, and most importantly, our God. Click To Tweet

Tom Morel

freedom, grace, past, resentment, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Past: Leaving Resentment and Pain Behind Us to Live Freely

Devotionals, Stay SaneDecember 16, 2018January 13, 2019

The holiday season can quickly bring up old wounds and resentments within us that cause pain or anger. Leaving the past behind enables us to love freely.

Most of us have spent the first of America’s two major holidays of the year with members of our extended family. For various reasons, many of these family members are so out of our daily orbit that we only see them once or twice a year.

This could be a happy thing or an annoying thing. It depends on whether we’re talking about the favorite cousin with whom you had a blast when you were young, (yay!), or the rude uncle who always teased you until you cried and then laughed at you, (boo!). I imagine few of us have only Hallmark memories of the holiday season, but for those of you who do, I salute you. This piece may not be for you.

Expectations

Any therapist will tell you that depression and anxiety are higher around the holiday season. Sometimes it’s due to this being the first major holiday without a loved one (or the 10th), but very often it is due to family relationships and expectations, whether our own or what we perceive others have placed upon us.

Family systems therapists will tell us that unless we have differentiated from our family of origin, we can’t go home without being pulled back into the role we played within our family. I know; it stinks. But if you haven’t recognized it, you will.

The same, old resentments seem to resurface when the family gathers for any length of time – often for reasons that aren’t immediately clear. Siblings begin behaving in familiar, juvenile ways they would never exhibit with anyone outside of the family circle. Underlying tension can be felt by all. Anxiety hums beneath the piety. Maybe some false good cheer.

Triggers

The felt tension or anxiety may trigger excess drinking for some families. It could also cause mom to amp up the superficial happiness as she attempts to please everyone and keep the peace. These coping mechanisms numb the pain and eliminate the need to address any uncomfortable topics. Family members with less patience or tolerance, (or perhaps more emotional health,) start to exit, sometimes angrily, sometimes in tears, always with relief…

Another happy holiday is behind us!

Haven’t we all laughed – or cried – at the numerous holiday movies that portray these very scenarios?

Resentment

Psychologically, there is so much more that can be said concerning this topic. I spent 20 years living the above. Then, I thought if I studied it and understood it rationally, I could master the resentment and bitterness that had welled up within me. Despite my Bible knowledge, despite my growing academic knowledge, every year, every holiday I was gobsmacked yet again by the very same family dynamics that had entrapped me the year before!

Finally, after a professor recommended it, I sought therapy. Accompanied by prayer and spiritual retreats, and by God’s grace and mercy, God revealed to me how I had held on to all the pain – every. single. year. of pain. Doing so had not only deeply burdened me, but had laden me down with unforgiveness toward my family. I was so busy storing up the injustices, the barbs and ongoing criticisms, the substance abuse, that I was incapable of loving them with the love of Christ.

Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old.

Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:18-19, NKJV

Free

The Spirit of God released me from my heavy load of pain and unforgiveness, instructing me to not dwell on the past. Believe me when I say that it wasn’t a once-for-all occurrence for me. It happens that way for some but was a slow sanctification process for me. However, the God who could make rivers in a desert, could and did deliver me from my sin and my past that had strangled me.

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.

Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,

I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14, NKJV

Sisters lay it down. Aren’t you tired?

Whatever it is that you have been dragging around behind you, that deep sorrow in your soul for so many years; put it in Jesus’ hands. It’s wearisome to continue to carry it around. God’s Spirit may instruct you to take additional steps; I don’t know. But I do know that clinging tenaciously to past wrongs is death to us. By His grace and power, choose to leave it in the past and press on toward the prize, the upward call of God in Christ.

You are so worth it…because you are His.

Whatever it is that you have been dragging around behind you, that deep sorrow in your soul for so many years; put it in Jesus' hands. Click To Tweet

Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, faith, brokenness, healing, darkness, light, prayer, scripture

Darkness: Stepping Out of the Shadows and Into the Light of Jesus

Devotionals, Stay SaneJuly 18, 2018June 28, 2019

God invites us to step out of the darkness of our brokenness, and into the light of Jesus. That is where we find freedom, this is where we find healing.

Prayer is the believer’s greatest weapon. It is the first line of defense. I was named after the prophetess who recognized Jesus as the Messiah. In the last several months, more people than I even know by name have been praying for my life. I am amped to share with you my first-hand account of God calling me out of darkness and into the light. I now trust my Messiah.

Once I was told a Christian must have a specific transforming moment in their life to claim salvation. It was the evidence of the changed life he or she claimed to have. I had been baptized and I went to church every Sunday. Surely I was good to go, right? But I couldn’t recall an exact moment. I began to question my faith and everything else I believed in.

Dispelling inaccuracies…

Whoever told me I had to have a pinpointed moment of conversion was off the mark. Relationships don’t form in a single moment; they take years. These multiple moments define our faith; they are crucial to it. What is a relationship without doubt? Doubt proven wrong turns into trust. And what is a relationship without hardship? Hardships provide opportunities to share the load when you can’t stand on your own two feet.

You cannot have a relationship with someone and not interact with them. How do you expect to grow close to someone if you’re not willing to grow with them? In other words, how can you expect to grow close to your God if you’re not willing to speak to Him? You simply cannot.

What is a relationship without doubt? Doubt proven wrong turns into trust. And what is a relationship without hardship? Hardships provide opportunities to share the load when you can’t stand on your own two feet. Click To Tweet

A little history…

I have been battling progressively crippling anxiety over the last decade. Most recently, I would not be physically or mentally able to get through more than a few hours without breaking down. Anxiety/panic attacks became daily, sometimes hourly companions. At times, the assault lasted no longer than a few minutes, but others dragged on two to three hours. In an effort to stop an oncoming episode, I would scratch and scrape my arms and legs with my fingernails.

Sinking into darkness…

Amidst the chaos of my worsening state, my family and I had moved nine hours away from everything I’d ever known. The odds were not in my favor. Depression inevitably entered the scene. Within this dark cloud of hopelessness and despair, I began harming myself with whatever I could find in hopes to ease some of the torment in my mind.

After telling my parents shortly after the self harming began, they put me in counseling. That wasn’t cutting it (no pun intended) so we added medical professionals to the mix. That worked for a while, but at my core I felt worthless and hopeless. In May, I relapsed and landed in the ER. It was a wake-up call for me. Miraculously, with the support of several kind and loving brothers and sisters within and outside my church, I was finally able to begin my journey to recovery.

Goosebumps encounters…

I am 16 years old and last month I watched my first horror movie. Any fears I had about watching the film were canceled out in contrast to the horror I faced in my own life…or so I thought. I watched the movie on Thursday night without any trouble. But when it came time for bed on Friday, my last night in the house we’d been living in for two and a half years, I began to feel afraid. Pictures from the movie danced around in my brain.

I felt unsafe, like something dark was lurking in the shadows of my nearly empty room. I was scared of the dark, or rather, what I thought was concealed by it. My mind began to race faster and faster. Thoughts flooded in carrying heartbreaking things that had happened in my life. I was spiraling. Here I go again, I thought; causing my own destruction.

Glimmers of hope…

Then, like a flicker of light in the self-made darkness, a memory found its way into the turmoil. I recalled something I’d heard my Mom say once. “Say Jesus’ name over and over and over again. The devil hates it. He can’t stand it.” So I began whispering His name. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. As the fear continued so did my prayer. Then a song came to mind. The enemy, HE HAS TO LEAVE, at the sound of Your great name.

As I repeated the name of Jesus, begging for relief from all the pain, all the fear…I felt something. Not knowing what this hiccup in my spirit was, I pressed in and began talking to God. And for the first time ever I felt Him. I could feel His presence. And the small glimmer of Christ, of Love, was enough to bring me to tears.

Accepting Love…

I tried as hard as I could to continue praying through the sobs. I was astounded. After all I’d done, and all I ever would do, the Lord still said, “That one’s Mine.” Christ bled, suffered, and died, knowing so many would turn away, so many would curse His name. He still took the weight so some of us could come home.

Christ redeemed us from that self-defeating, cursed life by absorbing it completely into himself. Do you remember the Scripture that says, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”? That is what happened when Jesus was nailed to the cross: He became a curse, and at the same time dissolved the curse. And now, because of that, the air is cleared and we can see that Abraham’s blessing is present and available for non-Jews, too. We are all able to receive God’s life, his Spirit, in and with us by believing—just the way Abraham received it.

Galatians 3:13-14, MSG

Sometimes, I find myself—actually, most of the time—missing the fact that Jesus took the weight of ALL our sin. The moment Jesus walked out of the tomb every sin committed, past, present and future, was washed away. Just a small taste of my sin would daily land me sobbing on the floor. My sin alone was so overwhelming I considered taking my own life. But He loved us—HE LOVES US—He loves you, me, your coworkers, your classmates. Because we are His, He took every drop of death. He conquered it.

Stepping into the Light…

That Friday night I finally understood how much I really didn’t understand a thing. For so long I’ve been angry at God for taking so much and putting me through so much. But I understand now, it was so I would have nothing but Him. It’s like a tattoo; it hurts in the moment, but it lasts forever. All the pain was worth it. Humans attempt to promise a forever, but the forever Christ promises us goes beyond all our knowledge of time.

Dear friends, don’t overlook this one fact: With the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day.

2 Peter 3:18, CSB

We forget how much power our God really has. If He wanted the earth to vanish beneath us, vanish it would! If He wanted it to rain cats and dogs, THAT’S WHAT IT WOULD DO! We forget to remind ourselves how truly awesome He is. So entangled by our own flesh, we completely forget who gave us this flesh. We have nothing to show; nothing. We are broken… we are ugly… we are sinners. But because God loved us, He made a way for us to step out of the darkness and come home. That makes us beautiful. It makes us whole.

Annie Spratt

Oh Lord Help Us, identity, layers, faith, Christian, women, ministry

Badges: Removing Our Old Identity to Become Who We Truly Are

Devotionals, Stay SaneJuly 16, 2018September 8, 2019

To step into our true identity in Jesus Christ, we have to surrender our worldly badges of identity. We must stay hidden in Christ.

Picture this: you’re at a low-key social gathering where you’ve met someone new. You have a conversation lasting about 15 to 20 minutes. Parting company, you say, “Nice to meet you.” But you leave feeling as if you didn’t really get to know her, nor she you. So often, even in the midst of a conversation, I can tell that there is a much deeper level that could be reached with the person with whom I’m talking. But all too often, we never delve into those deep places. Perhaps many of us find it easier, safer somehow to stay on the surface of life because the deeper layers feel more difficult to broach. But just below the surface lies who we really are…our true identity.

The world encourages us to stay at the surface level and find our identity in something, anything other than Christ. The world defines us by the work we do, the food we eat, the clothes we wear, the things we own, and the accomplishments we achieve. These are merely the physical, material things that can be observed with the naked eye. But, as with most things, when it comes to identity, there is more than meets the eye. As believers, our identity isn’t in the flesh, but in the unseen realm where we are firmly rooted in Jesus Christ.

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

Galatians 2:20, KJV

The badges…

Until we step into our true identity, we will let the world and our own wounds define who we should be. Click To Tweet

Before I became a believer, and to be honest, even since I’ve been saved, I have found my identity in things other than Christ. Throughout my childhood, my identity was that of a social outcast, a weirdo, a poor victim, and an ambitious overachiever. I wore each of these titles like an invisible badge that informed who I was. Growing up in a highly isolated social environment, I had trouble identifying with the people who lived near my family. I could tell I was not like everyone else because my life looked so entirely different than theirs.

I would be out weeding in the garden or carrying a yolk across my shoulders with heavy buckets full of fresh cows milk from the barn. Meanwhile, I’d watch as the neighbor girls rode their shiny bikes and played on their colorful swing sets. They seemed so carefree, and their lives looked so fun and easy. Even though I was young, the stark contrasts were very apparent to me. My life felt completely foreign from their lives. So, while those “normal” little girls were earning their Brownie and Girl Scout badges, I was donning my own badges: “Weirdo” and “Outcast.”

Painful badges…

When I transitioned from home school to public school, I wore a combination of homemade clothes and secondhand castaways. That was when I began to understand that the shameful “Poor Girl” badge had been added to my wardrobe. After my dad died from a massive heart attack, I bounced around from home to home with many different custodial guardians in their “normal” suburban homes. It was then that I received two of my most painful badges: “Orphan” and “Victim.” While my classmates seemed to coast through school, I was working tirelessly to make straight A’s and assert myself as a leader in just about every extracurricular activity under the sun. So, when I graduated 4th in my high school class, along with the tassels on my cap and cords on my gown, I proudly accepted my invisible “Ambitious Overachiever” badge.

Surrendering the badges…

Sadly, all of the identity badges that I had amassed over the years seemed to serve me well in the world. They helped me win a ton of college scholarships to fund my undergraduate studies. They molded me into the model student who had met with and overcome a great deal of adversity, beating the odds and becoming a high achiever. And the pattern continued through college and graduate school. I graduated Phi Beta Kappa in college. Received Distinction and Honors in my Masters degree program.

It was as if the more badges I got, and the more achievements I made, the heavier the false identities felt. Outwardly, things were going along just fine and dandy…until the bottom dropped out. In my mid twenties, I finally hit an impasse in the form of a gigantic wall of anxiety and depression. All of the worldly identities I had constructed in my own strength–the badges that had ushered me through all those traumas and obstacles–began to rub, and prick, and tear, and hide who the Lord was really calling me to be. So, as I surrendered my life to Christ, I surrendered my badges.

Discovering my true identity…

And in doing so, I discovered my true identity. Christ. In me! And He didn’t see me as a weirdo, an outcast, or a poor victim. He invited me into His flock, and showed me that I belonged there as one of His chosen ones. Rather than seeing me as an overachiever who had to strive for perfection to survive, He accepted me with unconditional love and called me an overcomer with a testimony. I was no longer an orphan because He adopted me and called me His beloved daughter. And remarkably, none of His love and acceptance hinged on what I could do, but on who He was.

For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.

Galatians 3:27-28, KJV

Losing my life to find His….

When I “put on Christ,” there was no place for my old badges. My name was now written in the Lamb’s book of life (Revelation 21:27), so I had to let go of all those old names, those worn out, false identities that had defined me for so long. I had a new identity and was made new in Him. Friends, as difficult as it can feel, we have to lay down our badges. If we want to truly walk in our new nature, in the freedom that Christ offers all those who believe, we must surrender our old selves, relinquish our old ways. We have to let go of our notions of who we think we are in this world. And we must cling to our identity in Christ as if our very lives depended on it.

For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

Matthew 16:25, KJV

Do not be entangled again…

As we take this walk of faith, inevitably we encounter difficult circumstances. And as challenges present themselves, the devil is right there inviting us to take up our old badges. To cope, rather than to overcome. To hide in fear, rather than to trust in the Lord to deliver us. But those old ways of operating won’t work in the kingdom of God. Those old badges only opened doors that are closed to us now. Wearing them, we can’t reach the new places of blessing where the Lord is leading us.

We mustn’t forget that we have relinquished our old nature. We have put on a new identity badge that reads: “Jesus Christ.” In so doing, we have accepted a new way, which is to walk, talk, act and think like Jesus. Let’s not return to our old identities. Let’s learn to walk in faith, hidden in Christ, and loved beyond measure.

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

Galatians 5:1, KJV

What have your old badges read? Which ones do you still need to let go of to walk with the Lord? How have you relied on your new identity badge?

Manolo Chrétien

worth, significance, confidence, strength, Oh Lord Help Us, ministry, Christian, women, encouragement

Worth: Strength and Confidence from Knowing Our Significance

Devotionals, Stay SaneApril 24, 2018September 8, 2019

Our worth does not come from the affirmation of those around us. Once we know our significance, we have the freedom to live confidently, with strength.

I used to ask my husband to say ‘I love you’ more and tell me I looked pretty or beautiful. We’ve had several conversations, some highly emotional on my part, about my need to hear those phrases. Now, I know my husband loves me. I know he sees me as beautiful. But the desire to hear those things were deeply rooted in my soul. It took nearly two decades for me to stop needing that.

Learning to love myself as God’s remarkable and wonderfully made child has been a long journey. I grew up in a loving, secure home where I never once doubted my father’s love for me (or my mom’s). Then when I married my husband, I started down this unfamiliar path of feeling I needed his approval to affirm my worth.

When I would ask him to affirm me, it seemed silly to him. He would say things like, “I chose you to be my wife.” He believed saying that would make me feel honored; because his standards were so high. At that time in our lives, he thought he was a really. big. deal. He confesses now that that was about his ego; not about me. We were both seeking to fight for one another. The disconnect was, we were only fighting for our own perceived happiness. We failed to look out for the interests of each other. Not a good recipe for success.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:3-4, ESV

Today, my husband and I are much more attentive to each other’s needs when it comes to showing support. I make myself available when he wants to call and chat during his ride home from work. He sits in the kitchen on a hard stool instead of the comfy living room couch while I make dinner because he knows I like having him near. I set up the coffee pot the night before so all he has to do is push the button when he gets up at 5am. He’s nicknamed me ‘Little Bear’ and it makes me blush. Every time. I can’t even explain it! We laugh a lot!

Significance

The beauty is, the pressure if off. Understanding my significance as God’s child frees me up to be a stronger wife, friend, mom and coworker. I am able to recognize when I am acting out of a wrong view of who God says I am. In that moment I can smash the lies of be more, you’re not enough, you should’ve known that, and destroy the arguments that counter the knowledge of God.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14, ESV

So why don’t I crave those affirmations anymore? God has taught me and my husband where our worth lies. We came up empty when we used accomplishments as a gauge. Our finite understanding of excellence doesn’t hold a candle to God’s! But as we are learning to know God’s character more through His word, we are resting in who He says we are. Daughter. Son. Adopted. Worthy, by the blood of the Lamb. God, who called us by name, who created us in a marvelous way, loves us to the point of death on a cross. Understanding this radical love dispelled my hunger for constant affirmation. Because my worth is sealed in Jesus Christ.

Understanding this radical love dispelled my hunger for constant affirmation. Because my worth is sealed in Jesus Christ. Click To Tweet

Annie Spratt

I was afraid, but God…loved me.

expectations, Oh Lord Help Us, women, ministry, encouragement

Expectations: Letting Go of the Unrealistic and Gaining Freedom

Devotionals, Stay SaneApril 5, 2018July 30, 2019

Operating with unrealistic expectations of others, ourselves, and situations, will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Let go of the expectations, and freedom will be found!

My husband had (at least) two expectations that were not met when we got married. He thought I was going to make sweet tea everyday. And he thought we would fall asleep snuggling at night. He was disappointed.

Having expectations is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s kind of like having a goal. It’s something to work for and strive to attain. Without goals we would become complacent and stagnate. Some expectations, however, can rob us of enjoying what we have, and who we are with. It can discourage our souls and cause relationships to crumble. Let’s look at three areas expectations can cause disappointment…

Expectations of Others

Problems arise when:

The expectations are not communicated.
The expectations are unrealistic.

Spouse:

As a woman I possess the power to read my husband’s mind and completely understand what he is needing at any given moment. Or, maybe not. So why do I expect him to read mine? Why do I expect him to know that I need something done around the house if I haven’t asked him to do it? Why do I expect him to know that I am struggling with fear if I don’t share with him?

There have been many times when he has “read my mind” and did exactly what I was hoping he would do. If I would remove my expectations, then instead of feeling frustrated when they are not met, I would feel cared for when they were. I don’t want my spouse to meet my expectations due to the fear of what will happen if he doesn’t. Rather I want him to meet them so that it will bless me when he does.

I also ~~have learned~~ am learning that I cannot expect my husband to be someone that he was not created to be. He is calm, level-headed, and steady (and praise the Lord that he is). I, on the other hand, am not. So when I am getting worked up about something and getting frustrated with him that he is not getting worked up, I am not being fair. I am expecting him to suddenly be a different person. (But seriously, isn’t that so maddening when you’re upset about something and the other person just sits there so calm!)

Children:

For some reason I feel like my children should have their acts together by now. Logically I know this is ridiculous, but my frustrations would show otherwise. I feel like I should only have to tell them one time to stop rubbing their hands on the wall, or to wash their hands before eating, or to give the dog food AND water, or pick up toys before bed, or…

If it is unrealistic to expect my husband to know what I want, how can I expect this from my children. Of course, I don’t have to tell my husband to wash his hands, but for now I do need to tell my kiddos. My 2 year old: I have to Tell. Her. Everything. She’s two. My 6 year old, I give hints. “What do you need to do before bed…?” And give him a chance to realize he needs to put his socks, shoes, jacket, backpack, pants, dirty clothes away. My 10 year old, well, he actually does do the things he needs to do without being told. Most of the time, anyways.

I’m still learning who my children are. I’m learning that my oldest may be super competitive with his brother, but not with friends. I want him to be competitive with sports, because he has the talent and that’s “what you’re suppose to do.” We keep putting him in sports and I keep getting frustrated that he is not aggressive enough. I’ve had a lightbulb moment. I’m trying to make him be someone he is not. And the thing is, I like who he is. He is sweet, and compassionate, and friendly.

Expectations of Ourselves

Problems arise when:

We are expecting ourselves to be someone we are not.
We are expecting to achieve something unrealistic, and/or in an unrealistic time frame.

I love to have dance parties. At home. With my children. I have always loved dancing. I have always danced badly. Thankfully, ever since college, this has not bothered me and I have accepted that I can’t dance and it doesn’t stop me from still enjoying myself. But when I was in middle school this was heartbreaking. I tried out for the dance team. Twice. Got cut on the the first go round. Twice. This is alright, I’m not scarred. But I did have to learn and accept the fact that this knobby knee’d girl looks awkward even doing the electric slide. After accepting this I was able to find a new love, running. And I still love it.

It’s also harmful to expect too much from ourselves within certain time restraints. I was naturally a good runner, but when it came to competing I expected too much too soon. My first race was 1500M (just shy of a mile) on in indoor track. I actually envisioned myself winning. Ended up I got lapped. I was expecting too much (and maybe a tad unrealistic) too soon.

After years of training I ended up running at a fairly competitive level. But I never “won gold.” And I was ok with that. There is ALWAYS somebody faster, smarter, wealthier. The most we can expect is our best. As long as we are doing that, we are good.

Expectations of Situations

Problems arise when:

We try to control outcomes.
We depend on those outcomes.

So many things are out of my control: taxes, weather, jobs, other people. And if I try to control those things I will end up living a life that leaves me feeling completely disappointed. There is nothing wrong with feeling disappointed when bad things happen. But ideally we don’t stay in that place, and instead use it as an opportunity.

My husband and I were married on a Friday. It just happened to be the 13th. As the ceremony was about to begin, I could hear people whispering around me in the room I was waiting in. Stress was rising. My sister-in-law came to me and said, “Remember what I said earlier about today being just a ceremony and that it’s your marriage that matters? And that there is bound to be something that will go wrong? Well, your florist thought the wedding was tomorrow. You have no flowers.” So I walked down the aisle holding tight to my dad with both arms. I rocked the no-flowers thing. People thought we did it on purpose.

It’s fine to plan and prepare, but then let go and remember what the main purpose is.

To Sum It Up…

To fight the temptation to focus on how we want things to be, we are to instead focus on truth. We are to express gratitude for our reality, and have hope for the future.

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Philippians 4:8, NLT

Life would be more peaceful if we could live without unrealistic expectations. Even so, expect to have expectations and remember it’s alright to “mess up.” That’s why we get to start over the next day. That is grace.

Focus on truth. Express gratitude for our reality. Have hope for the future. Click To Tweet

Samuel Zeller

Defensive: Breaking Free From the Bondage of Insecurity

Devotionals, Stay SaneDecember 14, 2017September 8, 2019

Often times, our insecurities breed defensive words and actions. We must learn to break free of this bondage to interact with those around us, in a Godly manner.

I am not one for speaking. In fact, I am much more eloquent in writing. I think it is because I can carefully think through the words I let others read. In contrast, this rule is not the same for talking. I have a hard time communicating my thoughts on the fly. I can be pretty awkward.

For this reason, God surrounds me with lots of people that know how to communicate well. They are great at speaking and I love to listen. However, I can be pretty quiet due to my personality and insecurity. I am interrupted a lot. My loved ones are used to my quietness and I don’t blame them. Except when I do…

Defensive: What It Looks Like

We were sitting there; my in-laws (I think of them as my own), my husband, and I. We were discussing many things. As usual, I was communicating my attentiveness with head nods and facial expressions. Thoughts were rolling through my head without a word spoken. Finally, a moment to interject. Then it was gone. I was interrupted.

I had an opportunity to show grace and maturity. However, showing respect, in that moment, was difficult. So, instead of waiting my turn, again, I became the interrupter. I became what had just hurt me.

“Can I speak now?!”

And there it was. It hit me like a brick wall dropping on my chest. God spoke to me.

“You’ve got an issue with defensiveness. It’s because you’re insecure.”

Defensive: What It Does

My words and actions hurt someone I love. I was so consumed with myself and my insecurity about speaking, that I became rigid. I allowed my tongue to become a dagger.

The words of the reckless pierce like swords…

Proverbs 12:18, NIV

…but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

Proverbs 15:4, NIV

The tongue has the power of life and death…

Proverbs 18:21, NIV

My defensiveness broke a heart. I was guarding myself, instead of preserving the spirit of the other person.

Defensive: How to Break Free

Submit :

First and foremost, we must submit all our insecurities over to the Lord. We can have complete confidence in ourselves, because He has complete confidence in who He made us to be. Accepting that God created me to be more reserved and quiet in conversations, should give me all the confidence I need.

Because we are human, it is hard to keep this confidence. At times, hateful words pour out of us, leaving the person receiving them confused and in pain. The other person doesn’t see the internal struggle, the insecurity. They only see the outcome of such struggle.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? […] Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

James 4: 1,7, NIV

Submitting this battle to the Lord will only give way for positive results. When you humble yourself to the Lord, He shows favor. Also true, our submission is not only to the Lord, but to those that have gone before us. Those who are older. When we do so, we honor God, we set an example, we solidify our testimony.

In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

1 Peter 5:5, NIV

Forgive:

Boy, forgiveness is pretty tough. Remember when I wrote about forgiveness and how it must be an immediate action: “Ever ready to forgive?” We must suffer in silence, hold our tongues. Had I held my tongue in a fiery moment and endured in forgiveness, I would have shown worship and reverence to God.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14-15, NIV

Do Not Jump to Conclusions:

I took it as a personal attack when I was interrupted. I jumped to conclusions because of my insecurity. Maybe that person had not truly finished their thoughts. Maybe they didn’t even hear me speaking. There could have been, and probably was, a very good excuse for the whole affair. Had I shown obedience in that moment, I probably would have seen the actual explanation.

Don’t jump to conclusions—there may be a perfectly good explanation for what you just saw.

Proverbs 25:8, MSG

Wait:

It never fails. When I learn a new lesson from the Lord, He always backs it up with opportunity. Most assuredly, there will be moments to act out our new freedom. His desire is to show grace and compassion. In my not so shining moment, He showed justice and mercy. In turn, I get to show Him how much I appreciate it! I get to show Him I heard His voice and will obey!

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

Isaiah 30:18, NIV

Defensive: Living in Freedom

When we live in freedom, those around us can tell. Not allowing insecurity to rule our minds and hearts, allows God’s love to shine through us. In fact, when defensiveness has no power over us, God can properly use us. I don’t know about you, but that’s what I want my life to look like.

I wish I could say I am completely free from this bondage. However, this moment will always stand out in my mind. I watched my own enslavement bruise someone I love. In my case, overcoming personal insecurity will allow for total freedom from defensiveness. The same may be true for all of us. Because, isn’t that where defensiveness stems from?

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

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Matthew Smith

Freedom: Seven Verses to Break the Bondage of Should and Ought

Devotionals, Stay SaneNovember 5, 2017June 28, 2019

Many of us women find ourselves enslaved to the bondage of what we “should” and “ought” to do. Freedom from this way of life is possible if we fight for it.

You should eat more vegetables.

You should get more exercise.

You should lose that ten pounds…yesterday.

You should read your Bible more. And while we’re at it, you should pray more.

You ought to be more kind…and really, you should visit your mother more often.

You ought to adopt one of those Compassion children… Or give money to save those sad, quivering dogs shown on the commercials during your favorite television shows. (Why are they always cold?)

Freedom From: Measuring Up

Sometimes it’s like a ceaseless loop spinning in my brain, the constant ‘shoulds and oughts’ whispering. Or screaming, depending on the day. Each whisper holds the same underlying message: I don’t make the bar; I didn’t measure up to an unknowable goal.

This is a battle of the mind, and a battle of the spirit and a war too many women fight. Regardless of age, race, or education, there are few women with whom I have been acquainted who have not struggled with the inner voice of ‘shoulds and oughts.’

Bondage: The Source

From where or whom does it originate? Obviously, it belies a lack of self-esteem, but it appears to be most rampant among females. There are many possible reasons.

Home

For some, it began in a home where perfection was expected and average was seldom accepted as ‘good enough.’ For others, abandonment or neglect in childhood bred feelings of not being valuable. Childhood sexual abuse also kills self-worth.

Church

Others attend, or grew up attending churches with rigid doctrine concerning God. God was used as a threat. He was angry or didn’t love us if we did this or that (or didn’t do this or that). This is completely NOT scriptural. However, it is completely controlling for a leader to use in manipulating the flock to do his own will. In reality, Scripture teaches clearly of the Father’s unfailing love for us, of His infinite patience, and His desire that none should perish. But that all should come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). (Please don’t read this to mean I believe that God doesn’t punish sin. However, His punishment is never punitive, as a person’s might be).

Culture

The culture in which we live has placed a great deal of ‘shoulds’ on females today. For instance, every single girl or woman should have peaches and cream skin, be at least 5 feet 7 inches, and have the body of a size 2…with a bra size of at least 36C. Probably 98% of the females who walk the planet do not possess these traits. Consequently, there is an epidemic of women everywhere who are ashamed of their bodies and/or looks. In the seventies, PR departments of clothing and makeup companies co-opted what was once a normal, average female body and convinced at least half of the population that they were not as thin or beautiful as they should be…

And Satan loved it so.

Bondage: The Result

As a result, depression has taken a significant leap in teen girls in recent years and eating disorders are not just for kids

Scripture’s Should and Ought’s

Then He spoke a parable to them that men always ought to pray and not lose heart…
Luke 18:1

If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.
John 13:14-15

But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: “We ought to obey God rather than men.”
Acts 5:29

We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples [weaknesses] of the weak, and not to please ourselves.
Romans 15:1

And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.
I Corinthians 2:4-5

…bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so also should you.
Colossians 3:13

For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.
I John 3:11

There are several more verses to offer, but truthfully, if my heart and mind will focus on Scripture’s oughts, the lies will cease. In fact, they have stopped occurring as often as they did in the past. Satan is a slow learner, but he does finally get the hint.

And in the midst of it all, I am learning how to be a little more like my Lord and Teacher, Jesus Christ.

The next time you find yourself trapped in the bondage of should and ought, fight for freedom with the Word.

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

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The world continually feeds us the lie that we need to be different. Replace that lie with truth. Because you have been loved, pursued, and redeemed by Christ, you are enough!

Dawid Zawiła

Getting Unstuck: Moving Forward With Faith

Devotionals, Stay SaneOctober 8, 2017January 13, 2019

There will always be circumstances or situations in our lives that cause us to get stuck. We’ve got to keep fighting to move forward with faith.

I grew up in this lovely place called the Lowcountry, where mossy oak trees, salty rivers and pluff mud are just a few of the things that adorn its beauty. Pluff mud. You may have heard of it? It’s the stinky stuff that you smell in the marsh as you drive across the coastal waterway bridges.

Playing in the pluff mud with my Meema is one of my favorite past times. As I recall, every Saturday we would put on our boots and head over to Stoney Creek and truck around in the mud searching for treasures, swinging on trees and chasing hermit crabs. We would begin our journey, over and under the mossy oaks and through the salty marsh grass. Sometimes through our hike, my foot would get so stuck in that mud that I could hardly pull it out. Meema would be a few feet ahead of me and would have to reach back and grab my arm and together we would finally break my foot free from the mud. Can’t that be a constant resemblance of our lives sometimes?

Getting unstuck…

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck somewhere and you just can’t get out? I feel you friend, I’ve been there. That place is all too familiar to me. But, our God does not want us to stay stuck in the pluff mud of life.

…you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.

1 Peter 2:9, NLT

A Chosen priesthood, called out of darkness into His light. He calls us out of our valleys and He calls us out of the pluff mud! God wants the best for us but we have to be willing to move in His direction if we want to have His best for ourselves.

Those times that I couldn’t get my foot unstuck, Meema was there to help me. It wasn’t until I reached back and grabbed her arm that we were, together, able to get my foot out of the mud. God is there. He is reaching out to pull us out of our mud, we’ve just got to reach back and grab on to Him. Just as David declares:

He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.

Psalm 40:2, NLT

I remember hearing the suction of the mud against my boot as I would try and pull my foot out. With a tug here and a tug there, when I was finally able to pull my foot free, the feeling of relief swept over me. Then, Meema and I would continue to move forward in our hike.

There will always be circumstances or situations in our lives that cause us to get stuck, emotionally stuck, physically stuck, mentally stuck, but we’ve got to keep fighting to pull that foot up and put it in front of the other and keep moving forward, faith forward. And if we’re smart, we’ll ask for the Fathers help, to pull us out of the muddy circumstances of our lives and help us move forward in our journey through life.

If I could encourage you in one thing, it would be this: Don’t be afraid of the mountain top because you’ve gotten so used to being in the valley. Faith forward friend!

Don't be afraid of the mountain top because you've gotten so used to being in the valley. Click To Tweet

What kind of mud are you stuck in?

Top photo credit: Jean Tanner (Meema)

Fearless: The Freedom to Take Risks

Devotionals, Stay SaneAugust 20, 2017January 13, 2019

Taking risks is scary, but in order to live a bold life, taking risks is often necessary. Thankfully we have the freedom to take risks, and this is why…

Last week we celebrated my daughters 2nd birthday!

Y’all, let me tell you about my little girl. She is absolutely the brightest part of my day. I am crazy about my boys, but I am gushy with her! The moment I go to get her up in the morning, she is beaming with joy. When she comes down the steps, she greets everyone with “g’mornin’!” Wherever we go she says “hello” to anyone and everyone we pass, and waves her farewells when we leave. She spreads joy like it’s jam.

She also will have a meltdown when I take the spoon that she was handing me. She knows she needs help, but desperately wants to do it on her own. She has begun to refuse to hold my hand on the sidewalk, and goes noodle limp when I make her hold my hand in the parking lot. She’s the only child of mine who has been in trouble for hitting another kid in childcare at the YMCA. At 8 months old, army crawling around the house, she would smile at me while she did something she knew she shouldn’t. She still does this, and it drives me bonkers. She will yell at her brothers if they are touching something that she has determined should be hers. Heck, she yells at me if I have my hands on the shopping cart where she doesn’t want them.

She is also fearless. She is the one who will try to climb out on the roof. She is the reason I’m feeling nervous that there is a second floor balcony over our foyer. She is why I cannot relax at the pool. She knows how to get out of the puddle jumper, and she will jump right into the pool. Lord help me. I even dunked her underwater in hopes that it would discourage her from going in alone. Did it work? Nope, she thought it was fun! When we were at the beach, she dove face first into the waves. Only because she didn’t care for the salt water, did she not try that again.

As much as her boldness, and strong-will tires me out, I love it. I want to live with that kind of fearlessness, just without so many melt-downs.

The freedom to take risks…

In my attempts to “warn” my daughter about the water, I think I actually emboldened her. By dipping her under the water, and bringing her up, she knows that she can trust me. By me letting her dive face first into the ocean surf, and then scooping her up, she knows that she can try new things (even if she doesn’t want to do it again). I could have kept her away from the water, but I wanted her to experience it within my grasp. I was ready to “rescue” her, and anticipating the dive. I want her to live fully, and be willing to take risks.

This is how we can live boldly in life. Trusting that the Lord will pick us up when we fall. He doesn’t keep us from falling. Then we would never learn how to swim. We are free to take risks because we can trust that when we fall, we will be met with compassion, and a deeper intimacy in knowing who the Lord is, and who we are.

Right now my favorite song to run to is “You Can’t Stop Me” by Andy Mineo. Yes, I run to rap. Yes, I rap out loud with my hands in the air. And yes, I’m a scrawny little white girl. Anyways… there is a line where he says, “My God is good, He is not safe.” This is how I want to live. Not safely, but boldly. I’ve experienced a deeper life with the Lord by taking risks. Yes, it is uncomfortable, but I am not willing to trade it for safety.

I want to dive face first into the ocean.

The Lord does not keep us from falling. But He will pick us up when we do. Click To Tweet

Your turn…

When was a time in your life you took a risk? What happened? How did it change your relationship with the Lord? Tell me in the comments, or on Facebook, or on Instagram. I can’t wait to hear about it!

Anastasia Taioglou

freedom

Comparing Accomplishments

Comparing Possessions

Comparing Stages of Life

Comparing Looks

Ending the Comparison

Expectations

Triggers

Resentment

Free

Dispelling inaccuracies…

A little history…

Sinking into darkness…

Goosebumps encounters…

Glimmers of hope…

Accepting Love…

Stepping into the Light…

The badges…

Painful badges…

Surrendering the badges…

Discovering my true identity…

Losing my life to find His….

Do not be entangled again…

Significance

I was afraid, but God…loved me.

Expectations of Others

Spouse:

Children:

Expectations of Ourselves

Expectations of Situations

To Sum It Up…

Defensive: What It Looks Like

Defensive: What It Does

Defensive: How to Break Free

Submit :

Forgive:

Do Not Jump to Conclusions:

Wait:

Defensive: Living in Freedom

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

Freedom From: Measuring Up

Bondage: The Source

Home

Church

Culture

Bondage: The Result

Scripture’s Should and Ought’s

Freedom

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

The world continually feeds us the lie that we need to be different. Replace that lie with truth. Because you have been loved, pursued, and redeemed by Christ, you are enough!

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Getting unstuck…

Top photo credit: Jean Tanner (Meema)

The freedom to take risks…

Your turn…