compassion

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Love Defeats Fear: Replacing Envy with Compassion

DevotionalsOctober 20, 2019October 19, 2019

As we listen to the lies inside, the wedge of fear begins to grow, leading to anger, self-pity, and envy. And that fear can destroy love. But love defeats fear.

I have a confession. Sometimes I feel jealous. Of my husband. His life just seems so glorious to me.

What I see is that he gets up, goes to the gym, goes to work, and gets to go on business trips. In my mind, this translates as he gets up and gets ready without children hanging on him, gets to do what he wants to do without dragging children with him, goes to a place with other adults where he is respected and valued. When he travels (which has been happening more often) he gets to go out to eat at restaurants and sleep alone without being woken up.

In his mind, he has to get up super early, not getting enough sleep, so that he can stay healthy, has to go and talk with adults who act like children, and when he travels he has to be away from his family, eating unhealthy food and not able to sleep in a strange bed.

Revelations

It’s easy for me to play the martyr. I can easily feel sorry for myself, thinking that I alone bear the burden. What I am craving is appreciation. I want to feel valued. I want to feel loved. And it is easy for this to lead to a division in my marriage because I am only focusing on myself.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast;
1 Corinthians 13:4, ESV

Instead of throwing another fit, I decided to talk about this need with him. Then a revelation hit me: we were both throwing our own pity parties. We were both playing as we had it “worse” than the other. And that’s when we decided to stop complaining. We stopped trying to make ourselves look “better”. Instead, we began to focus on how much the other one was juggling.

Isolation

Feeling envious occurs when we are fearful and insecure, which in turn leads to building up our defensiveness. We are trying to protect ourselves, but in doing so we end up in isolation. People need people. Strange things happen when we are isolated. In isolation, we to listen to lies being whispered in our heads.

At a recent Gathering, a lady mentioned that we know they are lies if they begin with “I”. I think there is truth in this. Also, we can pinpoint the lie when they are in absolutes like never, always, only, etc.

“I am the only one who does anything.”

“I am the only one who feels this way.”

“I never get to have time away.”

“I am always the one stuck doing this.”

Love Defeats Fear

As we listen to the lies, the wedge of fear begins to grow, leading to anger, self-pity, and envy. And that fear can destroy love. But love defeats fear.

Hallelujah! Love defeats fear.

Here’s a dose of truth for you: Your Heavenly Father loves you. You are loved. You may not feel like it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. And the best way to feel loved is to show love.

Be patient with others, showing kindness. Stop talking about yourself, and listen to them. Do what other people want to do, and enjoy it. Don’t be happy when others mess up. Put up with the annoying things they do, appreciating the good. And never, ever stop doing these things. (Adapted from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

As we listen to the lies, the wedge of fear begins to grow, leading to anger, self-pity, and envy. And that fear can destroy love. But love defeats fear. Click To Tweet

Now when my husband is out of town, I show compassion for what he is having to deal with rather than complaining that I am home with the kids. And you know, my attitude about being home with the kids has changed. Now, I try to make it something fun, doing things that we normally wouldn’t do. (But I absolutely still look forward to him coming home!)

Annie Spratt

compassion, suffering, example, God’s love, Jesus, love others, redeemed, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Suffering With: Compassion’s True Nature Revealed through Jesus

DevotionalsAugust 5, 2019July 27, 2019

Today’s interpretation of ‘compassion’ doesn’t compare to God’s intended design. The true nature of ‘suffering with others’ was perfectly exemplified through the life and death of Jesus.

When I entered my initial internship for hospital chaplaincy, I believed I was equipped both theologically and emotionally to provide the care my patients would need. After all, I was an adult who had already raised a family, taught the Bible for twenty years, and had experienced, (and had therapy for), several painful life events.

Astonishing – how wrong we can be when we believe we’re so right.

The World’s Compassion

Chaplaincy internship involved many spiritual books assigned to us, weekly theological reflections, group meetings/assessments with fellow interns, and a weekly one-on-one with our supervisor. It didn’t take long for most of us to ascertain that, while our theological training was imperative and our life experiences significant, how these aspects came together to minister care to a hurting soul was vital.

The word compassion is thrown around frequently in our culture. It seems the word is used to pull at our heartstrings and guilt us into performing a service. Or, to give to a cause in which someone, or an entity, believes we should. You know what I mean. I imagine your mailbox is full of the same appeals as mine.

Don’t you have any compassion for these-

starving children
wounded vets
people with cancer
lost people
dying people in (name the country)

And if you’re a television watcher…well, the visual is worse.

Inadequate Compassion

While I was in chaplaincy, I was seeing a wonderful Christian therapist. At times, I felt overwhelmed and deeply inadequate by the needs I faced each day. My heart, my own compassion, could not handle the onslaught of pain and suffering. I remember the day I expressed this to her, and she told me, “I believe we already have a Savior to handle the world’s pain. We don’t need another one.” Ouch.

But the truth is, like so many other words in our world, compassion has been co-opted to take on a new meaning. Rather than the way, God, our Father used it, or Jesus used it, today it is used more as ‘feeling sorry for.’ With this meaning, we can throw money at the above list, or even a little time, feel warm and fuzzy, then go on our merry way.

However, in the Old Testament, where the Hebrew word is Racham, it is translated to ‘love deeply;’ it is used most often in Isaiah.

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
Isaiah 30:18, NIV

Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!
Isaiah 49:15, NIV

Can we fathom this love?

Suffering With

The Greek word splanchnizomai, “to be moved as to one’s inwards”, is used most often when referencing Jesus’ compassion.

That one is a bit more difficult to grasp. Imagine your child with a raging fever and your willingness to take his/her place just to ease the pain and suffering.

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.
Matthew 9:35-36, NIV

When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.
Matthew 14:14, NIV

As he drew near to the gate of the town, behold, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow, and a considerable crowd from the town was with her. And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her and said to her, ‘Do not weep.’ Then he came up and touched the bier, and the bearers stood still. And he said, ‘Young man, I say to you, arise.’
Luke 7:12-14, ESV

‘Pain-Avoiders’

Henri Nouwen describes it well in a book he co-wrote with two others.

The word compassion is derived from the Latin words pati and cum, which together mean “to suffer with.” Compassion means to go where it hurts, to enter into places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, powerless with the powerless. Compassion means full immersion into the condition of being human.
It is not surprising that compassion, understood as suffering with, often evokes in us a deep resistance and even protest…It is important for us to acknowledge this resistance and to recognize that suffering is not something we desire or to which we are attracted. On the contrary, it is something we want to avoid at all cost. Therefore, compassion is not among our most natural responses. We are pain-avoiders…
Henri Nouwen, et al, Compassion, A Reflection on the Christian Life

Full Immersion

Dear friends, sisters, is it not much easier to remain at a safe distance from sufferers than to be in “full immersion” with them? Wouldn’t we rather tweet: “I’ll pray for you!” with an added heart emoji than go sit in silence with a depressed friend?

Let’s be painfully honest – it takes little effort to say, “Let me know if you need anything,” but to take the initiative to keep her kids one day a week? Seriously?

I find it much more challenging to experience the powerlessness of someone in grinding poverty than to go to my intellect and tell her about job opportunities. I prefer to inform her of the stage of grief she is in than to weep and mourn with a sister who is mourning.

Because truly? While the practical answers are necessary, they are not what Jesus meant by compassion.

Jesus’ Example

There was a time when I was very good at doling out useless offers and banal, spiritual phrases. Then cancer hit my family, (my dad, Gary,) and chronic illness, (me, mom.) Gary and I began hearing those words and good intentions coming our way. It didn’t take too many instances for God to reveal to me how insincere I had been.

When I had cancer three years ago, the same thing occurred with people I believed were close to me. While the experience was hurtful and disappointing, it helped me realize anew how little we understand suffering with each other. Even in the Body of Christ.

God, in Christ, loved us to such a degree that He stepped down to earth to redeem us. He was tempted and suffered in every way as we do, (Hebrews 4:15; Isaiah 53:5-6). Jesus is our supreme example of compassion, suffering with. He will enable us to do the same with others if we will ask.

Let me warn you…it hurts.

…but the rewards are eternal.

Jesus is our supreme example of what compassion looks like: He stepped down to earth as a human, suffered as we do, then died and rose again to redeem us all. Click To Tweet

Annie Spratt

compassion, love, trust, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Compassion: Portraying Tenderness through Actions, Not Just Words

DevotionalsJanuary 20, 2019January 20, 2019

Compassion is more than a feeling, it’s an action. We must live this two-fold mission, to truly love those around us. To truly portray the love of Christ.

Sharing my testimony is a tool I use to help others feel comfortable with me. I tell the nitty-gritty of my past so that others know I am not sitting on a lofty pillar. There’s nothing they can tell me that will make me run away.

It’s easy for me to talk about the past. It has come and gone. I can share the lessons I’ve learned and the way God moved. But the right now is way more difficult. It can feel too raw, too vulnerable, too real to talk about current circumstances…

Compassion in Action

But I did just that. I couldn’t take it any longer. I found my safe friend, stumbled around small talk, then let it flow. My heart knew I could trust her. We’d already been through so much in such a short time. She could see through the tears, the pain, the anger, the vulnerability. She listened, cried, felt my pain, and loved me.

Her love was action. She jumped head first into How can I help my friend mode. Secretly texting her husband… We need to help Katie. And they did. My friend felt my need, saw where she could help, and helped. Compassion in action…

Prove It

Compassion. This word can be thrown around willy-nilly, without a mind for God’s (Biblical) definition. The world tells us it’s a tender feeling toward someone suffering. There’s often a strong desire to lessen the pain. And while this is definitely true, we know love is more than just a strong desire. Love is an action.

Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

1 John 3:18, NLT

Compassion doesn’t just boil down to a posture of the heart. It is also a posture of our hands. I mean this figuratively and literally. It’s two-fold, noun and verb. In my real life example, my friend’s heart felt the same pain as mine. But her hands, arms, and mouth provided comfort in my suffering, alleviating a small amount of my pain.

Bottomless Compassion

Imagine for a second, if my example had a different narrative. What if my friend had judged or rejected me? What if she threw condemnation in my face instead of reminding me of my redemption in Christ? Have you ever received reproach? Have you ever given it?

I think we are all guilty of this, but pure compassion overpowers judgment. Because we have all received bottomless grace upon grace through our Beautiful Redeemer (John 1:16), we can love others where they are. We can say I hear you, I see you, I feel for your situation. This gives us the ability to cultivate trust and share truth. To share the sincere love of Christ.

If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both.

1 John 4:20-21, MSG

Holy Spirit Lead

Genuine compassion is the result of our lives being poured out and replaced with the sympathies of God. Our devotion to Him allows us to be a conduit for His love. When we step outside our human nature (self-minded), the Holy Spirit has room to occupy our words, our hearts, our actions.

Let’s not just speak words of tenderness, let’s jump into action to help those who are broken, worn down, or suffering. It doesn’t always have to be a massive undertaking… a hug, a served dinner, $5, free childcare… Every effort made through compassion honors our Gracious Father.

Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.

1 Peter 3:8, NLT

Have you surrendered to God’s heart? Has the Holy Spirit prompted you towards a posture of empathy and kindness?

Let's not just speak words of tenderness, let's jump into action to help those who are broken, worn down, or suffering. Every effort made through compassion honors our Gracious Father. Click To Tweet

compassion. emotion, faith, vulnerability, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Vulnerability: Having A Compassionate Heart for Suffering People

Devotionals, Stay SaneNovember 27, 2018January 13, 2019

The compassion of Jesus should be our posture in the face of vulnerability. His example teaches us to carry the weight of suffering to the throne of God.

Have you ever been informed you were being too vulnerable? Or maybe you’re too much. Alternatively, I would wager we’ve all been in a situation where we have felt uncomfortable with someone falling apart at our feet. Why is that?

This scenario played out in my mind a few mornings ago…

A woman was weeping in front of someone she trusted. She bore her soul. The trusted party uncomfortably responded with “I’m sorry, but you’re being too vulnerable.” The weeping woman countered, “Am I being too vulnerable, or are you uncomfortable with my vulnerability?” Because that’s the question, friends. What does make some of us so uncomfortable with vulnerability?

Sentiments

When I am tempted to critique someone else, I ask a few questions first. For example, when I think, “Why would they respond like that?” I ask, Well, why should they not? Does their vulnerability really affect me in a negative way? What if I were in that position? Would my reaction be similar to theirs?

In asking myself these questions I move into a position of empathy as opposed to that of a judge. And if I am uncomfortable with the depth of someone’s heartache, for instance, that doesn’t make their grief excessive. It indicates a lack of compassion in my heart.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve slowly been reading through the gospel of John. I must mention how greatly encouraged I am. The fact that, more than once, people sought to arrest Jesus but no one detained or laid a hand on him, “because his hour had not yet come” (John 7:30). Everything happens in the perfect timing of the King!

Then a couple of days ago I read John 11: the story of Lazarus. The chapter begins by giving the backstory. Lazarus is the brother of Mary and Martha. (Mary is the famous lady who doused Jesus’ feet with her expensive perfume in the following chapter.) So, the sisters sent word to Jesus that their brother was seriously ill.

But when Jesus heard it he said, ‘This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.’ Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.

John 11:4-6

Engaging

AGH! I love this. First, Jesus, being one with the Father, knew Lazarus’ illness would not lead to him staying dead but would be the precursor to God revealing His awesomeness. Second, John penned the intimate detail that Jesus loved these three siblings. And third, when Jesus heard Lazarus was about to die, his response was to hang out where He was for another two days. WHAT?! Classic. Isn’t that how it always seems to be? Our King waits past the point when we think He should show up. Then when He does, He knocks our socks off. Wait for it…

A couple of days go by then Jesus said it was time to go to Judea. He told the disciples Lazarus had fallen asleep, but He was going to wake him up. Judea was dangerous territory for Jesus because the Jews there wanted to stone Him.

The disciples tried to persuade Jesus away from going. They reasoned, if Lazarus was only sleeping, he would recuperate. At that point, Jesus bluntly told the disciples Lazarus was actually dead. When Jesus and the disciples arrived at Bethany in Judea, Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days. Martha heard Jesus was coming so she went out to meet Him.

Martha said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Your brother will rise again.’

John 11:21-23 [emphasis mine]

Responses

At first, it seems like Martha was accusing Jesus of not showing up. But in actuality, she acknowledged her thorough trust in God’s ability to raise her brother from the dead. Martha’s confidence affirmed the level of intimacy their family shared with Jesus like John said (John 11:5). She completely banked on Jesus being able to accomplish what concerned her. She knew Jesus could have healed Lazarus before he died. Yet now that he was already buried, she also trusted Lazarus would be raised again in the resurrection at the end of time.

After listening to the vulnerability in Martha’s faith-filled plea, Jesus immediately assured her that Lazarus would be back. Not fully understanding, Martha thought He meant in the end times. Then she went to tell Mary Jesus was asking for her.

Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, ‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.’ When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled.

John 11:32-33

Compassion

Jesus wasn’t annoyed with Mary’s dramatics. Her grief didn’t cause Him to withdraw or cringe. He knew God was going to bring Lazarus back to life that very day. Yet Mary’s weeping had an emotional impact on Jesus. He both knew the outcome and was able to be present with His grieving friend. Jesus had all the answers, but He was still deeply affected by Mary’s agonizing sorrow.

And he said, ‘Where have you laid him?’ They said to him, ‘Lord, come and see.’ Jesus wept. So the Jews said, ‘See how he loved him!’

John 11:34-36

Our Savior wept, shaken up by the mourning of His friend. Mary’s vulnerability wasn’t too much for Him. Jesus drew near. He was distraught for her. The tears He cried weren’t quiet, gentle, or composed. The King of Kings ugly cried. And, He sprung into action. When I read this passage, my eyes fixed on Jesus wept.

I cried.

Vulnerability

My emotions sprung from gratitude that I belong to a gracious Savior who draws near. I also cried for the desire to be the kind of person people can fall apart to without feeling hopeless. I want to engage, believing with confidence that my God has got it. Jesus was totally affected by Mary’s sorrow, but he wasn’t overwhelmed by it. Why? Because He knew His Father’s power. God has that same power today.

Jesus said to her, ‘Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?’ So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, ‘Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.’ When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, ‘Lazarus, come out.’ The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth.

John 11:40-44a

The Story’s End

Jesus knew the end of the story all along. He wept anyway. We rarely know the outcome, if ever; but regardless, let us be moved with compassion when people show vulnerability. Then we can carry any weight of sorrow to the throne of God.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

We rarely know the outcome of the story; but regardless, let us be moved with compassion when people show vulnerability. We can carry any weight of sorrow to the throne of God. Click To Tweet

All scripture from the ESV Bible.

Oh Lord Help Us, love, neighbor, faith, spiritual growth, Christian, women, ministry

Neighbor: Living the Great Commandment of Love

Devotionals, Stay SaneJuly 17, 2018June 28, 2019

Loving our neighbor is more than loving the people directly next to us. It is loving all those whom God has created and has compassion for.

The dark was so encompassing on the cloudy night. It crept right up next to the young girl as she held tightly to her mother’s hand. They stumbled through the night desperately trying to keep up with the group that they prayed would lead them to freedom.

They were leaving behind a life of slavery and injustice. For over a year her mom had socked away a few coins from every odd job she could find. Her father had run ahead of them a few years before and had sent word that they should try and come. He had found a job, found a little house that he was sharing with some others who had escaped, and he missed them terribly. So a few weeks ago the little girl’s mom had given every penny she had saved to a group of men who promised to take them to freedom. And now here they were in the darkness, running across the rocky uneven terrain, stumbling, slipping, and praying for freedom.

The Darkness

That’s when the little girls life was turned upside down. The men who were “helping them” told her mother it was the little girl’s turn to help the men get more energy. The little girl was four years old. Mom screamed for her to run and then told the men she was happy to take on that responsibility, if they just let her girl go on her way. The little girl ran, hid behind a big rock and watched while a group of men did unspeakable things to her mother. They left her mother lying in the dirt. Torn and bloodied.

Even though there were many people in their group, no one spoke up. They turned their backs, covered their children’s eyes, and when it was over, kept walking through the darkness, leaving the little girl and her mother behind.

As day broke the mother moaned, got to her feet, took her daughter’s hand and kept walking. Now with no water, no clear sense of direction, and a broken spirit. They encountered another group later in the day. But were turned away because they couldn’t pay. One lady gave the little girl some water and a slice of bread though, and that kept them going for two days. That’s when they made it to the mighty river.

A Neighbor’s Help

The little girl’s mom told her that crossing the river was going to be tough, but after they crossed, freedom was on the other side. She took all their clothes, made a rope out of them and struggled across. Naked, broken, tired they trudged into the raging water. Barely half way across the little girl got dragged under. The mother, with her last burst of energy, yanked the rope to pull her daughter up.

From the other side a young man saw the two struggle. As fast as he could he ran down to the bank to help. He dragged the two out of the river. They didn’t speak the same language and couldn’t understand each other. The little girl was trying to cover her mother afraid of what another man would do to her. Thankfully this man was truly a helper. He wrapped the mom in his shirt and took them to his house, fixed them up as best he could without taking them to a doctor.

The Light of Neighbors

This was a story told to me by a fourth grader almost 15 years ago about how she and her mother came to our country. They lived in a little shack not far from the school and I had the pleasure of going to visit them several times. They were always so welcoming and kept their home open to anyone, any neighbor, who needed a meal. Can you imagine? Going through such horror and still opening your home to feed others. And let me tell you those tamales were the best I have ever had. The love in them was so evident.

Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?

Jesus replied: ‘Love the lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets and on these two commandments.

Matthew 22:36-40, NIV

Neighbors are Good Samaritans

Jesus made it very clear that loving God is most important, but loving our neighbor is also important. In the story of the Good Samaritan, He reveals God’s definition of neighbor as not just someone who lives next door, or someone who has the same faith, or language as you.

In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

^‘Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?’

Luke 10:30-36, NIV

God’s Call to Our Hearts

In a world that is turned topsy turvy about who our neighbor is, let God clear your eyes and heart. We are all neighbors in His eyes. While we may have to live within man’s rules and laws, God’s law comes first.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13, NIV

Dear God,

Please help us be the hands and feet of Your church. Let love be our guiding light. Thank you for showing me stories of people who have lived through life’s worst fears and come through with Your love and grace shining through them. Your word has been an anchor in my life and shown me the way, even when the world around is so loud and confusing. Thank you for the map and light in the darkness. Please help those in crisis and help us all be more like the Samaritan.

Love,

chuttersnap

layers, facade, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry

Layers: Allowing God to Expose and Peel Away Our Facade

Devotionals, Stay SaneMay 15, 2018September 8, 2019

There’s nothing wrong with a nice motivational saying to encourage. However, in order to bloom, we must accept reality and allow God to loosen those layers within our sinful selves.

Bloom where you are planted…

It’s spring, and that phrase is everywhere. I have no idea who coined it, but it’s definitely making ripples throughout the whole of womanhood. It’s fun to think of ourselves as flowers. They are beautiful…they smell sweet. In fact, I make sure I have fresh flowers in my home, weekly.

It’s just so hard for me to believe that about myself. Which got me thinking… if I’m not a flower what am I?

I am seeing all these beauties blooming around me, and I’m over here just trying to not be a cabbage.

-Katie Braswell

Yes, a cabbage. Others are budding and spreading their petals, and I’m stubbornly tightening my layers. It’s a horrible habit, but I tend to self-deprecate. So, believing all those around me are beautiful blooming flowers and I’m being made into sauerkraut, isn’t far fetched.

“How in the heck is she going to arch sauerkraut and spirituality?”

It can be done…

Protection

I swear, this is probably the first time in history, someone searched the Bible for the word “cabbage”. Well, I did it so let me share my results…

I’m like someone who goes to the garden to pick cabbages and carrots and corn and returns empty-handed, finds nothing for soup or sandwich or salad.

Micah 7:2, MSG

Yep, I really had to dig for that one, but I read the whole chapter and I wasn’t surprised at all to find meaning and a point that will tie in. God is amazing like that. This chapter in Micah talks about not being able to find a decent person in sight. The world was full of evil and sin. Pretty sorrowful and depressing, if you ask me. Probably because the evil then, is the evil now. But, I feel like we’ve become more cunning at hiding our sin.

“Put this media filter on.”

“Don’t let that scratch too close to the core.”

“Look how lovely my life is.”

So… I’m a cabbage. I know what filters I put on. Most of us walk around with our dark green leaves on… hiding our sin, our wretched selves. Protecting ourselves from this reality: we all sin and need Jesus.

Layers

Try peeling a cabbage without ripping a leaf…just try. If you can do it, we need to talk.

I’m a cabbage. So. Many. Layers. When I allow others (including God) to start peeling them back, my leaves tear. I feel damaged, imperfect. Which sucks for a perfectionist. I like my dark leafed exterior. But, what do people do with those dark leaves when they buy cabbage? Oh right, they peel them off and pay for a beautiful light green bundle.

No one wants to pay for my dark green facade. No one wants to hang around a fake cabbage. The light green parts are easier to relate to. They show humanity, humility, imperfections. No one wants to spend time with someone who seems to have it all together. Yet, here I am, day in and out, protected by those dark leaves.

Loosening

Towards the middle of Micah 7, the tone changes. He accepts his own part in the sinful world. Full acceptance. Not hidden, but recorded forever in the Bible. Now, I say that’s the opposite of layered protection. When we start peeling back the layers and facades, it forces us to come face to face with our sin. To allow others to walk along side of us in support and love. It forces us to allow God to cover over all we have done…

You don’t nurse your anger and don’t stay angry long, for mercy is your specialty. That’s what you love most. And compassion is on its way to us. You’ll stamp out our wrongdoing. You’ll sink our sins to the bottom of the ocean.

Micah 7:19, MSG

God is THE creator. He created cabbages and He created me. However, He did not create me to be a cabbage. All those layers, whether dark or light green, He has asked and even invited me to allow Him to gently peel those away. Those layers of sin I like to hang on to, God loosens them with compassion and mercy. It’s His nature; who He is.

Those layers of sin I like to hang on to, God loosens them with compassion and mercy. It's His nature; who He is. Click To Tweet

Rooting

Micah held fast to hope, in the midst of a despairing world. He knew the prophecies and that God had a plan. Today we can rejoice for Micah…the prophecies came to fruition. We have the redeeming salvation of Jesus Christ. Our “leaves” were nailed to a cross.

This is my hope: that we can root ourselves in the truth of God. Specifically, that last section of Micah chapter 7. I pray we can remember, God sees all our dark and light green leaves and wishes to throw them all in depths of the sea. I hope we can allow Him to peel away at us. Layer by layer, in order for our lives to bloom with HIS glory!

Scott Webb

forgiveness, grace, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry

Clean: Understanding Hurts and Extending Forgiveness

Devotionals, Stay SaneMay 14, 2018September 8, 2019

When we understand the past of people who have hurt us, we are more capable to extend grace. We are able to wipe their slate clean with forgiveness.

When I was in grade school, I loved it when my teacher would choose me to wipe the chalkboard clean at the end of the day. There was something almost magical about that simple physical process. What had been a murky mess—rows of math tables, diagramed sentences, partial erasures, and a lingering cloud of dust—could be wiped completely clean. What remained was literally a new, clean slate for the next day’s instruction.

As believers, we can glean a simple yet profound message here: the Lord’s forgiveness is a complete work, with mercies that are new each day. In Isaiah we read:

I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.

Isaiah 43:25, KJV

And in the Psalms we’re reminded of just how far away He casts ours sins:

As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:12, KJV

An Ever-Present Need

Being a mom of two young kids has done wonders in teaching me about the need for mercy and forgiveness. From meltdowns, to accidents, to intentional misbehavior (and those are just on my end!), to sibling rivalry, and the list goes on… We have an ever-present need for grace, mercy, and forgiveness in our home. Many days I feel as if I’m working at a deficit in my parenting bank. But if I’m operating in the red, that is precisely the time to turn back to the blood of Jesus. To let His strength perfect me in my weakness; to allow His forgiveness to flood my soul; and to let Him father me as I mother my children.

Misuse of The Rod

It has been hard for me to wrap my head and heart around the notion that God is a loving dad who gently guides me and forgives me when I make mistakes. My slowness to internalize this truth stems from the lies I learned and the wounds I sustained when I was very young. I was raised in a strict, legalistic, and abusive home. Repentance and chastisement were heavily emphasized, but somehow forgiveness seemed to be forgotten. If it’s the Lord’s goodness that draws us to repentance (Rom. 2:4), it was my mom’s misuse of the rod that drove me further from her, and for many years, further from God.

I remember one day when I was probably four years old. I had dropped a jar of cream that shattered and spilled all over the kitchen floor. Positive parenting classes I’ve taken would likely recommend a patient response to this kind of scenario. Consider whether a task is age appropriate for the child; acknowledge when something is an accident; enlist the little one’s help to clean up the parts of the mess that are safe for her to tackle. Patience, mercy, kindness. A Christ-like response.

But my mom had torn a page from a different kind of book and claimed that it was from the Good Book. She began shouting at me; dragging me out to the dark mudroom where she would whip me repeatedly on my backside with a leather strap. She slammed the door behind her, leaving me alone, scared, and wounded in the dark.

Tiptoeing on Eggshells

This was the typical pattern. I would misbehave somehow or accidentally break or spill something, and the hammer would come down. Hard. I would be “disciplined”, which usually meant abused, and a silent treatment would ensue. The painful welts on my body or missed meals were nothing compared to the punishment inflicted by Mom’s cold shoulder of emotional isolation.

I would then have to tip toe on eggshells and placate my mom until her storm of anger passed. Rarely, if ever, was there a loving conversation about how my misbehavior could be changed or what a reasonable consequence would be if I committed the same offense in the future. Instead, I would be forced to say sorry and accept the blame for whatever had happened. I can’t ever remember a time in those early years when Mom asked me to forgive her for how she had treated me.

On Pins and Needles

My mom died nearly three years ago. I recall a conversation I had with her a few years before she died. In the past, she had told me that she was raised in an orphanage from age seven until she graduated high school. But she had never gone into detail about what she had suffered there.

During her years at the orphanage, Mom found herself in the unfortunate position of being under the tutelage of a strict and abusive house mom named Ms. Hupp. Mom had harbored a deep fear of and hatred for this woman. She said Hupp would wake up all the girls before dawn, barking orders at them to get dressed, make their beds, straighten their belongings, and report for duty. Duty entailed meticulously hand scrubbing floors, washing walls, helping prepare meals, and various and sundry other tasks that she seemed to create just for the sake of keeping all the girls busy. Mom said Hupp’s constant scrutiny and criticism kept her on pins and needles.

Connecting the Dots

As she described Hupp’s mistreatment, I began to connect the dots to my own experience of how Mom had treated me when I was little. Young women sometimes joke that one day they will probably become their moms. Well, Mom had grown up and become like Hupp. Without her own mom in the picture, she had learned from the only mother figure she knew. As Mom spoke about her hard heart toward Hupp, I could identify with her anger, but in a way, my own heart was softening toward my mom. Mom told me how the Lord had helped her to finally forgive Ms. Hupp. She said He had let her see Hupp’s wounded heart so that she could forgive her. As I write this, I can say that I have forgiven my own “Hupp” too.

Wiping the Slate Clean

After many years, my mom asked me if I could ever forgive her for all the ways she had mistreated me. When I told her that I had already forgiven her, I could almost see a weight lift off her. For so many years, she had borne the heavy shame and regret of her abusive behavior. Her abuse drove my dad to divorce her and fight for full custody of me and my siblings. Her abuse made it impossible for us to return to live with her when my dad died. But the pain Mom inflicted also drove her to her knees, to sincerely repent to the Lord and seek His forgiveness.

Although she knew she had been forgiven, she still struggling with the shame of the hurt she had caused. Somehow, she still needed to hear that I had forgiven her. Although we can seek the Lord’s forgiveness, we also need to humble ourselves to ask forgiveness of the people we have wronged; and we need to extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us. When we do so, we are free to fully love and be loved.

And when you pray, make sure you forgive the faults of others so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you. But if you withhold forgiveness from others, your Father withholds forgiveness from you.

Matthew 6:14-15, TPT

Is there someone in your life whose slate you need to clean with your forgiveness? Is there someone whose forgiveness you need to seek?

Although we can seek the Lord’s forgiveness, we also need to humble ourselves to ask forgiveness of the people we have wronged; and we need to extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us. Click To Tweet

Keilidh Ewan

Fearless: The Freedom to Take Risks

Devotionals, Stay SaneAugust 20, 2017January 13, 2019

Taking risks is scary, but in order to live a bold life, taking risks is often necessary. Thankfully we have the freedom to take risks, and this is why…

Last week we celebrated my daughters 2nd birthday!

Y’all, let me tell you about my little girl. She is absolutely the brightest part of my day. I am crazy about my boys, but I am gushy with her! The moment I go to get her up in the morning, she is beaming with joy. When she comes down the steps, she greets everyone with “g’mornin’!” Wherever we go she says “hello” to anyone and everyone we pass, and waves her farewells when we leave. She spreads joy like it’s jam.

She also will have a meltdown when I take the spoon that she was handing me. She knows she needs help, but desperately wants to do it on her own. She has begun to refuse to hold my hand on the sidewalk, and goes noodle limp when I make her hold my hand in the parking lot. She’s the only child of mine who has been in trouble for hitting another kid in childcare at the YMCA. At 8 months old, army crawling around the house, she would smile at me while she did something she knew she shouldn’t. She still does this, and it drives me bonkers. She will yell at her brothers if they are touching something that she has determined should be hers. Heck, she yells at me if I have my hands on the shopping cart where she doesn’t want them.

She is also fearless. She is the one who will try to climb out on the roof. She is the reason I’m feeling nervous that there is a second floor balcony over our foyer. She is why I cannot relax at the pool. She knows how to get out of the puddle jumper, and she will jump right into the pool. Lord help me. I even dunked her underwater in hopes that it would discourage her from going in alone. Did it work? Nope, she thought it was fun! When we were at the beach, she dove face first into the waves. Only because she didn’t care for the salt water, did she not try that again.

As much as her boldness, and strong-will tires me out, I love it. I want to live with that kind of fearlessness, just without so many melt-downs.

The freedom to take risks…

In my attempts to “warn” my daughter about the water, I think I actually emboldened her. By dipping her under the water, and bringing her up, she knows that she can trust me. By me letting her dive face first into the ocean surf, and then scooping her up, she knows that she can try new things (even if she doesn’t want to do it again). I could have kept her away from the water, but I wanted her to experience it within my grasp. I was ready to “rescue” her, and anticipating the dive. I want her to live fully, and be willing to take risks.

This is how we can live boldly in life. Trusting that the Lord will pick us up when we fall. He doesn’t keep us from falling. Then we would never learn how to swim. We are free to take risks because we can trust that when we fall, we will be met with compassion, and a deeper intimacy in knowing who the Lord is, and who we are.

Right now my favorite song to run to is “You Can’t Stop Me” by Andy Mineo. Yes, I run to rap. Yes, I rap out loud with my hands in the air. And yes, I’m a scrawny little white girl. Anyways… there is a line where he says, “My God is good, He is not safe.” This is how I want to live. Not safely, but boldly. I’ve experienced a deeper life with the Lord by taking risks. Yes, it is uncomfortable, but I am not willing to trade it for safety.

I want to dive face first into the ocean.

The Lord does not keep us from falling. But He will pick us up when we do. Click To Tweet

Your turn…

When was a time in your life you took a risk? What happened? How did it change your relationship with the Lord? Tell me in the comments, or on Facebook, or on Instagram. I can’t wait to hear about it!

Anastasia Taioglou