Unavoidable: Making Peace with the Impact of Turmoil

Brace for impact! Turmoil in life is unavoidable, and there is no sense of control. Do we trust God with our lives? What about the lives of our children?

Last week, I had a lengthy conversation with my sister-in-law. She told me, “You have a whole heckuva lot going on in your life right now. I’m not gonna sugar coat it for ya.” Laughing, I asked her if I could quote her on that. I tend to downplay stressors in my life. Someone always has it worse. Searing loss has not ripped through our family. Yet things simmering beneath the surface are draining. They bring me to my knees, but I’m not going back often enough.

A Dream…

My husband, Sean, awakened me from a nightmare a few mornings back…

In the pre-dawn hours, I was driving in the hills of West Virginia en route to Louisville. My kids were with me; two in the back and one riding shotgun. Charging up a steep grade, we passed several cars pulled onto the shoulder that were having mechanical difficulties.

I asked my daughter to check the weather to see what we were going to be running into. As I neared a large, dark colored truck in front of me I saw my passenger side headlight was out in the reflection. I felt frustrated because I had just been through the safety inspection. In the distance a siren was blaring, getting steadily louder as we closed in on its position. The sound was coming from a white Honda Civic which was driving in reverse on the side of the road. It was alerting oncoming traffic of a wreck. Just past the Civic there were multiple cars moved off the main road that had clearly been in a major pile up.

My daughter mentioned something about possible icy conditions ahead. The sun had begun to illuminate the mountains’ dark shadows. I was behind the wheel but I could also see what was happening from the outside. An invisible force stretched across the interstate catching the front of my car. It slowed the car, extending like a sling shot. The tail end began to lift off the ground. My breaks were no longer of any use as we went airborne across the median. We made contact with the ascending terrain only once, spinning us like a fast ball toward the stone wall of a mountain. I groaned in terror as we hurled over the oncoming traffic, suspended in air and closing fast to impact. Bracing myself I thought O God; I don’t want my kids to go like this.

I could hear my muffled moan like someone had wired my mouth shut. Reality gripped as Sean shook me awake. All was quiet.

A Promise…

Unable to fall back to sleep, I went downstairs to write. Sitting down, I smiled. I knew what my dream meant. I was Louisville bound. It’s my hometown. That’s where my mom and dad are. They represent comfort, rest, security. The cars and wrecks are the heartache and hardships in the people around me. My busted headlight stands for unrest in my own life. The invisible force could signify not being able to ignore my own turmoil any longer. Propelling through the air denotes I am 100% out of control. Bracing for impact is feeling that what is happening is unavoidable. I can make peace with that; my future is secure.

Crying out to God for my children was telling. I want to shield them from the kind of agony that could end them. I feel responsible for not protecting them from hurt. Yet I know from experience, “there is no growth without pain, no integrity without self-denial,” (Brennan Manning). I don’t want to rob my children of learning to trust God’s character for themselves. Do I trust God with the lives of those I love most? My answer must be yes. Alternatively, if it is no, I have resigned to simply existing. God loves and cares for my family more than I can conceive.

Homera Homer-Dixon said “freedom from suffering leads to uselessness.” There are some days when the onslaught of pruning feels unbearable. But God will never leave us or forsake us.

I cry to God Most High, to God who accomplishes all things for me.

Psalm 57:2, NASB

There are some days when the onslaught of pruning feels unbearable. But God will never leave us or forsake us. Click To Tweet