sin – Page 2 – Oh Lord Help Us

cleansing, forgiveness, Oh Lord Help Us, spiritual growth, women of faith, Christian mentoring

Cleansing: The Lord Desires to Repair Us Physically and Spiritually

Devotionals, Stay SaneJuly 31, 2018September 8, 2019

As temples of the Holy Spirit, we need the Lord’s full cleansing. We can stay clean by filling ourselves only with things that nourish our spirit.

If you’re like me, there are problems in your life that you have tried to ignore or tolerate for far too long. We can struggle along with these problems; we can limp through half-hearted attempts at a resolution. Often we ping and pong back and forth between hope and despair that our problems will ever fully be resolved. But if we’ll let Him, the Lord brings us to a point where we finally cry, “Mercy!” That is the point when we choose to face and deal with the problem once and for all. It’s a hard place. But it’s such an important place to get to. It’s where we relinquish our control over the problem and fully put it into God’s hands. Ultimately, it’s the place where we find His physical and spiritual cleansing.

The roots of the problem…

I’ve gotten to this place in my physical health, and the things I’m learning apply to my spiritual health as well. For years, I have struggled with stomach problems. The earliest roots of the problem wind their way back to my preteen and teenage years when I experienced an onslaught of emotional trauma. Over the course of my adolescence, my parents divorced; my dad died of a massive heart attack, and I bounced from one home to another, eventually living with six different foster families by the time I graduated high school.

Throughout all those emotionally unsettling years, my stomach was very upset. Seemingly out of nowhere, I became lactose intolerant; I had severe acid reflux and heartburn. And throughout the years, the problems gradually intensified. I was diagnosed with IBS. More and more foods began to bother me, causing severe abdominal cramping, skin rashes, headaches… You name the gastrointestinal symptom, I’ve had it. Now, before this post starts to sound like a script for all the possible side effects on your average pharmaceutical commercial, let’s take this analogy in a spiritual direction!

I need a cleansing…

I need an overhaul, a cleansing. I’m tired of limping through life, just coping with this problem that has plagued me for decades. And I’m not willing to settle for a partial solution, some band aid prescription that will just tame the symptoms temporarily. I want to get down to the root causes of what’s going on in my system and work to repair and heal all that I can. So, this the point where I turn it over to the Lord.

I know that He can help me to heal, and He’s provided everything I need to heal in His creation. It’s just a matter of my committing to the process and being unwilling to accept anything less that than a full recovery. As such, I’m beginning a six week dietary cleanse, a detox, a resetting of my gut, with the expected end of healing. So, here’s the spiritual tie in. Hopefully it provides some “food for thought.”

What we put into ourselves matters…

With food, when we’re hungry, we can reach for the cookies, or we can opt for a nutrient dense snack. And the effects in our body will reflect the choices we make. When it comes to our soul and spirit, what we feed ourselves matters too. In every moment, there are choices we can make. When I wake up, do I reach for my Bible and journal and get still before the Lord? Or do I grab for my cell phone with my calendar and my to do list? The first choice feeds my spirit with the fortification I will inevitably need throughout the day. The second choice fills me with stress and anxiety over all that I need to accomplish.

When I have a brief span of peace and quiet in the afternoon, do I intentionally reach for an inspirational book or encouraging blog post? Or do I absentmindedly scroll through social media, comparing my life to everyone else’s and feeling like I don’t measure up? When I’m tired at the end of a long day, do I reach for the remote and binge watch some reality tv show where other people are pursuing their creative dreams? Or do I work on a song I’m writing or watch a sermon from a speaker or pastor I like? All of these little choices matter because they have immediate and cumulative effects in my mind, my soul, and my spirit. What am I feeding my spirit?

What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20, KJV

Filling my temple…

If I’m filling my temple full of worldly wisdom, carnal desires, and earthly comparison…I’m bringing things into the temple that are not holy and acceptable to the Lord. When I renew my mind with the Word of God, nourish my soul with uplifting music, and keep my mind on things above rather than on things below, I’m filling my temple with things that are life-giving. I’m building my temple up rather than tearing it down. And if what we put into ourselves matters, we know that what comes out will reflect what we have put in.

A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.

Luke 6:45, KJV

Removing the blockages…

I’ve learned something very interesting in my health journey: Even if I’m eating very healthy foods, if I still have underlying issues in my gut, I can’t even absorb the good nutrients that I’m trying to get from the healthy food I’m eating. So, until I fully heal my gut, no matter how healthy I’m trying to be, I will still suffer from the same symptoms.

The spiritual side of this coin looks very similar. Even if we are trying to put the right things into our spirit man, if we still have underlying sin–unforgiveness, resentment, anger, envy–the sermons from church and scriptures from the Bible can’t fully sink in. We must remove the blockages in our spirit that prevent the Truth from fully penetrating our heart.

Just as a detox diet or a cleanse is meant to clear out the garbage lingering in our physical system, when we realize we have unaddressed sin, we have to turn our temple over to the Lord for His complete cleansing. Click To Tweet

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9, KJV

Keeping the temple clean…

And once He has cleansed us, we have to be vigilant to keep our temples clean. So, when I finish this six week reset of my gut microbiome, the goal isn’t to then go out and gorge myself on all the junk food I’ve been craving. The point is to identify and eliminate the foods that hurt me and to only reintroduce the foods that are healthy and nourishing to my system.

And so it goes with our faith walk. We need to pay close attention to the things we’re watching, the relationships we’re maintaining, and the thoughts we’re thinking. If they have been toxic to our faith, we have to identify and eliminate the things that don’t serve us. And once we are fully cleansed, we are better equipped to handle the more difficult things in life because we’re approaching them with a clean heart. Let’s follow the Word’s prescription for the kind of pure, clean diet we need to feed our spirit:

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8, KJV

What kind of diet have you been feeding your spirit lately? Are there things that you need to be cleansed of?

Kumiko SHIMIZU

garbage, sin, forgiveness, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry

Garbage: Exposing Filthy Sin That Has Been Buried

Devotionals, Stay SaneJuly 10, 2018June 27, 2019

A lot of garbage is being revealed in the #MeToo movement, both inside and outside of the Church. How are Christian women suppose to respond?

I was in my thirties the first time a spiritual leader gravely disappointed me. Perhaps I was blind up to that point or simply naive, or maybe it was a different world then; I don’t know. However, during that season of my life there were several gut-wrenching blows to my Christian-leader bubble: Grievous moral failures of staff members, (that sounds too nice for what actually occurred). Our oldest son’s Christian school teachers was charged with murdering his wife (I kid you not!). The affair and subsequent divorce of a couple with whom my husband and I were friends and sang on worship team.

Also, I was attending the Southern Baptist Seminary, enrolled in their Christian counseling program when the trustees underhandedly decided to shut down the program AFTER the semester had already begun! It was a mess, believe me. Let’s just say that the other students and I had a crash course in politics intertwined with religion…so much garbage in such a good place.

Garbage In…

I’m not proud to say these combined events created a cynicism within me that took too many years to loosen its grip. (Can I hear anyone say, decades?) At first I felt entitled to my ‘righteous indignation,’ however, the Holy Spirit didn’t let me stay there long before conviction began. Much time in prayer has been spent seeking forgiveness for my attitude. Admittedly, it took a long time before I could pray for the pastor who had verbally beaten us up week after week, year after year, only to be discovered hiding his own insidious sin…more garbage. (A good insight into this phenomenon of why we stay in abusive churches- read the classic Secrets of Your Family Tree by Cloud and Townsend)

Human forgiveness is a strange thing…it is seldom ‘once for all’ like God’s. Each time I thought I had forgiven that pastor or the others, a new pastor at a different church would do something that reminded me of him or the ‘denominational authority’ stuff and the angry thoughts would rise up, again, and seek to strangle me. I have needed to forgive so many times over the years..! Do I smell something?

Garbage Out…

Now, why am I shoveling up all of this smelly, old garbage?

#MeToo seems to be shoveling up a lot of garbage…and the garbage needs to be taken out.

In recent weeks, the Southern Baptists have come under the microscope of the world with the fall and subsequent removal of Paige Patterson as president of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Patterson has been a prominent Baptist leader for decades. (If you have been unaware of the earthquake that took place in late May, simply Google Patterson’s name.) Due to the forcing of their hands by a Washington Post article, which cited proof that Patterson had told a female student and victim of rape to forgive her offender, (and then proceeded to put her on academic probation), the trustees fired Patterson from his position. They had initially planned to give him a generous severance package along with a new title: theologian-in-residence. This seems to have been the “MO” for the SBC when prominent leaders have been accused of various ‘moral failures.’

There have been many shots across the theological bough since that time. Dr. Albert Mohler wrote a scathing article about the judgment of God coming to the Southern Baptist Convention. Others blame him and those like him in leadership. Dare I say, the judgment of God is not reserved for the Southern Baptists?

For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?

I Peter 4:17, NIV

But I digress.

Buried Garbage…

I know, I know; this ‘garbage theme’ I’ve got going isn’t very appealing to ladies. But let’s face it gals, there has been an incredible amount of refuse being slung around both inside and outside of the church that affects women and children. When sin has been buried in the smoldering dark as long as this has, there is bound to be an eruption that spews far and wide. Abuse is destructive and evil in any situation. Within the church it is especially evil because it denigrates the image of Christ and completely perverts His call to love. Dr. Tim Clinton, President of the American Association of Christian Counselors, says

“It’s tough to believe in the fidelity of God, if all you’re experiencing is ongoing abuse in your life.”

Indeed.

The Answer to Garbage…

Many of the women who gained the courage to speak to their pastors were told to forgive the perpetrators/husbands who were abusing them; while the perpetrators/husbands were seldom called into account. To say this caused a crisis of faith within the hearts of women is a vast understatement. To suggest that this was a grave misunderstanding of Ephesians 5:22-25 seems outlandishly apparent; but obviously was not to a great many within the church! (The rest of Ephesians 5 had to have been ignored).

However, ultimately, forgiveness must come eventually in order for the abused to be set free… Free from your abuser, free from your past, free from the enemy who continues to haunt you with feelings of worthlessness and victimhood. Maybe not today; the pain may still feel too great, too enormous to bear right now. But the Father will invite you when He knows the time.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18, NIV

Forgiveness must come eventually... Maybe not today; the pain may still feel too great, too enormous to bear right now. But the Father will invite you when He knows the time. Click To Tweet

To Close…

Can I close with the words of Ann Voskamp? I can’t express it any more eloquently:

It happens – there are ways to look fine on the outside…and no one knows what you’ve really survived. But the truth is? You didn’t just survive, so let’s toss that myth out right at the outset. The way you keep walking? You may be wounded. You may be hurting. You may be limping. You may feel alone and overwhelmed and unspoken broken – but you’re no victim.

You’re not just a survivor. You’re a thriver. You may bleed – but you rise.

Yeah, it may not feel like it – but you are seen…how you just keep keeping your chin up and limping brave through the hurt…how you keep taking one step out of bed and another step through the door…

But I wanted you to know your wounds are seen and you are going to be okay – it is all going to be okay.

The kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.

Ann Voskamp, The Way of Abundance

paul morris

repentance, conviction, condemnation, Oh Lord Help Us , Christian, women, ministry, scripture

Repentance: Understand the Difference Between Condemnation and Conviction

Devotionals, Stay SaneMay 23, 2018September 8, 2019

Condemnation leads to guilt and shame. Conviction, however, is God’s loving kindness leading us to repentance and back to His refuge.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:1, ESV

If that is true, why do so many wrestle with feelings of condemnation? I believe it’s the fine line between condemnation and conviction.

The difference…

Condemnation oozes from the knowledge of laws and rules. When I feel condemned, I seek to soothe the discomfort of guilt and shame. There are plenty of cheerful quotes on Pinterest to set me right. There’s generally glitter and flowers and unicorns on them, too. Or a Chevron pattern. Whatever floats your boat. Frankly, I’ve come to know that condemnation plugs the holes in my boat with a sponge.

When I feel condemned, I seek to soothe the discomfort of guilt and shame. Click To Tweet

Conviction is entirely different because it is borne from the Holy Spirit and leads to repentance. Understanding Almighty God fully loves me means I no longer fear punishment; I know I am His. In response to the sin that separates me from Him, conviction leads me back to His loving arms.

I’m not spending enough time with the Lord.
I don’t have enough self-control.
I’m not good enough for God.

Condemnation screams: “You should be more. You’re not good enough.” Well-meaning friends (and social media) argue “You are enough!” But the guilt perpetuates. Because the reality is—I keep falling off the proverbial wagon and landing face first in the mud. The cycle repeats ad nauseam. Why? Because contrary to popular belief, it’s not the thought that counts. Feeling bad about something and saying I’m sorry is about me. When I feel convicted I have to be vulnerable, repent, and ask forgiveness; because I know what I did caused brokenness.

Conviction says: You’re right. You’re not good enough. “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ.”(Ephesians 2:4, ESV).

From death to life…

This can be a hard pill to swallow initially. It seems to contradict fairness and encouragement. However, when the Bible talks about us being dead in our sin it’s only figurative to the point that we don’t know when our physical bodies will perish. Yet we are literally spiritually dead as a doornail until God breathes life into our dead souls. We cannot ultimately save ourselves from anything.

No one is getting up and walking out of a morgue. You’re dead on a slab. Resuscitation is off the table—you have to be resurrected.

Edward Hunt, Associate Pastor Sojourn Fairfax

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

John 3:17, ESV

How deep the Father’s love for us! He sent Jesus! It is He who makes us good enough through the work of His Spirit. Friends, it is God’s kindness that is meant to lead us to repentance. Not fear of judgement or completing our check-list of self-punishment.

The Lord redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

Psalm 34:22, ESV

Refuge…

When the boat is sinking back into condemnation land, or the wagon threatens to throw us off, we must find refuge in Christ. And if we still feel swept out to sea and can’t see any redemption or refuge in sight, let’s do a little backwards planning (as my husband likes to say). The instruction in Psalm 34:22 is to run to the Lord for rescue. Deliverance isn’t found anywhere else.

Those who look to him are radiant with joy; their faces will never be ashamed.

Psalm 34:5, CSB

When sin creeps in, don’t allow condemnation to drown you. Instead, permit conviction to bring you back to the One who loves you with an everlasting love. Take shelter in His arms; and worship your Redeemer.

layers, facade, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry

Layers: Allowing God to Expose and Peel Away Our Facade

Devotionals, Stay SaneMay 15, 2018September 8, 2019

There’s nothing wrong with a nice motivational saying to encourage. However, in order to bloom, we must accept reality and allow God to loosen those layers within our sinful selves.

Bloom where you are planted…

It’s spring, and that phrase is everywhere. I have no idea who coined it, but it’s definitely making ripples throughout the whole of womanhood. It’s fun to think of ourselves as flowers. They are beautiful…they smell sweet. In fact, I make sure I have fresh flowers in my home, weekly.

It’s just so hard for me to believe that about myself. Which got me thinking… if I’m not a flower what am I?

I am seeing all these beauties blooming around me, and I’m over here just trying to not be a cabbage.

-Katie Braswell

Yes, a cabbage. Others are budding and spreading their petals, and I’m stubbornly tightening my layers. It’s a horrible habit, but I tend to self-deprecate. So, believing all those around me are beautiful blooming flowers and I’m being made into sauerkraut, isn’t far fetched.

“How in the heck is she going to arch sauerkraut and spirituality?”

It can be done…

Protection

I swear, this is probably the first time in history, someone searched the Bible for the word “cabbage”. Well, I did it so let me share my results…

I’m like someone who goes to the garden to pick cabbages and carrots and corn and returns empty-handed, finds nothing for soup or sandwich or salad.

Micah 7:2, MSG

Yep, I really had to dig for that one, but I read the whole chapter and I wasn’t surprised at all to find meaning and a point that will tie in. God is amazing like that. This chapter in Micah talks about not being able to find a decent person in sight. The world was full of evil and sin. Pretty sorrowful and depressing, if you ask me. Probably because the evil then, is the evil now. But, I feel like we’ve become more cunning at hiding our sin.

“Put this media filter on.”

“Don’t let that scratch too close to the core.”

“Look how lovely my life is.”

So… I’m a cabbage. I know what filters I put on. Most of us walk around with our dark green leaves on… hiding our sin, our wretched selves. Protecting ourselves from this reality: we all sin and need Jesus.

Layers

Try peeling a cabbage without ripping a leaf…just try. If you can do it, we need to talk.

I’m a cabbage. So. Many. Layers. When I allow others (including God) to start peeling them back, my leaves tear. I feel damaged, imperfect. Which sucks for a perfectionist. I like my dark leafed exterior. But, what do people do with those dark leaves when they buy cabbage? Oh right, they peel them off and pay for a beautiful light green bundle.

No one wants to pay for my dark green facade. No one wants to hang around a fake cabbage. The light green parts are easier to relate to. They show humanity, humility, imperfections. No one wants to spend time with someone who seems to have it all together. Yet, here I am, day in and out, protected by those dark leaves.

Loosening

Towards the middle of Micah 7, the tone changes. He accepts his own part in the sinful world. Full acceptance. Not hidden, but recorded forever in the Bible. Now, I say that’s the opposite of layered protection. When we start peeling back the layers and facades, it forces us to come face to face with our sin. To allow others to walk along side of us in support and love. It forces us to allow God to cover over all we have done…

You don’t nurse your anger and don’t stay angry long, for mercy is your specialty. That’s what you love most. And compassion is on its way to us. You’ll stamp out our wrongdoing. You’ll sink our sins to the bottom of the ocean.

Micah 7:19, MSG

God is THE creator. He created cabbages and He created me. However, He did not create me to be a cabbage. All those layers, whether dark or light green, He has asked and even invited me to allow Him to gently peel those away. Those layers of sin I like to hang on to, God loosens them with compassion and mercy. It’s His nature; who He is.

Those layers of sin I like to hang on to, God loosens them with compassion and mercy. It's His nature; who He is. Click To Tweet

Rooting

Micah held fast to hope, in the midst of a despairing world. He knew the prophecies and that God had a plan. Today we can rejoice for Micah…the prophecies came to fruition. We have the redeeming salvation of Jesus Christ. Our “leaves” were nailed to a cross.

This is my hope: that we can root ourselves in the truth of God. Specifically, that last section of Micah chapter 7. I pray we can remember, God sees all our dark and light green leaves and wishes to throw them all in depths of the sea. I hope we can allow Him to peel away at us. Layer by layer, in order for our lives to bloom with HIS glory!

Scott Webb

Adorn: Abandoning the Old and Clothing Ourselves With Salvation

Devotionals, Stay SaneJanuary 21, 2018September 8, 2019

Worldly garments look completely different than spiritual garments. Clothing ourselves in sin hinders our ability to adorn salvation daily.

Clothes. Such a necessity. But why, oh why, do they have to produce laundry? I absolutely loathe laundry. It is one of those chores that we will never see come to completion. Unless you’re a family of nudists (not judging, but kind of). I really have tried the one “load of laundry a day” tip. Y’all, this is not realistic.

My boys are so very blessed with loads of clothes (pun intended). They have clothes for each season. Clothes for school, for playing, for sleeping. Church clothes, Christmas clothes, sports clothes. Seriously, I’m really contemplating becoming a minimalist. But, no matter how many clothes they have, my boys still have their favorites. The ones they will wear whenever they are clean (sometimes even dirty). Special clothes that wear out, tear, have stains. Even still, these items are chosen over shiny new ones.

Have I hit the point yet? This is moving toward matters of the heart…

Adorn: Dirty Clothes

We do this, don’t we? We all have “items” we put on day in and day out. For me, I’m constantly trying to change out of perfectionism, negativity, and insecurity. The list goes on but these are my comfortable clothes. These are the 8-year-old yoga pants I do chores in because they have bleach stains all over. They fit perfectly, and I NEED something to clean in, right?!

Because I’m a mere mortal, it is not in my nature to habitually clothe myself with supernatural adornments. It does feel good to put on freshly laundered clothes. But, why is this such a difficult process in our own spirits? When sin creeps in and goes unaddressed, we become more and more comfortable wearing it. The elastic starts breaking in, so to speak (I think I’ve pushed this analogy as far as I should).

Worldly garments look completely different than spiritual garments. Clothing ourselves in sin hinders our ability to adorn salvation daily.

Adorn: Daily Clothes

Sneaky sin is not what our Heavenly Father wishes for us. He has created the most beautiful spiritual ornaments. However, spiritual clothes are more difficult for us “put on”. In the midst of anger, how easy is it to be compassionate? When depression overwhelms, it’s difficult to be joyful. Anxiety makes us feel a need to act quickly, instead of being patient and trusting in the Lord.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Colossians 3:12, NIV

It takes daily submission and acceptance of this truth; we are His chosen. In every worldly situation and circumstance, we are to stand out. We are set apart and should not be wearing the same yoga pants as everyone else. These are not to be worn for our own glory, but for everyone to witness God’s glory. For all to see the precious gift of salvation through Christ Jesus.

Sing to the Lord, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day.
1 Cronicles 16:23, NIV

Adorn: Salvation Clothes

Most of us can remember the moment we accepted Jesus as our savior. It took me longer to understand what truly happens when we leave our sinful nature behind and accept the forgiveness and mercy of God. When we adorn our clothes of salvation, we are adorning ourselves in all that God has offered. Rest, protection, righteousness, joy, forgiveness, gratefulness, comfort, love.

I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
Isaiah 61:10, NIV

In our salvation, it takes more than just washing our dirty clothes, we must learn to completely abandon them. Every. Single. Day. Salvation is the only piece of clothing I want or need to put on. For in salvation all else rests. It is humbling to know I can approach the throne of God in my ugly yoga pants, because He prepared a way for me to ditch them. In Him, I am made new. My old clothes don’t fit anymore.

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

When sin creeps in and goes unaddressed, we become more and more comfortable wearing it. Click To Tweet

Tammy Strot

I was tired, worn out, and dirty, but God…

This is the newest item in the Oh Lord Help Us Shop. It serves as a reminder that we are no longer who we were. The story has changed.

I’m a Failure

Parent, Stay SaneJune 3, 2015August 21, 2016

Life is full of trials and tribulations. We are constantly putting out one fire, only to turn around find another. Just when we think we have found our groove and that we have everything under control, the rug gets pulled out and we realize we never really had control in the first place. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Are you starting to get the point? Are you tired of my analogies yet? Probably, but I know that you know what I’m talking about because we have all experienced this.

Our trials can take many forms. An annoying co-worker, disobedient children, fussy babies, an illness, yet another bill that can’t be paid, a spouse that just doesn’t seem to get you. Whatever it is, all of us are struggling with something. The question is, how do we handle those times when we are being tested?

Here’s what happened…

Earlier in the year my hubby had to go out of town for work. And let me just say, I am super spoiled that this rarely happens. I have a dear friend whose husband travels all the time. I don’t know how she does it, it would make me lose my mind. I depend heavily on my hubby and I don’t mind admitting it. The Lord gives us the grace to handle all of our different situations I suppose. Anyhow…he left town Sunday afternoon. That evening was alright because my dad and step-mom were visiting and I was enjoying my time with them. That night however….

It started with the fact that I had a nasty cough and couldn’t get to sleep until around 12:30. At 3:45 I awoke to the sound of foot steps running down the hall. My older son came barging in telling me that my younger son was throwing up. Wonderful. I hurry and rush to their room to find my 3 year old sitting in a puddle of vomit. But here’s the thing, we had just made bunk beds for the boys and naturally my older son got the top bunk. My younger son is such a snuggle bug, that he would wait for his brother to fall asleep and then crawl into bed with him. So my poor older son was awoken with his little brother throwing up in his bed. And this poor, pregnant mama had to clean up the vomit on a top bunk.

When I got into the room I went in to triage mode. What had to be done first? What was most urgent? First I had to clean it off the floor. Gross. Then I got my son out of the bed, stripped him down, and put him in the bathroom to get cleaned up. Then I got my older son settled on the couch since his bed was ruined for the night. Younger son was settled into his bed. Then the clean up began. Seriously, trying to clean this up on the top bunk while almost 6 months pregnant was no easy task. At 4:15 I made it back to my bed, but not before walking full speed into the corner of the wall. I had a goose-egg and bruise on my forehead for a week. Once in bed, I hear my younger son up again. He wants to hug. And his belly hurts. Let’s go hug in the bathroom. After getting sick again, I went back to bed and prayed that my other son and I would be spared from whatever this was. I could not get sick, especially not with my hubby out of town. Sleep was pointless since I would have to wake up in less than an hour. The next day was sure to be interesting since my folks were going to be leaving and I would be on my own.

It was actually quite comical the amount of things that went wrong the first 24 hours my hubby was gone, but I was quite pleased with myself on how I was handling it. I was calm and compassionate with my boys. I was even able to get everything done that needed plus some.

It was the next day that I blew it. I had an all-out-3-year-old-style temper tantrum. And I knew in that moment that I failed. I failed the test that I was given. And this got me thinking. How could I not have failed? Were there steps or precautions that I could have taken? What about things I could tell myself to stay calm? Absolutely. I recognized that the hour before bedtime was my most challenging time of the day, so I gave myself a count down. I only had to stay calm for another 45 minutes. And I gave the boys a countdown. Ten minutes to clean up, ten minutes to get bathed, 2 minutes to brush teeth, and then read a book. Once I implemented the plan, the rest of the week went smoothly.

What I learned…

I decided that it was alright, maybe even necessary to fail. Without failing, we won’t know what needs to be changed. We won’t learn. We won’t grow. I still believe this to be true, but my lesson in failing wasn’t over. A few weeks later, I failed again. I was then challenged with the thought that I CAN’T pass the test. I will never, ever, ever get it right.

See, I believe there is such a thing as “sin” and wouldn’t you know it, we all suffer from it. The world is consumed with it actually. And even more of a bummer is that I can’t fix it on my own. But see, I also believe there is such a thing as “grace” and thankfully we all can access it. So, the next time I was presented with the test of rising anger while dealing with these selfish, inconsiderate, deceitful creatures (known as my children) I went into a quiet moment and thanked Jesus for the grace that was given to me because he bore my sin of losing my temper. And then I thanked Him for the Holy Spirit that promises to give us a spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and faithfulness. That’s the the mom, wife, and friend that I desire to be. It was then that I was able to go to my children and teach them and correct their behavior and show them love. It was then that I was, yet again, changed by grace.