humility

Prideful: Resisting Temptation and Following Christ’s Example of Humility

DevotionalsJuly 24, 2019July 13, 2019

To our core, humans find it easy to slip into prideful character traits. We must resist the temptation to wear pride and follow Christ’s example of humility.

My husband and I closed on our first home on June 7. It’s a beautiful fixer-upper, built in 1920. We knew going in this would be a lot of work, but I think we underestimated just how much work.

For weeks now, we’ve been cutting, drilling and demolishing in that house every spare minute we have. It’s been challenging and growing, to say the least. But I knew it would be. I knew we would be exhausted. I knew our communication as husband and wife would be challenged and given opportunity to flourish.

But what I didn’t expect was something inside of me to crawl its way to the surface, revealing an ugly, sinful aspect of my personality: pride.

Doing vs. Hearing

I am a fairly independent creature. I love knowing how to get a job done and then just going and doing it. But I’m also a hands-on learner. Which means in order for the knowledge of how to do something to lodge in my brain, it’s a whole lot easier for me to physically walk through it than it is for me to listen to someone explain how to do it.

Let me tell you, when it comes to renovating a house, there’s a lot I don’t know. My husband has been gracious with me as I learn on the go, but I hate that I have to ask him so many questions. I hate that I have to wait for him to give a direction for certain things like roughing in the electric and creating framing for our new, beautifully-big kitchen window.

But that’s not even where my pride has reared its ugly head. The situations where that sinful little character flaw reveals itself has been in my meeting with contractors. With male contractors, I should add.

Prideful Scream

Now, I’m not the person who is all up in arms over women’s rights. I believe women are equal in intelligence and value to men, that we should have equal opportunity, but I’m not going to be protesting or arguing that the world is out to devalue women.

But what I will take a stand against is men assuming I don’t know what I’m talking about in a male-dominated field. That just gets me! I’ve met with a few different contractors during the day by myself, as I work from home and have the flexibility to do so.

What I’m realizing is that most of these men I speak with give my prideful nature a frustratingly simple path to the surface of my emotions. When they say things like, “You can have your husband call me if he has questions” or, “Do you know what I mean by this?” I simply want to scream.

And those are moments my pride sneers in success as I shrink back in failure.

“What Would Jesus Do?”

Allowing a prideful attitude to take control is something I know saddens the heart of Jesus. I could easily give excuses for why I feel the way I do. But to borrow from the old, Christian phrase, I must ask, “What would Jesus do?”

Jesus, the King of the universe, the One who created heaven and earth with the breath of His lungs and the words of His mouth — this Jesus was mocked, scorned, beaten and put to death. Evil, nasty men hurled insults at Him… At the Son of the Almighty God.

And what did He do? Did He scream back at them? Did He defend His Name and His knowledge and His power? No, He didn’t. Jesus didn’t allow the pride of who He is to tempt Him into sin.

He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth; He was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so He did not open his mouth.
Isaiah 53:7, NIV

If Jesus didn’t feel the need to defend Himself against His accusers, why should I feel the need to defend my knowledge and experience?

I shouldn’t, is the simple answer.

But it’s never that simple for us mere mortals, is it?

God is Faithful

We can easily say “What would Jesus do?” Yet that’s a phrase easier said than put into practice. But if I desire to look more like Christ each day, if I desire to glorify God with every fiber of my being, then I must set aside the pride that rises each time people assume I don’t know something simply because I’m a woman.

I don’t know what circumstances you face that cause your prideful nature to flood your emotions, but one thing I do know: We can rise above this temptation. We can not only push back our pride, but we can pluck it from the very core of our being.

How? By remembering God is faithful.

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13, NIV

Enduring Temptation

God has given us an amazing promise when it comes to the temptation of pride. We can know, because of His faithfulness, He will always provide a way out for us. He will help us to endure the temptation.

But here’s the thing: We have to accept His help. Just because God provides a way doesn’t mean He pulls us kicking and screaming. We must acknowledge His faithfulness, take His hand, and accept His endurance.

We can do this through prayer and through repeating truth whenever faced with a temptation. Instead of allowing instant frustration at these men who assume I’m simply my husband’s puppet in regards to the renovation of our house, I need to ask God for help. I need to praise Him for His faithfulness. And I need to seek the way out that He will provide for me.

Christ’s Humility

I wish I could give you a step-by-step guide to what this looks like. But what I can do is promise you that the more you seek God, and the more you remember Christ’s humility, the more you will begin to reflect His character. And the more you reflect His character, the more your prideful nature will feel foreign and unneeded.

For God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But you must follow His lead when He provides a way out for you. At least that’s what I plan on doing tomorrow when I meet with another contractor. No more prideful screams. I’m following Jesus’ example this time.

The more we seek God, and the more we remember Christ’s humility, the more we will begin to reflect His character. The more we reflect His character, the more our prideful nature will feel foreign and unneeded. Click To Tweet

Emily Saxe was born and raised on the east coast but currently resides in Indiana with her husband. Working as a full-time freelance writer and editor, her heart and her pen are drawn to stories of faith as she helps people share how God is working in their lives. Everyone has a story to tell, and Emily loves helping to give people a voice to share their own story.

Read more of Emily’s articles on her website, To Unearth. You can also find Emily here: Pinterest Instagram Facebook

Evie S.

idols, heart, humility, prayer, affection, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Idols: Seating God on the Throne of our Hearts and Lives

DevotionalsMay 1, 2019May 1, 2019

Idols can surface in the most innocent of ways. Our lives can quickly revolve around things we love, but God must sit on the throne of our hearts and lives.

All who make idols are nothing, and the things they treasure are worthless. Those who would speak up for them are blind; they are ignorant, to their own shame. Who shapes a god and casts an idol, which can profit nothing? People who do that will be put to shame; such craftsmen are only human beings. Let them all come together and take their stand; they will be brought down to terror and shame.

Isaiah 44:9-11, NIV

Idols

God instructs us in one of the 10 Commandments to not make idols (Exodus 20:3-6). Likewise, Isaiah tells us to not make idols because they are worthless; those who worship them are ignorant and blind.

Tim Keller says, What is an idol? It is anything more important to you than God, anything that absorbs your heart and imagination more than God, anything you seek to give you what only God can give.

When my husband and I were on a mission trip in Thailand a year and a half ago, it was impossible to not see idols. Many homes have shrines in front of them where they worship ancestors or appease the evil spirits with offerings of food and money. We passed by Buddhist temple, after Buddhist temple. While these are blatant idols, you do not have to look too hard or too far in America (and other places in the world) to find idols of our own contrivance.

Misplaced Affection

When I was in high school, I developed and fed an idol. And you know what? The idol itself was not bad standing alone. It was what most would consider a good thing. But what made it an idol was that I put it above the Lord Jesus, my family, my friends, and my schoolwork. It replaced what should have been first in my life. And what was my idol? Running.

I was dedicating all of my energy and attention to my running. I ran every day, rain or shine, through each season. It seemed I was always running. I wanted to be the fastest and best runner on my very competitive, very driven cross country and track teams.

My mother very firmly and wisely spoke truth into my life one day. She saw how misplaced my affection was and that I was not putting Jesus first. She told me, “You had better change and honor the Lord first. He is a jealous God and will never bless you and your running if you put it before Him.”

Humbled

Talk about a wake-up call! I knew she was right and the Holy Spirit convicted me. You know, it was not too much later that I developed tendonitis in my right knee in the middle of track season my junior year of high school. I was able to finish the season and then I immediately started physical therapy. But running was taken away from me. I spent all summer at therapy and did only deep water running and biking. Basically, it was low-impact cross-training that allowed me to keep up my cardio endurance.

God used my injury to humble me. He knew how conceited I had become and that it was only Him Who enabled me to run. After the summer of no running, I came back my senior year of cross country, feeling fitter and better rested than ever before. I ran consistently faster and stronger that year in both cross and track and I dedicated each race to my Grandpa, who was in declining health. Five days after the state cross country meet that year, he passed away. I had finally learned that running was a gift from the Lord and that I needed to use my talent to honor Him.

On the Throne

I do not know what idols you may have. Perhaps it is your job; your house; alcohol or substance abuse; your car; movies; your hobby; your spouse; or your children. As humans, we are idol making factories.

Believer Friends, ask the Lord to search your heart. We all have our blind spots. Ask God to illuminate those to you and pray that you would have the courage and humility to repent of any idols you have made. When godly counsel is given to you, like it was to me by my Mom, listen and heed. Always submit to the Lord Jesus and set Him back on the throne of your heart.

We all have blind spots that we need to ask God to illuminate. Submitting our idols over to the Lord invites Him back on the throne of our hearts. Click To Tweet

Meg Perron’s life runneth over with busyness chasing her husband, children, and three animal children around! This makes sense since she is an avid runner! Meg loves prophecy, reading and studying the Bible. Traveling to Israel to see where the Lord preached and taught brought immense inspiration.

Keila Hötzel

humility, pride, shine, esteem, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Shine: Dimming Arrogance and Allowing God to Shine

Devotionals, Stay SaneNovember 7, 2018January 13, 2019

In our attempt to shine brighter and brighter, we must learn that dimming the light of arrogance is the only true way God can shine through us.

If anyone would like to acquire humility, I can, I think, tell him the first step. The first step is to realize that one is proud. And a biggish step, too. At least, nothing whatever can be done before it. If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed.

-C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Mascara

I couldn’t believe I went through carpool with streaks of mascara running down my face. Really, it didn’t matter as the sunglasses hid a majority of the mess. And boy, what a mess I was…

The previous night was an evening of silence and staring off. But, the morning brought words formed from hurt feelings and confusion. There was a heavy stream of tears.

It’s difficult to filter through inner dialogues and actual reality; piecing together instances to justify a feeling, and forsaking the whole picture. That’s just what I did. I made the pieces fit so my bitterness was not in vain.

The pieces did fit fairly easy, but it was vain. I was the embodiment of pride…

It’s ironic that out of pride came a massive mess. The opposite of what I was trying to achieve. Those black streaks of mascara truly made me take a step back. They forced me towards, dare I say, humility.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Philippians 2:3-4, NIV

‘Self’-Filled

We live in a world where meekness is rare, and the focus on ‘self’ is common. Self-esteem, self-help, self-affirmation, self-aware, self-care… there’s a LONG list of ‘self’ words. Seriously, Google it.

Listen, self-affirmation isn’t a new thing. But it seems to be more prevalent these days. Maybe my eyes are open now, but there just seems to be a heavy push to remember who we are. “Who I am.” And while I believe in affirmation (seriously I do), I can’t help but wonder if we are remembering that these truths are the same for our fellow humans too.

Most affirmations, especially if aligned with the truth of the Bible, are genuine and honest. But we can’t forget that we aren’t unique in that we are loved or chosen or beautiful or known. Guess what? If we are all created by God, we are ALL every single bit of those things. The Bible is for everyone who accepts its truth… We were created by God, in His image.

When I finally allowed my mouth to shut up, the streaks of mascara to serve their purpose, and the Holy Spirit to take over, I was urged to surrender. Surrender my vanity and think back. Further… further… further still. So far that I thought on the creation of the universe and Who molded each intricate particle…

Shine of Humility

Humility, but also shame washed over me. This other human was knit together in the same fashion, molded by the same hands, and loved to the same degree by our Beautiful Creator. And, in this moment I allowed my heart to love what the Lord loves, and hate what the Lord hates…

Here are six things God and one more that he loathes with a passion: eyes that are arrogant, a tongue that lies, hands that murder the innocent, a heart that hatches evil plots, feet that race down a wicked track, a mouth that lies under oath, a troublemaker in the family.

Proverbs 6:16-19, MSG

It’s no coincidence that arrogance is first on the list. Pride goes before all destruction (Proverbs 16:18). Arrogance is dark, dull and, above all, an absolute liar!

Pride says – I can shine like the stars…

Humility says – Jesus shine through me!

Unity

It’s not as though my intentions are ultimately selfish. In fact, they seem to be the opposite. Outwardly, I’m excited when others succeed, but inwardly I become jealous… Oooh, that’s ugly! Maybe I can apply the fake it ’till you make it rule??

Our motivation in the world should be driven from our love of God and our love for our neighbor. When we get caught up in our own selfish motives and ambitions, the body of Christ starts to deteriorate. If we consider each other above ourselves, then we create a beautiful community. A community where everyone is esteemed in high regard and no one is looked down on…

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Philippians 4:1-3, NIV

Our motivation should be driven from our love of God and our love for our neighbor. When we get caught up in our own selfish motives and ambitions, the body of Christ starts to deteriorate. Click To Tweet

A By-Product

When pride and selfishness rule, there’s no room for the Holy Spirit. When we bring ourselves to a place of surrender, there the Spirit of the Lord can dwell.

If we are living now by the Holy Spirit’s power, let us follow the Holy Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Then we won’t need to look for honors and popularity, which lead to jealousy and hard feelings.

Galatians 5:25-26, TLB

Here’s the thing… to think I can achieve this level of humility on my own is prideful too. The only real way is to surrender myself to the Holy Spirit. When we allow the Holy Spirit room, He does miraculous things. He makes us so much better. He shines so we don’t have to (and thank goodness because I don’t want that pressure).

In our attempt to shine brighter and brighter, we must learn that dimming the light of arrogance is the only true way God can shine through us. We are His vessels on the Earth. We carry His light (Philippians 2:15), the only way to shine is allowing God’s light above all else.

Ultimately, you can’t just gain humility through practice to make it a character trait. Humility is a product of drawing near and spending time with Jesus. When we seek after Him, we inadvertently become more like Him.

help, weak, community, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry

Help: Crying Out to the Lord Who Delivers from Trouble

Devotionals, Stay SaneAugust 14, 2018July 30, 2019

Often, we move forward boldly, trying to accomplish things on our own, not asking for help. When is the right time to ask? What is at stake when we don’t?

“Oh Lord, help us” is not just the name of this ministry, but the cry of my heart.

It’s 11 o’clock on Tuesday night and I committed to have a devotional submitted by the end of the day. A week ago, I had a handful of ideas on what I wanted to write about. Clearly, seven days later, none of those panned out. This morning I put together some thoughts that were decent, but they were messy and didn’t flow or connect. This evening, after another hour of typing, I crawled underneath my covers and stared wide-eyed. I told my husband, Sean, “It’s crap. I have no space in my brain for writing right now.”

My shield is with God, who saves the upright in heart…I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High.

Psalm 7:10, 17, ESV

David gave God glory for the protection he received. I, too, must sing praise to God for His righteousness and cry out to the Most High.

Opening Up

What happens when I need help and don’t ask? Uh…tonight. I’m totally sitting here crying. Which is kind of cleansing, but why ask for help to begin with? Well, for starters, to avoid getting to a place of hysteria. Haha. But all the more because I need community and I am weak. And that’s not just okay, it’s Biblical.

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.

Matthew 7:7-8

In one of Sean’s notebooks is written: Patience with God changes us from a different angle. His knowledge of what’s next isn’t the point. Our desire for His will is.

Giving Up the Ghost

On days like this, I try to align myself in community with God, fighting for humility to get to that place of sacrificial praise. I know it’s okay for me to ask for help from my husband or my kids when I’m spent. But I forget in the moment. Today, I feel used up. I realize I haven’t had space to breathe. So many worthy things vie for my attention and I genuinely want to be available. However, when I was driving to pick up my son from basketball camp this afternoon I had a fleeting thought of how nice it would be to keep driving. Not to leave him or escape my family, just to recharge.

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

Romans 8:26, NASB

The Spirit in the heart helps, dwelling in us, working in us, as a Spirit of grace and supplication, especially with respect to the infirmities we are under when we are in a suffering state, when our faith is most apt to fail; for this end the Holy Spirit was poured out.

Matthew Henry

I know it’s okay for me to ask for help when I’m spent. But I forget in the moment. Today, I feel used up. I realize I haven’t had space to breathe. Click To Tweet

Feelings Are Tricky Tricksters

The funny thing is, I love my home. It is bright and peaceful. I like my neighbors. Being at home is not a burden. I guess it’s my mind that has taken on a hostile stance. Many intensely emotional situations have occurred in the past few weeks. Some joyful, some heart wrenching. All of which I desperately want to be present in. I want to sit with sisters who are battling fear, depression and loss. I want to be waging war in the spirit realm for my brothers and sisters who are fighting the good fight of faith. To add on to the pile, I started school this week. It is a worthy undertaking, yet it is putting more constraints on my time.

I recall to mind a text Sean sent me a few days ago: Don’t let your feeling direct you. Be driven by purpose. Feelings come and go and are rarely righteous.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21, NIV

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4, ESV

Help Is on The Way

This reminds me that when I say oh Lord, help me!…there is actually a God to call on that answers with hope and He reveals Himself to me in Christ. When I fall down at the feet of Jesus, He hears and redeems me from all of my worries. He continually exceeds my expectations through the work of His Spirit.

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.

Psalm 34:17, ESV

Nine Köpfer

gratitude, humility, humble, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, ministry

Humble: Accept the Thank You and Move On

Devotionals, Stay SaneJune 19, 2018June 28, 2019

Accepting gratitude for a job well done seems to be a hard thing to do. Our desire to be humble doesn’t mean that we can’t accept thank you without a qualifier.

“Thank you for staying late to help.” “No problem. It really wasn’t a big deal.” Even though I had to have my husband pick up my son from tae kwon do, change dinner plans, and cancel another meeting.

“That dessert is awesome.” “It’s just something I threw together.” Even though I had to make an extra trip to the grocery store, not go to the park to play with my little boy, and feed my family sandwiches for dinner since I had to baby sit the cake to make sure it didn’t fall.

“My kid loves being in your class. Thanks for all the extra help.” “It’s my job and I’m happy to do it.” Which I am, but it takes a lot of extra effort and time to text parents after school, put together meaningful assignments that help each child, and means I usually work from 7:30-5:30 everyday.

Maybe some of these situations sound like something you have encountered. Do you find yourself, like me, brushing off the compliment? I wonder why that is. Why can’t we just say “Thank you” and move on?

A Desire to be Humble

I have a theory that women have a predisposition to appear humble. Humbleness means we are gentle, cooperative and together therefore accepting a compliment that includes “thank you” is difficult.

But I submit to you lovely, humble readers that “thank you” is exactly what we should say and leave it there. Don’t diminish your work.

Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips.

Proverbs 27:2, NIV

As long as you are not touting your own accomplishments, you should accept the gratitude of others. Let me ask you, do you want your daughter to brush off her accomplishments? Do you want God to brush off your accomplishments done in His service? Absolutely not. That sounds absurd doesn’t it?

As long as you are not touting your own accomplishments, you should accept the gratitude of others. Click To Tweet

Gratitude

God invites us to a life of gratitude and thanksgiving. He is so proud of us when we choose to follow Him and the path He sets out for each of us. Sometimes that involves baking a cake, making a meeting that was unplanned, or teaching His children. Saying “thank you” acknowledges the hard work you did.

Pray like it depends on God and work like it depends on you.

Mark Batterson, The Circle Maker

These are cherished words in my heart because they show the partnership I have with my Heavenly Father. We are together in this world and He is always near. In a very real way I need to accept the “thank you” for both of us. And so do you.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18, NIV

The Take Away

This is something I need to work on. Recently I was talking about why I have such a hard time accepting “thank you” without a qualifier that makes it seem like it is no big deal. I think the need to be humble is part of it, but not all. Maybe some of it is because all the women in my life have made similar statements in the face of gratitude and I am following their example.

But I don’t want my children to do the same. I want them to feel proud of their accomplishments because we pray over them. We give thanks to God for His direction, we ask for help when things don’t seem to be going exactly right, and we give glorious praise when the course ends up being more wonderful than the bumps along the way. How can we not accept gratitude when He is part of the equation of our lives?

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

Colossians 4:2, NIV

So in light of my new discovery, I want to ask God to help me be more accepting of the gratitude of others.

Dear God,

Please open my ears and heart the the thankfulness of others. Help me discern the difference between boastfulness and gratitude. Let me remember that You are a part of all gratitude and that in accepting it fully I am drawing closer to You and the path You have set before me.

love,

This is where the story changes…

Annie Spratt

forgiveness, grace, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry

Clean: Understanding Hurts and Extending Forgiveness

Devotionals, Stay SaneMay 14, 2018September 8, 2019

When we understand the past of people who have hurt us, we are more capable to extend grace. We are able to wipe their slate clean with forgiveness.

When I was in grade school, I loved it when my teacher would choose me to wipe the chalkboard clean at the end of the day. There was something almost magical about that simple physical process. What had been a murky mess—rows of math tables, diagramed sentences, partial erasures, and a lingering cloud of dust—could be wiped completely clean. What remained was literally a new, clean slate for the next day’s instruction.

As believers, we can glean a simple yet profound message here: the Lord’s forgiveness is a complete work, with mercies that are new each day. In Isaiah we read:

I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.

Isaiah 43:25, KJV

And in the Psalms we’re reminded of just how far away He casts ours sins:

As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:12, KJV

An Ever-Present Need

Being a mom of two young kids has done wonders in teaching me about the need for mercy and forgiveness. From meltdowns, to accidents, to intentional misbehavior (and those are just on my end!), to sibling rivalry, and the list goes on… We have an ever-present need for grace, mercy, and forgiveness in our home. Many days I feel as if I’m working at a deficit in my parenting bank. But if I’m operating in the red, that is precisely the time to turn back to the blood of Jesus. To let His strength perfect me in my weakness; to allow His forgiveness to flood my soul; and to let Him father me as I mother my children.

Misuse of The Rod

It has been hard for me to wrap my head and heart around the notion that God is a loving dad who gently guides me and forgives me when I make mistakes. My slowness to internalize this truth stems from the lies I learned and the wounds I sustained when I was very young. I was raised in a strict, legalistic, and abusive home. Repentance and chastisement were heavily emphasized, but somehow forgiveness seemed to be forgotten. If it’s the Lord’s goodness that draws us to repentance (Rom. 2:4), it was my mom’s misuse of the rod that drove me further from her, and for many years, further from God.

I remember one day when I was probably four years old. I had dropped a jar of cream that shattered and spilled all over the kitchen floor. Positive parenting classes I’ve taken would likely recommend a patient response to this kind of scenario. Consider whether a task is age appropriate for the child; acknowledge when something is an accident; enlist the little one’s help to clean up the parts of the mess that are safe for her to tackle. Patience, mercy, kindness. A Christ-like response.

But my mom had torn a page from a different kind of book and claimed that it was from the Good Book. She began shouting at me; dragging me out to the dark mudroom where she would whip me repeatedly on my backside with a leather strap. She slammed the door behind her, leaving me alone, scared, and wounded in the dark.

Tiptoeing on Eggshells

This was the typical pattern. I would misbehave somehow or accidentally break or spill something, and the hammer would come down. Hard. I would be “disciplined”, which usually meant abused, and a silent treatment would ensue. The painful welts on my body or missed meals were nothing compared to the punishment inflicted by Mom’s cold shoulder of emotional isolation.

I would then have to tip toe on eggshells and placate my mom until her storm of anger passed. Rarely, if ever, was there a loving conversation about how my misbehavior could be changed or what a reasonable consequence would be if I committed the same offense in the future. Instead, I would be forced to say sorry and accept the blame for whatever had happened. I can’t ever remember a time in those early years when Mom asked me to forgive her for how she had treated me.

On Pins and Needles

My mom died nearly three years ago. I recall a conversation I had with her a few years before she died. In the past, she had told me that she was raised in an orphanage from age seven until she graduated high school. But she had never gone into detail about what she had suffered there.

During her years at the orphanage, Mom found herself in the unfortunate position of being under the tutelage of a strict and abusive house mom named Ms. Hupp. Mom had harbored a deep fear of and hatred for this woman. She said Hupp would wake up all the girls before dawn, barking orders at them to get dressed, make their beds, straighten their belongings, and report for duty. Duty entailed meticulously hand scrubbing floors, washing walls, helping prepare meals, and various and sundry other tasks that she seemed to create just for the sake of keeping all the girls busy. Mom said Hupp’s constant scrutiny and criticism kept her on pins and needles.

Connecting the Dots

As she described Hupp’s mistreatment, I began to connect the dots to my own experience of how Mom had treated me when I was little. Young women sometimes joke that one day they will probably become their moms. Well, Mom had grown up and become like Hupp. Without her own mom in the picture, she had learned from the only mother figure she knew. As Mom spoke about her hard heart toward Hupp, I could identify with her anger, but in a way, my own heart was softening toward my mom. Mom told me how the Lord had helped her to finally forgive Ms. Hupp. She said He had let her see Hupp’s wounded heart so that she could forgive her. As I write this, I can say that I have forgiven my own “Hupp” too.

Wiping the Slate Clean

After many years, my mom asked me if I could ever forgive her for all the ways she had mistreated me. When I told her that I had already forgiven her, I could almost see a weight lift off her. For so many years, she had borne the heavy shame and regret of her abusive behavior. Her abuse drove my dad to divorce her and fight for full custody of me and my siblings. Her abuse made it impossible for us to return to live with her when my dad died. But the pain Mom inflicted also drove her to her knees, to sincerely repent to the Lord and seek His forgiveness.

Although she knew she had been forgiven, she still struggling with the shame of the hurt she had caused. Somehow, she still needed to hear that I had forgiven her. Although we can seek the Lord’s forgiveness, we also need to humble ourselves to ask forgiveness of the people we have wronged; and we need to extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us. When we do so, we are free to fully love and be loved.

And when you pray, make sure you forgive the faults of others so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you. But if you withhold forgiveness from others, your Father withholds forgiveness from you.

Matthew 6:14-15, TPT

Is there someone in your life whose slate you need to clean with your forgiveness? Is there someone whose forgiveness you need to seek?

Although we can seek the Lord’s forgiveness, we also need to humble ourselves to ask forgiveness of the people we have wronged; and we need to extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us. Click To Tweet

Keilidh Ewan

exposure, vulnerability, relationships, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry, encouragement

Exposure: Enriching Relationships With Vulnerability

Devotionals, Stay SaneApril 15, 2018September 8, 2019

Exposing our hearts can be uncomfortable. Especially when it involves our spouses, friends, God, and even ourselves. Vulnerability has the ability to enrich our relationships and the results are beautiful.

Vulnerability. There’s that word. I shiver when I hear it and cringe at the thought of opening up. I need the comfort of my couch and a warm cup of coffee; STAT!

Over these last few weeks, God has pushed me to learn one specific lesson: exposure. One thing that is incredibly difficult for me to do is speak my mind. To verbally expose feelings I have. There are two reasons I have difficulty in this area. One: confrontations make me uncomfortable. Two: I NEVER want others to feel uncomfortable because of me.

So why is “exposure” my lesson from God? It might be that 8 years is the exact time it takes for me to confront real issues within my marriage. Maybe it’s because of the adult friendships I am learning to navigate. Or, I’m finally understanding the importance of being vulnerable with myself. Perhaps, my spiritual growth in the Lord is drawing me towards a posture of exposure. I’m certain, these all apply.

Types of Vulnerability

Marriage Vulnerability

One thing “they” don’t tell us about marriage: we will sooner or later be completely exposed. Yeah, we all know about physical exposure, but no one tells us our insides are completely laid bare for our spouse to see. This is something extremely uncomfortable for me.

When you are living every day of your life with someone, it’s inevitable they will see sides of you that no ones else sees…

My husband hears my true voice, sees my true reactions, and witnesses my most vulnerable moments. He sees the food I eat, the shows I watch, and when I have a booger hanging out of my nose. He’s seen me cry uncontrollably and that one time I punched something. Okay, maybe a couple times.

Because he sees all this, I feel the need to keep some things hidden. Something! Anything! I feel like I need to keep some sort of dignity. Or, that thing that is just too painful; it’s mine.

Relational Vulnerability

In any relationship, there is hurt. In my experience, pain comes most intensely when I’ve been unguarded, only to be rejected. Sometimes this happens instantly, but mostly this is a damage over time effect. Meaning, we slowly allow others a glimpse inside. Then, wham!! Which feels like complete betrayal.

My gut reaction if someone hurts me, is to walk away or distance myself. The flight response is strong in me. I build those walls, create boundaries, and mask my feelings. I hold on tight; they are mine.

Personal Vulnerability

I’m not sure about you, but I also build borders to keep myself away. Kind of like I’m refusing to be honest with myself. It’s uncomfortable to go there; to push through self-inflicted pain and allow healing.

Being vulnerable with ourselves, is to be completely raw with honesty. To acknowledge our part in the pain. It’s mine. No one else can see it, so why should I have to be brutally honest? Yeah, that’s not super fun for anyone, but it’s vital.

Spiritual Vulnerability

My past is so filthy, my sin too great, my road so dark…. I’m not sure what makes me think this is all mine. If I’ve truly given my life to God, all of it is His. Every dirty, sinful moment is used for His glory. It’s called testimony.

However, I often find myself trying to hide from God. If I have to endure one more probing of the Spirit, I may just implode. Not really, but we all know there’s a lesson to learn when we are vulnerable with the Lord. Most times, I’m a child and I fight against lesson learning.

My past is so filthy, my sin too great, my road so dark... If I've truly given my life to God, all of it is His. Every dirty, sinful moment is used for His glory. It's called testimony. Click To Tweet

Responding Vulnerably

So how do we overcome? We can all benefit from practical application. We need to know what to do. We need to let go of the “mines” to strengthen every meaningful relationship we care for…

Saying “I’m sorry” is so incredibly vulnerable. It proves we are human. It proves we are NOT perfect (gasp). We hurt the people we love, the God who created us, and even ourselves. I have this rule: if you feel sorry, just say it. It shows you are thinking of the other person’s feelings, apart from their words. Also, repentance is the key to our relationship with God.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves

Philippians 2:3, NIV

Prayer

This one is easy to apply to our relationship with God, but what about our marriages? What about our friendships? How often do we kneel with our spouses or start a coffee date with a prayer? Do we pray for each other face to face? I find it easy to pray for others, but shy away from praying for things I know I need help with.

Here are my directions: Pray much for others; plead for God’s mercy upon them; give thanks for all he is going to do for them.

1 Timothy 2:1, TLB

Scripture

Another easy one to incorporate in our walk with God. Maybe a little easier to have Bible time with our families, but what about our friendships? Do we approach times spent together with bible studies and scriptures close to our hearts? We should tackle issues and problems with the Truth of God.

All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

2 Timothy 3:16-17, NIV

Alone Time

I find this most easy with my husband. Others find alone time with the Lord easiest. I find it most difficult to spend quality, one on one time with a friend. Mostly because…children. I would say, focus on a relationship where you know this is lacking. Even alone time with yourself (self-care).

What then shall we say, brothers and sisters? When you come together, each of you has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation.

1 Corinthians 14:26, NIV

Working/Creating Together

I often forget that my ability to work and create comes from the Lord. When I say forget, I mean I don’t invite Him to help me or be a part of it. Allowing my husband to create with me, or see an unfinished work of art is completely vulnerable to me. The same is true in friendships. My creations are very dear to me (whatever it is) and I feel exposed showing others.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Colossians 3:23-24, NIV

Common Ground

In almost all my relationships, salvation is a common ground. Testimonies are meant to be shared. My testimony is growing. God is shaping and molding it. I believe, with all of my heart, that my testimony glorifies Him…as long as I’m obedient and share it.

I will praise you to all my brothers; I will stand up before the congregation and testify of the wonderful things you have done.

Psalm 22:22, TLB

I urge all of us to evaluate how we can actively utilize vulnerability to strengthen and enrich our relationships. I know, without a doubt, our obedience to the Lord’s design, will create beautiful, fulfilling friendships.

wayne dahlberg

Captured: A True Story of Living in the Love of Christ

Devotionals, Stay SaneJanuary 18, 2018July 30, 2019

It can be tempting to view ourselves as victims when we find ourselves in difficult circumstances. Instead, we need to see that God is actually pursuing us. This is a true story of a lady who found herself captured, and her intimate experience of Christ’s love.

It is not uncommon for a friend to ask for prayer for another friend or acquaintance. It is not even uncommon to get updates about the particular situation that you were praying for. I, however, have the uncommon opportunity to share with you this story of a friend of a friend.

Our group of ladies from church were praying for weeks for a friend who had suddenly found herself in a detention center (aka prison). When asking for an update, it was not the story I was expecting, but one I knew I had to share. She graciously agreed to let me share this part of her journey. Please know, this is not about politics, or what views you may hold about immigration. This is a story about the goodness of God and the love of His son, Jesus.

Captured: Being Pursued

Early in May of 2017, Cindy, her husband, and their 2 daughters were traveling from Raleigh to Charlotte to report into the immigration office per the advice given to them by their immigration lawyer. They had applied for a visa in 2014, but were still waiting for approval. They were told to continue reporting in every 6 months until it was approved, and they would be in the clear. This time though, they knew things may be different. Never before did they fear deportation. Neither of them held a criminal record and they were doing all that they had been told to do. Laws were changing, however, and they knew in their gut they would need to be prepared for things to not go as smoothly as before.

When it was their turn to report in, they took her aside, separating her from her family. The officers began asking questions like, “Are you pregnant?” and, “How is your health?” Never before were these kind of question being asked. Then the bombshell. She would need to go back to Honduras to wait for the visa. Effective: Immediately.

Instantly, the officers were placing her in handcuffs, not allowing her to hug her two daughters, or kiss her husband. They were saying their goodbyes through glass, her daughters seeing her like a criminal. Bravely, she told her husband that everything was going to be ok, and he needed to call their friends and their church. While Cindy was coming to grasp the reality of her situation, her husband was told he could return home with his daughters, but would need to essentially deport himself back to Honduras.

Captured: Unexpected Grace

From Charlotte, they were transferring her to a jail in South Carolina, complete with an orange jumpsuit. Cindy was only in this location for a day, but with no windows, and no sleep, she has no recollection of the time spent there. She only knew the despair she was feeling and that she could not survive this on her own. She prayed, “God I can’t do this. You have to take care of this and my family.” Then, in the midst of her jail cell, peace that simply does not make sense, washed over her. In that moment she knew that whatever was going to happen, it was going to be ok.

During that day in the jail, she met three other ladies who were also detained for immigration. They, however, had been there for a few weeks. One of the ladies reminded her, “You know that our citizenship is not here. It is in heaven.” Cindy and these three ladies were continuing to connect their lives together during a seven hour drive to Atlanta, the location of the detainment center. Upon their arrival, other ladies were kind and helping them to figure out their new situation.

Quickly, they were connecting with a lady who had been leading bible studies and praying for all the detainees. The women were hungry to learn. Daily, they were studying the Word, wanting to read and learn all that they could. Not all of the ladies participating were believers. Some had never read the bible before. Through contacts from Cindy’s church, bibles were sent for the ladies to each have their own. Other ladies had never experienced baptism. One day, one of the ladies said, “We have water here, why couldn’t I be baptized?” So the ladies were gathering buckets meant for storage, took them down to the showers, and began baptizing.

Captured: THE Church

She was constantly receiving letters and cards offering prayers and words of encouragement. A couple of ladies from her church drove 7 hours to visit her for just a handful of minutes. Numerous letters were being sent to the senator on her behalf. At one point other detainees were wondering if she was famous. No, she explained, just loved and cared for.

“It isn’t because I am this amazing person, it is because of Jesus and the love of God.”

They are the only latino couple in an all white church, and they often found themselves questioning whether they were in the right church. Before, they felt love and support; but through this experience, God was confirming to them that truly did have love and support. Now, they know they are in the right place. Their church became THE church, not just A church.

Captured: A Rescued Relationship

Cindy acknowledges that before her detainment, she was living the life of a lukewarm christian. She prayed so often while she was in that place, and she saw that this was the relationship she was needing to have with God. She is grateful for the opportunity to have an impact on the lives of the other ladies she met there, but she is most thankful that this experience was instrumental in saving her marriage.

One night, weeks before her detainment, she was out with ladies from church at one of their homes. When she arrived home, he accused her of cheating on him. To put it very simply, it got ugly. No longer did she want to live that way. She was praying for God to mold her and change her. She was praying for their marriage to change. Before, he didn’t appreciate all that she did for their family. Now, he felt broken and desperate for their family to be whole again.

Captured: Christ’s Love

All in all, Cindy was in the detention center for 22 days. In those 22 days, her love for her husband and his love for her became secure. They are no longer living separate lives, but instead have a bond holding them together. In those 22 days, she learned what it meant to truly pray. She was no longer a cold Christian. In those 22 days, lives were going through a transformation that will go and transform their own circles, continuing to ripple. In those 22 days, a church in North Carolina put into practice the words of Christ.

Then the King will say… ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was… in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we… see you… in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these… you did it to me.’

Matthew 25:34-40, ESV

Without bond or the requirement of wearing an ankle bracelet, she was free to return home. Home, where family was. Daily she was praying it would be the day she would be able to go home to her family. She knew she had a purpose there, but she was still longing to be home with her husband and daughters. The day they said she was going to be able to go home, she fell to her knees and gave praise to God.

Captured: Freedom

Because she was allowing the Lord to pursue her in the midst of suffering, she now lives a life knowing how much the Creator loves her. She always knew that God was with her, providing and protecting her, but the way He was showing her love, and all that she was learning…

“I would go through all this again. It is all in His hands.”

She admits she was living a prideful life, but is now living with humility. The Lord put her through fire to create a masterpiece. She is now a better wife, mom, sister. Instead of thinking how she can change her husband, she prays what she can do to make their relationship better.

Arriving home, her home was full of friends and family. A rainbow filled the sky. Her nephew pulling her over to see it says, “Look Cindy, God says hi to you!”

He loves us fiercely, therefore, He pursues us fiercely!

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

She found herself captured, and intimately experiencing Christ's love. Click To Tweet

Mario Azzi

He loves us fiercely, therefore, He pursues us fiercely!

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