darkness

Oh Lord Help Us, love, neighbor, faith, spiritual growth, Christian, women, ministry

Neighbor: Living the Great Commandment of Love

Devotionals, Stay SaneJuly 17, 2018June 28, 2019

Loving our neighbor is more than loving the people directly next to us. It is loving all those whom God has created and has compassion for.

The dark was so encompassing on the cloudy night. It crept right up next to the young girl as she held tightly to her mother’s hand. They stumbled through the night desperately trying to keep up with the group that they prayed would lead them to freedom.

They were leaving behind a life of slavery and injustice. For over a year her mom had socked away a few coins from every odd job she could find. Her father had run ahead of them a few years before and had sent word that they should try and come. He had found a job, found a little house that he was sharing with some others who had escaped, and he missed them terribly. So a few weeks ago the little girl’s mom had given every penny she had saved to a group of men who promised to take them to freedom. And now here they were in the darkness, running across the rocky uneven terrain, stumbling, slipping, and praying for freedom.

The Darkness

That’s when the little girls life was turned upside down. The men who were “helping them” told her mother it was the little girl’s turn to help the men get more energy. The little girl was four years old. Mom screamed for her to run and then told the men she was happy to take on that responsibility, if they just let her girl go on her way. The little girl ran, hid behind a big rock and watched while a group of men did unspeakable things to her mother. They left her mother lying in the dirt. Torn and bloodied.

Even though there were many people in their group, no one spoke up. They turned their backs, covered their children’s eyes, and when it was over, kept walking through the darkness, leaving the little girl and her mother behind.

As day broke the mother moaned, got to her feet, took her daughter’s hand and kept walking. Now with no water, no clear sense of direction, and a broken spirit. They encountered another group later in the day. But were turned away because they couldn’t pay. One lady gave the little girl some water and a slice of bread though, and that kept them going for two days. That’s when they made it to the mighty river.

A Neighbor’s Help

The little girl’s mom told her that crossing the river was going to be tough, but after they crossed, freedom was on the other side. She took all their clothes, made a rope out of them and struggled across. Naked, broken, tired they trudged into the raging water. Barely half way across the little girl got dragged under. The mother, with her last burst of energy, yanked the rope to pull her daughter up.

From the other side a young man saw the two struggle. As fast as he could he ran down to the bank to help. He dragged the two out of the river. They didn’t speak the same language and couldn’t understand each other. The little girl was trying to cover her mother afraid of what another man would do to her. Thankfully this man was truly a helper. He wrapped the mom in his shirt and took them to his house, fixed them up as best he could without taking them to a doctor.

The Light of Neighbors

This was a story told to me by a fourth grader almost 15 years ago about how she and her mother came to our country. They lived in a little shack not far from the school and I had the pleasure of going to visit them several times. They were always so welcoming and kept their home open to anyone, any neighbor, who needed a meal. Can you imagine? Going through such horror and still opening your home to feed others. And let me tell you those tamales were the best I have ever had. The love in them was so evident.

Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?

Jesus replied: ‘Love the lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets and on these two commandments.

Matthew 22:36-40, NIV

Neighbors are Good Samaritans

Jesus made it very clear that loving God is most important, but loving our neighbor is also important. In the story of the Good Samaritan, He reveals God’s definition of neighbor as not just someone who lives next door, or someone who has the same faith, or language as you.

In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

^‘Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?’

Luke 10:30-36, NIV

God’s Call to Our Hearts

In a world that is turned topsy turvy about who our neighbor is, let God clear your eyes and heart. We are all neighbors in His eyes. While we may have to live within man’s rules and laws, God’s law comes first.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13, NIV

Dear God,

Please help us be the hands and feet of Your church. Let love be our guiding light. Thank you for showing me stories of people who have lived through life’s worst fears and come through with Your love and grace shining through them. Your word has been an anchor in my life and shown me the way, even when the world around is so loud and confusing. Thank you for the map and light in the darkness. Please help those in crisis and help us all be more like the Samaritan.

Love,

chuttersnap

garbage, sin, forgiveness, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry

Garbage: Exposing Filthy Sin That Has Been Buried

Devotionals, Stay SaneJuly 10, 2018June 27, 2019

A lot of garbage is being revealed in the #MeToo movement, both inside and outside of the Church. How are Christian women suppose to respond?

I was in my thirties the first time a spiritual leader gravely disappointed me. Perhaps I was blind up to that point or simply naive, or maybe it was a different world then; I don’t know. However, during that season of my life there were several gut-wrenching blows to my Christian-leader bubble: Grievous moral failures of staff members, (that sounds too nice for what actually occurred). Our oldest son’s Christian school teachers was charged with murdering his wife (I kid you not!). The affair and subsequent divorce of a couple with whom my husband and I were friends and sang on worship team.

Also, I was attending the Southern Baptist Seminary, enrolled in their Christian counseling program when the trustees underhandedly decided to shut down the program AFTER the semester had already begun! It was a mess, believe me. Let’s just say that the other students and I had a crash course in politics intertwined with religion…so much garbage in such a good place.

Garbage In…

I’m not proud to say these combined events created a cynicism within me that took too many years to loosen its grip. (Can I hear anyone say, decades?) At first I felt entitled to my ‘righteous indignation,’ however, the Holy Spirit didn’t let me stay there long before conviction began. Much time in prayer has been spent seeking forgiveness for my attitude. Admittedly, it took a long time before I could pray for the pastor who had verbally beaten us up week after week, year after year, only to be discovered hiding his own insidious sin…more garbage. (A good insight into this phenomenon of why we stay in abusive churches- read the classic Secrets of Your Family Tree by Cloud and Townsend)

Human forgiveness is a strange thing…it is seldom ‘once for all’ like God’s. Each time I thought I had forgiven that pastor or the others, a new pastor at a different church would do something that reminded me of him or the ‘denominational authority’ stuff and the angry thoughts would rise up, again, and seek to strangle me. I have needed to forgive so many times over the years..! Do I smell something?

Garbage Out…

Now, why am I shoveling up all of this smelly, old garbage?

#MeToo seems to be shoveling up a lot of garbage…and the garbage needs to be taken out.

In recent weeks, the Southern Baptists have come under the microscope of the world with the fall and subsequent removal of Paige Patterson as president of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Patterson has been a prominent Baptist leader for decades. (If you have been unaware of the earthquake that took place in late May, simply Google Patterson’s name.) Due to the forcing of their hands by a Washington Post article, which cited proof that Patterson had told a female student and victim of rape to forgive her offender, (and then proceeded to put her on academic probation), the trustees fired Patterson from his position. They had initially planned to give him a generous severance package along with a new title: theologian-in-residence. This seems to have been the “MO” for the SBC when prominent leaders have been accused of various ‘moral failures.’

There have been many shots across the theological bough since that time. Dr. Albert Mohler wrote a scathing article about the judgment of God coming to the Southern Baptist Convention. Others blame him and those like him in leadership. Dare I say, the judgment of God is not reserved for the Southern Baptists?

For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?

I Peter 4:17, NIV

But I digress.

Buried Garbage…

I know, I know; this ‘garbage theme’ I’ve got going isn’t very appealing to ladies. But let’s face it gals, there has been an incredible amount of refuse being slung around both inside and outside of the church that affects women and children. When sin has been buried in the smoldering dark as long as this has, there is bound to be an eruption that spews far and wide. Abuse is destructive and evil in any situation. Within the church it is especially evil because it denigrates the image of Christ and completely perverts His call to love. Dr. Tim Clinton, President of the American Association of Christian Counselors, says

“It’s tough to believe in the fidelity of God, if all you’re experiencing is ongoing abuse in your life.”

Indeed.

The Answer to Garbage…

Many of the women who gained the courage to speak to their pastors were told to forgive the perpetrators/husbands who were abusing them; while the perpetrators/husbands were seldom called into account. To say this caused a crisis of faith within the hearts of women is a vast understatement. To suggest that this was a grave misunderstanding of Ephesians 5:22-25 seems outlandishly apparent; but obviously was not to a great many within the church! (The rest of Ephesians 5 had to have been ignored).

However, ultimately, forgiveness must come eventually in order for the abused to be set free… Free from your abuser, free from your past, free from the enemy who continues to haunt you with feelings of worthlessness and victimhood. Maybe not today; the pain may still feel too great, too enormous to bear right now. But the Father will invite you when He knows the time.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18, NIV

Forgiveness must come eventually... Maybe not today; the pain may still feel too great, too enormous to bear right now. But the Father will invite you when He knows the time. Click To Tweet

To Close…

Can I close with the words of Ann Voskamp? I can’t express it any more eloquently:

It happens – there are ways to look fine on the outside…and no one knows what you’ve really survived. But the truth is? You didn’t just survive, so let’s toss that myth out right at the outset. The way you keep walking? You may be wounded. You may be hurting. You may be limping. You may feel alone and overwhelmed and unspoken broken – but you’re no victim.

You’re not just a survivor. You’re a thriver. You may bleed – but you rise.

Yeah, it may not feel like it – but you are seen…how you just keep keeping your chin up and limping brave through the hurt…how you keep taking one step out of bed and another step through the door…

But I wanted you to know your wounds are seen and you are going to be okay – it is all going to be okay.

The kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.

Ann Voskamp, The Way of Abundance

paul morris

hope, longing, desire, Oh Lord Help Us, ministry, women, encouragement

Hope: Live with Longing and Expectation as Prisoners of Hope

Devotionals, Stay SaneApril 10, 2018June 27, 2019

To hope in God is more than a wish. It is a longing and an expectation. It is this hope that sustains us through darkness. How do we live as prisoners of hope?

When I was a young girl, I hoped I would grow up to be a fabulous journalist. Later, as a teen, I began to see and understand the darkness of addiction that had insidiously invaded our family. Then I began to hope and pray for a Godly husband with whom to build a strong, enduring family of faith. Was I hoping or wishing…or both?

Wishing

Hope: to cherish a desire with anticipation; to want something to happen or be true…at least that is how Merriam-Webster defines it. This somewhat sterile definition sounds more like wishing to me. An online dictionary pared it down a bit more: a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. But perhaps that’s how we use it today: “I hope it doesn’t rain; I hope we can get together soon; I hope you like this new recipe I tried for dinner.”

Hope has become a word we throw around like the word ‘love’ and several other words in our language; the meaning has been blurred, but we continue to use them. I can ‘want something to be true’ or ‘cherish a desire with anticipation’ all day long, but if that’s all I’ve got…well, as Paul said, then I am of all people most to be pitied (I Cor. 15:19 NIV).

Longing

When I hear the word hope my mind turns to deep longing; a blossom in the soul that is waiting to unfurl.

I found it interesting while researching meanings for hope online that after two definitions, every single entry afterward was about Christian hope.

Now, why would that be??

The answer might be found in a 1986 sermon by John Piper: “Biblical hope is a confident expectation and desire for something good in the future.” There is no wishing here, no uncertainty in our hope. Piper said, “Biblical hope not only desires something good for the future; it expects it to happen. And it not only expects it to happen; it is confident that it will happen.”

Do you have that kind of hope? A certainty and confident expectation that God intends only good for you and your future?

Expecting

Sometimes, as the Psalmist urged, and Piper reminded, we must tap ourselves on the shoulder. We must say to ourselves in the mirror on those difficult mornings or those dark evenings when the clouds of doubt or the trials and suffering threaten to overcome us:

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance.

Psalm 42:5, NKJV

HOPE IN GOD! Sometimes, I want to tattoo that message on my forearm or over my heart so that I see it as a daily reminder that hope in God is the anchor of my soul. Beth Guckenburger said in her book, Start With Amen, “Hope keeps a medical diagnosis or wayward child from taking us under. It’s the best weapon we have on any given day. It says, “I don’t care how it looks or what I feel. I know this story isn’t over. I know Jesus sits on the throne…””

Besides Jesus, what better example than David do we have of someone who has placed utmost hope in God? Throughout his days we witness him praising in prosperous times and heart wrenching, sorrowful times. David dances with gladness before the Lord and falls before Him in repentance after he sins with shocking abandon. David portrays confident hope in Adonai, the LORD of lords Who is filled with compassion.

I love how Acts 2:25-26 reframes a Psalm by David in The Message:

I saw God before me for all time.
Nothing can shake me; he’s right by my side.
I’m glad from the inside out, ecstatic;
I’ve pitched my tent in the land of hope.

Prisoners

Dear sisters, may we pitch our tents in the land of hope. Yes, may we even be ‘prisoners of hope,’ as Zechariah said in his missive. While we have been, and may at this moment be prisoners of many things, let us covenant to be only His prisoners, prisoners of righteousness and hope. Our Lord is faithful and true; He is worthy of our hope.

Return to the stronghold, you prisoners of hope. Even today I declare that I will restore double to you.

Zechariah 9:12, NKJV

While we have been, and may at this moment be prisoners of many things, let us covenant to be only His prisoners, prisoners of righteousness and hope. Click To Tweet

This watercolor, painted by Rachael Smith, is available as a digital download in the Oh Lord Help Us Shop.

Christian, women, ministry, encouragement, spiritual growth

Waiting: Rejoicing and Gladness While We Wait

Devotionals, Stay SaneMarch 22, 2018June 27, 2019

Waiting can be torture. Can it be possible that waiting on God will result in gladness, rejoicing or praise. Only if we have a heart that trusts what He promises.

I wonder how much of life I have spent waiting – for my coffee to perk (serious stuff, that caffeine), for red lights to turn green, in line at the grocery or the movies, for slow drivers to get out of the left lane, (yes, I sheepishly admit, I’m one of those drivers). How many hours have been spent in waiting rooms at hospitals, doctors’ or dentist’s offices? What about the hours or days that have been spent waiting for the phone to ring to learn of a diagnosis or the well-being of a friend or loved one?

How many hours, days or years have you been waiting for an answer to a prayer?…or just for a whisper from God?

Waiting isn’t one of my strengths; I don’t enjoy it and generally need to employ some self-talk or prayer to endure it with any amount of grace. I like action – let’s move, move, move, people! (did you hear a clap-clap?) I mean, seriously – what is gained from the waiting? Well, more seriously, if you wait politely, you get your turn or the light turns green or the slow driver moves over and those around you won’t believe you are a jerk, right? Because they won’t see what was going on in your heart while you were steaming internally behind them…oh, sorry! I was referring to me!

The older I become, and I’m getting as old as dirt, the more I realize that waiting is a huge part of God’s plan; it is all over Scripture! I must have rushed over that word when I was younger, or perhaps I assumed it simply applied to them (as in Bible them), and not me, surely not me. Didn’t God make me to be an action person? Yes, which is why I require more prayer and discipline in this area!

In the 1940’s, Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote from his prison cell, “Waiting is an art that our impatient age has forgotten. It wants to break open the ripe fruit when it has hardly finished planting the shoot.” I can only imagine what he would think of today’s culture.

Not Alone in the Waiting…

You see, waiting isn’t simply a 21st century irritation, or a 20th century subject for theologians to write about; waiting is a consistent theme throughout the Bible.

Jacob

In Genesis 49:18, Jacob had called his sons together to give them a heads up about their lives after he was gone. It wasn’t all peachy. So, he had just told Dan some bad news when he suddenly throws in, “I have waited for your salvation, O Lord!” Jacob was an old man; I’d venture he had been waiting for God’s salvation for quite a while. We sometimes think waiting 15 minutes is too long to wait on God.

Jacob waited a lifetime.

David

David wrote in Psalm 25:5, “Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; on You I wait all the day.”

Whoa. What?! David waited all day! (Kidding; David waited years before he realized the promise to become king.)

In Psalm 40:1-3, David wrote, “I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth – Praise to our God; Many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord.”

Unbelievable. David not only waited, but waited patiently for God to bring him out of a horrible pit. And then David had a beautiful new song of praise put into his heart so that others would see and learn to trust the Lord. I wonder what your horrible pit is right now…are you waiting on God to bring you out of it? Will you allow Him to put a new song into your heart as a result?

Isaiah

A couple of my favorite verses in Scripture concerning this topic are found right next door to each other in Isaiah 25:9 and Isaiah 26:8.

And it will be said in that day: Behold, this is our God, we have waited for Him, and He will save us; This is the Lord; we have waited for Him; we will be glad and rejoice in His salvation.

Yes, in the way of Your judgments, O Lord, we have waited for you; the desire of our soul is for Your name and for the remembrance of You.

Rejoice in the waiting…

Oftentimes, waiting on God results in gladness, rejoicing or praise. I’m convinced the type of waiting these scriptures refer to can only occur in a heart that trusts what He promises – ‘You are the God of my salvation; He inclined to me, He heard my cry; He brought me out of a horrible pit; this is our God, He will save us; we will rejoice in His salvation.’

How long have you been waiting for Him to move in your life? In a situation or a loved one’s life? Can you be secure in the knowledge that He will pull you out of your pit?

In the still place between death and resurrection we wait…for peace, for answers, for hope.

During this season of Lent, of waiting for Him, is He the desire of your soul? Do you want Him to be?

He is waiting for you with His arms stretched wide.

In the still place between death and resurrection we wait...for peace, for answers, for hope. Click To Tweet

All Scripture from New King James Version

Jonatán Becerra

Joy: Impacting Others with Our Deeds, Showing God’s Goodness

Devotionals, Stay SaneMarch 4, 2018September 8, 2019

As believers, God’s goodness is the driving force behind our joy. We have the ability to impact others with the joy we hold inside.

Joy is contagious, even if it’s for a moment. We have the power to influence others with our countenance. So, what if we all chose to use our power in positive ways? What if we chose to share the love of God through smiles and joy? We would definitely stand out. What would the impact be on our world around us?

A Rare Smile

I’m not one to wear a smile. It’s not that I’m unhappy, it’s that my face just doesn’t rest on joy. My husband’s goal every day is to get me to smile. Genuinely smile. I just don’t think about it. My resting face is typically blank. That being said, a quick moment made me realize how important a smile can be…

I stopped for a pedestrian. It’s not uncommon, as my usual driving route takes me through a college campus. This day was different, though. It was raining. I saw her yellow rain coat coming down the stairs, her arms full of books and coffee, and no umbrella to shield her. I didn’t receive the awkward wave that usually ends pedestrian/driver interactions. Like I said, her hands were full. So, all she could do was smile at me. It wasn’t a quick glance, smile, and walk on. She smiled and kept smiling to make sure I saw her. We locked eyes and I couldn’t help but smile too. I acknowledged her, she acknowledged me, and for a brief moment two strangers brightened each other’s day.

I know that there is nothing better for people, than to be happy and to do good while they live.

Ecclesiastes 3:12, NIV

Joyful Deeds

On a gray, rainy day, I needed some light. One thing that usually makes me happy is helping others. In fact, acts of service is how I show love. Yeah, obeying traffic laws isn’t much for “acts of service”, but I’ve seen other drivers speed through this campus, paying no mind to people trying to get from one point to another on foot. So, I serve my fellow humans by slowing down and pausing my day for them.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:16, NIV

Now, I don’t know if “Yellow Raincoat” actually needed her day brightened, but having good done to her, made her happy. I could tell her smile was genuine, not forced. She didn’t know I needed to see her smile, but God used her to uplift my spirit. It’s goodness this world needs, and for a moment we helped each other.

Provision Through A Smile

You could say “Yellow Raincoat” not only brightened my dreary day, but she inspired me to write about joy. God is so good. He heard my heart, and provided sustenance to multiple needs through one small action. I needed inspiration and to be uplifted. I needed to be reminded that there is still goodness in this dark world.

Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

Hebrews 13:2, NIV

Our interaction reminds me that I have an impact, even if it’s small. Humans are silly. We all walk around, acting like we don’t need one another. The truth is, we all need each other. We are in this world together. Each one of us has an effect on the other. Whether it be our day, our mood, our whole life, the effect a stranger can have is undeniable.

Whether it be our day, our mood, our whole life, the effect a stranger can have is undeniable. Click To Tweet

Joy in God

So, which way does the can go? Does the stranger have a positive or negative effect? Unfortunately, the latter happens more often. There is an underlying heaviness in us all. We feel the darkness in the world. We carry it around, knowingly or unknowingly. It shows all over our faces, postures, beings. Because we are human, we are prone to negativity. It’s easier to be sad and depressed, than to push through with joy.

Our joy rests in the goodness of God. He is so, so good. We have a merciful, generous Father. He bestows undeserving redemption on us every day. His goodness and love breaks through any darkness, heaviness, or tragedy. We can find happiness and joy in this life, because He is our God.

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Psalm 90:14, NIV

Don’t hide your powerful smile. Be intentional about showing joy. Allow your joy to reach strangers and don’t pass up opportunities to allow your joy to testify of God’s goodness.

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

Beloved: We are Pursued Even Through Darkness

Devotionals, Stay SaneFebruary 22, 2018September 8, 2019

We all have dark times of our lives where we think we are hidden from God. Times we want to be hidden from God. Yet, we are His beloved. We are recklessly pursued through any darkness. Our Creator fights for us.

Psalm 139 was the very first passage of scripture I ever memorized and not out of intention. Through Psalm 139, I learned a little something about God. He prepares our hearts with words He knows our lives will need. It’s as though while He was knitting us together, He weaved scripture throughout our entire beings. This passage has followed me through my whole life, without me ever forcing it. That can only be God.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Psalm 139:13, NIV

Beloved Book

My beloved book. My most favorite book as a little girl. I knew I still had it. I’ve moved between 9 and 10 times in my adult life. I knew I kept this book. So, here I am, destroying my house to find it. I can picture the items packed along with it. I can see the box. The garage? The boys’ room? Under the beds? Mass destruction in my home, so I can find my beloved book.

I picture what it looks like, what the years have done to it. I remember specific pages and what they say. My book. Voiced by my parents. Hidden in my heart during scary times at night. I think of the countless times I read it to my stuffed animals and my brothers. Over and over, I chose this book. To the point the covers went missing; the pages are waring and fading.

Out of the nest; on my own. I would describe my first flight as dark and broken. Shadows pursued and preyed on me; sensing I was without my “knitting”. A second flight came. Unfortunately, it was even darker. Full of pain that still likes to haunt me. I would describe that second flight as a void. Lonely, empty, without.

February is almost gone. It used to be, I couldn’t wait for this month to end. February has been a brutal month in past years. It seems like everything I considered to be ugly in my life, has fallen in this month. Though I don’t remember specific dates, the conglomeration of events left me dreading the feelings of February.

Most of these events stemmed from my separation from God; from my rejection for my “knitting”. Though I never denied His existence, I didn’t invite Him to dwell either. I stopped pursuing Him. Surely, He didn’t see me hidden in the mess. I was ashamed, broken, depressed. I actually thought if I didn’t pursue Him, He wouldn’t pursue me.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

Psalm 139:7, NIV

Beloved Words

I did not give up. I even dreamed about where my book could be. The attic! I have an attic; poorly lit, extremely hot or cold depending on the month, and an undesirable area of our home. There it was. Nestled with the books I imagined; in the box it has always been in. I fought through the mess, the uninhabitable parts of my home and found my beloved book!

God Is With Me -Debby Anderson; Based on Psalm 139

While I was searching, I could picture two of the pages. These were the pages that my little mind needed most. The pictures helped remind me no matter what, God is there. They brought comfort when my imagination got out of control and helped me remember to not be scared. The words were simple to grasp. I learned to rely on these words. “He is with me.” I tucked them deep in my heart. My treasure.

God Pursued

I am a treasure to God. I’m His beloved. I was the one lamb, lost from the ninety-nine and pursued by the Good Shepherd. Like my book, I was worn, faded, hiding in invisible covers. And, like my book, my world was torn apart so I could be found. The weaving never unravelled, it only tightened the more I was pursued.

In my darkness, God fought for me. He battled in the mess I thought I was hiding in. He never forgot about me, never left me alone, never gave up. I was (am) His. I can picture Him, bleeding from the briars that grew on my heart, pierced with the sins I gave power to, bruised by the hatred I had for myself. Yet, He prevailed. I tried to hide in the depths. I swam in shame and brokenness. Yet, God prevailed. He was there. Through divorce, medical rooms, abandonment, depression, alcohol… the list is longer still…. He was there. He never stopped fighting for my existence, my life, my heart. God fiercely pursued.

The Lord is with us, wherever we are.

This beautiful watercolor, painted by Katie Braswell, is available as a digital download in the Oh Lord Help Us Shop.
It will remind you of God’s ever present comfort.

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

In my darkness, God fought for me. He never stopped fighting for my existence, my life, my heart. Click To Tweet

Disappointment With God: The Root of Our Frustration

Devotionals, Stay SaneJanuary 25, 2018June 27, 2019

If we are honest with ourselves, we have all felt disappointment with God. This post discusses two roots of our frustration, and how to be united with Him.

Last week, when it was 50 degrees and raining instead of 30 degrees and snow whistling by my window (as it is today!), I had to run errands. About a block from my home I checked to see if my umbrella was in its regular spot. Blast! Picture this: distracted woman patting the back of passenger seat then back of driver’s seat while keeping car in lane. Clear the road, people!!

Assuming said umbrella was missing, I angrily said the potty word that has gotten our President in so much trouble in recent days. At the traffic light, I twisted around to look in the back seat. There in the floor lay my animal print umbrella. My, did I feel sheepish…and convicted.

After confessing my anger, I asked Jesus what was going on with my heart. I mean, it was drizzling, not monsoon season! There was no danger of me melting. To my surprise, immediately the word disappointment flashed in bold letters in my mind. Disappointment vocationally; disappointment concerning my life’s mission/impact; disappointment in the distance between us and our grandchildren. And so began a day’s-long dialogue with the Spirit about disappointment.

I’m learning that I set myself up for disappointment in several ways. Then subtly, even subconsciously, I blame God. I’m sure I’m not alone. David and other Psalmists complained often to God about situations that seemed unfair, (Ps. 13, for example). Phillip Yancey wrote a book about disappointment with God in 1997 with an update 25 years later. It sold well. Although Christians would rather not admit it, it seems fair to say there are periods in most of our lives when we feel disappointment with God.

But why?

Skewed Expectations

One reason, I believe, is because of our expectations of Jesus. Paul warned the Corinthians in 2 Corinthians 11:4 of falling prey to “another Jesus,” or a “different gospel”. Sometimes, our expectations or the expectations of our church doctrine may cloud our judgement regarding the genuine identity of Jesus. It isn’t as though false expectations are a new thing – the disciples walked daily with Jesus for three years and were completely unprepared for His death and resurrection! (They were still expecting an earthly king.) If I am worshiping a nicer Jesus, a cooler Jesus, a more culture-current Jesus rather than the Jesus of the Gospels, my expectations are askew. I am guaranteed disappointment because I’m dealing in fiction rather than faith.

I appreciate how Frederick Buechner described faith in Secrets in the Dark:

Faith is different from theology because theology is reasoned, systematic, and orderly, whereas faith is disorderly, intermittent, and full of surprises…faith is a stranger and exile on the earth and doesn’t know for certain about anything. [Hebrews 11] Faith is homesickness. Faith is a lump in the throat. Faith is less a position on than a movement toward, less a sure thing than a hunch. Faith is waiting. Faith is journeying through space and through time…When faith stops changing and growing, it dies on its feet.

And I might add, we begin to operate in “another Jesus” mentality.

Selfish Motivation

Secondly, as much as I would like to see my prayers as selfless, my ‘disappointment inventory’ revealed that some of my prayers are my own plans, which I then hand to God for His stamp of approval. He can work out the details. (Ouch!) I’ve handed my heart over to dreams or plans which I’ve emotionally tucked away, out of sight, then wonder why Jesus doesn’t ‘come through’ with the realized answer! The answer lies with my motives and my heart, not God’s supposed stubbornness or failure to hear. I love what Thomas Merton said in an address to novices:

If I love God, I’ve got to love him with my heart. If I love him with my heart, I’ve got to have a heart, and I’ve got to have it in my possession to give. One of the most difficult things in life today is to gain possession of one’s heart in order to be able to give it. We don’t have a heart to give. We have been deprived of these things, and the first step in the spiritual life is to get back what we have to give. (The Promise of Paradox)

When I have given my heart to my own ideas, plans, or dreams, it’s impossible to give it fully to Jesus. I may be pitching prayers up concerning these things, but I doubt they are making it past the ceiling. Scripture is clear about who gets first dibs on my heart. Deuteronomy 6:5, which is repeated by Jesus in Matthew 22:37, speak clearly concerning where my heart belongs, yet I feel it tugged in many other directions in this maddening world.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

Deuteronomy 6:5, ESV

How can I lay my heart at the feet of my Lord, when it is a divided thing? How can I expect Him to answer prayers that are often, at most, spiritualized personal plans or at worst, self promotional?

United

Thank God for His steadfast love which endures forever (Psalm 100:5 ESV)! I am grateful that we have a high priest who understands my weaknesses and forgives me (Hebrews 4:15).

I am continuing to pray for my heart to be united in my love for and faith in Jesus. May any dreams or plans I have be God ordained.

Faith is a way of waiting – never quite knowing, never quite hearing or seeing, because in the darkness we are all but a little lost. There is doubt hard on the heels of every belief, fear hard on the heels of every hope, and many holy things lie in ruins because the world has ruined them and we have ruined them. But faith waits even so… (Secrets in the Dark)

If you have interest in the books mentioned, please consider purchasing them through these affiliate links. A small portion will go to help support this ministry at no extra cost to you:

Disappointment With God: Three Questions No One Asks Aloud

Secrets in the Dark: A Life in Sermons

The Promise of Paradox: A Celebration of Contradictions in the Christian Life

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Daniel Kainz