comparison

fear, envy, compassion, comparison, isolation, love, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry, nonprofit

Love Defeats Fear: Replacing Envy with Compassion

DevotionalsOctober 20, 2019October 19, 2019

As we listen to the lies inside, the wedge of fear begins to grow, leading to anger, self-pity, and envy. And that fear can destroy love. But love defeats fear.

I have a confession. Sometimes I feel jealous. Of my husband. His life just seems so glorious to me.

What I see is that he gets up, goes to the gym, goes to work, and gets to go on business trips. In my mind, this translates as he gets up and gets ready without children hanging on him, gets to do what he wants to do without dragging children with him, goes to a place with other adults where he is respected and valued. When he travels (which has been happening more often) he gets to go out to eat at restaurants and sleep alone without being woken up.

In his mind, he has to get up super early, not getting enough sleep, so that he can stay healthy, has to go and talk with adults who act like children, and when he travels he has to be away from his family, eating unhealthy food and not able to sleep in a strange bed.

Revelations

It’s easy for me to play the martyr. I can easily feel sorry for myself, thinking that I alone bear the burden. What I am craving is appreciation. I want to feel valued. I want to feel loved. And it is easy for this to lead to a division in my marriage because I am only focusing on myself.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast;
1 Corinthians 13:4, ESV

Instead of throwing another fit, I decided to talk about this need with him. Then a revelation hit me: we were both throwing our own pity parties. We were both playing as we had it “worse” than the other. And that’s when we decided to stop complaining. We stopped trying to make ourselves look “better”. Instead, we began to focus on how much the other one was juggling.

Isolation

Feeling envious occurs when we are fearful and insecure, which in turn leads to building up our defensiveness. We are trying to protect ourselves, but in doing so we end up in isolation. People need people. Strange things happen when we are isolated. In isolation, we to listen to lies being whispered in our heads.

At a recent Gathering, a lady mentioned that we know they are lies if they begin with “I”. I think there is truth in this. Also, we can pinpoint the lie when they are in absolutes like never, always, only, etc.

“I am the only one who does anything.”

“I am the only one who feels this way.”

“I never get to have time away.”

“I am always the one stuck doing this.”

Love Defeats Fear

As we listen to the lies, the wedge of fear begins to grow, leading to anger, self-pity, and envy. And that fear can destroy love. But love defeats fear.

Hallelujah! Love defeats fear.

Here’s a dose of truth for you: Your Heavenly Father loves you. You are loved. You may not feel like it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. And the best way to feel loved is to show love.

Be patient with others, showing kindness. Stop talking about yourself, and listen to them. Do what other people want to do, and enjoy it. Don’t be happy when others mess up. Put up with the annoying things they do, appreciating the good. And never, ever stop doing these things. (Adapted from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

As we listen to the lies, the wedge of fear begins to grow, leading to anger, self-pity, and envy. And that fear can destroy love. But love defeats fear. Click To Tweet

Compassion

Now when my husband is out of town, I show compassion for what he is having to deal with rather than complaining that I am home with the kids. And you know, my attitude about being home with the kids has changed. Now, I try to make it something fun, doing things that we normally wouldn’t do. (But I absolutely still look forward to him coming home!)

Annie Spratt

balance, comparison, unique, wisdom, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Handle: Balancing What God has Given Us, What Really Matters

DevotionalsJune 16, 2019June 18, 2019

It can be difficult to handle all the abilities God has given us as women. With Him and our fellow sisters, we can learn to balance what really matters.

While traveling to my best friend’s house one day I heard a speaker on KLove. She was discussing how we as women try to handle multiple tasks or commitments at one time. My active imagination conjured up this image of a female waitress with octopus arms, holding multiple platters with ease.

Handle It

I had to chuckle when this picture came to mind. But, seriously ladies, unless we have octopus arms none of us can handle it all. Where are you right now in your life? How much are you trying to handle by yourself? Do you have a teacup, a bowl, a plate, or a platter you are trying to handle? Let us talk for a few minutes about what really matters!

Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good.These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.
Titus 2:3-5, NLT

Juggling Act

There is a young woman I have known for many years that has 7 children. She home schools them all. The kids are perfectly well behaved and docile, not to mention beautiful within and without. She has a petite figure and always seems to have it all put together! She is the woman who has the platter!

I have a dear friend who also has multiple children and is heavily involved in the homeschooling community. However, as dearly as I love her she is a teacup kind of girl. She is very focused and intent on what is in her cup, but that is all she knows she can focus on at that time. Very wise if you ask me. She knows her abilities and limitations and accepts them both.

I would like to think of myself as one who carries around a plate. As a single mom coordinating school, church and appointments for three kids is sometimes overwhelming. I use to carry around my platter trying to manage it all by myself.

It took some major life-changing situations to learn God does not want us to rely on our own abilities or handle it all by ourselves! It places other people in our lives to help us handle it. I sometimes have to pass a plate off to my mom, or my oldest son, or a dear friend who offers to help.

So, ladies, do you know what kind of dish you are carrying around? Are you handling what God has given you the right way?

There is a lot of “mom shaming” in our culture today. Thanks to social media and our inter-connected society we see the accomplishments of others constantly. I often see or hear things like, “She can’t handle that! I can do that better. What is wrong with her kids? Does she not know how to discipline them. What is her problem?”

When we fall prey to “mom shaming” we fall prey to the devil’s handiwork. He wants us to compare ourselves to each other, to build up our pride, or to fuel jealousy between us. What we have on this earth does not compare to what Christ has prepared for us in heaven as believers.

Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.
1 Corinthians 2:9, NKJV

God does not want us to dwell on what others have, or what we do not have. Throughout the Bible, there are numerous examples of how jealousy created bitterness, anger, and lead to strong adversaries.

Rachel and Leah bickered out of jealousy (Genesis 30:15). Hagar was fruitful and bore Abraham a son, but instead of being her advocate, Sarah was cruel to her (Genesis 16).

Now I have to tell you I am sure if I was in the same situation as these ladies I probably would have felt the same way. But, I have learned some hard lessons over the past few years and having a community of strong Christian women around, is powerful!

The fact that I am a women does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman.
Elizabeth Elliot

Handle What Matters

There will be different times in your life when you carry different sizes of dishes around. It is okay. God made us all with different abilities, personalities, strengths, and weaknesses. Instead of becoming jealous and bitter towards one another, we should help teach each other.

God gave us an example to follow in Titus 2. I have been encouraged and learned from spiritually older women throughout the years. Remember God places women in our lives for specific reasons. Listen to the wisdom of these women and learn from their godly counsel.

Perhaps you feel like you have too much to handle. Let me remind you for a minute that God never gives us more than we can handle. However, He does expect us to handle what we have been given. Matthew 25:14-30 has the parable of the talents. Each servant according to his own ability was expected to use what he had been given for his master’s glory. Are we using what God has given us to glorify and point others to Him?

So, sweet sisters, it does not matter if you have a teacup, a bowl, a plate, or a platter. What matters is we handle what God has given us the right way.

Until we meet again… Gracie

God expects us to handle what we have been given according to our own ability. Are we using what God has given us to glorify and point others to Him? Click To Tweet

Iva Rajović

comparison, identity, love, pride, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

First: Longing for God, the Lover and Keeper of Our Souls

DevotionalsMay 7, 2019May 7, 2019

Slipping into the rhythms and mindset of comparison is dangerous. We have illusive visions of ourselves, promoting self. We must remember the first longing of our souls, God’s love.

To the angel of the church of Ephesus write,
‘These things says He who holds the seven stars in His right hand, who walks in the midst of the seven golden lampstands: ‘I know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars; and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary. Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.

Revelation 2:1-4, NKJV

I first read the term Brocken Specter in “The Problem of Pain”, by C. S. Lewis, (Chapter 10).

According to Weather Online, the “Brocken Spectre (or Brocken Bow) is an apparently greatly magnified shadow of an observer cast against mist or cloud below the level of a summit or ridge and surrounded by rainbow coloured fringes resulting from the diffraction of light. The effect is an illusion. Depth perception is altered by the mist, causing the shadow to appear more distant and to be interpreted as larger than normally expected.”

Ah, of course…Lewis’ usage made perfect sense. We’ll come back to that…

Illusive Identity

Identity and image have become the cancers which are decimating our era – more specifically, self-identity and self-image. That isn’t to say we humans haven’t always been consumed with ourselves, but two decades of social media feeding insecure kids (and adults) has resulted in an obsession with self-satisfaction, self-image, self-identity, self-efficacy, selfies. Need I go on?

For they loved praise from men more than praise from God.
John 12:43, ESV

Sadly, much of it is fueled by comparison and envy, an illusion of lack…

I’m not pretty enough. My body isn’t thin enough. We aren’t involved in enough ministries. We don’t make/give enough money, go to the right church, have our kids in the right sports leagues.

It’s usually a subtle thing, hardly noticeable, but beneath the running thoughts of our daily minds is too often the ongoing shout: WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK OF ME?

For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.
2 Corinthians 10:12, NKJV

Heads up – Jesus was referring to religious people who believed in Him but were afraid to admit it for fear of being ostracized from the temple. Paul wrote, as you know, to the church at Corinth. These people were believers, Christians, struggling with the sin of self-focus and comparison, too.

Comparing Whispers

When we compare ourselves with others, as in the Brocken Spectre (or a glory), an illusion occurs. While we gaze into that mist-altered perception, which is surrounded by rainbow fringes, (read razzle-dazzle,) it appears beautiful. We lose objectivity. We lose focus. Ultimately, we lose wisdom. In time, the self grows into an enormous, insatiable monster. It’s all we think about. In so doing, we give it the praise it hungrily grasps from God…but self is a cheater and a liar.

How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?
John 5:44, ESV

One would think that when you reached a certain decade of life that one would realize how futile, yes, even ridiculous it is to give a moment’s thought as to what others think of you. However, I enter seasons when the enemy constantly whispers in my head a barrage of negative comparisons, which, at the time, when I am vulnerable, seem very true.

First Love

Then, beneath the desire for approval, beneath the longing for friendship or love, isn’t there something deeper for which we’re all longing? Something written on our hearts at the moment of conception?

…that something which you were born desiring, and which beneath the flux of other desires, and in all the momentary silences between the louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to old age, you are looking for, watching for, listening for?
C. S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

Ah, Sister, that longing, which we can never completely quench, that ongoing desire of our hearts, that passion which we can’t quite fulfill here on earth is Jesus, the Lover of our souls. When we meet Him face to face, every longing and aching desire will be completely fulfilled.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
1 Corinthians 13:12, ESV

As Lewis wrote, when we see Him at last, God will look like our first love because He is the first love of every soul.

I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.
Jeremiah 31:3, ESV

Let us continually remember His pure love.

Sister, that longing, which we can never completely quench, that ongoing desire of our hearts, that passion which we can't quite fulfill here on earth is Jesus, the Lover of our souls. Click To Tweet

Jesse Bowser

Comparison: Finding Validation in Christ and Not Others

DevotionalsMarch 11, 2019March 13, 2019

Comparison is something that we all battle. It is crucial that we focus on what God has given us so we can break loose from the bondage comparison brings.

“Why did they get that and I didn’t?” “What do they have what I don’t?” “Must be nice.” “I wish I looked like that.” How many times a day do we allow ourselves to think and even speak these things?

Comparison has reared it’s ugly head many times in my life. It is a constant battle to not compare myself to those around me. I often find myself focusing on what others have that I don’t, instead of focusing on the blessings in my life.

Comparing Accomplishments

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct.

Galatians 6:4-5, NLT

I am one that tends to focus on what those around me are doing. I focus on the things they are accomplishing and wonder why I am not able to do what they are doing… then I wallow.

We are called to focus on our own work. We need to pay attention to what we are doing and make sure we are doing our work admirably and with good conduct. This results in a job well done. When we turn our attention to what we are doing it allows us to grow and will help us overcome the trend of comparison in our lives.

Comparing Possessions

Then Jesus said to them, ‘Watch out! Guard yourself against all kinds of greed. After all, one’s life isn’t determined by one’s possessions, even when someone is very wealthy.’

Luke 12:15, CEB

One of the biggest ways comparison takes root is when we look at what others have. I constantly have the thought that “it must be nice” when I look at what those around me have. We can be so quick to focus on what we are lacking that we forget about the many blessings we have. Our life is not determined by our possessions but by our actions.

For we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world.

1 Timothy 6:7, ESV

No possession we have on this world will be taken out. It is futile to be jealous of what others have. At the end of the day, Jesus has to be enough for us. Therefore, it has nothing to do with how much money we have or how nice our car is. It is all about how we live out our faith.

Comparing Stages of Life

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:18, ESV

It seems like no matter where we are in life, we are always ready for the next stage. Because of this, we compare ourselves to others in the stage of life we desire. When we are single we want to be in a relationship. When we are in a relationship we want to be married. And when we are married we want kids… so on and so on. We are in a constant state of discontent…

This goes against what the Lord wants for us. He tells us to give thanks in all circumstances because this is God’s will. Our stage of life in God’s will. This is the point He has taken us. Each person is where God wants them to be, so instead of comparing where we are in life with everyone else, we should celebrate with one another; Content and thankful for where we are.

Comparing Looks

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous — how well I know it.

Psalm 139:14, NLT

At least ten times a day I am bombarded with thoughts of how my looks don’t measure up with those around me. There are so many voices out there telling us how we are supposed to look. And advertisements trying to sell us on how to look better. We are constantly comparing our looks with those around us.

When we do this we are telling God he made a mistake and that he should have done a better job creating us. We are wonderfully made. God’s workmanship is marvelous! God beautifully, uniquely, and perfectly created us.

We all look different from one another but that doesn’t mean we should compare ourselves with one another. While it is true that we need to take care of God’s creation, that does not come through comparison it comes through paying attention to and being grateful for the body God has given us.

Ending the Comparison

Comparison is something we will constantly have to battle in our lives. Recognizing when it happens, allows God’s truth to replace the lies. The lies telling us we aren’t good enough. God has blessed us abundantly and individually. Comparison is a disservice to ourselves, our neighbors, and most importantly, our God.

God has blessed us abundantly and individually. Comparison is a disservice to ourselves, our neighbors, and most importantly, our God. Click To Tweet

Tom Morel

talents, abilities, comparison, ministry, Oh Lord Help Us

Small: Turning Our Two Fish Into A Confident Ministry

Devotionals, Stay SaneJune 6, 2018September 8, 2019

Comparing ourselves to others in ministry is very dangerous. It can stifle our ability to see the big picture. To have the confidence, our two small fish are just as important as five thousand fish.

We all know that comparison is a killer and a liar. It kills our confidence and lies about who we need to be. It doesn’t just happen in personal comparing, but it also happens in ministry. We all want to please God, and because we are human, we need constant approval. When ministry is succeeding and hearts are being changed, we feel validation that we are on the right track.

However, what do we do if our validation isn’t immediate? What if it is the long game? We don’t always see the work of the Lord right off, and we become discouraged. We feed the lie that what we are doing isn’t important or our talents are small in comparison.

Small Dreams

My husband is a dreamer. He dreams so big! I, on the other hand, tend to dream small. The two of us make an interesting pair. Here he is dreaming about these elaborate future plans, and I’m totally cool with the way life is now. Sometimes, this can discourage me. I think, because I don’t have these dreams of grandeur, maybe his dreams are more important.

I tend to surround myself with people who have drive, goals, and energy. They are my opposite and make me feel complete…but I tend to also compare myself. Believing that I need to be like them, I try and try to dream big. To make my life big. I see God using them. Their talents, their prayers, their dreams and I think, “How can God ever use such smallness?” I’m not the greatest artist to live, I don’t have the most beautiful singing voice, I’m not the most social person, or the most eloquent writer.

Small Ministry

Ministry work can be tough. Especially if we have the mindset like I have with my husband. It’s hard enough to combat the enemy when we are in the trenches of ministry. Let alone, combatting the lies of comparison. There are those who have many talents and resources to carry out massive Kingdom work. Then there are those of us out of the spotlight, supporting in ways that are much smaller. It’s easy to say, “I don’t do it for my glory but God’s glory.” And, that’s true. However, it can sometimes feel like our work isn’t really that beneficial. It’s not that important. We really aren’t bringing much for the advancement.

I feed lies like this. ALL. THE. TIME.

“You’re so small.”

“Your talents are worthless.”

“What do you think you are doing?”

“You’re benefiting from someone else’s dream.”

I was having a season where these lies were so loud. It was so hard to tune them out and the louder they got, the more I believed them. I decided I was through fighting these lies on my own. So, I hit THE book, to figure out what God says. I was perusing the Bible, when I landed on John 6. There’s that precious little boy with the 5 loaves and 2 fishes. He didn’t have much, but he had the perfect tools for Jesus to preform a miracle!

Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?

John 6:9, NIV

Nothing’s too Small

Without a doubt, Jesus would have found a way to feed the five thousand had the boy not been there. But, he was there with his little meal and Jesus used him in a mighty way. None of the glory went to the boy. All went to Jesus.

So, here’s our lesson: we offer up what we have, lay it on the altar, and ask Jesus to be glorified. It’s so simple, why do we make it difficult? He makes miracles out of the smallest things. There’s nothing too small for Him. We can have confidence our work has value, because God crafted each of us for specific roles in ministry.

Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.

2 Corinthians 3:4-5, NIV

Offer up what we have, lay it on the altar, and ask Jesus to be glorified... He makes miracles out of the smallest things. Click To Tweet

Small Ideas

Read the Bible to elderly folks at a nursing home. Sing songs to our children. Prayer is a small act, with massive results. Create tiny scripture reminders to bless others. Write an encouraging letter and send it snail-mail. It doesn’t take much to show others how GOOD God is.

I’ve really been evaluating what small quirks God has woven inside of me. I believe these are the tools he has equipped me with, to help advance the Kingdom. I would love to encourage you to evaluate your uniqueness too. These are your tools; your ministries. Live them out, find ways on a daily basis to breathe life into them. Allow God to take your two fishes and multiply them for His abundant glory.

Have you been comparing your Kingdom work against someone else’s? What do your two little fish look like? What are your unique ministries?

Sophia Marston

Measure: Calculating the Flawed Logic of Comparison

Devotionals, Stay SaneFebruary 1, 2018July 30, 2019

To measure our own worth against that of our fellow humans, can be extremely toxic to our hearts. Recognizing the flaws of comparison can be difficult, but vital to the survival of our faith in God.

In our recent video we touched a bit on a collective feeling of comparison riddling our minds. This has hit my heart and I feel like I need to work through this (I feel like we all need to work through this). So, let’s do it together. Let’s recognize the flaws of comparison with the truth of God, in order to overcome the trap.

Measure: Less Than

Comparison has been a personal struggle, probably my whole life. There’s always someone better, someone prettier, someone smarter. In every stage of life, there’s always someone to compare yourself to. As a young girl, as a teen, as a young adult, as a mother, a wife. The list gets longer.

Recently, I shared my daily battle is to overcome negativity. Most specifically, negative thoughts of myself. I compare how I look, the way I parent, how clean my house is, my writing style, how I speak. Deeper yet, I compare my heart, my mission, my past, my present, my future (that’s ridiculous).

All of these comparisons are relative though, aren’t they? They depend on the opinions of the one comparing. So, one could say, I have a poor opinion of myself. I lack confidence. Everyone else is better. A cheap attitude of oneself, slaps God in the face and mocks His precious creation.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139:14, NIV

Measure: Greater Than

Oppositely, comparison is not exclusive to a low position. It can trap us from a lofty attitude as well.

“At least my sin isn’t as bad.”

“I’m glad I learned to overcome that issue.”

I know I have ventured to this type of place in my heart. Comparing myself to another believer leads to self-justification. I rationalize my own mess because it’s not “as messy” compared. Measuring our sin against that of another believer (or non-believer), opens the door for animosity. Then on to disdain. How dare we take on the role of God in judging the hearts of our brothers and sisters.

And He has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their fellow believers.

1 John 4:21, NLT

Not one of us is greater than any other. We are just different; with different struggles. All have been affected differently based on our unique environments. We are all growing in different ways, learning different lessons. We are all commissioned different ministries for the advancement of the kingdom of God.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17, NIV

All believers have been accepted into the family. Thus, our common denominator is God and His gift of salvation. That is all that matters. We are all unique and help strengthen each other. Hiding this truth in our hearts, exposes the lies of comparison.

Measure: Equal To

“Well, I’m just as good as…”

This thought is also an extremely dangerous comparison. Our only evaluation should be against the commands and teachings of our Father.

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you…

2 Corinthians 13:5, NIV

Ultimately, we will never ascend to the greatness of God. We can never live perfect lives. Only Jesus Christ holds this status. Our intention is key. Are we recognizing how flawed it is to measure up to another human?

Measure: The Final Sum

It is human nature to constantly evaluate ourselves against others. However, God calls us to more. He calls us to be not of this world. It is impossible to truly compare ourselves to another human being, because we are all sinful. We are all flawed.

To measure ourselves against another, is to lack all faith in the will of our Father. He does unique work in each of us, and purposes us in accordance with His plan.

Need help overcoming comparison? Consider reading the entirety of 2 Corinthians, chapter 10.

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

We are all commissioned different ministries for the advancement of the kingdom of God. Click To Tweet

Dawid Małecki

We are God’s work, and we need only to glorify our Creator for the work He has done.

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