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Stay Sane

Category: Stay Sane

Approved: Freedom From Pleasing Others

Devotionals, Stay Sane

Sometimes we find ourselves looking to others for approval to confirm our self-worth. This is unfair to those around us, and to our own well-being. We need to be free from the trap of pleasing others.

My name is Rachael, and I’m addicted to the approval of others.

It has come to my attention that if I don’t receive praise, then it must mean that I am doing something wrong. Nobody is telling me anything negative, but I perceive silence as just that. I then begin to doubt myself. Now, please understand, this doesn’t mean that I should receive more praise. It means I shouldn’t need the approval of others in order to remain motivated. Somewhere along the way I have become an approval junkie.

This doubt creeps into several areas of my life. With parenting, I want to be told that I’m a good mom, and for others to recognize how well mannered my children are. With my health, I want others to find value in my knowledge and experience. With writing, I want to be told that my words were helpful. With my house, I want to know that my cleaning and cooking are appreciated and enjoyed.

Do you see it? Do you see the pattern? It’s all about me. It’s about my achievements, my talents, my sacrifices. I’m glorifying myself and expecting others to give me praise. The really pitiful part is when I go fishing for compliments. You know, the whole woe-is-me mentality. Telling others that I’m not good at something just so they will tell me that’s not true and I really am great. That’s so pathetic.

This also indicates to me that I find my identity in what I do, not who I am. There is nothing I can do, and nothing I cannot do, that will ever change who I am. And I am loved by God. He fought for me, and died for me. Whatever may happen, that truth remains.

There is nothing I can do, and nothing I cannot do, that will ever change who I am. Click To Tweet

No doubt that it feels good to be recognized, and to be given a sincere compliment. Realistically, however, I will never please everyone. And I’ll never please anyone all the time. I can’t expect to receive compliments for everything I do. I’m either going to be too honest, or too guarded. I’m either too permissive with my kids, or too restrictive. I’m either too healthy and intimidating, or I’m a slacker and need to do better. I want to feel justified in my thoughts and actions, so I look to others for affirmation.

Before I can stop looking to others for approval, I have to stop making myself the center of attention. When I focus on myself, everything else in life loses focus. My parenting suffers and I become short-tempered with my children. My health becomes too much pressure and turns into a chore. My writing becomes empty and pointless. My house begins to be a point of resentment because of the never ending supply of laundry and dishes.

Freedom from Pleasing Others

To achieve this…

First, I must repent. I have to apologize to my Savior. I have placed myself in the position that belongs to Him alone. After this I can change my focus, and redirect myself back to The Lord.

Secondly, I have to stop putting unrealistic expectations on those unknowing people in my life. I am looking to them to fill something in my life that is not their responsibility.

Only after this am I able to let go of the need for approval. I want to live this life seeking only the approval of my Lord. People die, family moves away, friendships fade, and marriages end. But God remains. Only the Lord is able to give me security.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10, ESV

Unfortunately this is not a one and done lesson in life. Several times a week (or day) I have to repent, and then re-position my focus on what my main focus is, which is to glorify God. I want to love Him and to be obedient to Him and to what He has called me to do. I want to be a woman who exudes love because that is what is within me. I don’t want to hold back that love because of fear that it will not be returned in the way I think it should be. I want to encourage others because that is what God has created me to do, not because I secretly crave it for myself.

My name is Rachael, and I am a recovering approval junkie.

Your turn…

How do you find validation from others?

Do you find self-worth in the things you do?

Lord, forgive us for placing ourselves as the main attraction. Forgive us for finding our value and worth in people, and things, and activities. Lord, thank you for continually pursuing us, and challenging us, bringing us into a closer relationship with you. Thank you for your goodness and patience. Amen.

Silvestri Matteo

Support: The 6 People You Absolutely Need in Your Life

Devotionals, Stay Sane

We all need to be surrounded by people to challenge us to be our better self. These are six examples of people who will support and help you be who you were created to be.

This past week I decided to do a whirlwind trip back to Greenville, South Carolina. I needed to pick up new items that will be appearing soon in the shop, and I was feeling a bit homesick for the town and the people. So on Monday morning I sent my oldest son off to school (we have year round school here), packed up my younger two, and hit the road. One potty stop, and four hours later we arrived and accomplished the first goal of the trip, picking up the items. After that was accomplished, it was on to hug some necks. And boy, did I ever hug! Good, soul-filling hugs.

I got to hug the neck of a sweet lady who is experiencing deep grief at the moment. Then I got to hug and drink coffee with a friend while we watch our kiddos run and play. After being revitalized there, I pulled myself away to have dinner and stay the night with the most giving and gracious woman I have ever known. My whole time knowing her, she has inspired me to be kinder and more generous, and she gives great hugs too! The next morning I went back to my old cycle class at the YMCA. So many people I love in one place at one time. I got to hug the precious lady who is in charge of the child watch. I love that woman, she has touched more lives than she will ever know. I got to hug so many friends while I was there. So many sweaty hugs were to be had! But I still wasn’t done… I then met up with a friend for brunch who continually impresses me with all that she juggles, and all that she accomplishes. I didn’t want to leave, I could have sat with her all afternoon, but alas, my 2 year old was beginning to melt down, and I needed to hit the road so I could be home before my son got off the bus that afternoon.

My heart was so full after that 24 hours. I was able to see so many people that have encouraged me, helped me, and challenged me over the last few years. There were so many more who I wished I could have seen, but there was only so much I could do in the little time I had. Many of these women were the inspiration for a blog post I had written a couple years ago, so I wanted to share it again.

If you are ever struggling with your day, or week, or even year, these people will be there to keep you going, or in some cases, keep you still. They love you and want what is best for you and your family. These are…

The 6 People You Absolutely Need in Your Life

The Dreamer: This is the person that is always coming up with ideas. Every time you see them they have a new adventure planned and one for you as well.

!!!!Warning, don’t be tempted to lose focus and get off the path you are on.

The Motivator: This is the person that once you have an idea, they tell you should go for it. They think you are the best at whatever it is that you are doing, or at least make you feel that you are.

!!!!Warning, don’t let this prompt you to act before you are ready.

The Brainstormer: This is the person that will keep you going once you have an idea or plan by keeping your mind focused on what you can do to keep improving.

!!!!Warning, planning is a good thing, but be sure to take action after you have done your planning.

The Realist: This is the person that will keep you in check and not allow you to run too far ahead.

!!!!Warning, this can feel like discouragement, but that is not the intent.

The Questioner: This is the person that will ask challenging questions to make you think through all the steps. The questions are not to discourage or encourage. Just to make you think through every possible angle.

!!!!Warning, nothing will ever have all the kinks worked out, don’t let this immobilize you.

The Encourager: This is the person that will shower you with compliments and make you feel like you are changing the world. And they will do this just about the time you want to give up.

!!!!Warning, this person loves you and what you do, don’t let it cause you to think higher of yourself than you should.

Some of the people in your life will have more than one of these traits. Or you may have multiples of one kind of people in your life. Life is too complicated and busy to spend time on discouraging thoughts. Surround yourself with people who will encourage you and challenge you!

Life is too complicated and busy to spend time on discouraging thoughts. Click To Tweet

Surround yourself with people who will encourage you and challenge you! Click To Tweet

 

I love those people back in South Carolina, and am thankful to be finding more of those people here in North Carolina. I could not have pulled this trip off without the help of friends and neighbors. I am truly blessed!

So what about you? Who do you have in your life that encourages you to be who you were created to be?

 

 

Ian Schneider

Rage: Getting Ready to Fight

Stay Sane

Today we are talking about knowing when, who, and how to fight. Not with people, but against an enemy who wants to destroy us and our influence. We will not sit back and let our spirits be crushed!

He came running through the door sobbing so heavily I could not understand what he was trying to tell me. After several attempts of trying to get him to take a deep breath, I finally was able to coax the story out of my nine year old (with some additional details from his 5 year old brother).

Let’s back up… My nine year old loves people. From the age of 2, he has been able to make friends at a playground, any playground, any city. He thrives from being around his friends, so when we moved to this street that is full of little boys and girls, it was like he arrived at heaven’s gate ready to get rowdy! And he instantly connected with everyone, believing all were his new best friend.

My younger son is friendly, but not quite so eager, and one of these “new best friends” was not being so friendly towards him. After about the third time of my younger son complaining, I was quickly going into mama bear mode. I remained calm and cool though, giving him the advice of, “When he does this, you need to tell him to stop, and if he doesn’t stop, then you need to leave.”

During this excellent parenting, my older son was making excuses for the friend, saying things like, “that is just how he plays,” and “he doesn’t mean anything by it.” At this point, my parenting shifted to him. I told him, “It is not ok for him to play like this. If he is told to stop, then he needs to stop” (I am a big believer that “no” means “no” with any gender, any age). I also told him that he needs to always have his brother’s back (I don’t believe in picking fights, but I do believe in fighting for those who need our protection).

The day came. The friend was being a punk not nice, and even though he was told to stop, he didn’t. This is where my boys went wrong. They should have left, but instead kept pleading with him to no avail. Then, saliva happened. Yes, saliva. The friend was trying to spit, or drool, or something, and my germaphobic son was having none of it. He snapped, or in his words, “Mom, I’ve never gone so crazy in my life!” And this is how my son got into his first fight.

For the first time in his life, he was pushed past his limit. I was honestly relieved to know he has a limit. He has such a desire to like people and be liked back, that he tends to do whatever it takes to make this happen. I was also proud of him for standing up for his little brother. My prayer for him has always been for him to be strong, and to bring strength to others, and in this moment, he did that. I will not encourage him to wrestle other kids to the ground when he is angry, but I will encourage him to stand up against what is wrong. And sometimes when you are a little boy, wrestling is the best way to communicate.

Ready to Fight

There are times in life when we need to stand and fight. Whether it is against injustice, or to protect someone we love, we better be ready to wrestle when we get pushed past our limit.

We need to know, however, who it is we’re fighting, because it’s not the neighbor kid across the street.

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:11-12, ESV)

We also need to know how to fight, because the moves you learned in cardio kickboxing at the gym aren’t going to help. In Ephesians when the author is talking about the armor, the only part that is for fighting, rather than defending, is the “sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

We need to know how to fight, because the moves you learned in cardio kickboxing at the gym aren't going to help. Click To Tweet

This is how Jesus fought. When he was being attacked in the wilderness, he repeatedly spoke the Word of God to Satan. And eventually, Satan did flee (Matthew chapter 4).

 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:7, ESV)

Finally, knowing who we are fighting, and how to fight is not enough. We also need to put our knowledge into practice. My son has watched many episodes of Ninjago (a Lego show with ninjas), but this is not where he learned how to fight. The fight with our neighbor may have been his first fight of rage, but he has wrestled countless times in his life (just ask his dad and grandfathers). It is important to practice fighting in the spirit so that when we are being attacked, we can fight back with confidence.

Practice fighting in the spirit so that when we are being attacked, we can fight back with confidence. Click To Tweet

Your Turn

What are you fighting for?

A child? Your marriage? Your identity in Christ?

I challenge you to…

  • Search, and find scripture declaring truth over you and your situation.
  • Speak the scripture, audibly, and say, “Be gone, Satan!”
  • Share it with trusted loved ones who will fight with you and help hold you up as you become weary from the battle.

I want to hear from you! Let me know what battles you have been fighting, and how I can be praying for you.

xoxo, Rachael

ps. My boys and this little boy across the street are now the best of buds. There has been no more inappropriate play, and they all truly enjoy being around each other. If only all our battles ended so sweetly…

Jack Alexander

Focused: Eliminating the Competition

Stay Sane

When I am able to think clearly, I know that success is achieved when I am doing what I know I ought to be doing. And when I am thinking clearly, I know that my success is not in competition with other people’s success. But when I am not thinking clearly… Well, that’s a different story.

When I am not thinking clearly, I feel threatened by others. When I am not thinking clearly, I feel insecure, and easily offended. When I am not thinking clearly, I feel jealous of the things other people are doing. When I am not thinking clearly, I start competing with others in a competition they never signed up for.

When I am not thinking clearly, I start competing with others in a competition they never signed up for. Click To Tweet

When I am not thinking clearly, it is most likely because my life is out of balance. Being out of balance is a dangerous place to be. When I am out of balance I neglect my health, my thoughts, and my heart. And when I neglect my heart, I start listening to all the lies that the enemy is whispering. And the lie that is whispered most often is that I am not enough to be used by the Lord. Others have more talent, have better connections, have different opportunities. And I begin to believe that I am wasting my time.

I have a passion for encouraging women to be free from the very thing I am struggling with. I believe that we are most beautiful, and most radiant when we are being who we are created to be. When we are confidently living out our unique passions, with our unique abilities, then we are experiencing true freedom. But when we listen to those lies, then we have become insecure, enslaved within our own prisons.

Recently, this is where I was. I was imprisoned in my own self-doubt, and self-pity. Because I had neglected the truth, the lies took over. I began feeling jealous of what others were doing, and offended that I was not a part of something I believed I had a right to. I had become focused on myself, and what I was (and was not) doing. My focus was not on what the Lord was doing. I was asking Him to join me in my endeavors and my ambitions, rather than asking where He was already working. And He is always working, and always looking for workers. But the workers are to be glorifying the Lord, not seeking their own glory.

The Lord is faithful. Gently, I was reminded that although He cares about me deeply, it is not about me. It is not about my creativity. It is not about the people I know. It is not about my involvement. It’s about Him.

I once heard the statement, “Her success is not your failure,” meaning, don’t compare yourself to others. But as followers of Christ, this goes one step further. My belief is, “Her success is my success!”  We are on the same team, and our objective is to make Christ known, and to glorify the Lord. The Lord gives each of us talents and a mission to be passionate about. We work together to strengthen the church and impact others.

Her success IS my success! Click To Tweet

Now that balance has been restored and my focus has been shifted off of myself, I rejoice when I hear about others who are sharing this pursuit of making Him and His truth known. No longer am I weighed down with feeling insecure, or offended. I know that I am not the only one the Lord has given this mission to. I want everyone to experience the freedom of being confident, knowing they are being who they were created to be. The more people sharing this truth, the quicker we will all be set free.

Your turn…

Do you compare yourself to others? Do you find yourself in a competition that no one signed up for? How will you eliminate this competition?

Haunted: Finding Redemption from Abuse

Stay Sane

This week I have the honor of sharing a guest post from one of the bravest women I have ever known. Over the past year I have watched in awe her transformation and admire the boldness she possesses. Kelly is an advocate for women who have been victims of abuse and desires for them to experience the same redemption and freedom she now has after so many years of longing and praying. 

Please support her mission and ministry by visiting Blankets of Redemption.

“God, please make it go away!” 

“It” didn’t even have a name. There were memories, categories, ideas for “it” in my head, but I wasn’t even sure what “it” was. I just knew “it” had to go away. Most people in my life who knew about “it” were not supportive or helpful. I think they didn’t really know what to do with “it” either. So when my family moved two states away from where we had called home our entire lives, I was determined more than ever to make “it” go away and get a clean break.

I know, you probably are wondering what in the world “it” is. I have a name for “it” now. “It” is sexual abuse that I experienced for some time during my childhood. When God redeemed me, called me Daughter, I was certain I had to make it go away. All the other Christians I was surrounded by at the time seemed to agree, as they insisted it didn’t matter at all because “if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). 

So I prayed, “God, please make it go away!” I prayed the only words I could find for experiences I had no words for. 

But it never did go away. I tried for years and years, yet it persisted. It’s impact seemed to spread to every part of me and my life. I was very good at pretending it wasn’t there and hiding all the ways it made itself present. Still, it haunted me, and still I begged God to make it go away…until I stopped praying because I thought God didn’t care about it in the first place. 

I knew God loved me. I knew He cared about me. I had seen His grace, mercy, forgiveness, and kindness over and over in my life in every area but that one. Yet I always felt I was somehow less than because He was leaving “it” and refusing to hear my oh-so-desperate cries it seemed. 

Then completely unexpectedly, God brought a woman into my life who began to walk with me on a journey to healing from the abuse of my past. He began healing parts of my life that “it” had left mangled and desolate. He began to teach me that “it” does not have to go away, and so many years later, He was beginning to answer that short, desperate prayer I had long since stopped praying.

The healing came slowly, but He is such a patient Father. One day, as I was having a conversation with a dear friend and sister in Christ, she said something that had such a profound impact on me I nearly burst into tears in an instant. She was talking about 1 Timothy 1:7 which says, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control.” As she talked about this spirit of love given by God, she said, “you don’t have to make it go away because you are loved with that part of you.” 

That truth…what freedom it brings. Walls I have built decades high in hopes of self protection were shattered the moment she spoke that to me. In that moment I realized I do not have to make it go away, because I am perfectly, wholly, beautifully loved…all of me…even the broken, shattered, messy part that bears the wounds of abuse.    

I am perfectly, wholly, beautifully loved...all of me...even the broken, shattered, messy part... Click To Tweet

As I meditated on and considered this truth, I thought back to that verse that was once used to tell me that “it” didn’t matter and should be buried. That verse which was used in such a hurtful and harmful way was used in an incomplete way also. I realized that the old passing away does not mean the abuse disappears and does not matter or have an impact on my life. It highlights the the place where the present and the eternal touch. I am already made new. Yet, I live in this body affected by sin. I am called to renewal in the present while having already been made new in the eternal. The old that passes away…it doesn’t disappear. The old is the pieces God uses to make the new mosaic of me that reaches completion when my journey on this earth is finished, and I am home with my Abba Father in heaven for eternity.  

I am already new in Christ, yet He is making me new each day. He sees the mosaic, the work He is doing in me, already completed in His eternal view, yet He is making the new mosaic out of the old broken pieces right now in the present. He doesn’t make the old disappear. He redeems it all while it is already redeemed. I don’t have to make “it” go away.

I think we all have an “it” if we’re really honest with ourselves. That one thing we feel we must hide or pretend isn’t there. The thing we have pushed so far down into the darkest parts of us we won’t even let God in. “It” could be something we have done, or something done to us, or a combination of both. That makes no difference. Whatever your “it,” you do not have to make it go away. You are perfectly, wholly, beautifully loved with it, whatever “it” may be. It may be old, but it does not disappear. God uses it to create in you the newness He already sees. He will meet you in the middle of the mess “it” has left behind. He redeems you with it. He loves you with it.  

Please, if you are a victim of abuse, seek help. You are not alone, and do not need to stand alone. Allow others to walk with you, or even carry you through this. I pray you were blessed and challenged by Kelly’s words. Please continue to share her story so that others will experience this same freedom of living life being who they were created to be.

 

Defining Success: Don’t overlook these 5 key factors!

Stay Sane

From a very early age I have been driven, and a tad bit competitive. This has resulted in me constantly challenging myself to do more, and try to reach things just out of my reach. And this has resulted in me feeling frustrated and overwhelmed at times. I have goals that I want to accomplish, but can’t always attain. Or if I do attain them, I then want to move on to the next thing. It leaves me wondering if I will ever be “successful.”

I remember once, sitting in a restaurant in Chicago with a 20 year old discussing careers and expectations. She was working as a nanny, but was feeling pressure to go back to school. She was torn. She felt like she was expected to go to college, but throughout high school all she wanted to be was a nanny. That was her goal, and she was living it out. She was happy and enjoying her life. In that moment, I knew I was looking at a successful young woman.

This is success, knowing what you want and living it out. This means that the person living in modest apartment can be equally successful as the person who owns the apartment complex. And the person walking a 5K is just as successful as someone running a marathon.

This is success, knowing what you want and living it out. Click To Tweet

Defining Success

Awareness. This is more difficult than it may seem. Knowing what your specific goal is can seem to be a fleeting idea, constantly morphing once you seem to grasp it. This is part of the journey. It’s a way to help you determine what your strengths are, and what tasks you may need to let others handle.

Struggle. There may be seasons of struggle and waiting as you work to attain the goal. This is different than settling for a life you regret. Waiting produces growth and focus. It is not comfortable, nor is it suppose to be. It is refining. Settling, however, produces a feeling of being defeated and no longer wanting to pursue the life that the Lord created you for.

Flexibility. You may have to compromise some things in order to have the most important goal. There are different layers of success, and it may require you to determine which layer is more important. For instance, you may have a dream job of working at a particular company, but this requires working long hours that leaves you missing out on family time. If you also have the goal of stable career that leaves freedom for the family, then you may have to choose.

Change. Our definition of success may change throughout life. Rarely do our goals stay the same. What I wanted ten years ago is not the same as today. The heart behind my goals, however, has remained the same. It simply looks different in the action. Our goals may change over the years, but as long as your are working toward that goal, then success is already in process.

Peace. Living in peace is a sign of success. We are right where we need to be, and we know it. This gives us an calmness and confidence, which shines as beautiful!

Everybody has a desire to be successful, they may just not know what success means to them. Knowing this makes it important to also value other people’s definition of success. We cannot hold other people to the standards we have set for ourselves.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14, NIV

The Lord has a different journey for each of us. By knowing Christ, we all finish at the same spot, but we are not all called to live the same way. We need both the migrant worker laboring in the field, and the physician treating our ailments. We need both the encourager, and the challenger. We need all of us.

Be who you were created to be.

 

 

 

 

Hiding: Finding the Time to Be Still

Stay Sane

Many years ago, when my mother was incredibly ill, we moved to a new state. As the income producer in our two person family, I was adjusting to a new job while my husband went back to school full-time. Then, a month after being there, my mother passed away. These were major life stressors occurring all at once. Looking back, I wish I had handled it differently. It was a season of absolute chaos, but instead of being still and allowing my heart to heal, I was busy doing “good works” trying to serve others with an empty heart. This resulted in becoming angry at the Lord for “letting me down” and feeling insecure in my relationship with my husband and family and friends. It was the start of a long spiral down into negativity and bitterness.

Recently, as life has gotten a bit more hectic than normal, I made a decision to go into hiding. I learned from that experience many years ago, and knew that I needed to respond differently. I felt that exposing the chaos in my life to as few people as possible was the wise thing to do, and I do not regret the decision. My husband, my parents, and maybe a couple others are the only ones who knew the stress and anxiety I was dealing with. My husband alone is the only one I was completely honest with and could fully express myself to. No one else should ever have to see that amount of craziness!

My life was completely out of balance, there were few moments when being still was possible. There was little time to refill my soul, so I protected what precious time I had by going into hiding. Hiding for me meant:

Minimal time on social media. By doing this, I didn’t waste time comparing myself to what other people were doing,

Rarely spending time on this ministry. With my heart being out of balance, I was not able to keep my focus where it needed to be. Instead of focusing on what the Lord was doing, I kept trying to take over and make it about myself.

Being picky about committing my time to other people. I had to commit the time I had to my husband and children, and maybe the dog, so I committed to only a few things.

Avoiding negative people. I only talked with people who brought support and encouragement.

 

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10, ESV

 

It’s just not realistic to be always calm amidst chaos. Therefore, I didn’t fear this time of being out of balance. I knew it was a season that was temporary, but I also knew I needed to protect myself. In times of chaos, my heart becomes incredibly vulnerable. I get defensive when it’s not necessary, my feelings get hurt for no reason, I feel insecure, and I’m not able to filter the comments of others. I had nothing extra to give, so I saved what I had for those closest to me.

Going into hiding when things are chaotic is not necessarily the best decision for everyone, or for every situation. We don’t need to hide from everyone. We need the support of others who will be encouraging and who will pray for us. We are not meant to carry our burdens alone. And we don’t need to hide every time life becomes chaotic. There are times to let others see our struggles, and see where we gain our strength.

I highly value being real and transparent. I don’t want to live life with a facade that I “have it all together,” because I absolutely do not. But it’s not necessary to be transparent with everyone. It takes trust to open my vulnerable heart with others. If it’s going to be met with criticism or people trying to put a “band-aid” on it, then I don’t let them in. Chaos makes other people feel uncomfortable and they will try to solve the chaos rather than let my heart be still and be healed by the Healer.

Hiding is only good temporarily. I know that it is unhealthy to stay in hiding forever. Thankfully this season of chaos has subsided, and I have been able to find balance again, taking care of my mind, body, and soul. I am back to being healthy. I know there will be seasons of chaos again, and when they come I will take whatever time I have to be still.

Are you in hiding? How do you find time to be still when life is chaotic?

xoxo

 

 

 

 

The Allusion of the Illusion

Stay Sane

“You had an awful week! Why are you not wanting to relax? Why are you so determined to get this done right now?”

“Umm, because I’m a woman!”

My husband and I rarely argue, but there was definitely an argument brewing. It was the culmination of stress, exhaustion, and the need for control.

Before sharing more about this argument, allow me to share with you what the past 2 months of my life has been like:

We were in South Carolina to clean out our house, which was set to close at the end of the month. While there, my husband was still working, and I had a couple Gatherings that took place. We packed up the decor in the house, sold the majority of the furniture we had left there, and gave it a good cleaning. My husband came back to North Carolina with all 3 children and the dog, while pulling a trailer. I drove on to Birmingham to run a marathon.

Closing in South Carolina went without a hitch, so I figured I better start packing for the house we were under contract for. I packed up that house in 5 days. On the 10th of March we closed on our home (which I am not leaving for at least 20 years).

Desperate to feel settled, I was unpacking boxes like a crazy woman. But because we sold most of our furniture, I was stuck not having a place to put things. This resulted in multiple projects occurring simultaneously. Before I had finished painting an old dresser, I had purchased an antique table to refinish. So much for parking in the garage I so desperately wanted. My time was also spent preparing to rent out the house we had just moved from. This involved cleaning, painting, removal of debris, cleaning, and a bit more cleaning. And I ran another marathon.

March went out, and April came in with two projects going in the garage, family in town visiting, and showing the rental house. Y’all, getting that house rented was nuts! There were so00 many inquiries. I was overwhelmed by emails and phone calls. Oh, and all three of my kids came down with the flu. And my husband was traveling for work. Good times.

The Allusion of the Illusion

So now to this argument… My husband had just gotten back in town. Kids are sick. Furniture is still in the garage. And what do I want to do? Paint. I want that cheap-contractor-flat-beige-paint to be gone! Why? Because that needs to be done before we can hang these cool barn wood shelves I bought. And I need the shelves put up because I need a place to put the stuff that is in these boxes. And I need these boxes to go away so I can feel at home. And I need to feel at home so I can relax.

God bless my husband. He is such an amazing man. On Saturday, we did indeed paint. The argument came on Sunday when I started talking about where else I wanted to paint.

“You had an awful week! Why are you not wanting to relax? Why are you so determined to get this done right now?”

“Umm, because I’m a woman! And I want to feel at home in my home! And… because I can control what color this room is, but I can’t make my kids better!”

Aah, yes. My need for control. Control is the allusion of an illusion. The allusion of controlling my circumstances hints that I actually have control over something. This control however, is an illusion. It’s fake. I cannot control the outcome of my day any more than I can control the sunshine or the rain.

…yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” James 4:14-15, ESV

I did end up painting the dining room (all by myself). I realized though, I needed to slow down. I had been in a sprint for so long I was beginning to crumble. It is normal and natural to want to feel at home in my home. It’s understandable to want to spend time making our new house feel that way. I’m finding my endurance pace again. A realistic routine that allows me to be healthy; physically, emotionally, and spiritually. A routine allowing flexibility, because we all know that control is a myth. It does not exist.

Now…. The dresser is done. The shelves are hung. The kitchen table…well, that deserves it’s own blog post, but it’s almost done. My children are back to healthy. And I’m back to being calm, cool, and collected. Hahahahahaha!!!!! How about simply calm-er?

Thank you Lord, for creating me with passion and drive. Please help me to see when it becomes obsession, and bring my focus back to you. Only in you, Lord, can I find peace. Only in you, can I relax and be myself.

 

xoxo

 

 

 

 

The Comparison Trap

Stay Sane
Today I get to introduce you to an amazing lady. Cheryl and I met in such an unexpected and amazing way with an instant connection. I knew we were destined to be in each other’s lives. She has a passion for mentoring and encouraging young ladies, and a gift for creating beautiful pieces of jewelry. Here she is sharing how she struggles with the comparison trap and how she has learned to fight against it.
As I read the email that introduced the new team member to our faculty I sulked in total unworthiness as I soaked in every word. Prestige. Successful. Accomplished. A grand introduction. My insecurities began to rise. For as long as I can remember I have struggled with feeling like I am enough. And comparing my worst with someone else’s best is exactly what I do best.
Can you relate? Why didn’t I get this grand introduction when I was hired? Why isn’t what I’ve accomplished enough to be listed in an email to our entire team? Why am I not enough? These were all lies running through my head. Because you see friend, I am enough. And just in case no one has told you lately, so are you. Whether you are a full time working mom, an exhausted college student, retired with an empty nest, or in my case, almost 30 with a husband, two fur babies, and a part time job, you are enough. Exactly where you are.

I can remember when I was a child, I was constantly striving to get good grades to please my parents. And when my brother, three years younger than me and smart enough to help me with my homework, brought his straight A report card home, I would cringe. I anxiously shared my report card lined with B’s and C’s with my parents, and found myself in constant comparison with my brother. I knew he would always be better than me in school. And that I would never “measure up” to him. The fact was, it just came easy to him. And it didn’t for me. I had to work really hard at it and accept the fact that our brains just functioned differently.

As I entered my adult years, I found myself trapped in the same game. Always striving to be the best or better. The problem wasn’t that I was trying to be better, it was that I was always striving to be better than someone else, when in fact I just needed to stop wrestling with the truth. The truth that, God so uniquely designed me as a one of a kind and that by being myself alone, I am completely enough.

Comparison asks, “Am I really enough?”

But God says, “Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Luke 12:6-7

You see, we have always been enough. Broken, abandoned, addicted, tainted, rejected, sinful.. we are still enough, because God says we are. When I read this scripture I think about the magnitude of care that Jesus has for us. Just imagine that for a moment. Let the depth of His love for you sink in. Because He says you are worthy. When we find our worth in Jesus, worrying about if we are enough in this world won’t matter. Jesus just has to be enough for us. We have to stop living in a constant state of striving for human satisfaction and embrace our purpose filled impact on eternity. When rejections and comparisons and insecurities rise, we have to ask ourselves where our worth lies. Have we clothed ourselves in truth or are we being blinded by the comparison lies.

A couple of years ago I became so fed up with comparing my life to everyone else’s that I just stopped. I began to speak Gods truth over myself every single day. I put on my armor in the battle to defeat the enemy of comparison to get to the truth that I am enough. My mantra became “Embrace your race!” It’s something I still tell myself everyday, and something that I encourage other people to do. It reminds me to run this race in life in my own lane, to be my very best self without worrying about measuring up to the runners beside me.

I can never be you and you can never be me. When we choose to wake up and embrace who God made us to be, it gives Him the glory and allows us to walk in complete freedom and experience His true love for us and who He designed us to be.

If you would like to connect with Cheryl you can do so on Instagram and Facebook.

Also, you must check out her amazing creations on her Etsy page!

Respect Your Journey

Stay Sane

Today I completed my 18th marathon. I am done for quite a while, to be honest. This marathon was like two different races for me. The first half I was strong, and felt well prepared. The second half my digestive system went on protest (and that is all I will say about that). Because of this, the second half was an hour longer than the first half. At mile 17, I honestly wondered if I would be able to finish. I have never dropped out of a race, and I didn’t want today to be the first.

While I was in Birmingham to run my last marathon, I was able to visit with a dear friend whom I had not seen since my days in Chicago. This girl is also a runner. Actually, she’s a phenomenal runner. I am comfortable with my abilities as a runner, so it’s not that I feel like I’m not good enough, but seriously she could probably walk at the pace I’m running.

We were discussing my marathon strategy and goals, which was mainly to run steady, feel comfortable, and not injure myself. Oh, and to finish. Yes, it is required to finish. During this discussion, she made the comment that as a runner you have to respect the marathon distance. It is as much of a mental game as it is physical. You can’t simply power through the whole race. The plan is to start slow, stay steady, and finish strong.

That plan doesn’t always work though. What if it’s hilly, and you weren’t able to train on hills. What if it is unseasonably hot, and your body isn’t acclimated? What if the course is a double loop and it messes with your head? What if your body reacts in a way that you can’t function? You have to prepare to the best of your ability, and respect the things that are out of your control. Just as in life.

There is so much to learn about life from running a marathon.

Respect Your Journey

Some trials in life are sprints. These you can simply power through. Put your head down, breath heavy, and get it done. It’s painful, but over quickly. And there is a great sense of exhilaration at the end. And a gratefulness that you can walk the rest of the way.

Some trials in life are marathons. Heck, some are Ultras. The trial has no end in sight. Its a double, triple, or quadruple loop. Every time you go around, all you can think is, “Crap! I’m gonna have to do all of this all over again!” Some trials have unexpected hills that you simply were not prepared for. You didn’t know the hill was going to be that difficult or that long. And when you get to top and have to go back downhill, you can breathe easier, but now your knees ache. And the race doesn’t stop. Oh no, you many miles left to go.

So what do you do? Focus on what your initial goal was. Was it to finish, crawling if it needs to be? Was it to finish with at least a smile on your face? Was it to finish with a sprint? Each of these goals are worthy. If you finish crawling, it shows that you have an incredible amount of determination. You have made a commitment to finish, and you will honor that promise. If you finish smiling, it shows that no matter how difficult things are, you are able to focus on the good and be uplifting to others. If you finish sprinting, it shows that you have prepared well and seized the challenge you have to face.

Final Thought

Thankfully, I was able to finish my race today. My time was shot, so I decided to enjoy the beautiful morning and be thankful for the opportunity to be in nature and meet new people. Another runner was having the same troubles as myself and feeling quite defeated. It was an unlikely connection we had, and I took the moment to provide encouragement for her.

The only bad race is the one not entered. Life is meant to be lived. All of the hills and all of the heat. It is all part of the journey. Respect it.

 

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