Integrity is doing the right thing even if no one is looking. This sounds great, but not always achieved. What are we suppose to do when we mess up?
He lied to me. Out right, to my face, he lied. A wave of anger washed over me, only to leave me feeling completely heartbroken. My nine year old son lied to me.
It’s never good when an adult knocks on your door and asks if you are the mother of your child. Uh-oh. She was standing there with her daughter, with two complaints. The second complaint she shared was that my son was shooting her with a Nerf gun while she was on her bike. Apparently this made the daughter feel nervous that she would lose her balance and fall. I’m thinking, what’s the big deal, maybe you need to toughen up a bit. This is not what I said though. I said I would talk to him about it, and I did, saying that if someone doesn’t want to play that way, then he needs to be respectful of that and stop. Problem officially dealt with. Pretty much, stop playing with prissy girls. (#boymom)
It was the first complaint that made my sirens start to go off. Apparently he was “throwing around the F-word” and I don’t mean four fluffy feathers on a fiffer-feffer-feff. I didn’t doubt her since the week prior my son was asking my husband what that word meant. It was explained to him that words have meaning, and there are bad words, and that is the baddest of the bad. He was told, under no circumstance, was he to ever use that word. This of course, just confirmed that he would most definitely use that word.
The neighbor was very sorry to have to tell me this. I assured her that I appreciated being told, and that it would be addressed. My son was sent to his room while my husband and I conferred on how to handle the situation. I would give my son an opportunity to confess. He knows that if he is honest then the consequences are less. I also knew I needed to hear his side of the story, since I don’t trust a neighbor kid more than my own son. Some kids just like to be know-it-alls and cause trouble.
In his opportunity to confess, he chose to share the bit about shooting the girls with the Nerf gun. He claimed it was due to being provoked. They apparently were teasing him for playing with girls. Umm, he was playing with girls. Like I said, he needs to stop playing with prissy girls. So annoying. But I digress…
I gave him another opportunity to confess. He missed it. I point blank asked him if he was using the F-word. He told me that he and another boy were sharing bad words that they knew when my younger son walked over. My younger son asked what they were talking about, and my son just went and said the word out loud.
At this point, I didn’t feel like it was that big of a deal. My husband and I were upset, however, that he would teach this word to his younger brother. Thankfully my younger son thought the whole thing was just silly and didn’t seem intrigued by some random word. My older son, however, craves approval from others. Around adults he is charming and polite, because he gets complimented on this. Around his peers, he acts very silly and tries to impress them with bad words, apparently.
After this confession, I asked my younger son for his version of events. Whaddaya know? Turns out my son lied. Now. It. Was. On.
What actually happened was my son was trying to impress the girls, and when they told him he shouldn’t say that word, he said the word didn’t actually mean anything, and that he could say it if he wanted. Apparently he wanted, because he said it repeatedly. This was not at all what was talked about with my husband. He knew it was wrong, and chose to do it anyway.
Doing the right thing…
We all have these moments. We know we should, or should not, do something, but do the wrong thing instead. We try to explain our way out of it, making excuses instead of confessing and repenting.
So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
James 4:17, ESV
When we mess up…
Trust. God longs for us to trust Him, and it grieves Him when we hide from Him. All the way back to the very beginning, God has desired to care for us. He has provided for all our needs, but we still try to take matters into our own hands. We can be honest and trust Him with the outcome.
Accept the consequences. None of us like consequences. We want to be forgiven and then get off scot free. But just like children, we will only learn if it requires something of us. As parents, we know we give consequences out of love. And this is true with God. He didn’t kick Adam and Eve out of the garden because He was angry. He kicked them out for their own protection.
Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever—”
Genesis 3:22, ESV
Once Adam and Even ate the fruit, they knew sin. The Lord is holy and cannot be in relationship with sinful man. If they then ate from the tree of life, resulting in eternal life, they would then be eternally separated from Him. By denying them earthly eternal life, they were doomed to death, but with the opportunity to be re-united with Him because of the sacrifice of Jesus.
Consequences are a blessing designed to bring us back to the One who loves us. Click To Tweet
Death is a gift, but it is not one we were designed for. We were created to live eternally. Consequences to our actions are uncomfortable, but they are a blessing designed to bring us back to the One who loves us.
Your turn…
Was there a time you knew something was wrong, but did it anyway?
Do you trust that God wants good things for you?
Has there been a consequence in your life that you have been thankful for?
I learnt today just like Elijah repaired the Altar before worshipping God before Israelites; we need to pray that God repairs our Altars by forgiving our sin before w worship Him. That was beautiful
Accepting our consequences is huge! Sometimes I think we tend to believe that if we have integrity and own up to our mistakes that we can skip out on the consequences, but that is part of having integrity, like mentioned in the article! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Interceding for the character of each of my children is the single most important thing I do, besides living out my faith on a daily basis.
I love how you brought this all back to Jesus. When we mess up, intentionally or not, God still loves us and is willing to forgive. I’m so thankful for that. For both me and my children.
Being a mother has been humbling. It’s so easy to get upset about my son’s blatant disobedience, then I realize I act the same way toward God. I am beyond thankful that I can turn to Him no matter what.
It is so important to remember that the consequences are out of love. We’re not meant to like them in the moment. Just like for our children. Because we are supposed to learn. But they are for us to get back in line with what God wants for us. Really great read! James 4:17 is such a good reminder!
THis is such a tender subject for us all, but especially for us to teach our children.
“Consequences are a blessing designed to bring us back to the One who loves us.” Trying to control situations and plan ahead of God and my anxiety increases and I have to deal with insomnia because of it. Though through it, I needed to depend more on God!
It is so hard when our kids lie (or sin!) … It is so important to point them back to Jesus. I grew up in the church and became a Christian at a young age. One of my issues with so many I saw in the church was that they excused sin by saying you can choose sin and God will forgive you anyway. While God does and will forgive – we should flee from sin. It is not something to be messed with. Excellent post!
I found as a mother that it was so difficult face my children’s occasional lies, especially when it was a teenage girl for whom lying was a real strong suit. Teenagers really struggle with the truth and leading double lives, often. But I found that if I let them know that I thought well of them, even when I disapproved of their choices it kept their consciences tender.
One thing we always taught our children is to own their mistakes. just own it, fix it if you can and if not, come to the person that it affects with the right spirit.
Facing the consequence takes such courage and that can be attained only if we are truly repentant. Else, we can get into a pity-party. But like you said, consequces are sometimes huge blessing to help us see the One whose arms are stretched to hold us close.
I’m thankful for many things that I never would have chosen to go throw because each one of them has drawn me closer to God.
Wow. That was quite the story. So glad you were able to discern that he was lying so you could deal with that. yes, we need to be vigilant ourselves!
I am convinced that God speaks to me through interactions with my children more than any other way at this point in life. I can so relate to you here. Father’s gentle correction is exactly what we need when we are in sin, but it is difficult to acknowledge that and accept it sometimes. I’m so thankful for His boundless love and persistent pursuit of me!
Kids can be a handful at times but God gives every mother the strength to bring them up in the ways of the Lord. May God give all of us the Grace to do what is right even when we feel we are not wrong. Amen.