Darkness is overwhelming. Especially when we have dug our own holes. But God has pursued us through our darkness, and sits beside us, waiting to pull us out by His grace.
There was a point in my life where I sat cross-legged in a very dark hole. Thoughts of shame filled my mind as I thought about the previous night’s endeavors; and the night before that, and the night before that. I had convinced myself that the shame I felt was normal. That I was simply living the life those around me lived. I was acting the right way, participating in the right things, and talking about the right stuff.
I was doing it all “right,” but it left me so empty and that emptiness cultivated into dirtiness. I was so sure that my mess of a self, would never know anything outside of that dark place. And I fed that lie for about two years.
The Darkness Began…
That lie began with the combination of worldly standards and personal stubbornness. I didn’t truly know God at the time. I knew of Him but didn’t have a relationship. So, to me, He wasn’t offering anything better than the circumstances I was in. He wasn’t showing up. I was so lost in the sea of “fitting in” that my heart was hardened to His call.
By going from a rough home life to the college life, my rebellious stamina took over. It happened so fast that I didn’t even realize I was drowning in the enemies lies.
But God…
He never stopped pursuing me. He never stopped calling me. I believe we often must break down to our knees in order to realize how much we need Jesus. He orchestrated the people I needed in my life to boldly step out in faith and talk to me. To love me. The only thing I knew about God was that He was “good.” So, why did I feel so broken?
Because I didn’t truly know Him, I hadn’t received Him, and I didn’t understand my need for Him. The lies of the enemy manifest in the cultures we live in through the pressures and demands of our peers. I believed the lie because those around me did too.
But God…
Rescued
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.
Ephesians 2:8, ESV
There is no such thing as too far gone. There is no such thing as too dirty. We have a King that is not afraid to step down from His throne, meet us where we are and rescue us. So, if I had never hit the bottom of that hole, I might have never climbed out. If I had never broken down, I might have never realized my deficiency. If the trials and struggles didn’t happen, I might have never cried out to God.
He knows what we need to surrender. He has the power to open our eyes and ears to Him and that decision has nothing to do with our shame. Our shame has already been cleansed by the cross. Our dirt has already been washed clean by our Savior. We have already been forgiven by the overwhelming grace of God.
There is no such thing as too far gone. There is no such thing as too dirty. We have a King that is not afraid to step down from His throne, meet us where we are and rescue us. Click To Tweet
Jesus Conquers
You see, the truth is that the culture I was following and the people I was mimicking, need Jesus too. The truth is that the ones who were degrading me, the ones who were judging me, and the ones who decided I wasn’t enough, need Jesus too.
I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.
John 8:12, ESV
We start off in a darkness. We start off living in a sin-filled world. We are automatically thrown into temptation and betrayal. BUT God says He has a way out. God says He is the light that thwarts the holes we recklessly sit in. Learning this truth only grew my relationship with God deeper.
It taught me the cruciality in hating my sin and loving Jesus. It taught me love conquers evil, every single time; but that that conquering doesn’t necessarily mean a bloodless one. It can mean hurdles and hurt just as much as joy and peace. The point is, because of the truth we endure it all.
Gift of Grace
So, what do we do with this truth? If you are currently sitting in that dark hole. If you are feeling the grip of shame and the chains of inadequacy, if you lie awake at night replaying the mistakes over and over again- let go. Know, that those who have put you there, whether it be others or yourself, know that both culprits desperately need Jesus. And that, my friend, let’s you off the hook and gives God all the power.
Knowing that it is neither on you or them to be flawless or perfect is so freeing. The gift of grace is a gift for a reason, we don’t deserve it. But that’s not a worry in His divine plan and unconditional love for us. He wants us to know Him and to run to Him. So, He is right there next to you in that dark hole just waiting for you to take His hand and open your eyes to His light.
Amy Hornbuckle is a writer full time, wife to Dillon, part-time Children’s Director at her church, and is passionately pursuing the word and walk of God. Her online ministry is designed to help you do the same by providing biblical resources and content. Learn her intentional method of studying God’s word, called the Jesus Meet Me method.
Outside of the ministry, she is an adventure junkie who loves to take her dog hiking, camping, trail running, paddle boarding, essentially anything outside and you can find her there!
Ministry: www.takeawalkministries.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/takeawalk.ministries
