Rachael

abide, obedience, peace, striving, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Posture: The Difference Between Striving and Obedience

Devotionals, Stay SaneDecember 3, 2018January 13, 2019

Outwardly, striving and obedience may look exactly the same. It is the posture of our hearts that determine if we are acting with confidence.

The week was spent running errands, making phone calls, meeting with other people, processing what was gained from the meetings, making stuff, prepping meals, laundry, loving on children, correcting children, loving on children more. Tiring? Yes. Peaceful? Actually, yes.

The following week followed the same pattern: On the go, checking stuff off the list. But it felt different. Everywhere I turned I seemed to be hitting a dead end. Nothing was going smoothly. Instead of tired and peaceful, I was exhausted and frantic. Outwardly, my actions looked exactly the same. Inwardly, I was drowning.

Striving

I can drive myself bonkers and wear myself out striving to do good things, giving things, ministry things. But if it is not what God wants me to do, or at the time He wants me to act, then it is the wrong thing and my work will not be fruitful. If I am striving to make things happen in my time and in my way, then I have made my ministry about myself.

Striving leaves us looking for the next win, the next pat on the back, the next recognition. More than likely, we are looking to fill a void within ourselves, rather than serving out of an abundance.

Striving leaves us looking for the next win, the next pat on the back, the next recognition. More than likely, we are looking to fill a void within ourselves, rather than serving out of an abundance. Click To Tweet

Obedience

Rather than striving, we are to be obedient. Obedience may not bring any recognition from people. It will, however, bring us closer to our Lord. Only His love and affirmation will sustain us. Praise received from people runs empty very quickly. Trust me, as a self-proclaimed “Approval Junkie,” I know.

Obedience doesn’t mean everything is suddenly simple. God still calls us to move forward. But our spirits are calm because the source of our energy is coming from Him. We are not mustering the energy from within ourselves.

Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them.

John 14:21, NLT

Posture

On the outside, striving and obedience can look very much alike. The difference lies within the posture of our heart. If we give, and do, out of our own will-power then we are going to end up depleted, exhausted, and burnt out. But, serving from His power and out of abundance leaves us fulfilled and at peace.

The only way to serve in this manner is to abide in His love. He is the source of our love to others. He is where our focus has to remain. And He is who brings us fulfillment and peace.

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.

John 15:4, ESV

Are you striving, or obeying? It is a daily acknowledgment we each must recognize.

gratitude, remember, acknowledge, Oh Lord Help Us

Gratitude: Remember and Acknowledge for a Life of Joy

Devotionals, Stay SaneNovember 13, 2018January 13, 2019

How many times do we slip into the muck of life because we are stuck in our own pity-party? Get out of the muck, and into a life of joy and gratitude.

“It’s ok to have your pity party, but then you need to move on.” This is some sage advice given to me by my husband’s grandmother when I was a newlywed. I cannot for the life of me remember what prompted this advice to be imparted to me, but it has stuck with me for nearly two decades. Perhaps this wisdom was shared in a moment of tough love, but I received it well, and treasure it greatly.

There are still days when I have my pity parties. Things seem too difficult. I feel too tired. There are moments when I want to throw in the towel and call it quits. Days I feel all alone in a crowded space. My feelings are hurt, yet again. And before I know it, I am wallowing in the muck.

In the middle of the muck is usually when I heap on a big dose of guilt and shame. You know, to make myself the martyr of my own demise. I think I shouldn’t feel this way, I should be tougher, I should be better, I should do more. No wait – I shouldn’t do more – I should do less. I should be grateful. Meanwhile, the promise of abundant life slips by.

Pity Party

There are things that are too difficult. There are problems I simply cannot fix because I do not possess the means. But, hallelujah! They are not too difficult for God.

I do feel tired at times. But the things I am doing like parenting, and leading, and teaching are good things. They continually bring me back to knees.

There are moments I want to quit. A life of joy doesn’t mean easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. It means peace. Things can be hard yet peaceful.

There are days I feel alone. The loss of friendships has left gaping wounds. I hide behind facades, too afraid to let people see the real me. But I am NOT alone. God continually meets my need for community.

My feelings do get hurt. Having a sensitive heart is a strength of compassion. This is how God created me, and I am confident it is a gifting He gave on purpose. But honestly, it is often my own insecurity that causes my wounded pride.

Gratitude

Gratitude is woven throughout a life of joy. And gratitude begins with awareness. By acknowledging and remembering the blessings in life, our attitudes shift from doubt to confidence.

Remember God’s faithfulness of provision in your life. And say thank you.

If we are able to solve our dilemmas on our own, we would not need to rely on the Lord. And if we provide the solution, then we receive the credit. When there seems to be no solution, God will provide. He will receive glory, and we learn to trust in a deeper way.

Remember God’s strength gives you endurance. And say thank you.

We are in continual training. Every trial we go through prepares us for further work. This is our hope and comfort. Because we know that our future is for eternity and that our life has purpose by glorifying the Father, we see value in these trials.

Remember God’s peacefulness brings you comfort. And say thank you.

Because the task we are enduring is one we are called to, part of His provision is comfort and peace. There is a difference between stretching our faith, and a struggle with the Spirit within ourselves. We have His peace within the discomfort.

Remember God’s plan for community. And say thank you.

Instead of focusing on the loss of friendship, focus on the friends we have. Invest into these people, build trust, and love them well. God does not desire us to be alone, He created us to need community.

Remember God’s love for you and all His creation. And say thank you.

Getting the focus off of ourselves, onto others, we can see that we are loved and cared for. Recognize this. Be thankful for the love other people give. Receive it well.

Move On

If you find yourself in the muck, go ahead and have your pity party knowing you will not stay there. Feel all the feelings – sad, stressed, overwhelmed, hurt, scared. Then remember. Remember how God cares for you, the provisions, the blessings. Acknowledge the good in your life. Focus on what you have, love who you have, use the time you have and do it all for the glory of the Lord.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18, NLT

Gratitude is woven throughout a life of joy. Gratitude begins by acknowledging and remembering the blessings in life. Then our attitudes shift from doubt to confidence. Click To Tweet

friendship, conflict, honesty, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Change: Some Friendships Were Not Meant to Last

Devotionals, Stay SaneNovember 1, 2018January 13, 2019

The loss of a friendship can feel like death, especially when it ends in a hurtful way. But all of us change, and some friendships last for only a season.

We were supposed to grow old together. Raise our children together. Experience joy and laughter together. But it didn’t happen the way I had envisioned. My heart was broken. It was like death.

It was death – it was the death of a friendship.

The back story, from my perspective…

She had always been concerned with her health for things that I did not see as a big deal. I felt like she made problems that all people experience into things that she alone suffered. She was constantly going to the doctor and trying remedies that, in my mind, were not necessary.

When my mother was in a drug-induced coma fighting for her life my friend came to visit. As she and I were sitting in the waiting room, she started to complain about her health problems. I was beyond upset. But I never said anything. Well, for almost 10 years I didn’t.

After that, there was a season of time we only spoke sporadically. Our friendship did, however, survive. And after the birth of my son, it thrived. We lived in separate cities, but it didn’t matter. We talked several times a week. I vented about how much I disliked where we were living. She vented about her health.

Eventually, all her doctor’s visits and medications did lead to serious health problems. Like, to the point she could hardly walk. Her doctor prescribed a drug that was way too strong, and it came with serious consequences.

It consumed her. It had become part of her identity. And I missed my friend.

Over time our friendship became mostly conversations about her and her health. She never asked about me. So, I simply stopped sharing. Then one day she asked why I was not expressing excitement with her about a new remedy she was going to try. The floodgates opened – I said it all. All the disappointment, all the hurt, all the judgment; and I said it with great emotion.

We talked twice after that day. That was about six years ago. I still think about her almost daily.

My own faults…

Our friendship couldn’t handle the honesty. There are few relationships that can. In order to be brutally honest with someone there needs to be a level of trust. Trust that there is unconditional love. With unconditional love, there is acceptance and forgiveness. Acceptance if the person doesn’t change, and forgiveness if they do.

I would like to sit here and tell you that the loss of our friendship was all her fault. But I can’t. We both played a role, of course. Victim is not a label I put on myself. Since I am learning that I cannot change others, and am only responsible for my own actions, I must be responsible for what I did wrong.

I was prideful and selfish. I couldn’t understand. I wasn’t patient. I didn’t allow her to change. I wasn’t honest. I buried hurts that had not healed. I thought she needed to listen to me and take my advice. I was unkind and unloving in my delivery. I wanted to prove a point. I wanted to feel justified.

I am sorry.

Friendships change…

My peace in this death has been the question: What if it wasn’t meant to last? What if we weren’t meant to grow old together?

Each of us has our own journey in life. People are placed on our journey of life for seasons of time. During this time we help encourage, challenge, and shape each other. Sometimes our journeys are aligned. Sometimes they align for a long time. But our journeys change us and relationships must change as well. If they don’t, they will hold us back from where we need to go.

Each of us has our own journey in life. People are placed on our journey of life for seasons of time. During this time we help encourage, challenge, and shape each other. Click To Tweet

We were both changing and were not able to support each other as our lives took different paths. We had helped each other become who we were, but we were starting to hold each other back on who we needed to be.

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.

Proverbs 27:9, NLT

I don’t regret the loss of the friendship, but I do regret the way it ended.

Whenever I think about her, I pray for her, her health, and her family. A few times I have facebook stalked her because I need to know how she is doing, and this is somehow acceptable in our society now. But my journey has led me to walk with different friends now, with a new level of trust and honesty.

For these friends I am thankful, and I pray I will love them well.

forgiveness, grace, mercy, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Mercy: Receiving and Giving Forgiveness For Our Offenses

Devotionals, Stay SaneOctober 23, 2018January 13, 2019

Not all of our offenses result in punishment. Sometimes we receive mercy instead. When we experience grace and mercy, we can extend it to others.

It never fails. Something catastrophic always happens when my husband leaves town, and he leaves town kinda frequently. Hmm… Maybe it’s not when he leaves town. Maybe it’s just all the time. Or maybe I’m being a bit dramatic. Nah. That couldn’t possibly be it. This was definitely catastrophic, and it was when my husband was gone. Therefore, one must naturally conclude that this is just how it is.

I wish I could change the names in this story in order to protect the innocent, but that is not possible since it’s about my oldest son and myself. That poor child. Actually, my heart has a special affection for all oldest children. Truly. And this is coming from a youngest child. So, since I cannot hide the characters in this story, I shall hide the offense. It is, after all, his testimony to tell when he is ready to do so.

The offense…

We were cleaning up dinner on the fifth and final night that my husband was gone. My oldest son, out of the blue, began to make a sound that was a mix between a moan and a squeal. I had no idea what was happening. “Talk to me! What is wrong??” He replies with, “There’ll never be a good time to tell you, so…” And he proceeds to tell me about a sneaky thing he had been doing.

In that moment, the Holy Spirit took over my body. That is the only way to explain my response. My typical response is to express anger, raise my voice, and flail my arms. Honesty here. I’m a yeller. However, in this moment of him confessing, I simply began to weep.

This is not, I believe, the response he was expecting, but it was the response that allowed him the freedom to continue. Oh yes, continue he did. The depth of the offense was revealing itself, and with each new level, more tears were flowing.

The forgiveness…

When we finally came to the bottom of the pit he was in, I told him he needed to ask God for forgiveness. “I did,” he said. Ok, good. Then I say with a shaky voice, “You need to ask for forgiveness from me.”

He sat there, sobbing, breathing hard, for several moments. I could see the battle brewing within him; the struggle of pride versus humility. I did not rush him. This is a battle that is hard to fight through, and no one else can fight it. On this day, humility won out. “I’m so sorry.”

“And I forgive you,” came my immediate reply. But it was his response that will forever be etched in my heart: “But I don’t deserve it.” Reliving it, right now, in this moment, I can just start sobbing all over again. I pulled him into my arms and said, “Oh baby, none of us do. That is the point.”

The need…

My son is a good kid. He mostly does the right thing. He is kind and compassionate. The problem with being a good kid is that: a) they think they are always a good kid and become arrogant, and b) no, wait… “a” pretty much covers it. Arrogance leads to thinking we don’t need forgiveness. And if we don’t need forgiveness, then we don’t need Christ.

Even though my heart was broken that night, I was also rejoicing. Now, he understands his need for forgiveness, and what a gift grace and mercy are. He also knows (because the Holy Spirit took over my body and made me respond calmly – seriously, I take no credit here) that he can come to us and we will love him through whatever mess he is in. We are not accepting the mess, but we are accepting him.

My offense…

Oh, how I wish I could just share this story about my son and wrap it up with a nice little bow. But that wouldn’t be real. That would be me putting pretty packaging on a pile of poo. Sorry, if that’s too graphic, but that is how I felt a few weeks ago. Like a pile of poo.

It was, you got it… when my husband was out of town (I mean seriously, this is starting to become an issue). My neighborhood had just experienced a great tragedy, and I was a little neurotic with wanting to make sure everyone I love was safe. So when I couldn’t find my boys one night, I went berserk. Crazy. Nut-so.

I calmly walked up the street to the house they had been playing at; they weren’t there. Next, I blew the whistle (it’s this super loud one my husband uses to call the boys home – I hate it and only use it if I have to); they didn’t respond. I looked in the backyard, came inside; no sign of them. Then I walked to the other end of the street; not there either. It was officially time to panic.

Breathing deeply, I came in the house preparing to call all my neighbors, only to notice their shoes sitting by the back door. What. The. Heck. I yell their names, and they respond, “Yes ma’am??” Oh no! Don’t you go being all polite and good, I’m about to go ballistic!

My forgiveness…

No sense it airing out the full stink of my poo, so let’s just say I did not handle the fact that my kids were fine after I thought they had been abducted, in a rejoiceful way. We all sat hugging and crying for quite some time. I never have to worry about my kids thinking I’m perfect. Many times I have shown them how to ask for forgiveness with teaching by example. Sigh.

As my boys were getting into bed, I reminded my oldest (that dear dear child) of when he expressed to me that he did not deserve my forgiveness. With puffy red eyes, I said, “I understand how you felt. And I am in awe of God’s forgiveness, and grace, and mercy.”

But you, O Lord, are a God of compassion and mercy,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.

Psalm 86:15, NLT

My need…

I have heard it said that those who receive grace, are able to extend grace to others. This is also true for mercy and forgiveness. I too have been the “good girl” falling into the trap of believing I have my act together and don’t need help from others, or from God.

Oh, but I so do! Moments like this, where I fall so hard on my face that it feels like I’ve busted out all my teeth, are a gut-punch reality check. My need for a Savior is so great. Not so I can get stronger, or have all the answers, but so I can remember that His strength is the only strength I can rely on. And by remembering this I can be the hands and feet of Christ, loving others, lifting them, pointing them to the only One who can truly remove our ~~transgressions~~ poo. And stinky poo it is, indeed.

Our need for a Savior is so great. Not so we can get stronger, or have all the answers, but so we can remember that His strength is the only strength we can rely on. Click To Tweet

obedience, fight, flee, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Flee: When it is Time to Run Away Instead of Standing to Fight

Devotionals, Stay SaneOctober 10, 2018January 13, 2019

Certain situations in life beat us down, overwhelming us with discontentment. How do we know if we are to stand and fight, or if we are to flee?

Growing up in a Christian home, I was taught to love and be kind to other people. I was also taught to be a fighter. Not with my physical strength like my brothers were, but with my determination. I was taught to never give up and to fight for what I wanted. This determination still serves me well, but there have been significant moments in my life when running away from a fight actually brought peace.

Permission to Quit…

Before my son was born, my husband and I “birthed” a coffee shop. It was a dream that was becoming a nightmare. We were working non-stop. Up before the sun rose, and to bed long after the sun had set. And instead of making money, we were going deeper and deeper into debt. But we were fighters. And to give up meant that we had failed.

So we persevered, even after I became pregnant. Giving up the business never entered the conversation. It was simply not an option. Then I had a baby, along with postpartum depression. Thankfully, someone who loved me gave me permission to quit. It was an incredibly freeing moment. There was still a lengthy process to fully unload the business, but the weight started to lift at that moment.

Obedience Over Acceptance

For eight years my husband and I lived in Chicago. Many people feel this is a wonderful place to live and raise a family. For us, it was very difficult. We never really felt we fit there, and Lord knows we tried. We tried to invest in church, friends, a house. And we were involved with church, and we did have wonderful friendships, and we did make our house a home. But, I kept finding myself looking at job ads in other cities.

For so long I felt guilty about this. I felt that I should learn to be content with where I was and that I should just accept that this was my life. Until I realized that maybe we weren’t supposed to stay there. Maybe I was discontent so that we wouldn’t stay. It wasn’t giving up. It was letting go.

Do I regret starting the business? No. I know it was part of the journey I needed to walk. There were people we ministered to, and relationships that were developed that exist to this day. Do I regret living in Chicago? No. It was an intense, long season that taught me about people, myself, and how to be thankful. I was obedient in starting the business, and I was obedient to flee from it. We were obedient to go and live in Chicago, and we were obedient to flee from it.

Fight or Flight…

In the Bible, there are times God calls followers to stand and fight. In the book of First Samuel, chapter 17, we read about David and Goliath. We all know this story. Here is this young man, the baby of the family, going up against a massive, strong, arrogant warrior. David knows that he, on his own, does not have the strength to fight this man, but God does. He defeats Goliath and gives all glory to God! David was obedient to stand and fight.

“I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts… This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand… For the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give you into our hand.”

1 Samuel 17:45-47

There are also times God calls followers to run and hide. In the book of Matthew, chapter 2, we read about an angel telling Joseph to take Mary and young Jesus, and flee to Egypt because King Herod was setting out to destroy Jesus. They didn’t even take time to plan their trip. They just up and fled in the middle of the night. Couldn’t God have simply struck Herod down like Goliath? Certainly, but He didn’t. Joseph and Mary were obedient to run away.

“Rise, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt…”

Matthew 2:13

If we find ourselves in destructive places that suffocate our souls, it is alright to ask the Lord if we are to stand and fight or flee to Him. Click To Tweet

Stand or Flee…

If you find yourself in a destructive place that is suffocating your soul, it is alright to ask the Lord if you are to stand and fight or run and hide. Maybe you are to fight in the name of the Lord and glorify God through this battle. Or maybe you need to protect yourself, and/or your family, and run to a place of refuge; even if it is just for a period of time to rest and recover.

Maybe you have just needed someone to give you permission. Permission granted.

All Scripture from the ESV Bible

neighborhood, tribute, tragedy, Jower, family

Neighborhood: Loving Our Neighbors Through Tragedy

Devotionals, Stay SaneSeptember 27, 2018January 13, 2019

This is a tribute to a very special street full of very special people…

We are told to love our neighbors. This can mean anyone who has a need, but it also means those in our actual neighborhood.

The street I live on is like no other. Currently, our church is doing a series on how to invest in our neighbors and being intentional in developing relationships with them. Our small group did an exercise to see how many neighbors we knew by name, other than, “dog-walker guy”. I won. I could name the adults and the children. Only 2 houses on our entire street did I not know, but one of those I could still name the kids.

We have a party for Halloween. A party for Christmas. And of course a party for Cinco de Mayo. On any random night, there are ladies sitting out on their porches drinking wine. My neighbor has been a life-saver for me on more than one occasion. If someone is sick, there’s a sign-up for meals. If someone has a loss in the family, we pitch in with cutting the grass.

This is a tight-knit community we stumbled upon a year and a half ago. And now it is even tighter. How many people tell their neighbors, “I appreciate you, and I love you.” I have. And I mean it. Tragedy has a way of doing that. Yes, a very tragic thing has happened.

One of our families is gone. Literally, the entire family is gone. The dad, the mom, the 10-year-old daughter, and the 8-year-old son all killed in a car accident. There is a void in our little community. Their truck sits there in the driveway teasing us that this is all a bad dream and they will be home later this evening.

This father and son are the ones who came over to introduce themselves when we were looking at the house. The son and my boys spent the rest of the time playing soccer in our not-yet yard. The boy was barefoot. He was always, always barefoot. We had not even put an offer on the house yet, and already we felt connected.

This son is who my son had his first fight with. They never held that against one another. They knew where the other one stood. And they forgave. And they forgot. Amidst all the laughing, trampoline jumping, Nerf-gun battling, fort building…they forgot their grievances, and just enjoyed one another. They were…friends.

I never got to know the parents or the daughter well. It was the little boy who stole the show with my boys, and on our street. He was a daily part of our lives. So much so that every night my 3-year-old prays for him and his mom and dad. She still does. I told her he doesn’t live there anymore. She asked where he lives now. I told her, “heaven”.

Continually my thoughts go to how merciful it was that they all went together. Those parents were totally devoted to their kids. Even to the point of building a Ninja Warrior course for his birthday, only to take it down the next week. Gotta be honest, there is no way I would do that. If either of the parents had survived without their children, I don’t think they could have borne it. Yes, merciful indeed.

Love your neighbors…

The timing of our church pressing the importance of community could not be any more appropriate.

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.

Mark 12: 30-31, NLT

A lot of us hide behind the excuse that all of the world is our neighbor. We would rather donate to a child in Ethiopia than give to our neighbor’s Cub Scout Troupe. We’ll donate to a soup kitchen but won’t take a meal when our neighbor’s mother has passed away.

“And who is my neighbor?”

Luke 10:29, NIV

And this isn’t wrong! Everyone can be our neighbor. I’ve heard this passage about the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37) explains that our “neighbor” is anyone who has a need. But what if we truly did invest in the lives of our actual neighbors?

Previously, I have felt reluctance to get close with neighbors because what if they see my crazy, and decide that we are “those” neighbors. But what if we can live out the crazy, being honest, and show them that Christ loves us, and them, despite the crazy?

Perhaps sharing life with our neighbors not only means we can extend love, but also perhaps we can receive love. I guarantee my neighbor can hear me when I blow my lid. How humbling, and freeing, that she still wants to be around me. To have my crazy exposed, and still be accepted? Hmm, that kinda sounds like grace.

It is because of this grace, this love in-spite of crazy, that I know I will always make space in my life for my neighbor. And room in my heart for a little, soccer-playing, barefoot boy. I hope you will do the same.

questions, doubt, Oh Lord Help Us, mentor, women, ministry

Questions: Being Honest With God About Our Doubts

Devotionals, Stay SaneSeptember 19, 2018January 13, 2019

God does not feel offended when we wrestle with doubt. Asking questions can lead us to surrender, and can change our perspective.

The eight years we lived in Chicago can best be described as a desert season in my life. Yes, there were definitely times we rejoiced in the occasional “oasis” that we would encounter. But as a whole, it was a whole lot of hard. In that extended season of hard, I experienced a lot of anger, causing me to question and doubt. What was it that I really believed?

Even now, while I am in a season of adventure, I have had to wrestle with questions. Mainly being, “Are you really for me, God? Are you going to teach me yet another lesson? Can I trust you?”

Please know, I am no “super Christian”. I mess up, big time. I struggle, big time. In fact, I find it difficult to trust “Super Christians”. The ones who chirp, God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. Now, I know that I do not know their heart. Perhaps they truly do feel that way. Perhaps I come across that way! However, if someone has not struggled with their faith, then is it really their own?

Crying out…

Someone who struggles with their faith, making it their own, cries out…

Why do bad things happen? Why is my life so hard? Will I always struggle? When will this anxiety and depression go away? What good could ever come from this?

Lord, HELP ME! Don’t you care? Are you even there? Is this a waste of time?

These are the questions and doubts all of us have come face to face with. And the enemy would love nothing more to dump a big ol’ heap of shame and despair on top of that. But… God can handle our questions, and God is not offended by our doubt. He honors our honesty, and because He wants nothing more than all of our hearts, He will meet us where we are.

Even if that means we are living in one gigantic mess of how-can-God-ever-forgive-this sin.

Even if that means we are living a life so full of abuse and neglect, we cannot even imagine how we can ever trust another human being again.

Asking questions is a sign of humility. It’s admitting we don’t have the answer. Even if it is done in anger. Anger and hate are not the opposite of love. Indifference is. There is no shame in calling out to the Lord with our hurt, anger, questions, or doubt. This is what leads us to a place of surrender.

O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day?

Psalm 13:1-2

Questions can lead to surrender…

The journey to surrender is a difficult battle. We want to keep fighting. Fighting for hope. Fighting for happiness. We want our life to be better, easier. But because we resist the surrender, it gets even harder before we finally submit. It seems easier to keep trying to do all the right stuff. Honestly, though, this is prideful. We are trying to provide our own salvation. There are not enough self-help books in all the world to bring us the peace that comes from Christ.

Surrendering is the final release of our pride. It is our embracement of humility. It is by our walk from pride to humility that we are able to receive and experience redemption. There is nothing we can do to earn favor from God. His favor is freely given. We need only to receive it.

After we surrender, we begin to practice our own faith. Not the faith of our parents, or our friends, or our church. Faith is when we choose to believe God is good even when we don’t feel IT. IT being the warm fuzzies we experience. IT is when we feel so in love with the Lord, that nothing will shake our belief. Sometimes, however, we don’t feel IT. We are too worn down. Too tired. Too beaten up. And all we can do is surrender. In a moment of surrender, our prayer may simply be to lie in a heap on the floor. Imagining in that moment, we are lying in the palm of His hand, being held in his embrace.

I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Change in perspective…

Once we reach the moment of surrender, once we are in His hand, we may find ourselves still asking the questions. But now the position of our hearts have changed. We have a new perspective. Now the questions are…

What do You want me to do with this bad thing that happened? Will you please comfort me in this hard season? Will You show me Your goodness in this struggle?

But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me.

Psalm 13:5-6

No, God is not offended by our doubts. He will meet us in the middle of them, and show us His truth.

God can handle our questions, and God is not offended by our doubt. He honors our honesty, and because He wants nothing more than all of our hearts, He will meet us where we are. Click To Tweet

All scripture is from the NLT Bible

encouragement, judgmental, judgment, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry

Encouragement: How to End the Judgment in Our Minds

Devotionals, Stay SaneAugust 30, 2018January 13, 2019

Judging other people and being judged destroys relationships. Here is how to end the judgment in our minds through encouragement.

We have all been there. We have been the one standing alone while others made snide comments and pointed and laughed (although it may just have been in our minds). And we have also been the one commenting and pointing and laughing (even if it has just been in our minds). Nobody wins. Everybody feels cruddy after the fact.

I’ve been there…

I found myself in this type of situation while my sons were at swim lessons. There is this a boy in my younger son’s class that is, how shall I say…very active. Now, I am no stranger to active little boys. I have boys, my friends have boys, I’m married to a man that used to be a boy. So I was not concerned with his activeness. I was concerned with how little regard this boy had for authority. Completely ignoring his mother, the teacher, and the lifeguard. This is scary to me because, hello! These are kids in water! The first couple weeks I was unconcerned, no judgement, just observation.

But then I crossed the line into judgement. The mom had told her son for the 14th time to put something away. Instead of obeying he threw a temper tantrum. And then… she gave in and handed it back to him. I’m so thankful that the pool area is loud and echo-y because a comment actually slipped out of my mouth. But then I felt like dirt.

Now, am I wrong to think she could have handled that differently? I don’t think so. But I was wrong to point (in my mind) and make a snide comment (in actuality). I don’t know this lady. I don’t know what her marriage is like. Or if she is even married. I don’t know what she deals with on a daily basis with her son. For all I know he has a disability. I do know that she was frustrated and probably could have used some encouragement.

At that moment I was not in the frame of mind to actually encourage her. But I did think of a dear friend who I know feels overwhelmed at times when dealing with her son. So I texted her a simple message of, “I just want you to know that I think you are a great mom.”

Judgment…

Confronting a fellow believer in love who is living in blatant sin is not judgement. That is compassion, caring about their spiritual health. Disagreeing with someone is not judgement. In our culture right now we are so concerned with not offending people that we are more afraid than ever to disagree, but have never been more judgmental.

Judgment is the condescending attitude of thinking other people should have it all together, when we clearly have our own set of issues. It is basing an opinion when we do not have all of the information. A quote by Stephen M.R. Covey, perfectly sums this up: “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior.”

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Matthew 7:1-2, NIV

Encouragement…

Instead, we are to encourage those around us. Whether it is someone we love, or a stranger, we can all use a bit of encouragement. And the areas we need the most encouragement are the areas we are weakest in. Which means, these areas are the most vulnerable to “judgement” because we are not doing them as well as we would like. To provide encouragement, we need to listen and to praise.

Listen

If we will learn to listen and try to understand people we will gain new insight. If we can assume the best of them, we can get beyond our judgmental thoughts, and extend grace. We are to leave the judging thing to The Lord since He’s the only one who truly knows our hearts anyway.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

James 1:19-20, NIV

For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them?

1 Corinthians 2:11, NIV

Praise in faith

In faith, I want my son to be a hard worker; so I praise him for being a hard worker. People are likely to become who they are told they will become. If we want someone to be a good mom and for them to feel that they are, then we are to tell them they are. If we want our spouse to be more involved/compassionate/etc., then we need to compliment them on doing those things.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Philippians 2:3-4, NIV

…we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ…

Ephesians 4:15, NLT

This is also true for ourselves. We too, deserve to encourage our own souls. Stop judging others, and stop judging yourself. In faith, encourage the area that is weakest.

This post was originally published October 2015.

chaos, overwhelmed, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, ministry, women, mentoring

Chaos: When Living Life is Above Our Capacity

Devotionals, Stay SaneAugust 28, 2018January 13, 2019

Life is full of chaos, leaving us overwhelmed and living above our capacity, threatening our sanity. Here is how to handle these seasons.

There are some days that the weight on my chest is so heavy, it literally hurts to breathe. The air I take in is shallow, and I end up deeply sighing repeatedly. Like right now. I literally just forced myself to take a deep breath. The kind of breath that almost feels like scratching an itch. The breath that is cleansing, and feels refreshing. For all of about 45 seconds, until I feel the need to do it again.

It’s my own doing though, I can admit this. When I am active, I feel alive and honestly, more peaceful. Thus, I teeter on a very delicate balance of sanity. It is something I am very aware of, and continually check into. Most days I am operating “at capacity,” meaning I am a little stressed, but mostly I’m having fun. Then there are days I am “over capacity,” meaning the mental and emotional breakdown may happen at any moment, so watch out!

I hit this point this past week. Looking at my partner in crime, I just simply stated, “I’m operating above capacity.” At that point I felt like I could curl up in a little ball and begin to sob. She understood. Praise Jesus for people who I can be real with, and not fear judgement! Typically when at this point, I go into hiding. I simply don’t trust myself around people, and I feel too fragile to trust people with myself.

It is in this time of hiding I replenish and refill my soul. In the hiding I can refocus my perspective. It is in the hiding I find protection and am able to survive the chaos.

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

Psalm 91:4, NLT

Surviving the Chaos

It begins with self-control…

In these situations, we have to make ourselves stop the chaos in our minds. And when we feel so out of control that that does not seem possible, we need to remember that self control is a gift that has been promised to us.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23, ESV

Then we become still…

Whether it is for ten minutes in the bathroom, or a weekend away, we reach a point when we need to physically stop. But when we stop we need to be careful to not just replace the chaos with a different type of busyness. Instead we are to recognize the majesty of our Lord, and the power He possesses.

Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!

Psalm 46:10, ESV

Taking a breath…

With every breath, we breathe in the Spirit. With every sigh, we release the tension. There are times when the chaos is so loud, and our minds so cluttered, that prayer is simply breathing. God created our bodies to need oxygen, so breathe Him in deeply.

I bless God every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise. I live and breathe God…

Psalm 34:1-2, MSG

And put it in perspective…

Often, we make scenarios more dramatic than they need to be. If we can view life in the view of eternity, the pressure lessens. The weight of the world does not fall on our shoulders, nor is the outcome based on our situation. We are not powerful enough to change what God has ultimately planned.

…you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.

James 4:14, ESV

We are not powerful enough to change what God has ultimately planned. Click To Tweet

Gaining control of our reaction…

But we do have the power, through Jesus Christ, to conquer our emotions. This well quoted verse in Philippians is often taken out of context. “All this” refers to finding contentment through hardship. Because of God’s strength, I am able to function calmly in seasons of chaos.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13, NIV

Accepting our limitations…

We are finite beings, facing the limitations of 24 hours, and needing sleep and food to continue in our tasks. If we do not accept these limitations, our bodies will literally force us into submission. But praise be to God, He is not limited!

With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

Matthew 19:26, ESV

To quiet our mind, and move forward…

There are times amidst chaos when we simply cannot stop, to do so would be giving in to fear and to be disobedient. It is possible to still the heart and mind without stilling the body.

And Moses said to the people… “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”
The Lord said to Moses, “Why do you cry to me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward…”

Exodus 14:13-15, ESV

So use self-control, take a moment (even if it is just a moment) to catch your breath, and put the chaos in perspective. In doing so, you will gain control, accepting your limitations. Then your mind will quiet, and you will continue on, brave sister.

guidance, encouragement, parenting, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry, mentoring

Guidance: Hearing Encouragement from the Father

Devotionals, Stay SaneAugust 16, 2018January 13, 2019

The voice of the Father provides loving encouragement and guidance helping us to be more like Jesus. Here are examples of God speaking to us, through us.

Numerous times I have been speaking to my boys and I “feel” a tap on my shoulder. I know what I said to them was actually the Lord speaking to me. He is the perfect parent, so it makes sense for Him to use our parenting as instruction for us as well.

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.

1 John 3:1, ESV

God’s guidance…

“You are expecting it to do something it was not made to do.”

To my children: Several years ago I said this to my oldest child when he was getting frustrated with a toy.

To me: The Lord was telling me that I had been expecting more out of my child than he was able to do at that time. I still hear this. Now it is in the context that I am expecting my children to be someone other than who they were created to be.

“You can trust what I say. Because I love you, I will keep my word.”

To my children: My 4 year old was throwing a fit (again) and I told him there would be a consequence if he didn’t stop. He stopped for a while, but then decided to test me. So I had to follow through. Which resulted in lots of crying and then lots of hugs.

To me: Whether or not it is what I want to hear, I know I can trust the Lord. Because He loves me, He will keep His word.

“Doing your best is all that matters.”

To my children: Both of my boys get frustrated with themselves when they make mistakes and want to give up when learning something new.

To me: Often my own best doesn’t feel good enough. I think I need to be more and do more. Thankfully this is not truth.

“There is nothing you can do or not do that will make me love you more or love you less. I love you fiercely.”

To my children: My oldest was upset he didn’t pass the swim test, and was scared to try again. He actually asked me what I would do to him if he didn’t pass. Gasp. My heart broke.

To me: I struggle with trying to impress others to gain approval. Thankfully there is nothing I can do to change how much the Lord loves me. This is a beautiful thing.

“I am not disappointed in you, I am disappointed for you.”

To my children: This was also after he didn’t pass the swim test. I was still trying to confirm that it was alright. He absolutely had the skill and ability to pass the test, but it had become a mental battle for him. I wanted him to experience the confidence and satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something he had been working so hard to achieve.

To me: When I mess up (said something rude, lost my temper, been critical, etc.) I feel so ashamed and want to beat myself up for it. The Lord was gently whispering in my ear that I am not a disappointment. But I have done some disappointing things.

“Don’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. That’s called being dramatic.”

To my children and me: Umm, yeah. Pretty much my entire life right here.

“Don’t get frustrated. Just try again.”

To my children: My four year old gets frustrated so easily. He tries to draw the letter “A” and starts crying because the lines are crooked. It takes a lot of encouraging from the whole family to get him through it.

To me: I do this too. I love starting things, but get discouraged when it doesn’t come easily to me. So I usually end up starting and then stopping. And then starting and then stopping. And then… Thankfully I am also surrounded by encouraging people that help me through these times.

Final guidance…

As you are in the day to day grind be aware of the moments the Lord is using your own voice to teach you.

There is one more I want to share with you. This was not from me, but what a friend said to her daughter. It was a punch in my gut, and something I desperately needed to hear.

“You are beautiful just the way you are.”

Oh dear lady, please hear this, “You are beautiful just the way you are!”

This post was originally published December of 2015.

Pono Lopez