worth

God's love, individuality, confidence, hurt, worth, encouragement, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

You: Finding Individuality and Worth in God’s Love

DevotionalsJune 18, 2019June 18, 2019

We often look inward or outward for our own self-worth. Instead, we should look upward to the One who created us and loves us. You are worth it!

I want to talk to you. Specifically you. A lot of stuff rolls around in that brain of yours, and even more courses through your heart. You have doubts. You need affirmation, or reassurance, or comfort.

People Have Hurt You

You have a strong heart, but it is fragile. A friend has wounded you with her words too many times without apology. Your husband puts his career or his hobby ahead of your relationship. A boss has humiliated you in a team meeting. A stranger made derogatory comments about your body.

Your child said that she wished you were not her mom. Leaders at church overlook your contributions on a regular basis. An old boyfriend threatened you. An acquaintance hit you–someone who should have been safe. Someone you trusted stole your right to consent right out from under you.

You Have Hurt Others

You know how you want others to treat you. Your intentions were right, but you have found yourself on the losing side of your own history too many times. Reprimanding your kids for their negative tone of voice while you yell at them.

You insulted your husband in retribution for the ways he hurt you. Canceled plans on a friend for the third time in a row. You told a friend someone else’s secret–and they found out that you did it. You missed an important deadline at work simply because you were unmotivated. Anger gained a foothold in you, and you pushed a colleague much harder than you intended, and they fell.

You Doubt Your Worth

As you sit in the midst of all the hurt you have inflicted and the hurt you have incurred, you wonder about your own value. You worked hard at school, and yet your job is not as important or high paying as you had envisioned. You have failed at every diet you have ever tried.

Other people have talents and accomplishments that hold so much more weight than your insignificant contributions and pursuits. If your relationship ended tomorrow, you could not imagine anyone else seeing you as valuable enough to love — certainly not for a lifetime. You feel mediocre, invisible, wholly insignificant.

So, How Can God Really Love YOU?

Once you have convinced yourself of this, it becomes really hard to believe with every fiber of your being that God can love YOU. Yes, as John tells us, we should:

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.
1 John 3:1, ESV

But, God loves everyone — which is good, and right — but it is easy to take that knowledge and turn it into a love that is such a corporate entity that it can easily pass over you as just one in the crowd. God sent Christ to die on the cross for us so that our sins were redeemed. But there are so many believers. Wouldn’t it be easy for God to overlook you? Love you, yes, but love everything about you? How could He when the math you’ve done does not add up to you being worthy of his intimate, individual love?

But, He Did Make You with Inherent Worth

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
Psalm 139:13-16, ESV

God didn’t make you like a manufacturing company makes little green soldier toys. He made you intimately. He formed you, knitted you together, wove you intricately, and He saw you. You weren’t one of many. He designed you to be uniquely you.

He loves you for who you exclusively are. Individually. He sent Jesus to be an example for you. He sent Jesus to the cross to pay for those very things you have done that you think make you unworthy because He loves you. You hold weight in His kingdom, in His eye, in His heart.

You cannot determine your worth by your own perception or allow the body of believers to assign you value. Don’t let the world tell you how much weight you hold. God has already made that determination. He designed you for a purpose, and you are living that out right now on this earth. Your battle scars and new wounds do not invalidate you as a person of Godly purpose. Your sins do not disqualify you. God loves you.

You.

God didn't make you like a manufacturing company makes little green soldier toys. He made you intimately. He formed you, knitted you together, wove you intricately, and He saw you. Click To Tweet

Janine Joles

"but God..." Story, approval, value, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Approval: Looking to God for Our Acceptance and Worth

Devotionals, Stay SaneOctober 11, 2018January 13, 2019

So often, we find our identity and approval in the things we do. We even believe this to a point of completely depleting our energy. However, our true acceptance comes from God. We can find rest in Him.

I had just wrapped up a conference for local ministry teams in our area, was managing a small staff team to oversee the kids ministry in our large and growing church, and in a season of solo parenting while my husband was working out of town. I was nailing it. “We couldn’t have done it without you,” was both the mantra and drug of choice in my life…

Blindsided

I didn’t see it coming.

I probably should have, but in what felt like the blink of an eye I went from a high-capacity leadership position to curled up in the fetal position, barely able to leave my bed to get to the bathroom.

What had happened?

In a blazing flash of light, I had sparked and burned out.

Naturally, I assumed a week of vacation would solve it.

It got worse.

I took a leave of absence and saw a counselor. Surely a couple of weeks would be the cure…

It wasn’t.

I was sent to so many doctors and specialists, looking for a way to “fix” me. But none made a difference.

I became broken and devastated.

Desperation

For months, I did my utmost to drag myself out of bed, to the office, to the dinner table – trying to will myself to get back up again. I cried out to God in desperation, begging for his strength and provision.

Then, an uncomfortable truth crept in: they were managing without me. I felt disposable.

My self-worth plummeted as I sank into the reality that not only did I have nothing left to give, but the energy I had spent to the point of exhaustion wasn’t even what God had asked of me.

How had I arrived at this point, believing my worth was based on what I did for others?

Why was this not only a health crisis… but also an identity crisis?

Where had I gone wrong?

Earning Approval

If I’m honest, this idea – this view that who I am is based on what I do – wasn’t new. From the time I was young, I believed I needed to earn love and approval…

Teachers praised positive role models.

Parents approved of good grades.

Church groups applaud volunteerism.

I could earn approval and love through hard work and being good.

Our “Best” For Approval

Honestly, in most seasons of life, this mentality worked for me. I’m an energetic person. I love being involved. I’m a natural leader who can’t help myself from jumping in when a project needs rescuing. Much of my life I’ve felt fully alive bringing my best to the table.

But not always…

There have been times when I’ve asked for help, just to find rejection. Times I’ve struggled in ill-fitting roles and asked for wiggle room, just to find patronization. Times I’ve vocalized my concerns, just to find condescension.

I’d learned to move on – to be the solution, but never the problem. To push past pain, smooth over rough edges and paste a bright smile on my face, determined never again to feel the pain of being dismissed. Until that pain burst out of the edges and took over.

Crying Out

In that season, I begged God for strength…

He said, “rest”. (Matthew 11:28)

I pleaded with Him for healing…

He said, “be still”. (Psalm 46:10)

I wrestled with Him. Asking for a way to be meaningful, productive…

He said, “not yet”. (Psalm 37:7)

And in my complete helplessness, God drew near.

He pointed out women who had my complete respect, and whose productive years were far behind them. I respected them for their courage and their character, not their accomplishments. He said I could be the same.

He pointed out my insane pace of life that didn’t allow me to hear His voice and invited me to new rhythms where I could live out His truth:

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:30, NIV

God clarified my calling – and for a season it was simply REST. Then He added, “LOVE your family”. Now, He’s adding TESTIFY. He bade me “let go of feeling responsible for everyone else”. He’ll carry the world on His shoulders – I can let go.

I’d love to tell you I have found complete healing from ever again finding my worth in my accomplishments. Unfortunately, I’m not sure that’s true. In fact, I suspect I’ll always need reminders of this truth. But I do know, as I walk this journey of healing, I’m finding a newfound freedom and joy in living as His daughter instead of just His servant (2 Corinthians 6:8). His masterpiece instead of just His tool (Ephesians 2:10).

True Identity

So don’t worry! You are more valuable to him than many sparrows.

Matthew 10:31, TLB

I’d like to think I’m the only one with faulty vision. I’d love to believe women everywhere are getting this right, and I’m alone in my brokenness. But, the more I look around me, the more I see the lies this world gives us are too easy to believe. So, here’s the truth Sisters…

Our home in its perfection and imperfection is not a true reflection of our worth.

Income does not dictate our level of success.

We are not alone (Deuteronomy 31:6).

We are His beloved daughters (1 John 3:1).

Our children are not our net worth.

We are loved (Zephaniah 3:17).

We are valued (Matthew 10:31).

Our ministry is unrelated to our favor with God.

We are invited to rest (Exodus 33:14).

We are created in His image (Genesis 1:27).

Be blessed by these truths.

Kirsten Sandland Kroeker is a Jesus-lover in pursuit of the abundant life Christ offers and finding God’s rest in the midst of burnout. She loves the Canadian wilderness, Chai tea lattes, board games, and a great novel.

You can read more from Kirsten at kirstenkroeker.com You can also connect with Kristen on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and via email: kirsten.sandland.kroeker@gmail.com

valued, worth, identity, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian Mentoring, Women of Faith, Spiritual Growth

Valued: Living Confidently Because We Know Our Worth

Devotionals, Stay SaneJuly 25, 2018September 8, 2019

When we put our identity in relationships, we can question if we are valued. People are going to let us down. This post discusses where we find our worth.

It started simply enough. My friend shared some good news. Only she didn’t share it with me first. I heard about it from another friend… A friend had a physical need and I was there front and center. When I was facing my own storm, I did not hear from her for weeks and then she never mentioned what we both knew I was going through… A good friend canceled plans and didn’t try to reschedule.

Each time, I tried to convince myself that my friends’ actions were unintentional and that my friends were really not trying to hurt me. But I was hurt, and ignoring the way I was feeling was actually making it worse. I started distancing myself from these friends. What was going on?

My identity…

A lot actually. The biggest issue was in the area of identity. God used these situations to show me the depths of my heart. When the relationships in my life were going well, I had a tendency to think well of myself. But when I began to feel unnoticed or worse unwanted I began to see what my heart was really clinging to.

Who am I when no one notices me? Do I matter if my friends don’t care or show up? I had to admit that for me the answer was a hearty no. I was feeding off the attention of others.

Who am I when no one notices me? Do I matter if my friends don’t care or show up? I had to admit that for me the answer was a hearty no. I was feeding off the attention of others. Click To Tweet

My jealousy…

This wasn’t a new problem for me. I can remember in 2^nd grade being friends with Kellie and Kathy. We were the 3 Ks. I can still remember the day I found out that Kathy had been invited to Kellie’s house to spend the night and I had not been included. I was devastated. How could they leave me out? I knew I could not let them know how much it mattered to me. But, man it mattered. This led to making assumptions about how they felt about me. I never asked them then how they felt… I just made it up… Therefore, I must not matter.

This kind of thinking followed me through high school, college, and even marriage and parenting. My heart had begun to rely on the subtle lie that my worth was based on how others perceived me and treated me. If I was wanted, valued or important, I was noticed, pursued even. That was a recipe for disaster. One that helped me see what I had been missing even as a believer. It’s a simple but profound truth.

My pursuer…

He pursued me.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8, NIV

People were never intended to define me or to give me worth. That was God’s job. In my desire to be pursued, I had missed the biggest pursuer of all- Christ. I still have to work on this mindset. My heart still yearns to be noticed and validated, but I must allow God to validate me. That takes a lot of practice and a lot of “taking thoughts captive.”

My help…

I’ve seen a few things help:

I have had to admit that I have an addiction to relational idolatry. I depend on the relationships in my life to give me significance. This is so hard to fight. I have to confess and ask for forgiveness where my relationships are sin and where they have taken places in my heart that really belong only to God.

Because I am prone to think I only matter if I am pursued or valued by others, I have to speak the gospel over myself again and again. The gospel tells me that Jesus pursued me when I was hostile to him. My worth is based on His actions not mine.

I have to be quick to admit my wrong and ask forgiveness from those I have offended and I have to pray about situations in which I have been offended. This may lead to me going to that person or it may mean I can lay this hurt down with Jesus.

We can rest in the worth that Christ has given us. Our worth does not have to rely on the hope from friends, or anyone else in life.

I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker or heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1, NIV

Jon Del Rivero

worth, significance, confidence, strength, Oh Lord Help Us, ministry, Christian, women, encouragement

Worth: Strength and Confidence from Knowing Our Significance

Devotionals, Stay SaneApril 24, 2018September 8, 2019

Our worth does not come from the affirmation of those around us. Once we know our significance, we have the freedom to live confidently, with strength.

I used to ask my husband to say ‘I love you’ more and tell me I looked pretty or beautiful. We’ve had several conversations, some highly emotional on my part, about my need to hear those phrases. Now, I know my husband loves me. I know he sees me as beautiful. But the desire to hear those things were deeply rooted in my soul. It took nearly two decades for me to stop needing that.

Learning to love myself as God’s remarkable and wonderfully made child has been a long journey. I grew up in a loving, secure home where I never once doubted my father’s love for me (or my mom’s). Then when I married my husband, I started down this unfamiliar path of feeling I needed his approval to affirm my worth.

When I would ask him to affirm me, it seemed silly to him. He would say things like, “I chose you to be my wife.” He believed saying that would make me feel honored; because his standards were so high. At that time in our lives, he thought he was a really. big. deal. He confesses now that that was about his ego; not about me. We were both seeking to fight for one another. The disconnect was, we were only fighting for our own perceived happiness. We failed to look out for the interests of each other. Not a good recipe for success.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:3-4, ESV

Today, my husband and I are much more attentive to each other’s needs when it comes to showing support. I make myself available when he wants to call and chat during his ride home from work. He sits in the kitchen on a hard stool instead of the comfy living room couch while I make dinner because he knows I like having him near. I set up the coffee pot the night before so all he has to do is push the button when he gets up at 5am. He’s nicknamed me ‘Little Bear’ and it makes me blush. Every time. I can’t even explain it! We laugh a lot!

Significance

The beauty is, the pressure if off. Understanding my significance as God’s child frees me up to be a stronger wife, friend, mom and coworker. I am able to recognize when I am acting out of a wrong view of who God says I am. In that moment I can smash the lies of be more, you’re not enough, you should’ve known that, and destroy the arguments that counter the knowledge of God.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14, ESV

So why don’t I crave those affirmations anymore? God has taught me and my husband where our worth lies. We came up empty when we used accomplishments as a gauge. Our finite understanding of excellence doesn’t hold a candle to God’s! But as we are learning to know God’s character more through His word, we are resting in who He says we are. Daughter. Son. Adopted. Worthy, by the blood of the Lamb. God, who called us by name, who created us in a marvelous way, loves us to the point of death on a cross. Understanding this radical love dispelled my hunger for constant affirmation. Because my worth is sealed in Jesus Christ.

Understanding this radical love dispelled my hunger for constant affirmation. Because my worth is sealed in Jesus Christ. Click To Tweet

Annie Spratt