truth – Page 2 – Oh Lord Help Us

Freedom: Seven Verses to Break the Bondage of Should and Ought

Devotionals, Stay SaneNovember 5, 2017June 28, 2019

Many of us women find ourselves enslaved to the bondage of what we “should” and “ought” to do. Freedom from this way of life is possible if we fight for it.

You should eat more vegetables.

You should get more exercise.

You should lose that ten pounds…yesterday.

You should read your Bible more. And while we’re at it, you should pray more.

You ought to be more kind…and really, you should visit your mother more often.

You ought to adopt one of those Compassion children… Or give money to save those sad, quivering dogs shown on the commercials during your favorite television shows. (Why are they always cold?)

Freedom From: Measuring Up

Sometimes it’s like a ceaseless loop spinning in my brain, the constant ‘shoulds and oughts’ whispering. Or screaming, depending on the day. Each whisper holds the same underlying message: I don’t make the bar; I didn’t measure up to an unknowable goal.

This is a battle of the mind, and a battle of the spirit and a war too many women fight. Regardless of age, race, or education, there are few women with whom I have been acquainted who have not struggled with the inner voice of ‘shoulds and oughts.’

Bondage: The Source

From where or whom does it originate? Obviously, it belies a lack of self-esteem, but it appears to be most rampant among females. There are many possible reasons.

Home

For some, it began in a home where perfection was expected and average was seldom accepted as ‘good enough.’ For others, abandonment or neglect in childhood bred feelings of not being valuable. Childhood sexual abuse also kills self-worth.

Church

Others attend, or grew up attending churches with rigid doctrine concerning God. God was used as a threat. He was angry or didn’t love us if we did this or that (or didn’t do this or that). This is completely NOT scriptural. However, it is completely controlling for a leader to use in manipulating the flock to do his own will. In reality, Scripture teaches clearly of the Father’s unfailing love for us, of His infinite patience, and His desire that none should perish. But that all should come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). (Please don’t read this to mean I believe that God doesn’t punish sin. However, His punishment is never punitive, as a person’s might be).

Culture

The culture in which we live has placed a great deal of ‘shoulds’ on females today. For instance, every single girl or woman should have peaches and cream skin, be at least 5 feet 7 inches, and have the body of a size 2…with a bra size of at least 36C. Probably 98% of the females who walk the planet do not possess these traits. Consequently, there is an epidemic of women everywhere who are ashamed of their bodies and/or looks. In the seventies, PR departments of clothing and makeup companies co-opted what was once a normal, average female body and convinced at least half of the population that they were not as thin or beautiful as they should be…

And Satan loved it so.

Bondage: The Result

As a result, depression has taken a significant leap in teen girls in recent years and eating disorders are not just for kids

Scripture’s Should and Ought’s

Then He spoke a parable to them that men always ought to pray and not lose heart…
Luke 18:1

If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.
John 13:14-15

But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: “We ought to obey God rather than men.”
Acts 5:29

We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples [weaknesses] of the weak, and not to please ourselves.
Romans 15:1

And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.
I Corinthians 2:4-5

…bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so also should you.
Colossians 3:13

For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.
I John 3:11

Freedom

There are several more verses to offer, but truthfully, if my heart and mind will focus on Scripture’s oughts, the lies will cease. In fact, they have stopped occurring as often as they did in the past. Satan is a slow learner, but he does finally get the hint.

And in the midst of it all, I am learning how to be a little more like my Lord and Teacher, Jesus Christ.

The next time you find yourself trapped in the bondage of should and ought, fight for freedom with the Word.

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

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The world continually feeds us the lie that we need to be different. Replace that lie with truth. Because you have been loved, pursued, and redeemed by Christ, you are enough!

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Dawid Zawiła

Torn: Feeling Like a Contradiction

Devotionals, Stay SaneAugust 27, 2017January 13, 2019

Introverted or extroverted? Or maybe both? Sometimes our personalities can seem like a contradiction. Today we are talking about believing who we truly are.

I love personality tests. I find them incredibly fascinating, and often I find them to be accurate. I’m one of those who takes all the personality quizzes on Facebook, but then never shares what I got, because, really, I take all of them, and then you would just find me weird. I want to know what Disney princess I am, but I don’t want you to know!

An example of the accuracy of these Facebook personality quizzes, is the one about your political leanings. I had heard before about how our personalities will determine whether we are liberal or conservative, and this was my opportunity to see how accurate this theory was. It asked a series of questions that had absolutely nothing to do with politics. And whaddaya know? It had me pegged. It said I was a Republican. By 51 percent. Which means I am 49 percent Democrat. I have said in the past that I have a well-rounded political view because I was raised by a Democrat and married a Republican. Turns out, it’s just who I am.

This is frustrating for me though. I feel like I can never take a side on anything. When I listen to one person’s opinion, I completely understand and agree. But then, when I hear an opposing opinion, I completely understand and agree. And this isn’t with just politics, I’m finding this to be true with how I eat even! I hear one person’s explanation of why they eat a paleo diet, and I’m all onboard. Then I watch a documentary on the meat and dairy industry, and I’m ready to go vegan. Ugh! I just feel so torn!

What does this mean for me? Will I never have a strong opinion? Well, if you know me, you know this isn’t the case. What it means is that I am a good moderator. I see both sides of an issue, and can see the beauty of how the two sides can strengthen each other if they are willing. It means I was created this way for a purpose.

Feeling like a contradiction…

This past week I was listening to a sermon by Andy Stanley about the importance of being known. There were a couple statements he made which stuck out to me, and that I had to “chew” on for a bit.

The first was:

If we are always working on our image, then we are imaginary.

And the second was:

If we are afraid to be ourselves because people may not like us, then nobody likes us because they don’t know us.

This struck me because I feel like I am often putting on a good face, or having to act a certain way. I had to ask myself if the person people saw was real or imaginary. The answer is that I am all of it. What I want people to see may not be what I am actually feeling in that moment, but it doesn’t mean that I am not that person. I can be both kind and nasty. I can be both generous and greedy. I can be both confident and insecure.

When my husband and I met, I was in a very good place in my life. I was confident and secure, and this was attractive to him. I believe, however, that if he had met me a year prior, he would not have wanted anything to do with me. After some time into our marriage, some of those insecurities had crept back into my thoughts, and I felt guilty. I felt like I had been an imposter, an imaginary version of myself. I felt like I had tricked him. But this, dear friends, was a lie that I chose not to believe or hold on to.

The real me is kind, and generous, and confident. The nasty, greedy, insecure me is the imposter. I was confident when my husband and I met because I was walking closely with my Lord. Jesus brings out the best in us. He allows our true selves to shine, because it is him shining through us.

Jesus allows our true selves to shine, because it is him shining through us. Click To Tweet

Now, there are some parts of my personality that are just complicated. I’m the baby of the family, so I crave attention. But there is almost 5 years between myself and my brother, which means I can sometimes act like an only child and need controlled order. I love having people around, but I don’t want to share. I like to plan, and then rebel against my own plans. Some days I want to be surrounded by a bunch of people who I don’t know really well. Other days I want to have deep conversation with a close friend. And then there are days where I just long to sit alone for hours.

I’m an extroverted introvert.

I took a quiz for that.

Your turn…

What does this mean for you? Do you feel like you are being torn? What parts of your personality are a contradiction?

PS. Earlier when I was talking about about being the baby of the family, but acting like an only child, I was referring to a book I read a few years ago called The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are, by Dr. Kevin Leman. It was incredibly insightful, and I highly recommend it.

PPS. Yes, that is an affiliate link. Which means if you purchase from that link, I get a small percentage. It’s not much, but it helps with the cost of keeping this blog up and running. Thanks!

PPPS. Legally, I have to tell you the bit about it being an affiliate link, and I have to give you a link to my super exciting Disclaimer page. Prepare to have you mind blown (sarcasm).

Siim Lukka

You Are Beautiful

Stay SaneJanuary 22, 2017

I acknowledge that my life has been blessed. I was raised by a mom and dad who loved each other, and loved all four of us kids. I still have good relationships with all of my siblings. I married a man who adores, supports, and encourages me. He is hard working and has provided well for our family. My children are healthy, and (most of the time) fun to be around. I wonder at times if others see my life, and think that I have it all together. I’m not sure what they see, but I know that they don’t see it all.

What others may not see…

People didn’t see me when my mom died, and how I lost it at work having to excuse myself from a patient because the tears just would not stop. No one saw the chasm that was growing between my husband and I during that time because we were both so steeped in self-pity. They didn’t see the guilt I carried because I was the only one of my siblings not present when she died. Others didn’t see the whirlwind of busy work I was doing because I wanted to avoid dealing with the grief.

Others also didn’t see me grow bitter when my husband’s job wasn’t enough to support us. Or when he was out of work. They didn’t see the bitterness grow to anger against God when we stepped out in faith to begin a business, only to have years of financial hardship follow.

No one saw the hurt I held on to when rejection from others happened, and then happened again, and then yet again. They didn’t see me sitting in church alone because I was told “no” when I asked to sit next to someone. People didn’t see me crying in the car, begging my husband to not ask me to go back to church.

They didn’t see me as a new mom, completely unsure of myself, not knowing what I suppose to do. Wasn’t I suppose to love this little person, half me/half my husband, right from the start? I didn’t. I felt trapped. I screamed, and cried, and had melt downs. And when the second child came, it all started over again. People didn’t see the bruises on my legs from where I hit myself repeatedly because I hated who I was. It’s hard when you don’t like yourself, there’s nowhere to go to get away. Unless I chose to drink. Yeah, they didn’t see that either.

People don’t see the days that I can’t seem to do anything other than lose myself in mindless activities, trying to find things to do so I can ignore the things I need to be focused on. No one sees me struggle with certain aspects of my faith, questioning in silence because I’m afraid of the response from others.

My life is kind of like my house. It looks clean when you walk in, but please don’t go into my closet, or try to open a drawer. It’s the inside where the mess lies. My life, like my house, can be quite messy.

No matter how good the lives of others may seem, we don’t know what mess there is inside of them. Inside of all of us there is a mess, but… Oh friends, I am so thankful to have a “but” in my life story. I am messy, but God… thinks I am beautiful. When he sees me, he sees someone who is perfectly imperfect. He has taken my messed up life, redeemed it, and is making it beautiful.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6, ESV

How about you?

The Lord also tells us, through the prophet Isaiah, that He will replace our mourning. He will give us beauty. His healing and redemption is what makes us beautiful.

Mourning involves admitting that there is, in fact, a mess. It’s acknowledging the reality of our situation. When we stop pretending, stop running, stop lying to ourselves and others, then we give the Lord the freedom to transform it into beauty.

So… What kind of messes are in your life?

Messy, but God… thinks you are beautiful.

(And I think you’re beautiful too!)