protection

shelter, safe, friendship, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Shelter: Allowing God to Teach Us How to Be Safe People

Devotionals, Stay SaneSeptember 12, 2018January 13, 2019

The world is full of unsafe people, but God urges His children to be the safety. A person who will love and shelter, even in the presence of an insecure relationship.

Safe…who or what comes to your mind when you read that word?

I know I should say JESUS, but I immediately think of my husband. He was my first safe person. Reflecting back on my childhood I think of my room – it felt safe when the rest of my home did not. My mom focused on our weaknesses rather than admitting her own, so disapproval rang loudly among us. I spent a lot of time in my room. Did you have a safe place?

Recognizing Unsafe People

Unsafe people do not like to admit their weaknesses.

By age 11, Jesus was already whispering my name. I wanted to ‘join the church,’ which meant baptism in our denomination. Mom took my brother and I every Sunday and was happy for us to be baptized, (she forced my older brother to join me).

Unsafe people are religious instead of relational.

Mom was threatened by every friend I ever had. As a result, she criticized and found fault with each one. Therefore, I learned not to bring friends home. Eventually, I learned not to make close friends at all.

Unsafe people are self-righteous instead of humble. They see themselves above everyone else and refuse to see their own negative qualities.

By the grace and mercy of God, at the age of 13, I was invited to a church with a large youth group. They drew me in with their joy and the leaders loved me as much as I would allow. The other kids accepted me. In time, I learned that Jesus and His church could be a safe place. For decades, that church sheltered me and my own precious family. Then, like baby birds, we had to learn to fly alone with Jesus, trusting Him to be our refuge (Psalm 46:1) instead of depending on men, whose feet, we discovered, were clay.

Unsafe people demand trust instead of earning it. Unsafe people lie. Unsafe people are defensive.

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24, NIV

Safe People Don’t Condemn

Sadly, it usually takes many years of God’s declaration of NO CONDEMNATION over our lives before we feel safe in His love, safe in His strong arms of acceptance.

But as Ann Voskamp says so eloquently in her book, The Way of Abundance: “There is always more grace in Christ than there is guilt in us.”

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.

Romans 8:1-2, NIV

As we learn that God, in His vast mercy, doesn’t condemn us, we come to realize that we don’t need to condemn, either. And when we do, we repent and find forgiveness.

As we learn that God, in His vast mercy, doesn't condemn us, we come to realize that we don't need to condemn, either. And when we do, we repent and find forgiveness. Click To Tweet

Love Bears All Things

Finding safe people with whom to be in relationship is critical to emotional and spiritual health. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend first wrote about this in 1995 in their book, Safe People. Their work continues to be utilized by Christian therapists today, and variations of it are used by therapists worldwide, especially those who work with domestic abuse victims.

I Corinthians 13:4-8 provides a model for us to follow in order to become the safe havens which are needed in this unsafe world. Most of us have read these verses dozens of times, perhaps even memorized them. Applying this passage to daily life proves more difficult. In fact, I struggle with each single verse! Verse 7 alone requires perseverance.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I Corinthians 13:7, ESV

Or as one theologian explained, the Greek usage indicates: keeps bearing, keeps believing, keeps hoping, keeps enduring. We don’t get to stop bearing, believing, hoping, or enduring after one, four, or fifty people. We keep on keeping on loving…like Jesus does because His Spirit lives within us.

Stego: Shelter

However, I stumble over ‘bears all things,’ mainly because I pictured it as being some stalwart, meek Puritan woman who keeps her head down and guts life out. Although I tried on the Church Lady “M.O.” from my 20’s to early 40’s, it just didn’t fit! Do you know what I mean?

But my image couldn’t have been farther from the truth. Love bears all things. “To bear,” isn’t a grimacing Puritan. In the Greek, “to bear,” stego, means to protect or keep by covering…as a roof.

Imagine being inside your home during a loud thunderstorm. Rain is pounding on the roof like marching band drums. Lightening is flashing and thunder booming as though fireworks are being set off all around you. The wind is blowing the tree limbs over to smack the ground…

Not to fear, however; you’re safe inside, warm and protected. This is love that bears. It provides shelter, a roof during the storms of life. Usually, people looking for safe are simply asking, “Will you love me? Will you love me as I really am?” Ann Voskamp said:

Real love is a roof. Real love makes you into a shelter, real love makes you into a safe place. Real love makes you safe.

Before we can become a safe shelter for someone else, we must learn to receive the grace God offers moment by moment, day by day. By daily breathing in His grace, forgiveness and mercy, we gradually learn to become vulnerable to Him…and then to others. Ever so slowly, as the shattered heart heals, we become open, poured out, and welcoming to other broken hearts.

We become stego for others.

layers, facade, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry

Layers: Allowing God to Expose and Peel Away Our Facade

Devotionals, Stay SaneMay 15, 2018September 8, 2019

There’s nothing wrong with a nice motivational saying to encourage. However, in order to bloom, we must accept reality and allow God to loosen those layers within our sinful selves.

Bloom where you are planted…

It’s spring, and that phrase is everywhere. I have no idea who coined it, but it’s definitely making ripples throughout the whole of womanhood. It’s fun to think of ourselves as flowers. They are beautiful…they smell sweet. In fact, I make sure I have fresh flowers in my home, weekly.

It’s just so hard for me to believe that about myself. Which got me thinking… if I’m not a flower what am I?

I am seeing all these beauties blooming around me, and I’m over here just trying to not be a cabbage.

-Katie Braswell

Yes, a cabbage. Others are budding and spreading their petals, and I’m stubbornly tightening my layers. It’s a horrible habit, but I tend to self-deprecate. So, believing all those around me are beautiful blooming flowers and I’m being made into sauerkraut, isn’t far fetched.

“How in the heck is she going to arch sauerkraut and spirituality?”

It can be done…

I swear, this is probably the first time in history, someone searched the Bible for the word “cabbage”. Well, I did it so let me share my results…

I’m like someone who goes to the garden to pick cabbages and carrots and corn and returns empty-handed, finds nothing for soup or sandwich or salad.

Micah 7:2, MSG

Yep, I really had to dig for that one, but I read the whole chapter and I wasn’t surprised at all to find meaning and a point that will tie in. God is amazing like that. This chapter in Micah talks about not being able to find a decent person in sight. The world was full of evil and sin. Pretty sorrowful and depressing, if you ask me. Probably because the evil then, is the evil now. But, I feel like we’ve become more cunning at hiding our sin.

“Put this media filter on.”

“Don’t let that scratch too close to the core.”

“Look how lovely my life is.”

So… I’m a cabbage. I know what filters I put on. Most of us walk around with our dark green leaves on… hiding our sin, our wretched selves. Protecting ourselves from this reality: we all sin and need Jesus.

Layers

Try peeling a cabbage without ripping a leaf…just try. If you can do it, we need to talk.

I’m a cabbage. So. Many. Layers. When I allow others (including God) to start peeling them back, my leaves tear. I feel damaged, imperfect. Which sucks for a perfectionist. I like my dark leafed exterior. But, what do people do with those dark leaves when they buy cabbage? Oh right, they peel them off and pay for a beautiful light green bundle.

No one wants to pay for my dark green facade. No one wants to hang around a fake cabbage. The light green parts are easier to relate to. They show humanity, humility, imperfections. No one wants to spend time with someone who seems to have it all together. Yet, here I am, day in and out, protected by those dark leaves.

Loosening

Towards the middle of Micah 7, the tone changes. He accepts his own part in the sinful world. Full acceptance. Not hidden, but recorded forever in the Bible. Now, I say that’s the opposite of layered protection. When we start peeling back the layers and facades, it forces us to come face to face with our sin. To allow others to walk along side of us in support and love. It forces us to allow God to cover over all we have done…

You don’t nurse your anger and don’t stay angry long, for mercy is your specialty. That’s what you love most. And compassion is on its way to us. You’ll stamp out our wrongdoing. You’ll sink our sins to the bottom of the ocean.

Micah 7:19, MSG

God is THE creator. He created cabbages and He created me. However, He did not create me to be a cabbage. All those layers, whether dark or light green, He has asked and even invited me to allow Him to gently peel those away. Those layers of sin I like to hang on to, God loosens them with compassion and mercy. It’s His nature; who He is.

Those layers of sin I like to hang on to, God loosens them with compassion and mercy. It's His nature; who He is. Click To Tweet

Rooting

Micah held fast to hope, in the midst of a despairing world. He knew the prophecies and that God had a plan. Today we can rejoice for Micah…the prophecies came to fruition. We have the redeeming salvation of Jesus Christ. Our “leaves” were nailed to a cross.

This is my hope: that we can root ourselves in the truth of God. Specifically, that last section of Micah chapter 7. I pray we can remember, God sees all our dark and light green leaves and wishes to throw them all in depths of the sea. I hope we can allow Him to peel away at us. Layer by layer, in order for our lives to bloom with HIS glory!

Scott Webb

turmoil, safety, Oh Lord Help Us, ministry, women, Christian, encouragement

Unavoidable: Making Peace with the Impact of Turmoil

Devotionals, Stay SaneMarch 29, 2018September 8, 2019

Brace for impact! Turmoil in life is unavoidable, and there is no sense of control. Do we trust God with our lives? What about the lives of our children?

Last week, I had a lengthy conversation with my sister-in-law. She told me, “You have a whole heckuva lot going on in your life right now. I’m not gonna sugar coat it for ya.” Laughing, I asked her if I could quote her on that. I tend to downplay stressors in my life. Someone always has it worse. Searing loss has not ripped through our family. Yet things simmering beneath the surface are draining. They bring me to my knees, but I’m not going back often enough.

A Dream…

My husband, Sean, awakened me from a nightmare a few mornings back…

In the pre-dawn hours, I was driving in the hills of West Virginia en route to Louisville. My kids were with me; two in the back and one riding shotgun. Charging up a steep grade, we passed several cars pulled onto the shoulder that were having mechanical difficulties.

I asked my daughter to check the weather to see what we were going to be running into. As I neared a large, dark colored truck in front of me I saw my passenger side headlight was out in the reflection. I felt frustrated because I had just been through the safety inspection. In the distance a siren was blaring, getting steadily louder as we closed in on its position. The sound was coming from a white Honda Civic which was driving in reverse on the side of the road. It was alerting oncoming traffic of a wreck. Just past the Civic there were multiple cars moved off the main road that had clearly been in a major pile up.

My daughter mentioned something about possible icy conditions ahead. The sun had begun to illuminate the mountains’ dark shadows. I was behind the wheel but I could also see what was happening from the outside. An invisible force stretched across the interstate catching the front of my car. It slowed the car, extending like a sling shot. The tail end began to lift off the ground. My breaks were no longer of any use as we went airborne across the median. We made contact with the ascending terrain only once, spinning us like a fast ball toward the stone wall of a mountain. I groaned in terror as we hurled over the oncoming traffic, suspended in air and closing fast to impact. Bracing myself I thought O God; I don’t want my kids to go like this.

I could hear my muffled moan like someone had wired my mouth shut. Reality gripped as Sean shook me awake. All was quiet.

A Promise…

Unable to fall back to sleep, I went downstairs to write. Sitting down, I smiled. I knew what my dream meant. I was Louisville bound. It’s my hometown. That’s where my mom and dad are. They represent comfort, rest, security. The cars and wrecks are the heartache and hardships in the people around me. My busted headlight stands for unrest in my own life. The invisible force could signify not being able to ignore my own turmoil any longer. Propelling through the air denotes I am 100% out of control. Bracing for impact is feeling that what is happening is unavoidable. I can make peace with that; my future is secure.

Crying out to God for my children was telling. I want to shield them from the kind of agony that could end them. I feel responsible for not protecting them from hurt. Yet I know from experience, “there is no growth without pain, no integrity without self-denial,” (Brennan Manning). I don’t want to rob my children of learning to trust God’s character for themselves. Do I trust God with the lives of those I love most? My answer must be yes. Alternatively, if it is no, I have resigned to simply existing. God loves and cares for my family more than I can conceive.

Homera Homer-Dixon said “freedom from suffering leads to uselessness.” There are some days when the onslaught of pruning feels unbearable. But God will never leave us or forsake us.

I cry to God Most High, to God who accomplishes all things for me.

Psalm 57:2, NASB

There are some days when the onslaught of pruning feels unbearable. But God will never leave us or forsake us. Click To Tweet

desperate, abuse, forgiveness, mercy, redeemed, redemption

Desperate: God’s Redemption Covers Our Messes

Devotionals, Stay SaneJanuary 9, 2018June 27, 2019

God has heard the cry of women throughout history. Living through abuse may result in desperate actions to protect ourselves, but God’s redemption covers our messes and can bring Him glory.

Throughout the holiday season a song by Pentatonix has been playing both in my home and on the radio called “Good to Be Bad.” If you are a fan of the group, I’m sure you’ve heard it. It’s a fun tune that causes a smile to light your face – I imagine kids love it for its message! In fact, my husband has teased me throughout the season, saying it reminds him of me. I can’t imagine where he would get that idea!

Nevertheless, despite the silliness around the song, it spurred me to ruminate over the bad girls of the Bible, as Liz Curtis Higgs named them in her 2013 book. To be honest, it further spurred me. My thoughts first turned in that direction in early December when our pastor preached a sermon from Genesis 38 about Tamar, a daughter-in-law of Judah.

Now ladies, let’s be clear; I am a Baptist girl, raised in a Southern Baptist church, attended 2 Baptist colleges, even a short stint at Southern Seminary, so let’s just say that I had heard of Tamar. I practically drowned in Biblical theology and doctrine! But let me tell you girlfriends, this gal had never heard, at least not in my remembrance, that for Tamar, it was good to be bad.

How do I know?

Check out the lineage of Jesus…she’s there, a couple of lines above Rahab, the harlot.

In fact, as my pastor, Jamaal Williams, was stating, Jesus’ heritage is comprised of the very people He came to save! In addition, Pastor Jamaal reminded me of an important truth, which I believe conservative Christians too often forget when we become wrapped up in the doctrine of the “Thou Shalt Not’s“: God is tenaciously for vulnerable women, regardless of their pasts.

You see, Tamar had been chosen to be the wife of Judah’s firstborn son, Er. No falling in love or courtship there…still isn’t acceptable today in many middle eastern countries, by the way. However, and this is difficult for us to grasp, God chose to kill him because Er was evil in His sight, (Genesis 38:6-7). It’s very likely Tamar was abused.

As was the custom, Tamar was then given to Judah’s next son, Onan, so that Er could have an heir. Turns out, (shocker), Onan had no desire to perform such a selfless act and allowed his seed to fall on the ground. Did he really think God couldn’t see in the dark? This angered God, so he killed Onan.

Whoa.

No sons left to give; the last one was too young…and truly, the apples hadn’t fallen far from the tree. Despite the honored cultural tradition of levirate marriage, Judah had no plan to give his last son to Tamar, even though it would bring destitution and shame to her life. He didn’t want that son to die, too!

And we thought #MeToo was a new thing.

Years passed, Tamar waited, no husband was forthcoming. What’s a girl to do when she is treated unjustly? She devises a plan…and what a plan it was!

Desperate: Self-Protection

I recommend you read the story in its entirety, but to condense it: Tamar disguised herself as a prostitute, tricked Judah into sleeping with her, and conceived a child. When he was first told that Tamar was pregnant, he wanted to have her burned alive. I kid you not; such was his self-righteousness and double standard of justice. However, when Tamar sent Judah proof that he was the father, uh-oh! He began to feel shame and rightly so. He said, “She has been more righteous than I, because I did not give her to Shelah my son.”

Wouldn’t you have loved to see his face when Judah received that 11×14 envelope of proof?

This can be confusing, however. Tamar’s actions were not an act of faith, but sin. Out of desperation, she took matters into her own hands instead of trusting God to provide for her. However, Judah had power over her and chose to abuse it. For reasons we don’t fully grasp, God forgave her and used one of her sons (she had twins!) to carry the seed forward in the line that led to Christ.

Desperate: God’s Redemption

God chooses to use weak and complex people to accomplish His will. Again, refer to the genealogy of Jesus. He doesn’t excuse our sin- there must be repentance (Psalm 86:4-5), but He uses ALL things, even the consequences of our sin, to accomplish His glory (Isaiah 46:8-10).

Rejoice the soul of Your servant,
For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,
And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.

Psalm 86:4-5, NKJV

In many societies today women are still treated as property, no better than dogs, really. It’s easy to judge those cultures as backward or archaic. Yet, in the U.S. 4,774,00 women experience domestic violence by an intimate partner every day. America’s abuse of women has just been more subtle and hidden…but not from the Father.

God hates injustice and watches over the needy, the fatherless and the widow. His Word speaks clearly concerning these issues; I’m only naming two due to space (Deut. 10:18-19; Isaiah 10:1-2). When we turn our backs to these groups and gather in our Christian huddles for more Bible studies, prayer meetings, or leadership trainings, I wonder if the Father grieves, as Gene Edwards posited in his 1993 book, The Divine Romance. (There is a place for equipping; of course there is, but let us equip ourselves in order to go, not to sit and simmer.)

My prayer for you this year is the same for me, that as we love Jesus more deeply, His love will flow through us to the needy, the abused, the fatherless and the widow…and whomever He places in our paths.

If you have interest in the books mentioned, please consider purchasing them through these affiliate links. A small portion will go to help support this ministry at no extra cost to you (to read more about affiliates see the disclaimer page):

Bad Girls of the Bible

The Divine Romance