disappointment – Oh Lord Help Us

Produces: Christ Uses Our Disappointments and Creates Beauty

DevotionalsAugust 27, 2019August 27, 2019

Disappointments and ugliness we want to be washed away, are often opportunities God uses to create beauty. Our suffering produces a steadfast hope.

…We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope.
Romans 5:3-4, ESV

Unruly Ground

There has been an unruly area of ground in my backyard. A tree had fallen a few years ago during an ice storm, causing me all kinds of anxiety. And another smaller tree was leaning over ready to topple at any minute.

I had a college student cut up as much as his small chain saw could handle. But, he had to leave behind the fallen trunk of the tree. Every time I cut our grass, I circle the tree and its fallen stump. I mutter and grimace about the day I finally have my nice yard back.

Need for Peace

This past year, I bought some seed to plant. They were wildflowers- pollinators. The kind I love because they encourage bees, butterflies, and hummingbirds.

In the early morning, I love sitting outside with my coffee and the scriptures to read, think, and pray. I knew these flowers would be just what my yard needed to encourage all of this. A quiet space of restoration and peace.

Need to Dream

I wanted to plant my seeds, but I tend to get overwhelmed when an area is too big. My friend Lisa has been gardening for a long time, so I asked for her input on my yard. I needed some help dreaming. Where did my seed need to go? How could I make it the place I needed to send my thoughts toward God.

I thought I knew the spot, but I was very wrong. Lisa headed for the stump. The one I had brooded and whined over. The one I knew had to go. “Look,” she said, “This is perfect. The stump frames a semi-circle.”

Rich Fertile Ground

She was right, of course. Where the tree had fallen, leaves had covered and nurtured the soil. The ground was soft, easy to dig, and rich. Much richer than the red clay everywhere else.

However, it still was not an easy spot to work in. There were lots of roots and it needed conditioning. But the very piece of wood I wanted out, was what gave this bed its structure. It grounded the space.

Mind on Truth

I too often see this for myself. The very disappointment, characteristic, or person I want to go, is the very opportunity Christ is using to develop, to sanctify, and to bring beauty from ashes.

I love how God used my friend to point me to the very stump I was despairing, to bring beauty to an area I desperately wanted. I see the body of Christ do this often in my life. They point me to what is true, what is real, what is possible. Christ is showing up in the very areas I want to be removed. He is enough so I do not have to be. I fool myself into thinking I can be. But, even on my best days, I am in need of the One who prepares a way and makes the paths straight.

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:10, ESV

Disappointments, characteristics, and ugliness we want wiped clean, are the very opportunities Christ uses to develop, sanctify, and create beauty. Click To Tweet

His Ways are not Mine

What force in your life are you looking at with disdain? What area of your life do you wish would go away and fly right? Could this be the very place Christ is producing rich soil in you? Look to Him who goes before us. Ask for His help and His wisdom.

Jacalyn Beales

guidance. peace, disappointment, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Holding Fast: Letting Go and Allowing God to Guide Toward Peace

Devotionals, Stay SaneOctober 3, 2018January 13, 2019

How do we respond in the unexpected disappointments of life? We must learn to let go of our natural responses. Holding fast to God, while He guides us towards peace.

We find by losing. We hold fast by letting go.
We become something new by ceasing to be something old.

Frederick Buechner

Letting go, so we can hold fast? This is a paradox I can definitely relate to recently…

The Unexpected

Five months ago, when my husband and I made the decision to transfer our lives from Louisville, Kentucky to Wake Forest, North Carolina, we could not have foreseen the crazy chaos that accompanied the last week leading up to our move. Nor could we have known that we would be attempting to outrun hurricane Florence as we drove across the mountains of West Virginia.

Believe me, by the time we stopped to sleep a few hours into the journey, our excitement of living closer to our grandchildren was momentarily overshadowed by crushing weariness. Holding fast to God still seemed like a given…

Who knew that it would take an extra U-Haul truck to hold forty-six years of marriage? (What’s the meaning of purge, again?) Who knew it would take 4 days and exhausting our friends and family to load the two trucks?! (And that doesn’t count the 2 weeks of packing.) Who knew the moving truck would bust a hole in our driveway, which delayed loading?

…In Disappointment

Thankfully, we were unable to see the little foxes that were waiting to eat our vines, (Song of Solomon 2:15). Otherwise, the discouragement may have thwarted everything…because the mini-catastrophes didn’t stop once we arrived. Due to Lady Florence, the banks froze all mortgage funds to the Carolinas. Canceling the close of our new home and delaying the moving trucks 5-7 days.

Up to that point, I had been taking it all on the chin, staying positive, grateful for God’s goodness and our friends, thankful for safety. For some reason, the last news update about the moving truck triggered a short-lived meltdown for me and the angry tears flowed. (My daughter-in-law said it was about time; she was getting worried about me NOT having one!)

Holding Fast By Letting Go

All of a sudden, I realized how easily my heart pulls away from holding fast to my Provider. Especially when my plans continue to go awry. While the Spirit of God has matured me to be able to handle some hiccoughs and delays, through many years and painful situations, this was one blow after another. I had reached my limit, or as Psalm 107:27 honestly states, I was at my wit’s end. I had to let go of my idea of what should happen so that I could hold fast to my Lord and to whatever He had planned for us. His vision is clearer than mine.

Hear me, I believe God understands when I feel disappointment or sadness or anger. He isn’t intimidated or surprised by any feelings I may experience. In fact, He created all of us with feelings. However, when I use those feelings to express doubt concerning my Father’s provision for me, then I am questioning His character, which is sin on my part.

When I grip my plans tightly in my fists, insisting they happen according to my timetable, rather than holding fast to Him, I am heading for my own personal chaos. However, if we will cry out to God from the midst of our disappointments, foiled plans, storms of life, etc., He will rescue us…time and time again.

Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.

Psalm 107:28-30, NIV

God will Guide

I could weep when I slip away and sit before my Father, meditating on His goodness during this move…during this small piece of our journey. No, as of this writing, we still haven’t closed on our house – and there is no set date. Our furniture remains sitting on a truck in a hub somewhere. Our lives are in limbo. But God will guide us to our desired haven. He will receive glory, honor, and praise in the midst of it- not because I have been a super-Christian (if there is such a thing)…

But because He is a Supernatural God.

When we grip our plans too tightly, rather than holding fast to God, we are heading for chaos. However, if we will cry out to God from the midst of our disappointments, He will rescue us...time and time again. Click To Tweet

expectations, Oh Lord Help Us, women, ministry, encouragement

Expectations: Letting Go of the Unrealistic and Gaining Freedom

Devotionals, Stay SaneApril 5, 2018July 30, 2019

Operating with unrealistic expectations of others, ourselves, and situations, will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Let go of the expectations, and freedom will be found!

My husband had (at least) two expectations that were not met when we got married. He thought I was going to make sweet tea everyday. And he thought we would fall asleep snuggling at night. He was disappointed.

Having expectations is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s kind of like having a goal. It’s something to work for and strive to attain. Without goals we would become complacent and stagnate. Some expectations, however, can rob us of enjoying what we have, and who we are with. It can discourage our souls and cause relationships to crumble. Let’s look at three areas expectations can cause disappointment…

Expectations of Others

Problems arise when:

The expectations are not communicated.
The expectations are unrealistic.

Spouse:

As a woman I possess the power to read my husband’s mind and completely understand what he is needing at any given moment. Or, maybe not. So why do I expect him to read mine? Why do I expect him to know that I need something done around the house if I haven’t asked him to do it? Why do I expect him to know that I am struggling with fear if I don’t share with him?

There have been many times when he has “read my mind” and did exactly what I was hoping he would do. If I would remove my expectations, then instead of feeling frustrated when they are not met, I would feel cared for when they were. I don’t want my spouse to meet my expectations due to the fear of what will happen if he doesn’t. Rather I want him to meet them so that it will bless me when he does.

I also ~~have learned~~ am learning that I cannot expect my husband to be someone that he was not created to be. He is calm, level-headed, and steady (and praise the Lord that he is). I, on the other hand, am not. So when I am getting worked up about something and getting frustrated with him that he is not getting worked up, I am not being fair. I am expecting him to suddenly be a different person. (But seriously, isn’t that so maddening when you’re upset about something and the other person just sits there so calm!)

Children:

For some reason I feel like my children should have their acts together by now. Logically I know this is ridiculous, but my frustrations would show otherwise. I feel like I should only have to tell them one time to stop rubbing their hands on the wall, or to wash their hands before eating, or to give the dog food AND water, or pick up toys before bed, or…

If it is unrealistic to expect my husband to know what I want, how can I expect this from my children. Of course, I don’t have to tell my husband to wash his hands, but for now I do need to tell my kiddos. My 2 year old: I have to Tell. Her. Everything. She’s two. My 6 year old, I give hints. “What do you need to do before bed…?” And give him a chance to realize he needs to put his socks, shoes, jacket, backpack, pants, dirty clothes away. My 10 year old, well, he actually does do the things he needs to do without being told. Most of the time, anyways.

I’m still learning who my children are. I’m learning that my oldest may be super competitive with his brother, but not with friends. I want him to be competitive with sports, because he has the talent and that’s “what you’re suppose to do.” We keep putting him in sports and I keep getting frustrated that he is not aggressive enough. I’ve had a lightbulb moment. I’m trying to make him be someone he is not. And the thing is, I like who he is. He is sweet, and compassionate, and friendly.

Expectations of Ourselves

Problems arise when:

We are expecting ourselves to be someone we are not.
We are expecting to achieve something unrealistic, and/or in an unrealistic time frame.

I love to have dance parties. At home. With my children. I have always loved dancing. I have always danced badly. Thankfully, ever since college, this has not bothered me and I have accepted that I can’t dance and it doesn’t stop me from still enjoying myself. But when I was in middle school this was heartbreaking. I tried out for the dance team. Twice. Got cut on the the first go round. Twice. This is alright, I’m not scarred. But I did have to learn and accept the fact that this knobby knee’d girl looks awkward even doing the electric slide. After accepting this I was able to find a new love, running. And I still love it.

It’s also harmful to expect too much from ourselves within certain time restraints. I was naturally a good runner, but when it came to competing I expected too much too soon. My first race was 1500M (just shy of a mile) on in indoor track. I actually envisioned myself winning. Ended up I got lapped. I was expecting too much (and maybe a tad unrealistic) too soon.

After years of training I ended up running at a fairly competitive level. But I never “won gold.” And I was ok with that. There is ALWAYS somebody faster, smarter, wealthier. The most we can expect is our best. As long as we are doing that, we are good.

Expectations of Situations

Problems arise when:

We try to control outcomes.
We depend on those outcomes.

So many things are out of my control: taxes, weather, jobs, other people. And if I try to control those things I will end up living a life that leaves me feeling completely disappointed. There is nothing wrong with feeling disappointed when bad things happen. But ideally we don’t stay in that place, and instead use it as an opportunity.

My husband and I were married on a Friday. It just happened to be the 13th. As the ceremony was about to begin, I could hear people whispering around me in the room I was waiting in. Stress was rising. My sister-in-law came to me and said, “Remember what I said earlier about today being just a ceremony and that it’s your marriage that matters? And that there is bound to be something that will go wrong? Well, your florist thought the wedding was tomorrow. You have no flowers.” So I walked down the aisle holding tight to my dad with both arms. I rocked the no-flowers thing. People thought we did it on purpose.

It’s fine to plan and prepare, but then let go and remember what the main purpose is.

To Sum It Up…

To fight the temptation to focus on how we want things to be, we are to instead focus on truth. We are to express gratitude for our reality, and have hope for the future.

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Philippians 4:8, NLT

Life would be more peaceful if we could live without unrealistic expectations. Even so, expect to have expectations and remember it’s alright to “mess up.” That’s why we get to start over the next day. That is grace.

Focus on truth. Express gratitude for our reality. Have hope for the future. Click To Tweet

Samuel Zeller

Disappointing: Acceptance Is Not Based On Perfection

Devotionals, Stay SaneJanuary 28, 2018September 8, 2019

We don’t need to attain perfection in order to have acceptance from God. We may feel we are disappointing, but this is not how He feels about us.

I was at the gym a few days ago when I got a text from my mom that quoted a devotional we both read. “If God had a face, what kind of face would He be making at you right now?” I responded, “What are you waiting for? Why are you wasting time? Come to Me. I’m here.” I know there is much to be had in the presence of God, but I feel like my feet are cemented in the ground. I have been praying for the strength to shake it off and move in His power.

My mom responded “I used to always see a disappointed face. Now…He’s usually smiling.” When I read that I started crying! It took me by surprise, but I didn’t even care that I was in public. How long have I been operating from a low-level belief that God is often disappointed with me? Since that day I have been seeking to erase that lie and, as my 16-year-old daughter likes to joke, kill it with fire!

Disappointing: Striving for Perfection

Who is a God like You, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of His inheritance? He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in steadfast love.

Micah 7:18, ESV

Don’t we all agree God loves His children where we are? Yet we don’t fully believe it. It sounds good. Our spirit wants to trust that He is pleased with us. But our flesh is hard pressed to maintain the appearance of perfection. Pride is a liar. Striving to be perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect is a worthy goal. But He never once said in scripture that we were to strive alone. Jesus sent us a Helper.

Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send Him to you.

John 16:7, ESV

Yesterday morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “No one is as disappointed in me as I am.” We are our biggest critics, our own worst enemy. We’re relentless! I referred back to the conversation with Mom and soaked up her final thought from that day at the gym. “As we draw closer to Jesus, the Spirit searches deeper, turns the spotlight on brighter, so to speak. So what you’re feeling is a sign of growth.” Essentially, now that I feel like a fool I’m free to get over myself! It’s time to shake off that cement I was griping about and move toward truth.

Let those who delight in My righteousness shout for joy and be glad and say evermore, ‘Great is the Lord, who delights in the welfare of His servant!’

Psalm 35:27, ESV

Disappointing: Acceptance

Several years ago, while at Sojourn Church in Louisville, Daniel Montgomery shared two situations with the congregation before posing a question. First, he told us about a day where he basically got up on the wrong side of the bed. He was a grump-o-potomus the entire day, yelled at his kids, snapped at his wife and acted like a bear with his co-workers. The following day his quiet time was anointed and birds were singing. He loved on his family, was courteous to strangers at the coffee shop, and encouraged and laughed with his coworkers. That evening ended with a time of family devotion.

He asked which of those days we thought God was more pleased with him. The obvious answer is the day where he did everything right. But he said, “Neither!” God doesn’t base His affections toward us on our performance. He loves us and delights in us because we are His workmanship. Clearly, we are accountable for our actions, but we are His kids no matter how emotional or irrational we happen to be feeling on any given day.

Your turn…

Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. We belong to the King of kings. Struggles are inevitable. Temptations win out. But when God looks at us He sees Jesus, not our shortcomings. How differently would your day look if you truly believed that? The God of creation is fond of us.

If you have interest in the devotional mentioned, please consider purchasing it through this affiliate link. A small portion will go to help support this ministry at no extra cost to you:

Reflections for Ragamuffins: Daily Devotions from the Writings of Brennan Manning

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

The God of creation is fond of us. Click To Tweet

Erin Perrilleon

Fight the lies with truth!

These postcards can be used to display, or to send. Your purchase helps to support this ministry, and others.
Thank you!

Disappointment With God: The Root of Our Frustration

Devotionals, Stay SaneJanuary 25, 2018June 27, 2019

If we are honest with ourselves, we have all felt disappointment with God. This post discusses two roots of our frustration, and how to be united with Him.

Last week, when it was 50 degrees and raining instead of 30 degrees and snow whistling by my window (as it is today!), I had to run errands. About a block from my home I checked to see if my umbrella was in its regular spot. Blast! Picture this: distracted woman patting the back of passenger seat then back of driver’s seat while keeping car in lane. Clear the road, people!!

Assuming said umbrella was missing, I angrily said the potty word that has gotten our President in so much trouble in recent days. At the traffic light, I twisted around to look in the back seat. There in the floor lay my animal print umbrella. My, did I feel sheepish…and convicted.

After confessing my anger, I asked Jesus what was going on with my heart. I mean, it was drizzling, not monsoon season! There was no danger of me melting. To my surprise, immediately the word disappointment flashed in bold letters in my mind. Disappointment vocationally; disappointment concerning my life’s mission/impact; disappointment in the distance between us and our grandchildren. And so began a day’s-long dialogue with the Spirit about disappointment.

I’m learning that I set myself up for disappointment in several ways. Then subtly, even subconsciously, I blame God. I’m sure I’m not alone. David and other Psalmists complained often to God about situations that seemed unfair, (Ps. 13, for example). Phillip Yancey wrote a book about disappointment with God in 1997 with an update 25 years later. It sold well. Although Christians would rather not admit it, it seems fair to say there are periods in most of our lives when we feel disappointment with God.

But why?

Skewed Expectations

One reason, I believe, is because of our expectations of Jesus. Paul warned the Corinthians in 2 Corinthians 11:4 of falling prey to “another Jesus,” or a “different gospel”. Sometimes, our expectations or the expectations of our church doctrine may cloud our judgement regarding the genuine identity of Jesus. It isn’t as though false expectations are a new thing – the disciples walked daily with Jesus for three years and were completely unprepared for His death and resurrection! (They were still expecting an earthly king.) If I am worshiping a nicer Jesus, a cooler Jesus, a more culture-current Jesus rather than the Jesus of the Gospels, my expectations are askew. I am guaranteed disappointment because I’m dealing in fiction rather than faith.

I appreciate how Frederick Buechner described faith in Secrets in the Dark:

Faith is different from theology because theology is reasoned, systematic, and orderly, whereas faith is disorderly, intermittent, and full of surprises…faith is a stranger and exile on the earth and doesn’t know for certain about anything. [Hebrews 11] Faith is homesickness. Faith is a lump in the throat. Faith is less a position on than a movement toward, less a sure thing than a hunch. Faith is waiting. Faith is journeying through space and through time…When faith stops changing and growing, it dies on its feet.

And I might add, we begin to operate in “another Jesus” mentality.

Selfish Motivation

Secondly, as much as I would like to see my prayers as selfless, my ‘disappointment inventory’ revealed that some of my prayers are my own plans, which I then hand to God for His stamp of approval. He can work out the details. (Ouch!) I’ve handed my heart over to dreams or plans which I’ve emotionally tucked away, out of sight, then wonder why Jesus doesn’t ‘come through’ with the realized answer! The answer lies with my motives and my heart, not God’s supposed stubbornness or failure to hear. I love what Thomas Merton said in an address to novices:

If I love God, I’ve got to love him with my heart. If I love him with my heart, I’ve got to have a heart, and I’ve got to have it in my possession to give. One of the most difficult things in life today is to gain possession of one’s heart in order to be able to give it. We don’t have a heart to give. We have been deprived of these things, and the first step in the spiritual life is to get back what we have to give. (The Promise of Paradox)

When I have given my heart to my own ideas, plans, or dreams, it’s impossible to give it fully to Jesus. I may be pitching prayers up concerning these things, but I doubt they are making it past the ceiling. Scripture is clear about who gets first dibs on my heart. Deuteronomy 6:5, which is repeated by Jesus in Matthew 22:37, speak clearly concerning where my heart belongs, yet I feel it tugged in many other directions in this maddening world.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

Deuteronomy 6:5, ESV

How can I lay my heart at the feet of my Lord, when it is a divided thing? How can I expect Him to answer prayers that are often, at most, spiritualized personal plans or at worst, self promotional?

United

Thank God for His steadfast love which endures forever (Psalm 100:5 ESV)! I am grateful that we have a high priest who understands my weaknesses and forgives me (Hebrews 4:15).

I am continuing to pray for my heart to be united in my love for and faith in Jesus. May any dreams or plans I have be God ordained.

Faith is a way of waiting – never quite knowing, never quite hearing or seeing, because in the darkness we are all but a little lost. There is doubt hard on the heels of every belief, fear hard on the heels of every hope, and many holy things lie in ruins because the world has ruined them and we have ruined them. But faith waits even so… (Secrets in the Dark)

If you have interest in the books mentioned, please consider purchasing them through these affiliate links. A small portion will go to help support this ministry at no extra cost to you:

Disappointment With God: Three Questions No One Asks Aloud

Secrets in the Dark: A Life in Sermons

The Promise of Paradox: A Celebration of Contradictions in the Christian Life

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

I am guaranteed disappointment because I'm dealing in fiction rather than faith. Click To Tweet

Daniel Kainz