control

let go, release, control, hold fast, worry, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Release: Letting Go of Our Control and Clinging to the Lord

DevotionalsJune 9, 2019July 30, 2019

When we release our worry and control to the Lord and cling to His promises, we can experience genuine freedom in our lives.

A few mornings ago, I awoke at dawn to the familiar sound of birds chirping outside my bedroom window. A refreshing stretch of beautiful spring weather has called for sleeping with the windows open. And each morning, I’m treated to a choir of birdsongs. There are the high pitched, staccato offerings of the finch. The cardinal’s piercing siren-like call. Soft, plaintive cooing from the mourning dove. The warbler’s high lonesome vibrato. And all this is punctuated by loud, boisterous squawking solos from the blue jays, blackbirds, and hawks!

The Woods

Over the nearly four years we’ve lived in this home, I’ve grown accustomed to this morning avian greeting. You see, although our neighborhood sits in the heart of town, we’ve been blessed to live right beside nearly 15 acres of undeveloped woods. Our family has taken daily walks with our dog in those woods. The woods have provided a natural buffer against impinging traffic noise and light pollution. And the woods have enveloped our property, creating a peaceful oasis for gathering around the fire pit with family and friends.

But within the past year, a real estate developer–that builds high-end apartment complexes–purchased the land. And soon, this wooded sanctuary will be leveled to the ground. Given all the development in this area, my husband and I used to joke that the name of our town, Wake Forest, should be changed to Wake “Used to Be” Forest. But now that the woods right next to us are on the chopping block, this moniker is no laughing matter!

The Developers

So, what has been a quiet, sleepy dead-end road in front of our house will soon become a thoroughfare. The place where our kids and their friends from the neighborhood have learned to ride their bikes and play will no longer be safe for children. And to add insult to injury, a row of large garbage receptacles for the entire apartment complex will sit a mere 20 yards from our bedroom window! So goodbye to my morning chorus of birds, and hello to the daily dumping of stinky trash and clanking recyclables!

A while back, the developers held a public hearing where they presented their site plan to the city planning department. They explained how they will maximize the property’s potential by removing all the trees, grading the land, and constructing apartment buildings with sprawling parking lots on every side. It’s like I’m seeing firsthand what Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi lyrics lamented: “Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone? They paved paradise and put up a parking lot! Ooo bop bop bop bop!”

Release

My initial reaction was to “bop” those developers over the head, mount a neighborhood insurrection, and send them packing! But, I’ve come to the realization that this is not the battle I need to fight. In fact, the whole situation has caused me to examine my own internal battle–of learning how to release those things over which I have no control.

Needless to say, I’ve had some difficulty wrapping my head and heart around this impending change. Because I’m having trouble letting go. Letting go of the wonderful memories that we’ve formed in this house. Of this peaceful place that we’ve been blessed to call home. Releasing fear and worry about what the future will hold for our family’s living situation.

But isn’t our walk of faith so often about letting go? In this case, I need to release something that’s ultimately pretty minor in the grand scheme of things. But in the past, I’ve tried to cling to things that the Lord, in His grace and mercy, was trying to take out of my hands. Things like childhood traumas, unhealthy relationships, a career that was not life-giving, a drug addiction, and a home that was too small and breaking down around me.

Casting Our Cares

Although all of those things were destructive, I was holding tightly to them because they felt so familiar to me. In many ways, I had solidified my whole identity with them. So the thought of allowing the Lord to remove them from my life felt extremely unsettling and downright frightening. But the thing was, none of them was serving me. And some of them were actually pulling me further away from the Lord.

So, in His grace and mercy, He allowed my life to crumble to the point where I eventually cried out to Him for help. I finally let go. And when I relinquished control over my life, I experienced the freedom that comes when we cast our cares on Him.

Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.
Psalms 55:22

A Continual Process

And this is a continual process, isn’t it? So often, when the Lord has helped us through one challenge, there’s another difficult situation awaiting on the horizon. But when we let go and allow God to carry us through, He proves Himself faithful. Beloved, if we’ll cling to Him, we’ll see that He is good, that we can trust Him, and that He is leading and guiding us perfectly. And no matter the trial, He will be with us, shepherding us through. Because our Abba is not in the business of harming His children, but of loving and helping us.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans not to harm you but to give you a hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

When we allow God to carry us through, He proves Himself faithful. If we'll cling to Him, we'll see that He is good, we can trust Him, and He is leading us perfectly. Click To Tweet

Clinging to Him

So, in the case of the development going up right next to my home, I am letting go. No longer sulking over the loss of my family’s carefree lifestyle in this home, I’m thanking the Lord for the good times that we’ve shared here. I’m releasing my worry about where we’ll end up next and whether we’ll have a soft landing. And I’m holding fast to His promises to take care of me and my family. I’m clinging to Him who says He will never leave nor forsake me.

And the LORD, he is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.
Deuteronomy 31:8

Are there things in your life that the Lord is inviting you to release? Are you clinging tightly to Him?

All scripture verses are from The King James Version of The Holy Bible.

Nick West

fear, grace, trust, unafraid, surrender, control, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Unafraid: Trusting God to Take Control of Our Lives

DevotionalsMay 15, 2019May 15, 2019

Fear is crippling. We must surrender the reins of control to God. In order to live a trusting and unafraid life, we must accept His grace and mercy, daily.

Trust. Five letters. One simple concept. We utilize it on a daily basis…

We trust that our alarm clock will go off in the morning and wake us up. Trust that our coffee maker will brew the liquid gold that is such a necessity to many of us. We trust that our car will start. Hopefully!

With significantly more certainty, we trust that gravity will continue to keep us pinned to the earth. We trust that the Earth will continue its orbit around the Sun. On smaller scales, we trust for personal, daily needs. On a grand scale, we trust our needs to be continuously supported on this planet we call home.

So, if we so easily trust these small things for our continued existence, why do we find it so hard to trust the One? The One who allows for, and is in control of, all the aforementioned things and more, to happen?

The reason is fear! Four letters. One powerful concept. It has the ability to make us fight, flee, or even freeze in our tracks. Fear is “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined.” The key words in this definition are real or imagined.

Fear stems from a lack of control. The more we feel out of control, the more we are afraid, and the more we are afraid, the more we try and take matters into our own hands. In short, the more out of control we feel the more we try and control our life situations and the less we trust.

Let me tell you a secret…

Come close.

Closer.

Right there…

Control is an illusion.

Trust is Peace

We have no control. We think we do because it keeps the fear at bay, but we really have precious little control over our circumstances. This is a lesson the Lord has been trying to teach me over the last five years. But here is another secret, the less I try to control my circumstances, and the more I trust God to take care of me, the more peace I feel.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7, NIV

Fear is easy. Being afraid comes naturally. We fight to keep something from happening or to keep someone or something safe. Or we freeze, unable to do anything. The wonderful thing is we don’t have to fight. The fight has already happened and God is the victor. Because we are His, we have nothing to run from, but Someone wonderful to run to.

‘Fear Not’

Staying unafraid is hard. It is an active choice we have to make almost every minute of every day. The phrase “fear not” is mentioned 365 times in the Bible.

He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV

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Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.
Isaiah 43:1, NIV

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When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
Psalm 56:3, NIV

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Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4, NIV

To name a few and store in our memory banks.

Human Nature

God knew fear would be our natural fallen state. He knew we would need a daily reminder of our victory through Him. Even from the moment Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden and were afraid to approach Him, God knew. They had an intimate relationship with Him. They knew who He was and how He felt about them, yet they were afraid and ashamed of their sin. But, they couldn’t bring themselves to look at God.

The fall of Adam and Eve in Eden is the first instance of humans trying to take control. They were the first to feel shame, guilt, and the weight of fearful baggage. It is the first time humans tried to fight for themselves…

We have someone to fight for us. We have nothing to fear. In the absence of fear, there is trust. Psalm 20:7 says: “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.” When we have nothing and no one to fear, trust comes easier.

The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1, NIV

I am reminded of the words in Chris Tomlin’s song Whom Shall I Fear, “I know who goes before me. I know who stands behind. The God of Angel Armies is always by my side.” Romans 8:31 says: “More Than Conquerors. What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” The Bible and worship songs are filled with reminders of the victory we have through Jesus.

Unafraid

Like being unafraid, trust is hard. We, unfortunately, mix our sinful human emotions and experiences with who God is. We mix our hurt and lack of trust with who God is. He has never let us down. He is not the boyfriend, fiancé, or husband who cheats and abandons. God is not the best friend who betrays trust or backstabs. He is not the mother or father who abandoned a helpless child. He is not the source of anyone’s pain, He is the healer.

We all have these experiences and hurts…baggage if you will…that we carry around with us. He not only wants to carry our baggage but dispose of it so we don’t have to carry it anymore.

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
Psalm 55:22, NIV

Trust and being unafraid are active, daily choices. To live a fearless life and to fully trust God, we must allow God to heal us and take the reins of our life.

I am so thankful that the Lord is patient and offers daily renewed grace and mercy.

Grace. Mercy. Two words. Five letters each. Concepts that are life-changing.

Like being unafraid, trust is hard. We mix our sinful human emotions and experiences with who God is. We mix our hurt and lack of trust with who God is. He has never let us down! Click To Tweet

At the age of 12, Rachel was called into ministry and dedicated her life to the Lord’s will. This led her to teach and work at a school in Korea for four years after college. Through the Lord’s help, Rachel has grown because of these experiences. She’s learned to solely rely on God and trust His provision for everything.

blessings, control, depression, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Reins: Relinquishing Control to The Lord Who Blesses Us

Devotionals, Stay SaneOctober 9, 2018January 13, 2019

When we give the Lord the reins to our life, we relinquish control. And as we let go, He leads and guides us into His blessings.

Sometimes, when I pause and consider my life, I am amazed at how the Lord has blessed me. It definitely has not always been this good. But the more that I’ve relinquished control over the reins of my life, the more the Lord has given me a life seemingly tailor-made just for me. The blessings that flow from Him are incredible.

The Blessings

I have a loving husband whose heart is inclined toward Jesus. Over the years, I’ve seen the Lord do a tremendous work in his heart. Today, he is truly the man I always hoped I would get to walk through this life with. We are blessed with two beautiful children. They are caring, healthy, smart, curious, and uniquely talented.

Then there are the ways in which the Lord has healed my mental and physical health, giving me abundant energy and the ability to physically do the things I desire. And that’s not to mention the creative pursuits I get to be a part of: writing for this blog, making jewelry as a tool for ministry, singing and making music with my husband and worship team at our wonderful church, creating yummy, healthy recipes, and making our house a cozy home where peace and beauty rest.

But it hasn’t always been this way…

I Hated My Own Life

For many years, I honestly hated my own life. Riddled with depression and anxiety, I could not imagine a time when I would want to live–much less a time when I would feel so blessed in so many ways! But despite my many blunderings and missteps, the Lord has guided me to this pleasant place.

A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

Handing Over the Reins

I’m so appreciative of, and humbled by the life I am getting to live. It is not always perfect, but it is good. And I know who gave me this wonderful life. It’s not of my own making. I’m living a blessed life because about a decade ago, I handed the reins of my life over to Jesus Christ.

For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.

Psalm 139:13

The Lord has been leading and guiding me since before I was even born. But for so many years, I was fighting against who He was and who He wanted to be in my life. I was striving to maintain control over my own path. And He let me exercise my free will. I jerked away from Him to try to find my own way. But my road was paved with regret, shame, selfish ambition, anger and the like. I was literally heading for destruction in the form of depression and suicide.

Only Part of the Picture

Still holding onto anger and rebellion against the version of Jesus that my mom had exposed me to, I could not trust that Jesus truly was who the Bible says He is. In a nutshell, I was raised in a very isolated, strict, fundamentalist, religious atmosphere…

My mom was trying desperately to hold fast to all of the “rules” of the Bible. So, an intimate relationship with Jesus was not her priority. A carryover from her wounded past as an orphan was the belief that if you don’t follow the strict rules, your life will literally be in danger. Outside of the rules, severe punishment awaited.

Biblically, there is some truth to this notion of the rules–outside of God’s grace and mercy, we really aren’t safe or protected from evil. But that’s only part of the picture that the Bible offers. It’s as if my mom had only torn out the pages about fear. About the fire and the brimstone. And that partial picture is what she revealed to me and my siblings.

Somehow, the loving invitation of the gospel–the parts about Jesus’ love and grace and mercy–were on pages that had gone missing. Sadly, Mom missed the invitation that so many believers miss. The invitation to trust that we are loved by a good Abba; a good daddy who leads and guides us perfectly if we’ll trust Him.

Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?

Romans 2:4

Gathering Up the Shards

When I was out from under my mom’s authority, no longer hitched to her wagon so to speak, I ran as far and as fast as I could. Away from anything that smacked of Jesus, the Bible, or Christianity. With unbridled determination, I grabbed the reins to my own life. Thinking I could mold it, shape it, and ultimately force it into what I wanted it to be, I forged ahead.

But no amount of ambition, perfectionism, self-sufficiency, and determination could save me from the wall I was about to hit. And I thank God that He let me hit that wall. Because when I broke into a million pieces, Jesus was there, lovingly gathering up the shards and putting them back together again. He was refashioning them into something beautiful. Into the Hope that He had known all along.

He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3

Reined in by Love

I’ve learned to relinquish the reins through seasons of both hope and despair. And through it all, I’m learning that I am the most loved, protected, and at peace when I rest in the security of my Father’s love. When life is hard or scary, and I don’t know what to do, I can run to His loving arms. He has reined me in with His love.

When we learn to relinquish the reins of control, we can find rest in the security of God's love. When life is hard or scary, and we don't know what to do, we can run to His loving arms. He reins us in with His love. Click To Tweet

Today, I’m happier and more fulfilled than I’ve ever been. And I know that He has even better things in store for me in the years to come. But none of this would have been possible if I had held fast to the reins of my own life. When we relinquish control to God, He sets us free. Yes, beloved, we lose control over our lives, but the path is smoother, and the blessings far greater when we are trusting Him!

He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

Matthew 10:39

Are you still holding onto the reins in a certain area of your life? Have you experienced the reining in of His love?

All scripture references from The King James Version of The Bible

shaping, pruning, attack, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian mentoring, spiritual growth, women of faith

Shaping: Rest in the God Who Prunes the Ones He Loves

Devotionals, Stay SaneAugust 2, 2018July 30, 2019

Resting in Jesus feels wild; almost unsafe, especially when we feel like things are being stripped away. But relinquishing control to the One who lovingly prunes us to produce even more growth is the only true safety we will ever know.

The dream…

It was 8 to 10 years in the future. I was visiting my daughters who had moved back to our hometown. They shared a quaint little house in Old Louisville. The yard boasted a beautiful flower garden, ornate grape vines and a handful of dogwood and pear trees. When I arrived, we took a trip to pick up the spoils of their CSA shares, then we returned to their home and started fixing dinner. I looked outside at the sunset—a wild array of slate and cerulean blues hovering over a peachy inferno. I mused aloud how I had missed Kentucky sunsets.

While I looked on, white lightning spilt the sky, striking the heart of the sunset. Void of rain, the lightning continued to make contact with the earth, igniting a blaze that headed straight for the house. I told the girls we had to evacuate; they hurried to grab a few belongings. But as I glanced back out the window, the roaring wildfire had not only gone around the house, but the yard as well. The trees, the grass, the flowers in their garden…nothing was singed.

Back to reality…

When I awoke I played back the dream in my mind. Then a familiar verse from childhood sprung from memory:

A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; but it shall not approach you.

Psalm 91:7, NASB

What a sweet assurance! I immediately began praising God for His guarantee to guard and guide His children. Even more, I can rejoice and wholly trust in the One who raises the dead to protect and secure the children God has entrusted to me while here on earth.

Piecing together…

Ironically, the morning after my dream the fire alarm tripped near the close of our church service. There was no fire, thankfully, and everyone evacuated the building safely. The Lord even held the rain that had been relentless for the previous 24 hours. As we stood waiting for the fire squad to clear the building, someone mentioned the cause being the enemy trying to mess things up. I thought, perhaps—but after seeing what God has done in my daughter Anna’s life, I am not as quick to witness negativity or even tragedy and say Oh; that’s the devil. Spiritual warfare? Maybe, but so much more I view things through the lens of God pruning to bear even more fruit as opposed to the devil dolling out body blocks.

God is always working…

Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

John 15:2, ESV

Confession…

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard and read John 15:2. But it wasn’t until I wrote it out last week that I caught the wording. I have been reading it incorrectly for years! My brain deceived me. You see, I thought it said: every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away, and every branch that does not bear fruit He prunes. It sounded repetitive, but hey, maybe Jesus just wanted to drive it home. However, I added a “not” in my brain. The second part of that verse says: “and every branch that does bear fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” Pruning is not punishment. Its purpose is to bring about even more blessing, more glory, greater victory.

Let’s go back to the supposition that the devil is lurking around every corner to ambush us. The bible clearly says to be on the alert.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8, ESV

The devil is always looking for someone to trap and deceive for all eternity. And if he’s lost the eternal battle, at the very least he wants to obliterate our faith in God and render us useless for the kingdom. The devil seeks to shake us up to the point of forsaking our reliance on Christ. However, Satan has no power over followers of Jesus Christ. And Romans tells us to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil.

We grant authority to whomever we trust. The devil has no authority over any Christian, except the authority we grant him by believing him.

John Bloom

The devil seeks to shake us up to the point of forsaking our reliance on Christ. However, Satan has no power over followers of Jesus Christ. Click To Tweet

Abiding in the Vine…

I have about two dozen house plants. They all have names and I may or may not talk to them. (Okay; I do.) My first encounter with pruning came about a few years ago. My friend Katy gifted me a beautiful succulent with bright yellow flowers one Sunday morning. Months later, after all the blooms had withered, the plant (whom I’d named after it’s giver) failed to thrive. I tried giving her more water, then less water, but her growth was halted and she began to look feeble. After researching I found the answer. Cut the plant down to its base, set it in a dark room and leave it alone for a month with no water. WHAT?! That sounded wildly barbaric! But what choice did I have? She was dying anyway. So, I followed the instructions and left her cut down and dry in the dark for 30 days.

When I went to retrieve Katy on the 31^st day I was surprised and delighted to find vibrant green leaves shooting up! To this day she is double in size and still thriving. Now, when I read John 15, I am reminded of my sweet little plant and how we as the branches are completely dependent on the true Vine. For that purpose, we are invited to remain joined to Jesus. And as we are pruned and receive nourishment from Him, we grow stronger and more vibrant and God is glorified.

Wild Vines…

I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples.

John 15:5-8, MSG

The next time something wild happens, I will look to see how God is working through the madness. And I pray I remember He is ever seeking to bring about true joy in children and full glory to Himself.

Annie Spratt

Remembered, God cares, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, ministry, encouragement

Remembered: Being Comforted and Held by the God Who Sees

Devotionals, Stay SaneApril 29, 2018September 8, 2019

We are told to take care of our heart, because that is where the enemy will attack. In these attacks, we may not be able to trust our feelings, but we can trust the God who sees. We are remembered and cared for.

Soon, my son, Evan, and I will get on a plane and fly to Philadelphia. There we will meet with a transplant team that will discuss the possibility of a bone marrow transplant. To say I am beside myself does not seem to give justice to the feelings I have. This is not our first difficult decision where Evan is concerned. He has had something health related going on since birth and we have been faced with tough choices all along the way, but this feels different.

When I share this possibility with people – friends and strangers – they all look at me in wonder. Concerned. Worried. They, just like me, know the gravity of this. It’s not a broken arm. Evan has a broken immune system and its over activity is working havoc all over his body. His joints, his muscles, his pancreas, his colon, and my heart.

The attack of the heart …

Do you ever wonder why we are told over and over to take care with our heart. To know that our heart is deceitful. To take our thoughts captive. And to guard our heart. Because that is where the enemy strikes. He strikes at my heart and that is, at its very essence, my thoughts.

And where does the enemy want my thoughts to linger? Oh that’s easy. God, but not the good stuff. It’s not thoughts like: God will supply and God will show up. It’s thoughts like: how dare God and why would he, and where is he? Just like Hagar. Do you remember her?

So [Hagar] called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, “You are a God of seeing,” for she said, “Truly here I have seen him who looks after me.

Genesis 16:13, ESV

Scripture tells us that Sarai gave Hagar to Abraham as a means to bear an heir. But it all went horribly wrong. Sarai became jealous of Hagar. The scripture says dealt harshly with her and Hagar ran off. And in the midst of all this mess, the angel of the Lord came and gave Hagar a command and a promise. And Hagar knew she was remembered. She knew she had dealt with the God who sees.

The feelings that lie…

Often, I tell my children that my feelings lie. I tell them that to remind them and to remind me. I have choices with what I do with my fear and how I view my feelings. As a believer, I have a hope. It is founded in the cross and resurrection of Jesus and in the very character and nature of God. He never changes and he is always the same yesterday today and forever. Satan’s objective is to cause me to doubt that good character and to doubt that God sees and that He remembers. He also wants me to feel that I am being harshly dealt with, that what I am enduring is not a good Father but one I cannot trust and who does not care.

The God who sees…

So what do I do when my feelings feel like the only truth I can see or my thoughts keep finding their way to despair or doubt? This is actually one of the few things I can control. I cannot control what comes into my thoughts, but I can control what I allow my heart to meditate on. That can be as simple as carrying an index card in my purse with a verse on God’s faithfulness or as complicated as memorizing several passages that remind me of what my heart is prone to forget. There have been times when every wall in my home had a scripture verse attached to it. And not beautiful framed verses but copy paper written with markers.

I am in control of so little. But this I know, I can bounce my thoughts to his word and allow his word to develop in me a heart that flees to him for comfort and truth. I too, like Hagar, may find myself fleeing from harsh situations in dry and desert-like conditions. But, I am not abandoned. God hears me and He sees. I can believe that, trust him, and meditate on his good promises.

I am not abandoned. God hears me and He sees. Click To Tweet

turmoil, safety, Oh Lord Help Us, ministry, women, Christian, encouragement

Unavoidable: Making Peace with the Impact of Turmoil

Devotionals, Stay SaneMarch 29, 2018September 8, 2019

Brace for impact! Turmoil in life is unavoidable, and there is no sense of control. Do we trust God with our lives? What about the lives of our children?

Last week, I had a lengthy conversation with my sister-in-law. She told me, “You have a whole heckuva lot going on in your life right now. I’m not gonna sugar coat it for ya.” Laughing, I asked her if I could quote her on that. I tend to downplay stressors in my life. Someone always has it worse. Searing loss has not ripped through our family. Yet things simmering beneath the surface are draining. They bring me to my knees, but I’m not going back often enough.

A Dream…

My husband, Sean, awakened me from a nightmare a few mornings back…

In the pre-dawn hours, I was driving in the hills of West Virginia en route to Louisville. My kids were with me; two in the back and one riding shotgun. Charging up a steep grade, we passed several cars pulled onto the shoulder that were having mechanical difficulties.

I asked my daughter to check the weather to see what we were going to be running into. As I neared a large, dark colored truck in front of me I saw my passenger side headlight was out in the reflection. I felt frustrated because I had just been through the safety inspection. In the distance a siren was blaring, getting steadily louder as we closed in on its position. The sound was coming from a white Honda Civic which was driving in reverse on the side of the road. It was alerting oncoming traffic of a wreck. Just past the Civic there were multiple cars moved off the main road that had clearly been in a major pile up.

My daughter mentioned something about possible icy conditions ahead. The sun had begun to illuminate the mountains’ dark shadows. I was behind the wheel but I could also see what was happening from the outside. An invisible force stretched across the interstate catching the front of my car. It slowed the car, extending like a sling shot. The tail end began to lift off the ground. My breaks were no longer of any use as we went airborne across the median. We made contact with the ascending terrain only once, spinning us like a fast ball toward the stone wall of a mountain. I groaned in terror as we hurled over the oncoming traffic, suspended in air and closing fast to impact. Bracing myself I thought O God; I don’t want my kids to go like this.

I could hear my muffled moan like someone had wired my mouth shut. Reality gripped as Sean shook me awake. All was quiet.

A Promise…

Unable to fall back to sleep, I went downstairs to write. Sitting down, I smiled. I knew what my dream meant. I was Louisville bound. It’s my hometown. That’s where my mom and dad are. They represent comfort, rest, security. The cars and wrecks are the heartache and hardships in the people around me. My busted headlight stands for unrest in my own life. The invisible force could signify not being able to ignore my own turmoil any longer. Propelling through the air denotes I am 100% out of control. Bracing for impact is feeling that what is happening is unavoidable. I can make peace with that; my future is secure.

Crying out to God for my children was telling. I want to shield them from the kind of agony that could end them. I feel responsible for not protecting them from hurt. Yet I know from experience, “there is no growth without pain, no integrity without self-denial,” (Brennan Manning). I don’t want to rob my children of learning to trust God’s character for themselves. Do I trust God with the lives of those I love most? My answer must be yes. Alternatively, if it is no, I have resigned to simply existing. God loves and cares for my family more than I can conceive.

Homera Homer-Dixon said “freedom from suffering leads to uselessness.” There are some days when the onslaught of pruning feels unbearable. But God will never leave us or forsake us.

I cry to God Most High, to God who accomplishes all things for me.

Psalm 57:2, NASB

There are some days when the onslaught of pruning feels unbearable. But God will never leave us or forsake us. Click To Tweet

Fun: Accepting God’s Invitation to Life’s Adventure

Devotionals, Stay SaneMarch 1, 2018June 28, 2019

God carries us through times of sorrow, teaching us to live and love with abandon. We can trust God’s invitation to have fun and enjoy life’s adventure.

People have fun in lots of different ways. Go out to dinner, watch a movie, dance, play sports, hang-out with friends. Immersing yourself in hobbies is a great way to relax and unwind. I have been giving this a lot of thought recently.

Confessions…

I have a few confessions to make.

Here is the first: I am too serious. It’s not like I don’t laugh or smile, I do, but I take my life very seriously. I make lists, plans, prepare, and predict. When I was a young girl I would literally plan out conversations. I plan out each step of my day. As a student I would write out my plan for studying before I could begin to study. When we go on vacation I plan out itineraries weeks before we leave.

Confession number two: The thing I pride myself on, isn’t exactly true. Being intelligent has always been an important descriptor to how I see myself. My husband lovingly says I’m the smartest one in the room and it secretly fills me with bubbling joy quickly followed by a deep shame. Because it’s not true. I have a learning disability that makes organization and logical thinking difficult. To combat this I have pushed myself to the opposite extreme.

Finally, my most secret confession: I stopped believing in fun. I have focused my life on striving to find the best. Sometime around the age of twenty or so this seems to have taken a decidedly down hill turn. I decided on being a teacher and gave up my childish dream of being an actress on Broadway. Being a grown up took precedence in my life. When I became a mother I felt the weight of responsibility. A few years later I had my first brush with death, and mortality became a very real entity. Later in my early thirties the greatest tragedy in my life occurred – the death of my son. I lost joy.

By the time I was thirty-five, there was no fun left in my life.

Abandon

But God has a way of changing the story. He surely changed mine. We moved to a town where I knew no one. Our families lived hundreds of miles away. I had no job. What I did have was my husband and my daughter. We spent all of our time together that first year. I did eventually find a job, we met friends through my daughters soccer team, and we all learned to laugh more and have fun when our son was born.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12, NIV

God quite clearly reminded us to laugh and love with abandon. I remember one day when our baby was about 14 months old, the weather turned warm, the trees were in bloom and we spent a whole day out in the backyard. It was beautiful. We had a picnic that included his first popsicle. He drove his tractor, ran around naked, laughed like a loon, and took the sweetest nap curled up next to me while I read. It was the first thing I hadn’t “planned” in a long time.

Control

I wish this was such an awe inspiring moment that I realized my control issues were getting in the way of God living in my life…it wasn’t.

Over the next few years I kept asking God to help me put “fun” back into my life. There were more of these moments, but I never seemed to be able to catch hold of the string, and it kept flying out of my hand just as I would get my fingers around it.

During this time I started listening to a lot more Christian music and found Newsboys. Their song “Live with Abandon” has become an anthem in my life. Let go of the plans and live the life God has made for you. He wants you to have fun, live life to its fullest, and trust in Him. He has the plan.

“I wanna live with abandon
Give you all that I am
Every part of my heart Jesus
I place in your hands
I wanna live with abandon”

Trust

Over the last year I have found myself more trusting in this plan and more willing to give up control to God. I can’t really tell you why this has happened. We moved again, but this time to a town where we had some friends and family closer. My daughter is now grown up and off at college. I had to find a new job – one that was very difficult to begin with. My son has had a hard time adjusting, but finally seems to be settling in.

All this is to say that my life is ordinary…nothing that many other people haven’t dealt with. The one thing that has changed in the past year has been prayer. I am a much more faithful friend to my God. I talk to him everyday. Usually I write those prayers down, but not always. I also try to listen to Him. “What do you want me to do?,” and then I feel a pull, encounter a situation, or hear His words through someone else. His answers are there. I still plan my day, I know what is happening tomorrow and next week, but I have made some room for revision. I have made some room for an old relationship that needed some tending to.

Fun

Now, I am having fun for the first time…maybe in forever. I laugh more with my family, my students, my friends. I see the world brighter and clearer than I ever have before. My sense of optimism and redemption has opened up. Fear and anxiety have lessened. Life is calling me and I am excited to accept its invitation because I know it comes from my Father in heaven. Join me in the fun adventures God has planned for us.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Dear God,

Thank you for being my Creator. You have brought joy and purpose in my life. Help me live with abandon for You. Keep my feet on the path that follows Your plan. I know wonderful adventures await me if I will allow myself to trust in You completely. Thank you for guiding me. Continue to show me Your way forward through this life’s twists and turns. My greatest desire is to join You in the next life.

Love,

How has God changed your story?

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Luca Upper

Do You Trust Me?

Stay SaneAugust 28, 2016

This past winter my boys were thrilled that we had a significant snowfall here in South Carolina. Especially my oldest. He loves the snow and misses living in Chicago where snow was a guarantee each winter. And to make things even better, my parents were in town for it. In addition to snow, my oldest loves breakfast. It has now become an expected thing that he gets to have “second breakfast” with his grandparents when they get up and going.

The morning of the snow he was completely torn. He wanted to play in the snow, and he wanted to have second breakfast, but in his mind it didn’t look like he could do both. I encouraged him to go outside and play, knowing that he would still be able to sit and eat with them when he came back in. He, however, was in a panic trying to figure out how he could have both things. What I said to him was, “Do you trust me?” He responded with some protest and “buts” so I said again, “Do you trust me? Do you trust that I have good things for you?” And in that moment, I heard the Lord speaking to me, “Do you trust ME?”

I am no different than my son. I want to have it all, and will stress myself out trying to manipulate the situation so that I get my way. I think that I want to control things, but in reality I am unable to do so. And honestly, I cannot handle the pressure of being in control. I have to trust the Lord. If I truly believe that He has good things for me, then I can trust Him to take care of me.

My Past and Current Season

A few months ago I was sharing my heart with a new friend, and she was asking at what point God became real to me. It was a great question that really got me thinking. All relationships go through different stages, and a relationship with Christ is no different. The years we lived in Chicago were tough. To be honest, I was angry with Him. But I truly believe that that was alright. I may have been yelling, but at least we were talking. Maybe you have heard the quote, “The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference.” That kind of sums up my relationship with Christ for that season.

Then when we moved to Greenville, I felt like all my prayers were answered. My anxiety melted away, I liked people again, and my soul was able to rest. My relationship with Christ became loving once again. When I came to that thought, I gasped. I realized that I am a spoiled brat. It was not until I got my way, that I was happy with the Lord. And in that moment I could hear Him whisper, “Your time of rest is coming to an end. Do you trust me?”

Since it was finalized that we will be moving, I have been struggling with trying to understand. There have been so many wonderful connections and open doors recently, and it has left me confused. My life has been seeming to unfold the way I had envisioned it. I have felt like I am doing what I am suppose to be doing and am where I am suppose to be. Through tears, I have submitted that I am simply just not required to understand. I am required to be obedient. And obedience requires trust.

The weeks leading up to getting our house on the market to sell were extremely stressful because I had a long to-do list and little time. It was on me to get the stuff done. Sometimes stress is reality in certain seasons of life. Once the house went on the market, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. I had done all that I could do, and now it is out of my control. All I can do now is pray for a buyer. Now I have to trust.

I’m no longer feeling overwhelmed, but I am having to fight feeling discouraged. See, we haven’t had a single showing. Not one. And I can hear Him saying, “Do you trust me?” And several times a day I have to say out loud, “I trust you, Lord.”

Final Thought

Trust is not an emotion. It’s a choice that does not require me to understand. And it is one that I am very aware of at this moment. My family is entering a new season, and we must trust. Things may not go as planned, but I will trust. I will trust that it is not about me, or my comfort. I will trust that He wants good things for me, but that may mean being uncomfortable. I will trust Him.

What are you trusting for?

Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2 ESV

xoxo

The Things We Do Amidst Chaos

Stay SaneAugust 21, 2016August 21, 2016

When I graduated high school I got my ear cartilage pierced. And then I got a tattoo.

When I left for college I had long hair down my back. The first week there I cut it all off into a bob, that just went shorter from there into a pixie cut.

After getting married I colored my hair blond. Which was awful, by the way, because I did it myself. It looked like straw and I had to color it back to light brown.

After my first son was born, I actually grew my hair long. Three and a half years later, after having my second son, I had it all cut off again.

Before my daughter was born I had my husband actually use clippers and buzz my hair on the sides.

Now, as I am about to move to yet another state, I have gone and gotten two more tattoos.

And I know I’m not alone in this.

My sister-in-law has colored her hair purple after moving and starting a new career.

My friend went and had her nose pierced after her daughter was born. And then got tattoos before moving.

Why is this?

There is something in us that goes a little berserk when we are experiencing a major life change. Maybe it is a way to feel hip or attractive, or maybe it’s a way to commemorate a major life event, or maybe it is a way to claim some sort of control over the chaos we are living in. Whatever the reason, we need to make sure we check our hearts for the motivation, and ideally don’t do anything too drastic that we will regret in the future. (Yes I know tattoos are drastic. Yes, I checked my heart for my motivation.)

Life is often out of control, and we all have our ways to find peace in those moments. For me, this is usually exercise and cleaning. But when life throws us major turbulence, we seem to need something a bit more significant.

What about you?

What crazy things have you done when life has thrown major changes at you?

Life is frantic and out of my control, but God... brings peace and I trust the plans He has for me. — Life is frantic and out of my control, but God… is in control. He brings peace, and I trust the plans He has for me.

My life is a journey. It has not been a straight path, but it is leading me to eternity.

xoxo