conflict

Jesus calls us to peacemaking, which we should not confuse with peacekeeping. Our actions should spread the peace that God has given us.

I’ve always thought of peacemaking as kind of my thing. I like everyone to be happy, and I want things to go smoothly. My mom and I often say we prefer a boring life because we equate a boring, smooth life with peace. We often quip that it is much better than the alternative. It’s better to keep the peace, keep things steady in our lives.

Looking More Closely

If, however, you look up synonyms for the word boring, some results include dull, humdrum, stale, and lifeless. Lifeless. Synonyms for “full of life” include bold, courageous, resolute, and passionate. The latter sounds more appealing. I would like people to describe me as courageous and resolute, but dull and humdrum are easier to maintain. True, I would like to never experience joblessness again, lose another person I love, or fight with a friend. At the same time, I know how tremendously I grew through my unemployment, how the lives of those I’ve lost have impacted my life and character, and how rewarding it is to fight for a friendship that is important to me.

Still, it’s easier to shoot for boring. Stay silent. Keep the other person content while you bury your hurt or resentment. Just let the status quo remain.

Peacekeeping is an Illusion

This is the very picture of peacekeeping. You keep everything the same, even if growth needs to happen. You keep everyone happy at the expense of your own emotional well-being. Kept things, however, aren’t very useful. If you keep the new television you bought in its box, how will you watch it? If you keep a dog in a kennel, how will you enjoy playing with it?

As humans, peace seems like this ultimate ideal objective that is unfeasible. We joke about the stereotype that beauty pageant contestants answer questions about what our society needs most with “world peace.” The mom memes suggest that we can find some peace either locked behind a bathroom door or at the bottom of a glass of wine.

Peacemaking According to God

What if we examine what God says about peace and peacemaking? I think it’s safe to say we know that God doesn’t expect us to make peace on earth by isolating ourselves or finding a little relaxing “me-time.”

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.
John 16:33, NLT

The world would have peace to be an idyllic beach vacation alone or with your husband, where there are no limits. Just take the famous slogan, “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” and apply it to your vacation locale of choice. There is nothing wrong with getting away from your everyday life once in a while, but you have to know that you will return to it at some point, and all the constraints, stressors, and responsibilities will be waiting for you. If that’s the case, if the peace is so temporary and passive, then it’s likely in opposition to the more kinetic idea of peacemaking.

His Gift to Us

In reality, we do not have to search for peace. Jesus told us in scripture that He has already given it to us, and it is actively ours whether our day is moving forward at a leisurely amble or at the full-speed pace of a hill sprint.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
John 14:27, ESV

We are to find peace in Him amidst our circumstances, not find peace in the circumstances He gives us because it is already with us.

Daniel found peace in the lion’s den because the Father was with him. Shadrack, Meshach, and Abednego found peace in the fiery furnace because God was with them. Stephen radiated peace as he was seized, and had the peace to ask God to not hold his very own brutal death against his perpetrators because God was beside him the entire time.

In each of these examples, the men in question could have easily kept the peace by quietly loving God, but outwardly following the desires and commands of others. They, however, chose peacemaking over their own comfort. At risk of their own peril, they knew that the gift of peace can only be provided by the one true God. It was more important to make peace in a volatile world than keep the illusion of peace to themselves. They knew peacekeeping would keep people from experiencing the infinite gift that faith in the God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit gives us.

Authenticity of Peacemaking

Ultimately, to experience the peace that Jesus left us with, we have to stop searching for a peace defined by lack of conflict, busyness, and stress. These are all conditions of living among other people in a demanding world. Do not avoid conflict if you are also avoiding shining God’s light or spreading His Gospel. Embrace the peace He gives you. Make peace by drawing others closer to Him — show His light in your life through peacemaking.

Let us strive to be that light on a hill that shines outward and downward, driving the darkness away, making peace in a dissident and tumultuous world.

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, ‘Your God reigns.’
Isaiah 52:7, ESV

Embrace the peace He gives you. Make peace by drawing others closer to Him — show His light in your life through peacemaking. Click To Tweet

Linus Nylund

The loss of a friendship can feel like death, especially when it ends in a hurtful way. But all of us change, and some friendships last for only a season.

We were supposed to grow old together. Raise our children together. Experience joy and laughter together. But it didn’t happen the way I had envisioned. My heart was broken. It was like death.

It was death – it was the death of a friendship.

The back story, from my perspective…

She had always been concerned with her health for things that I did not see as a big deal. I felt like she made problems that all people experience into things that she alone suffered. She was constantly going to the doctor and trying remedies that, in my mind, were not necessary.

When my mother was in a drug-induced coma fighting for her life my friend came to visit. As she and I were sitting in the waiting room, she started to complain about her health problems. I was beyond upset. But I never said anything. Well, for almost 10 years I didn’t.

After that, there was a season of time we only spoke sporadically. Our friendship did, however, survive. And after the birth of my son, it thrived. We lived in separate cities, but it didn’t matter. We talked several times a week. I vented about how much I disliked where we were living. She vented about her health.

Eventually, all her doctor’s visits and medications did lead to serious health problems. Like, to the point she could hardly walk. Her doctor prescribed a drug that was way too strong, and it came with serious consequences.

It consumed her. It had become part of her identity. And I missed my friend.

Over time our friendship became mostly conversations about her and her health. She never asked about me. So, I simply stopped sharing. Then one day she asked why I was not expressing excitement with her about a new remedy she was going to try. The floodgates opened – I said it all. All the disappointment, all the hurt, all the judgment; and I said it with great emotion.

We talked twice after that day. That was about six years ago. I still think about her almost daily.

My own faults…

Our friendship couldn’t handle the honesty. There are few relationships that can. In order to be brutally honest with someone there needs to be a level of trust. Trust that there is unconditional love. With unconditional love, there is acceptance and forgiveness. Acceptance if the person doesn’t change, and forgiveness if they do.

I would like to sit here and tell you that the loss of our friendship was all her fault. But I can’t. We both played a role, of course. Victim is not a label I put on myself. Since I am learning that I cannot change others, and am only responsible for my own actions, I must be responsible for what I did wrong.

I was prideful and selfish. I couldn’t understand. I wasn’t patient. I didn’t allow her to change. I wasn’t honest. I buried hurts that had not healed. I thought she needed to listen to me and take my advice. I was unkind and unloving in my delivery. I wanted to prove a point. I wanted to feel justified.

I am sorry.

Friendships change…

My peace in this death has been the question: What if it wasn’t meant to last? What if we weren’t meant to grow old together?

Each of us has our own journey in life. People are placed on our journey of life for seasons of time. During this time we help encourage, challenge, and shape each other. Sometimes our journeys are aligned. Sometimes they align for a long time. But our journeys change us and relationships must change as well. If they don’t, they will hold us back from where we need to go.

Each of us has our own journey in life. People are placed on our journey of life for seasons of time. During this time we help encourage, challenge, and shape each other. Click To Tweet

We were both changing and were not able to support each other as our lives took different paths. We had helped each other become who we were, but we were starting to hold each other back on who we needed to be.

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.

Proverbs 27:9, NLT

I don’t regret the loss of the friendship, but I do regret the way it ended.

Whenever I think about her, I pray for her, her health, and her family. A few times I have facebook stalked her because I need to know how she is doing, and this is somehow acceptable in our society now. But my journey has led me to walk with different friends now, with a new level of trust and honesty.

For these friends I am thankful, and I pray I will love them well.

Peacemaking: Spreading the Peace God has Given Us