approval – Oh Lord Help Us

acceptance, approved, grace, salvation, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Exposed: Finding Approval in Jesus Instead of Others

DevotionalsJanuary 30, 2019January 30, 2019

Sharing about our past can leave us feeling exposed in front of others. Our approval comes from God alone. We must proclaim the good things He has done in our lives!

The lips of the wise broadcast knowledge, but not so the heart of fools.

Proverbs 15:7, CSB

Have you ever had a dream where you are naked and exposed in front of a huge crowd of people with nothing to cover up with? We wake up and immediately say ‘Thank goodness that was only a dream!’ I can’t say that right now as I type. Oh, how I wish I could.

I feel extremely exposed sharing my past. Sometimes I think I’d rather just act like that part of my life didn’t exist. But I know I can’t do that. So, I am exposing my past to you all whether you want to see this or not. This is 100% necessary in order for you to understand HIStory in my life. Ready or not, here I go…

Wanting Attention

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been the girl who was comfortable standing in the spotlight. As a child, I loved demanding the attention of a room by singing loudly and expressing myself in the silliest, most embarrassing ways. I sought and craved the applause I would get after finishing one of my solo performances. I didn’t care if I received attention out of sympathy; you know, the kind grown-ups give children that look homely.

I remember watching adults look at me with their heads tilted and say ‘oh you poor dear’. I was the child who would have the tangled hair, mismatched striped and polka dotted clothes with folded over socks in sparkly ruby red slippers. You know, THAT kind of attention! Yea, it never seemed to bother me how I got the attention, as long as I got it.

I enjoyed holding the microphone, standing center stage, under a spotlight dressed just like THAT without a worry in the world. A hot mess of a child who was carefree just wanting to put on a show for anyone willing to watch.

I was the never-ending story of a drama queen. Still am at times, if I’m being completely honest. I was always known to over exaggerate and use my imagination to its fullest ability. As a child, this behavior is often viewed by the world as ACCEPTABLE and ADORABLE. As a teenager though, this behavior would be likely viewed as ANNOYING and AWKWARD.

Desiring Affection

I was, am, and always will be a person that craves attention by affection. Physical touch is one of my love languages for sure. The best medicine to calm down my waterworks was a genuine, heartfelt hug. Still is actually.

As a parent now, I see how hard this must have been for my parents to do. Especially with the waterworks taking place inside a grocery store checkout line over a candy bar I was told I could not have. In that kind of moment, hugging is usually the LAST thing on a parent’s mind.

But hugs always seem to calm my soul and bring me back to reality. I learned that if I didn’t get the affection I so desperately needed from my parents, then I would seek it elsewhere. This need for affection carried into my adolescent years as well as my constant desire to be the center of attention. As you’ll see, this was not a good combination for someone living outside of Christ. The transition from a carefree energetic child to a rising adolescent in search of approval was quite a bumpy ride, to say the least.

Seeking Approval

My Dad’s job changed often. So, as a result, I moved around from school to school during my adolescent years. This made me a pro at using my outgoing personality to gain friends and establish popularity. I learned how to do my own makeup and started shaving my legs early on. I took pride in looking good outwardly because I noticed, very quickly, how much attention the boys gave me. Having the approval of boys was the key to my identity.

I was seeking their approval for so many things. I can still hear the thoughts going through my teenage mind… Am I pretty enough for him to notice me? Will this outfit turn his head my way? Am I cool enough to be his girlfriend?

All these things played in my mind every day before I would go to school. If I didn’t get the approval of the boy I wanted it from, then I would come home feeling ugly, unwanted and worthless.

This way of thinking is what led to my downward spiral of promiscuity and lust. I was fully aware of how to turn some heads. I was willing to push it as far as I felt comfortable, in order to receive the approval I was longing for.

Little did I know that I was completely misusing something inside of me that God intended to be used for good. This wrong way of behaving and thinking, unfortunately, kept making me feel unloved, exposed, dirty and ASHAMED. Who am I? What am I doing?!? How did I get here?! Is there ANYONE ABLE to help me?!

Finding the Answer

I’ll never forget the night for as long as I live. I was out partying at a club with my friend. She thought it would be funny to enter me into a mechanical bull riding contest, behind my back. Top prize to this particular contest was $100 cash.

What’s worse is that it was a contest that would be done wearing a bikini top and jeans in front of a VERY large crowd of people. I was mortified that she entered my name into this contest! I was already inwardly wrestling with who I was, and now here I go again seeking the approval of man.

Prior to this embarrassing moment, I had been invited by one of my Christian co-workers to a church event that was taking place over the weekend. I told him I didn’t have the $100 it cost to go. I’m sure you’re seeing where this is going. Yep. You got it! I won the bikini bull riding contest and used the $100 top prize to go to the weekend church event.

Yea I know…quite an interesting way to be saved! But it wound up being the best mistake I’ve ever made because it led to my salvation in Christ. I had finally found the ANSWER to my need for attention, affection, and approval. JESUS. Jesus was the ONLY ONE ABLE to help me recognize my sin and need for a Savior.

God instilled in me the ability to attract people and feel comfortable gaining the attention of a room. This was a gift He gave me that was never intended to be used for self. It was a gift intended to broadcast His truths and make His name known, not mine.

Writing for Him

Writing is the platform He has chosen for me to spread the good news of the gospel. The motives of my heart and how I live changed from making it all about me to making it all about HIM.

I have been following Jesus for the past 14 years, establishing a more mature and solid relationship with Him. Living this way has provided some of the most rewarding blessings! I have an affectionate, faithful husband of 10 years and three dramatic, imaginative kids.

My love bucket is beyond overflowing. God has handed me the microphone, and I’m excited to use this opportunity to tell more about Him and less about me. Jesus is the reason I write. He is the reason I make a joyful noise singing in traffic for all to see and hear. He is the reason I dance uncontrollably in my living room with my kids. And He is the reason I feel no fear of being exposed for Him.

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed–a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: ‘the righteous will live by faith.’

Romans 1:16 & 17, CSB

Exposed for Him

When the world would see me as unworthy, unloved, dirty and ugly; Jesus sees me as a valuable, loved, pure and a beautiful gem. My identity is no longer defined by my own worldly way of thinking. My identity is now found in Christ Jesus and I no longer have to worry about feeling exposed! Exposing my testimony is now His good and for the good of others.

So there it is. This isn’t a dream, it’s my reality. And I humbly share it with you today. I’m ready to do the work God has called me to do! I’m unashamed because I know I have the approval of the only One that matters… His name is not Kristen, it’s Jesus.

Be diligent to present yourself to God as one APPROVED, a worker who doesn’t need to be ashamed, correctly teaching the word of truth.

2 Timothy 2:15, CSB

When the world sees us as unworthy, unloved, dirty; Jesus sees a valuable, pure gem. Our identity is not defined by the world but in Christ. Click To Tweet

Radek Vebr

"but God..." Story, approval, value, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Approval: Looking to God for Our Acceptance and Worth

Devotionals, Stay SaneOctober 11, 2018January 13, 2019

So often, we find our identity and approval in the things we do. We even believe this to a point of completely depleting our energy. However, our true acceptance comes from God. We can find rest in Him.

I had just wrapped up a conference for local ministry teams in our area, was managing a small staff team to oversee the kids ministry in our large and growing church, and in a season of solo parenting while my husband was working out of town. I was nailing it. “We couldn’t have done it without you,” was both the mantra and drug of choice in my life…

Blindsided

I didn’t see it coming.

I probably should have, but in what felt like the blink of an eye I went from a high-capacity leadership position to curled up in the fetal position, barely able to leave my bed to get to the bathroom.

What had happened?

In a blazing flash of light, I had sparked and burned out.

Naturally, I assumed a week of vacation would solve it.

It got worse.

I took a leave of absence and saw a counselor. Surely a couple of weeks would be the cure…

It wasn’t.

I was sent to so many doctors and specialists, looking for a way to “fix” me. But none made a difference.

I became broken and devastated.

Desperation

For months, I did my utmost to drag myself out of bed, to the office, to the dinner table – trying to will myself to get back up again. I cried out to God in desperation, begging for his strength and provision.

Then, an uncomfortable truth crept in: they were managing without me. I felt disposable.

My self-worth plummeted as I sank into the reality that not only did I have nothing left to give, but the energy I had spent to the point of exhaustion wasn’t even what God had asked of me.

How had I arrived at this point, believing my worth was based on what I did for others?

Why was this not only a health crisis… but also an identity crisis?

Where had I gone wrong?

Earning Approval

If I’m honest, this idea – this view that who I am is based on what I do – wasn’t new. From the time I was young, I believed I needed to earn love and approval…

Teachers praised positive role models.

Parents approved of good grades.

Church groups applaud volunteerism.

I could earn approval and love through hard work and being good.

Our “Best” For Approval

Honestly, in most seasons of life, this mentality worked for me. I’m an energetic person. I love being involved. I’m a natural leader who can’t help myself from jumping in when a project needs rescuing. Much of my life I’ve felt fully alive bringing my best to the table.

But not always…

There have been times when I’ve asked for help, just to find rejection. Times I’ve struggled in ill-fitting roles and asked for wiggle room, just to find patronization. Times I’ve vocalized my concerns, just to find condescension.

I’d learned to move on – to be the solution, but never the problem. To push past pain, smooth over rough edges and paste a bright smile on my face, determined never again to feel the pain of being dismissed. Until that pain burst out of the edges and took over.

Crying Out

In that season, I begged God for strength…

He said, “rest”. (Matthew 11:28)

I pleaded with Him for healing…

He said, “be still”. (Psalm 46:10)

I wrestled with Him. Asking for a way to be meaningful, productive…

He said, “not yet”. (Psalm 37:7)

And in my complete helplessness, God drew near.

He pointed out women who had my complete respect, and whose productive years were far behind them. I respected them for their courage and their character, not their accomplishments. He said I could be the same.

He pointed out my insane pace of life that didn’t allow me to hear His voice and invited me to new rhythms where I could live out His truth:

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:30, NIV

God clarified my calling – and for a season it was simply REST. Then He added, “LOVE your family”. Now, He’s adding TESTIFY. He bade me “let go of feeling responsible for everyone else”. He’ll carry the world on His shoulders – I can let go.

I’d love to tell you I have found complete healing from ever again finding my worth in my accomplishments. Unfortunately, I’m not sure that’s true. In fact, I suspect I’ll always need reminders of this truth. But I do know, as I walk this journey of healing, I’m finding a newfound freedom and joy in living as His daughter instead of just His servant (2 Corinthians 6:8). His masterpiece instead of just His tool (Ephesians 2:10).

True Identity

So don’t worry! You are more valuable to him than many sparrows.

Matthew 10:31, TLB

I’d like to think I’m the only one with faulty vision. I’d love to believe women everywhere are getting this right, and I’m alone in my brokenness. But, the more I look around me, the more I see the lies this world gives us are too easy to believe. So, here’s the truth Sisters…

Our home in its perfection and imperfection is not a true reflection of our worth.

Income does not dictate our level of success.

We are not alone (Deuteronomy 31:6).

We are His beloved daughters (1 John 3:1).

Our children are not our net worth.

We are loved (Zephaniah 3:17).

We are valued (Matthew 10:31).

Our ministry is unrelated to our favor with God.

We are invited to rest (Exodus 33:14).

We are created in His image (Genesis 1:27).

Be blessed by these truths.

Kirsten Sandland Kroeker is a Jesus-lover in pursuit of the abundant life Christ offers and finding God’s rest in the midst of burnout. She loves the Canadian wilderness, Chai tea lattes, board games, and a great novel.

You can read more from Kirsten at kirstenkroeker.com You can also connect with Kristen on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and via email: kirsten.sandland.kroeker@gmail.com

talents, abilities, comparison, ministry, Oh Lord Help Us

Small: Turning Our Two Fish Into A Confident Ministry

Devotionals, Stay SaneJune 6, 2018September 8, 2019

Comparing ourselves to others in ministry is very dangerous. It can stifle our ability to see the big picture. To have the confidence, our two small fish are just as important as five thousand fish.

We all know that comparison is a killer and a liar. It kills our confidence and lies about who we need to be. It doesn’t just happen in personal comparing, but it also happens in ministry. We all want to please God, and because we are human, we need constant approval. When ministry is succeeding and hearts are being changed, we feel validation that we are on the right track.

However, what do we do if our validation isn’t immediate? What if it is the long game? We don’t always see the work of the Lord right off, and we become discouraged. We feed the lie that what we are doing isn’t important or our talents are small in comparison.

Small Dreams

My husband is a dreamer. He dreams so big! I, on the other hand, tend to dream small. The two of us make an interesting pair. Here he is dreaming about these elaborate future plans, and I’m totally cool with the way life is now. Sometimes, this can discourage me. I think, because I don’t have these dreams of grandeur, maybe his dreams are more important.

I tend to surround myself with people who have drive, goals, and energy. They are my opposite and make me feel complete…but I tend to also compare myself. Believing that I need to be like them, I try and try to dream big. To make my life big. I see God using them. Their talents, their prayers, their dreams and I think, “How can God ever use such smallness?” I’m not the greatest artist to live, I don’t have the most beautiful singing voice, I’m not the most social person, or the most eloquent writer.

Small Ministry

Ministry work can be tough. Especially if we have the mindset like I have with my husband. It’s hard enough to combat the enemy when we are in the trenches of ministry. Let alone, combatting the lies of comparison. There are those who have many talents and resources to carry out massive Kingdom work. Then there are those of us out of the spotlight, supporting in ways that are much smaller. It’s easy to say, “I don’t do it for my glory but God’s glory.” And, that’s true. However, it can sometimes feel like our work isn’t really that beneficial. It’s not that important. We really aren’t bringing much for the advancement.

I feed lies like this. ALL. THE. TIME.

“You’re so small.”

“Your talents are worthless.”

“What do you think you are doing?”

“You’re benefiting from someone else’s dream.”

I was having a season where these lies were so loud. It was so hard to tune them out and the louder they got, the more I believed them. I decided I was through fighting these lies on my own. So, I hit THE book, to figure out what God says. I was perusing the Bible, when I landed on John 6. There’s that precious little boy with the 5 loaves and 2 fishes. He didn’t have much, but he had the perfect tools for Jesus to preform a miracle!

Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?

John 6:9, NIV

Nothing’s too Small

Without a doubt, Jesus would have found a way to feed the five thousand had the boy not been there. But, he was there with his little meal and Jesus used him in a mighty way. None of the glory went to the boy. All went to Jesus.

So, here’s our lesson: we offer up what we have, lay it on the altar, and ask Jesus to be glorified. It’s so simple, why do we make it difficult? He makes miracles out of the smallest things. There’s nothing too small for Him. We can have confidence our work has value, because God crafted each of us for specific roles in ministry.

Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.

2 Corinthians 3:4-5, NIV

Offer up what we have, lay it on the altar, and ask Jesus to be glorified... He makes miracles out of the smallest things. Click To Tweet

Small Ideas

Read the Bible to elderly folks at a nursing home. Sing songs to our children. Prayer is a small act, with massive results. Create tiny scripture reminders to bless others. Write an encouraging letter and send it snail-mail. It doesn’t take much to show others how GOOD God is.

I’ve really been evaluating what small quirks God has woven inside of me. I believe these are the tools he has equipped me with, to help advance the Kingdom. I would love to encourage you to evaluate your uniqueness too. These are your tools; your ministries. Live them out, find ways on a daily basis to breathe life into them. Allow God to take your two fishes and multiply them for His abundant glory.

Have you been comparing your Kingdom work against someone else’s? What do your two little fish look like? What are your unique ministries?

Sophia Marston

Approved: Freedom From Pleasing Others

Devotionals, Stay SaneJuly 9, 2017July 30, 2019

Sometimes we find ourselves looking to others for approval to confirm our self-worth. This is unfair to those around us, and to our own well-being. We need to be free from the trap of pleasing others.

My name is Rachael, and I’m addicted to the approval of others.

It has come to my attention that if I don’t receive praise, then it must mean that I am doing something wrong. Nobody is telling me anything negative, but I perceive silence as just that. I then begin to doubt myself. Now, please understand, this doesn’t mean that I should receive more praise. It means I shouldn’t need the approval of others in order to remain motivated. Somewhere along the way I have become an approval junkie.

This doubt creeps into several areas of my life. With parenting, I want to be told that I’m a good mom, and for others to recognize how well mannered my children are. With my health, I want others to find value in my knowledge and experience. With writing, I want to be told that my words were helpful. With my house, I want to know that my cleaning and cooking are appreciated and enjoyed.

Do you see it? Do you see the pattern? It’s all about me. It’s about my achievements, my talents, my sacrifices. I’m glorifying myself and expecting others to give me praise. The really pitiful part is when I go fishing for compliments. You know, the whole woe-is-me mentality. Telling others that I’m not good at something just so they will tell me that’s not true and I really am great. That’s so pathetic.

This also indicates to me that I find my identity in what I do, not who I am. There is nothing I can do, and nothing I cannot do, that will ever change who I am. And I am loved by God. He fought for me, and died for me. Whatever may happen, that truth remains.

There is nothing I can do, and nothing I cannot do, that will ever change who I am. Click To Tweet

No doubt that it feels good to be recognized, and to be given a sincere compliment. Realistically, however, I will never please everyone. And I’ll never please anyone all the time. I can’t expect to receive compliments for everything I do. I’m either going to be too honest, or too guarded. I’m either too permissive with my kids, or too restrictive. I’m either too healthy and intimidating, or I’m a slacker and need to do better. I want to feel justified in my thoughts and actions, so I look to others for affirmation.

Before I can stop looking to others for approval, I have to stop making myself the center of attention. When I focus on myself, everything else in life loses focus. My parenting suffers and I become short-tempered with my children. My health becomes too much pressure and turns into a chore. My writing becomes empty and pointless. My house begins to be a point of resentment because of the never ending supply of laundry and dishes.

Freedom from Pleasing Others

To achieve this…

First, I must repent. I have to apologize to my Savior. I have placed myself in the position that belongs to Him alone. After this I can change my focus, and redirect myself back to The Lord.

Secondly, I have to stop putting unrealistic expectations on those unknowing people in my life. I am looking to them to fill something in my life that is not their responsibility.

Only after this am I able to let go of the need for approval. I want to live this life seeking only the approval of my Lord. People die, family moves away, friendships fade, and marriages end. But God remains. Only the Lord is able to give me security.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servantof Christ. Galatians 1:10, ESV

Unfortunately this is not a one and done lesson in life. Several times a week (or day) I have to repent, and then re-position my focus on what my main focus is, which is to glorify God. I want to love Him and to be obedient to Him and to what He has called me to do. I want to be a woman who exudes love because that is what is within me. I don’t want to hold back that love because of fear that it will not be returned in the way I think it should be. I want to encourage others because that is what God has created me to do, not because I secretly crave it for myself.

My name is Rachael, and I am a recovering approval junkie.

Your turn…

How do you find validation from others?

Do you find self-worth in the things you do?

Lord, forgive us for placing ourselves as the main attraction. Forgive us for finding our value and worth in people, and things, and activities. Lord, thank you for continually pursuing us, and challenging us, bringing us into a closer relationship with you. Thank you for your goodness and patience. Amen.

Silvestri Matteo