Our worth does not come from the affirmation of those around us. Once we know our significance, we have the freedom to live confidently, with strength.
I used to ask my husband to say ‘I love you’ more and tell me I looked pretty or beautiful. We’ve had several conversations, some highly emotional on my part, about my need to hear those phrases. Now, I know my husband loves me. I know he sees me as beautiful. But the desire to hear those things were deeply rooted in my soul. It took nearly two decades for me to stop needing that.
Learning to love myself as God’s remarkable and wonderfully made child has been a long journey. I grew up in a loving, secure home where I never once doubted my father’s love for me (or my mom’s). Then when I married my husband, I started down this unfamiliar path of feeling I needed his approval to affirm my worth.
When I would ask him to affirm me, it seemed silly to him. He would say things like, “I chose you to be my wife.” He believed saying that would make me feel honored; because his standards were so high. At that time in our lives, he thought he was a really. big. deal. He confesses now that that was about his ego; not about me. We were both seeking to fight for one another. The disconnect was, we were only fighting for our own perceived happiness. We failed to look out for the interests of each other. Not a good recipe for success.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3-4, ESV
Today, my husband and I are much more attentive to each other’s needs when it comes to showing support. I make myself available when he wants to call and chat during his ride home from work. He sits in the kitchen on a hard stool instead of the comfy living room couch while I make dinner because he knows I like having him near. I set up the coffee pot the night before so all he has to do is push the button when he gets up at 5am. He’s nicknamed me ‘Little Bear’ and it makes me blush. Every time. I can’t even explain it! We laugh a lot!
Significance
The beauty is, the pressure if off. Understanding my significance as God’s child frees me up to be a stronger wife, friend, mom and coworker. I am able to recognize when I am acting out of a wrong view of who God says I am. In that moment I can smash the lies of be more, you’re not enough, you should’ve known that, and destroy the arguments that counter the knowledge of God.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Psalm 139:14, ESV
So why don’t I crave those affirmations anymore? God has taught me and my husband where our worth lies. We came up empty when we used accomplishments as a gauge. Our finite understanding of excellence doesn’t hold a candle to God’s! But as we are learning to know God’s character more through His word, we are resting in who He says we are. Daughter. Son. Adopted. Worthy, by the blood of the Lamb. God, who called us by name, who created us in a marvelous way, loves us to the point of death on a cross. Understanding this radical love dispelled my hunger for constant affirmation. Because my worth is sealed in Jesus Christ.
Understanding this radical love dispelled my hunger for constant affirmation. Because my worth is sealed in Jesus Christ. Click To Tweet
I was afraid, but God…loved me.
I used to have achievement as an idol–I didn’t even recognize it until God pulled me back and would not let me achieve because He was teaching me who He was, and to be still in His presence. When we know who we are in Christ, we are no longer trying to earn our worth.
“Understanding my significance as God’s child frees me up to be a stronger wife, friend, mom and coworker.” – I feel like I’ve come to understand this better in the last year. Insecurity can still rear it’s ugly head is certain situations but God is molding and shaping me.
Love this post! When we grasp how God feels for us we don’t have to strive for man’s worth!