Critical thoughts run rampant and leave us discouraged. Is it possible to control the conversation in the mind? Can we retrain our minds, and replace negative thoughts with things that are uplifting to ourselves and others?
The party, the girls night out, the mom date over coffee has come to an end. There was so much laughter, so much warmth in the conversation. Smiles, hugs, squeezes on the arm…yep, all of that took place. It was perfect. Until… the replay starts to happen.
“Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I actually shared that!”
“She probably thinks I am such a nasty person.”
“I sure hope she didn’t take that the wrong way.”
“Wait a minute! Was she actually insulting me?”
“I cannot believe she talks about her husband that way!”
And before the sun rises the next day, our thoughts have robbed us of a joy-filled evening. They have uprooted a blossoming friendship, and spread weeds of doubt and insecurity in its place.
Or perhaps there is a special event coming up, and our thoughts are convincing us that we will for sure come across awkward, or judgmental, or like an imposter. Then, on the day of the occasion, this is exactly what we portray.
(Please note: There are times as we replay conversation when a comment is brought to our attention that did hurt someone. In those instances, we should reach out and apologize. This post is not referring to those times. It is referring to when we create a scenario in our mind that is not reality. Ok, carry on…)
The problem…
Critical thoughts
We are our own worst critics. We tear ourselves down, claiming to be stupid and unlovable. Of course, we also tend to have those thought about other people. We don’t agree with their parenting, or their diet, or the choices they made that put them in their current situation.
Discouraging thoughts
We are expecting the worst to happen. If we focus on the bad thing that could happen, we become immobilized, living in a constant state of fear.
Imaginary thoughts
There are conversations that never take place. We play a scenario in our head of what we think someone is going to say and how we would respond. Before we know it, we are in a knock-down, drag-out fight with someone who never joined the conversation. Then when we see that person, we are ticked at them for something they never said in the first place!
The solution..
Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.
For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
Colossians 3:2-3, ESV
Replace, Replay, and Retrain
Acknowledge what is happening, be honest about it. If feeling jealous, admit it. If feeling hurt, admit it. Then think about what is truth, and finally, replay the dialogue in our head. This is retraining the way we think. This is Biblical and scientific. Science confirms that our thoughts create patterns in our brains, and our brain will continue to use the same patterns because they are familiar with them. Science has confirmed what scripture has said for thousands of years!
Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.
Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.Philippians 4:8, NLT
This takes practice, but the Lord does not desire for us to be held captive to these thoughts that destroy who we are and the relationships we are in. When we admit our sinful thoughts and repent, the Lord is then able to remove it, and heal it. We cannot accomplish this with our own will power. The Bible says in Romans 12:2 to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. I like the way it reads in the New Living Translation, “…let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” God is the only way we will be transformed in our thoughts.
We cannot accomplish this with our own will power. God is the only way we will be transformed in our thoughts. Click To Tweet
Practical tips
Yes, God desires to change our thoughts, and will if we allow Him to. There are also, helpful and practical things we can do disrupt the negative talk…
Change the environment. Literally, change the space. If our thoughts get away from us in night while trying to fall asleep, get out bed, or read a book. If it is while we are driving, turn on music or a podcast to change the internal dialogue.
Distract the mind. Perhaps we need to put on some music, or change the song that is playing. Start a different activity. Do an activity that brings joy, or gives a feeling of accomplishment.
Talk it through with someone. This allows us to gain a different perspective, and to stop the cycle of thoughts in our mind. The big, dramatic thought becomes much less powerful when it leaves the confines of our minds.
What thoughts do you struggle to control?
This is such an important practice! God calls us to think differently than the world does, and to take our thoughts captive to be obedient to him (2 Corinthians 10:5). It’s so easy to allow our anxious thoughts to overcome us, to the point that we are focusing on situations that aren’t even real. Thank you so much for writing this article!
Thank you, Lara! I’m glad it spoke to you!!
Way to air out the reality of how our secret thoughts plague our day! Re-routing those deeply grooved pathways of negative thinking in our brains is a tricky business and a daily one but a vital one.
It is tricky!! It really is like working a muscle. To get stronger triceps, you have to exercise. Our minds are the same!
Thank you so much for this! You are so right that we have a choice, and as God’s people we are instructed to CHOOSE right thoughts over wrong ones! This also brought to mind 2 Cor 10:5: “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” Thanks for sharing practical tips on how to do this!!
Yes! Our thoughts are so powerful, and I am passionate about encouraging women to have control over them! Thank you for reading!
We have to be determined to control our thoughts, take every thought captive as the Bible says. Thanks for this reminder and encouragment the control our thoughts and not let thoughts control us!