The world is full of unsafe people, but God urges His children to be the safety. A person who will love and shelter, even in the presence of an insecure relationship.
Safe…who or what comes to your mind when you read that word?
I know I should say JESUS, but I immediately think of my husband. He was my first safe person. Reflecting back on my childhood I think of my room – it felt safe when the rest of my home did not. My mom focused on our weaknesses rather than admitting her own, so disapproval rang loudly among us. I spent a lot of time in my room. Did you have a safe place?
Recognizing Unsafe People
Unsafe people do not like to admit their weaknesses.
By age 11, Jesus was already whispering my name. I wanted to ‘join the church,’ which meant baptism in our denomination. Mom took my brother and I every Sunday and was happy for us to be baptized, (she forced my older brother to join me).
Unsafe people are religious instead of relational.
Mom was threatened by every friend I ever had. As a result, she criticized and found fault with each one. Therefore, I learned not to bring friends home. Eventually, I learned not to make close friends at all.
Unsafe people are self-righteous instead of humble. They see themselves above everyone else and refuse to see their own negative qualities.
By the grace and mercy of God, at the age of 13, I was invited to a church with a large youth group. They drew me in with their joy and the leaders loved me as much as I would allow. The other kids accepted me. In time, I learned that Jesus and His church could be a safe place. For decades, that church sheltered me and my own precious family. Then, like baby birds, we had to learn to fly alone with Jesus, trusting Him to be our refuge (Psalm 46:1) instead of depending on men, whose feet, we discovered, were clay.
Unsafe people demand trust instead of earning it. Unsafe people lie. Unsafe people are defensive.
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24, NIV
Safe People Don’t Condemn
Sadly, it usually takes many years of God’s declaration of NO CONDEMNATION over our lives before we feel safe in His love, safe in His strong arms of acceptance.
But as Ann Voskamp says so eloquently in her book, The Way of Abundance: “There is always more grace in Christ than there is guilt in us.”
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2, NIV
As we learn that God, in His vast mercy, doesn’t condemn us, we come to realize that we don’t need to condemn, either. And when we do, we repent and find forgiveness.
As we learn that God, in His vast mercy, doesn't condemn us, we come to realize that we don't need to condemn, either. And when we do, we repent and find forgiveness. Click To Tweet
Love Bears All Things
Finding safe people with whom to be in relationship is critical to emotional and spiritual health. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend first wrote about this in 1995 in their book, Safe People. Their work continues to be utilized by Christian therapists today, and variations of it are used by therapists worldwide, especially those who work with domestic abuse victims.
I Corinthians 13:4-8 provides a model for us to follow in order to become the safe havens which are needed in this unsafe world. Most of us have read these verses dozens of times, perhaps even memorized them. Applying this passage to daily life proves more difficult. In fact, I struggle with each single verse! Verse 7 alone requires perseverance.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I Corinthians 13:7, ESV
Or as one theologian explained, the Greek usage indicates: keeps bearing, keeps believing, keeps hoping, keeps enduring. We don’t get to stop bearing, believing, hoping, or enduring after one, four, or fifty people. We keep on keeping on loving…like Jesus does because His Spirit lives within us.
Stego: Shelter
However, I stumble over ‘bears all things,’ mainly because I pictured it as being some stalwart, meek Puritan woman who keeps her head down and guts life out. Although I tried on the Church Lady “M.O.” from my 20’s to early 40’s, it just didn’t fit! Do you know what I mean?
But my image couldn’t have been farther from the truth. Love bears all things. “To bear,” isn’t a grimacing Puritan. In the Greek, “to bear,” stego, means to protect or keep by covering…as a roof.
Imagine being inside your home during a loud thunderstorm. Rain is pounding on the roof like marching band drums. Lightening is flashing and thunder booming as though fireworks are being set off all around you. The wind is blowing the tree limbs over to smack the ground…
Not to fear, however; you’re safe inside, warm and protected. This is love that bears. It provides shelter, a roof during the storms of life. Usually, people looking for safe are simply asking, “Will you love me? Will you love me as I really am?” Ann Voskamp said:
Real love is a roof. Real love makes you into a shelter, real love makes you into a safe place. Real love makes you safe.
Before we can become a safe shelter for someone else, we must learn to receive the grace God offers moment by moment, day by day. By daily breathing in His grace, forgiveness and mercy, we gradually learn to become vulnerable to Him…and then to others. Ever so slowly, as the shattered heart heals, we become open, poured out, and welcoming to other broken hearts.
We become stego for others.
