This past spring my older son wanted to play soccer. I wanted him to play t-ball. He had played t-ball the year before and did great. He made good contact with the ball, and hit it hard. He hustled on the field and usually got to the ball first. Like, even if it meant running from one side of the field to the other. Five year olds. I was excited to start my journey as a baseball mom. But I messed up and signed him up for soccer at the same time t-ball was happening. So I gave him the choice. And he actually thought about it. And had a good reason. Gotta give him some credit. He said that since he had already played t-ball, he wanted to try a new sport. Ok, fine.
Oh.Lord.Help.Us. For real. It was SO PAINFUL!!
Like myself, if he gets overwhelmed, he shuts down. Well, it’s so chaotic out there that all he does is jump up and down. He doesn’t kick the ball, he doesn’t block the ball, he just jumps. It drove me bonkers. Part of it is the age, part of it is personality, and part of it is upbringing I suppose. We drill into our kids to be kind, and gentle, and not aggressive. Then we put them on the field and want them to fight for the ball. He has the skill. He plays great when it’s just us at home. And he can be aggressive with his little brother. So frustrating.
But alas, all is well. I figure, we will go back to t-ball. That’s easier, not so chaotic. Your turn to hit. Ball comes to you, you get it. It’s not a mob-fest. Hold up, not so fast momma. See, he got a trophy at the end of last soccer season. Just like all the kids did. He is super proud of that trophy. He truly thinks he was a star player. Oh dear.
This past week basketball started. Yep, here we are again. My husband took him to his first practice. Near the end of the practice he texted me out of desperation and frustration. It was the same thing as soccer apparently. Leaving practice he says, “I can’t wait to tell mom how good I am!” As sweet as that is it makes me want to scream. My husband’s response was a gentle, “you have room for improvement.”
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for encouraging my (and all) children. And I’m even fine with awards. But let’s actually encourage something worthwhile. If you are going to give the kids trophies, then make it mean something. How about, “Johnny, you get the award for always trying your hardest,” or “Susy, you get the award for being the most encouraging to your teammates,” and of course include “Billy, you get the award for points scored,” and “Betty, you get the award for most blocks.” Do you like my use of names from the fifties? But now my son thinks he is great, when really, he needs to practice and put work into. He needs to get out of his comfort zone and be bold.
But this requires more effort of the coaches and the program as a whole. And, of course, more effort of us. This means we (my husband) will need to work with him, teach him, practice with him. Then, perhaps, he will not feel overwhelmed. Then he can focus on boxing out and getting rebounds (do you like how I’m throwing out basketball terms, like I know how to play). With work and effort, he can then feel proud of that trophy, because he did something to earn it.
I played softball in middle school. I loved the slower pace and knowing the only confrontation I was going to experience was when the ball was flying toward my face. Catch it. Move. Or get creamed. I’d have to say I enjoyed it more than tennis. I never got a trophy for either sport, but I would still encourage my kiddos to play because it was fun! And after some practice, I was good at it.
I so feel you on this. It is completely possible to come up with a specific, worthwhile award for every player verses just handing out random trophies. I did it for every student at the end of the year when I taught. (Hand made certificates; not trophies, but you get it.) I had over 100 students between the various classes. It’s possible! (And very fun to organize late at night with a glass of wine.)