These past two months have been just a tad more hectic than normal. In addition to my normal mom and wife routine and running marathons, I started making stuff and selling them at craft fairs. I have really enjoyed myself. I love being creative and working with my hands. I also like making some extra cash for Christmas! I feel pretty good about the stuff I make, but that was not the case three months ago.
I have a friend that is about ten years younger than me, but I totally look up to her and ask her for advice when it comes to this stuff. She’s incredible at making all sorts of things and has done well with her business. She’s an entrepreneur even though she doesn’t see herself as one. Her and I were talking about three months ago about different craft fairs she was planning on selling at and she encouraged me to sign up to do one as well. I did, but I was a nervous wreck. See, when it came to this kind of stuff, I felt like an imposter. I’m confident as a wife, mom, runner, dental hygienist, but I didn’t see myself as talented enough to sell my stuff. I would feel guilty to take people’s money. But I’m not one to back down to a challenge, so I registered. And I started making stuff. And more stuff. And then I couldn’t stop. So I registered for another. And made even more stuff. And you know what? People gladly paid me for it!
During this process, I had been thinking a lot about grieving (because of a miscarriage that you can read about here), and about insecurities (because I felt like a fake). I looked into my past and saw how I had been dealing with my insecurities and the progress that I had made. Then I looked at my friends that are ahead of me in life and saw the peace that they have. And I realized that to get past my insecurities, I need to mourn for them. The basic steps of grieving are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
In my 20s I would never have admitted weakness. I was in complete denial that I didn’t have it all together. Even after my mom died, I didn’t want to admit that I had a problem. I wanted to “help” others that were grieving, thinking that I didn’t need help myself. Now in my 30s I have admitted I have issues. And I have tried to “deal” with them, learn how to “overcome” them. I’m being honest, but I’m still fighting having them. I believe (hope) that when I am in my 40s I will have accepted my insecurities, and by doing that, I will no longer be controlled by them. I’m really looking forward to my 40s by the way.
It’s okay that I’m in the anger-bargaining-depression stage. Although for me it has been more like the anger-depression-anger-bargaining. In regards to building confidence with selling the stuff I was making, I had to first admit to myself that I didn’t like what I was making. It was cheesy. But then I was frustrated with myself that I couldn’t do cooler stuff. So I just stopped. For a couple years I didn’t do hardly anything. Until I saw it as a challenge and forced myself to practice. The more I have worked on it, the more confident I have become. And by becoming more confident, I have found something that I really enjoy doing.
This is true for many different areas of life. When someone first starts running, they feel clumsy. I met a guy that runs for Singapore. He’s their number 2 marathoner. When I asked him about his running history, he said he started running to lose weight. He went from overweight, to being the second fastest marathoner from Singapore! When having a baby for the first time, it’s terrifying. No new parent knows what they are doing. They send you home with this utterly helpless human and say, good luck! But within weeks a mom and dad know what every little cry means. And when they turn 6, you can anticipate their every move (not quite, but pretty close). When starting a new job, it’s completely normal to feel awkward and doubt your decisions. But the more time that is invested, the more confident you become.
So here it is. Here is my advice. If there is something that you want to do or accomplish, but just feel like you can’t:
1. Suck it up and admit that you suck. It’s ok. You don’t have to be perfect.
2. Surround yourself with people that will encourage and challenge you.
3. Make a commitment.
4. Practice.
5. Compliment others along the way. I know I hadn’t really mentioned that until now, but I have found that whenever I am doubting myself, if I encourage others then I am encouraged as well.
You’re amazing…and by the way, you’re my person that I look up to for everything in life. Love to you, my friend, I miss you.
this is fantastic Rachael! And this is so true too-about being ok with being clumsy and not amazing with whatever we start out with. It’s totally not about how good we are or how much we know, it’s about tha willingness to learn and grow and desire to push ourselves, applying what we are learning. You have been the person in my life that has taught me that it’s ok to not be ok-it’s ok to have a mourning phase-to accept it so we can move forward. I had never had anyone tell me that and truly has been one of the most freeing truths. Shoot-didn’t David do that all the time in the psalms as well?;) I love your posts Rachael and your shop is beautiful! Don’t stop!!
I found myself nodding with everything you said. So true and such a helpful reminder!
Thank you!