I have been known to stick my foot in my mouth a time or two. Once, I even did the unthinkable and asked a lady when she was due. I know better than to ever, ever, ever ask that. But I was pregnant, and I was at a party where I didn’t know very many people, and I was trying to strike up conversation. She was 8 weeks postpartum. I felt like dirt. No, I felt like dog poop smeared in dirt. If I had only kept my mouth shut and observed, I would have seen her baby and said something encouraging. But no, I jumped the gun, hurt her feelings, and destroyed any possibility of ever becoming friends with her.
Isn’t this true in so many areas? If we would just keep our mouths shut, and listen and watch what is happening around us, we could keep ourselves from looking like an insensitive idiot, and more importantly, keep from tearing others down.
Earlier this week, my oldest son was getting angry with his little brother and came to me wanting me to back him up. In other words, he was being a tattle-tale. I cringe when this happens. He says, “Mom, he’s playing with my [some toy] and I’ve asked him to stop and he’s not.” I guess since he asked first, he thought he should come tell me, but we have an open-toy policy in this house. The only exception is if the toy was bought with their own money, but even then we encourage being generous. Not sharing is just not practical.
I asked him why he didn’t want his brother to play with it. He responded, “Because it’s something special to me.” Honestly, it was just too early in the morning, and I couldn’t think of how to handle it, so I didn’t say anything. Not a single word. I just looked at him, and went back to feeding my little girl oatmeal.
Not even two minutes later, he came back. “Oh, never mind mom! He wasn’t playing with [this special toy], he was actually playing with [some other not-as-special toy].” Ummm, wow. I called him back into the kitchen and asked what he had just learned. And he actually answered with, “Make sure I have all the information before getting upset.” I could almost hear the “Hallelujahs” all the way from heaven!
In college I was profoundly challenged to not be so quick to respond and cast judgement on others. A speaker shared a moving message about the passage in the bible when the religious leaders were wanting to stone the woman caught in adultery.
The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say? This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” John 7:53-8:11, ESV
At the end of the message, we were instructed to pick up a piece of paper that was under our chairs and wad it up, pretending it was a stone. The speaker then put a picture of Monica Lewinsky up on the screen. I was so convicted. I, like millions of others, had criticized and condemned this young lady. Instead of “throwing stones,” I need to keep my mouth shut. (If you are too young to remember Monica, she had an affair with Bill Clinton while he was president.)
Now please note, in this passage of scripture, Jesus did not excuse the woman’s sin, in fact, he told her to stop sinning. But he did it after he pardoned her. It was also in a private moment. He didn’t call out her wrongs in front of a crowd to humiliate her. He didn’t make her feel guilty, so that she would show remorse. Because he was the Son of God, he was able to know the whole story. And he forgave her.
We rarely know the whole story. And we will definitely never learn if we don’t stop and listen. Let’s be kind, and patient, and generous with others. Yes, there are times when we need to confront a friend or family member. But in that moment, proceed with gentleness, not in haste throwing stones. And there will also be times when we need to remain silent and observe. Before sharing an article, double check it. Before commenting your disapproval, read a different view. Before anything, pray.
I’m comfortable enough with myself enough to admit that I just don’t know everything. I will strive to listen and learn. Will you please do the same?
Well said; much needed in the aftermath of this crazy political season, too. Thanks!