I’m Done Running

This has been the “Year of the Race” for me. Six trail races, two triathlons, and two marathons. I am ready to hibernate.

My last run before this past marathon got me thinking. I once believed that runners were running from something. I realized that I’m not running from something. I’m running to something. This has not always been the case.

I’ve been running since I was 14, and it was truly because I enjoyed it (and didn’t have the coordination to play a sport with a ball). My first road race was when I was 21. Then I attempted twice to train for a marathon but had to quit because of injuries. When I finally did accomplish it, it was because I was running away.

In March of 2003 my mom went into the hospital suddenly. She had cancer and was in a drug-induced coma. The doctors didn’t expect much, but we had hope. In June, my hubby and I moved to Atlanta. In July, she was gone. I had so much anger, and hurt, and heartbreak. I was in a new city with a new job with no friends and no family. So I ran. And ran. And ran. It was my therapy.

After my first marathon I decided to do another, and another, and…you get the point. Somewhere along the way I did let go of the anger, and was able to find peace and even joy in the heartbreak I had experienced. But any time my world starts to crumble, I plan another race. Hence these past two marathons.

Back in August I found out I was expecting again! And then that I was having a miscarriage (my second). I cried and yelled and cussed when I first discovered that I was losing it. But when they gave me the official word, nothing. Not a drop of saline came from my eyes. For nearly two months. Until my last training run. And I realized that I had been running away again. This song came on. Here are the lyrics:

You are good, You are good
When there’s nothing good in me

You are love, You are love
On display for all to see

You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in

You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling

You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering

You are joy, You are joy
You’re the reason that I sing

You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say

You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim

You are here, You are here
In Your presence I’m made whole

You are God, You are God
Of all else I’m letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough

And at that moment I decided that I’m not running away any longer, I’m running to my Lord, my Savior, my Love. That night I cried, and it felt so good.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there will be more heartbreaks in my future. And I’m sure I will be out there running. It is my stress reliever and therapy. The Lord has made me with the ability and the desire to do so. But I know that I will be running to the promises that He has for me.