Once we overcome a struggle, we feel like we should never have to go back to relearn it. But we are forgetful people, and it’s ok to remember lessons previously learned.
Currently, I am in a season of forgetfulness. It’s super frustrating. In fact, last night as I began walking up the stairs, I was thinking of something I would need to do. By the time I got to the top of the stairs? I completely forgot about it. Sigh. No big deal, turn around, and go do what I forgot to do. This morning I couldn’t remember if I had finished drinking my coffee. I had, I found the mug in the sink. That may be a good sign I need more coffee. And then there was the day I forgot to shave my other leg. Serious issues.
I know it is because my mind is currently running in twenty different directions, and at a high speed in each of those directions! Honestly though, I like it this way. Typically I will go through spurts of this in my life, and then go through a season of rest. I know I’m about due for a rest.
My walk with the Lord is also in a season of forgetfulness. It too, is super frustrating but for different reasons.
I have been forgetful with lessons I’ve previously learned. Actually, I have gone back to read some of the things I wrote before. Focused, Bold, Fearless, Control, Vision… Yep, there it is chronicled in the volumes of a digital library called a blog. Part of me doesn’t even remember writing that stuff, because that sure isn’t how I feel at the moment! Right now, I kinda feel Timid, Scared, Weak, and Frazzled.
Forgetful: Pride and Perfectionism
Aren’t I suppose to be the one encouraging others? People are encouraging me, and I’m thinking, “Isn’t this the advice I gave you six months ago?”
Yuck. Isn’t that disgusting? Sometimes I just really blow it. Honestly, I want to use a bunch of cuss words right here, because this pride is just so gross. Sometimes I can be a real spotted-spore-wagon (I highly recommend The Insultinator for moments like this. In this case it means “contagious seed planted by an alien on a butt”). It is in this moment however, I can acknowledge my need for a Savior. So much nastiness inside. So much grace needed.
The thing is, I actually do feel like I am letting others down if I don’t have it all together. The voice in my head whispering lies is saying, “You don’t know what you’re doing, and those people know that, and they are ridiculing you for it.” The spiral into perfectionism spins quickly.
Then, to add insult to injury – forgetting these lessons I thought I knew so well, makes me feel weak. I think to myself, “Rachael you should be better than this. Rachael, get your act together!”
Remember: Grace and Humility
To be able to go to friends, sisters in Christ, and ask for their grace and patience, has been healing for me. I’ve had friendships go awry, so it is a bit scary for me to be vulnerable with friends. Truly, the only person I have ever felt comfortable enough to show all my wounds and weaknesses to is my husband. I am learning though, that I do have my safe people. With these safe people I can say, “Pray for me, I’m struggling.” I can say, “I don’t know what I’m doing, can we learn together.” And then there are those truly rare gems out there that I can be completely vulnerable with, and they simply nod in agreement and pray for me without giving advice.
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2, NIV
Christ is my ultimate safe place, even when I don’t feel it. Here recently, I haven’t been feeling safe. It all feels risky. I fear disappointment. I’m fearing doubt. It’s easy to feel bold when I am not exposed. Feeling bold when we’re vulnerable is a different story. Faith is easy when I feel like being faithful because everything is going smoothly, but being faithful when I don’t feel like it – this is where I will get stronger, this is where my endurance is developing.
For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.
James 1:3, NLT
In these unsettling moments, I go back to the core of what I believe. I know that God is holy, holy, holy. I know He is all-powerful; yet, He desires to make Himself known to me. He is kind, and good. I am His child, and I have the freedom to ask Him – not demand – but ask for anything, and can trust the answer He gives. Once I remember the foundation of my faith, I am once again brought to humility. Here the burden begins to lift.
Praise the Lord!
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.Psalm 106:1, NASB
As the pride is lifted, and humility flourishes, I see that my struggles are a result of my sin. His kindness brings us to repentance. With repentance comes healing, and with healing comes restoration. Lesson re-learned.
Finally…
I know this will not be the last time I will need to walk through these lessons. I can rest knowing that the Lord is not expecting me to learn my lesson once and for all. After all, if we were able to obtain perfection, we wouldn’t need a Savior. He desires us so intensely, that nothing will stop His pursuit of us.
If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…
I acknowledge my need for a Savior. So much nastiness inside. So much grace needed. Click To Tweet
The Lord loves us fiercely, and pursues us fiercely!
God is so good. I, too, don’t like retakes. However, God is gracious to point out where I passed and where I need to work on something. Not to mention, I’d rather go through the test than to blantantly ignore what God is calling me to get rid of and then deal with it publicly. Lol
Oh yes, I really hate the lessons that need to be learned in public. Unfortunately, those really get my attention!
I love this…your writing is so relatable, true, and funny! I think sometimes I am my own worse critic, not showing myself enough grace. I’m human. I’m going to forget. That’s why I constantly have to be remembering and re-teaching truth to myself.
Oh girl! Yes, this learning to be ok with making mistakes is stupid hard. I keep reminding myself that it is freeing to not be held captive by perfection.
I am so forgetful when it comes to lessons learned from the Lord! Ugh. I am thankful He is patient with me and it reminds me to be patient with my kids as they are learning a lesson I am teaching over and over. I have found it helpful to journal, and look back, recalling what He taught me in different seasons of life.
You know, I have gone back to read stuff from just a few weeks ago, and I think to myself, “when did I write this?” I forget so quickly! He is a very patient Father.
I like your honesty and authenticity. When I’m struggling, my husband tells me to read back through my blog entries. You’re not the only one who needs to have a remedial course in learning what God has already taught.
I also know the forgetfulness, I forgot to wear a bra the other day. Yep, we’re all trying to do this thing called life 😉
Oh my, Julie!! You just brightened my day with sharing that!! This life thing is a hoot!
It can be so hard to remember our Lessons! I keep a journal of answered prayers to help me remember and give thanks.
Journaling is such a great way to remember what we have learned! I like the idea of recording when the prayer is answered. I write my prayers, but I don’t record the answer. Thanks!!
I consistently try to remind myself that if I had no need for a savior he would have no need to be my savior. I am thankful for the relationship that I have with my God even if that means it is birthed out of my need for him.
This is a freeing reality! It takes the pressure off, for sure.
It is a freeing reality, really. It takes the pressure off of performing to an unattainable standard.
Man oh man I know I have to learn the same lessons over and over. I start doing too many things, I get distracted, I head down the wrong path. And then God leads me back. It helps me to refine goals, ideas, and understanding. But it’s not a very fun process!
Refining goals is a great way to look at it!
We must remember that we are all in need of grace.
Always!!
I, too, am in a season of forgetfulness. It can be so frustrating. Especially when you forget the big things. But I love that Jesus is our safe place, no matter how much we forget, big or small. Or how many lessons we have to learn, or how many times we have to learn them.
There are times I have to imagine myself enveloped in his arms. It’s the most secure place to be.
I have been battling forgetfulnessately too. Forgetting God’s Agoodness is one thing I try not to forgot.