The role of a father is a powerful thing. We can empower the fathers in our lives to embrace his role and in turn raise a generation of healthy and confident children.
Before I begin, let me make it known that I was raised by a good man, and then I married a good man. I completely understand that the fathers in your life may, in fact, not be good men. Or maybe the father of your children is a good man, but it was a bad marriage. These are situations that I cannot empathize with, nor will I try to pretend that I can. In these situations, I listen. I will always listen.
Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift? The fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children!
Psalm 127:3, ESV
Five ways to empower fathers…
Respect
By respecting my husband (and him respecting me in turn), we are modeling to our children a couple things. First, how to treat others. Second, that they must respect their father and mother. This is what we expect. Do they always achieve this? No, but when it’s not, there will be correcting, both within our relationship and our relationship with our children.
What this looks like for us…
- If I disagree with my husband on a topic, I don’t talk to him with a condescending tone.
- I am not demanding in my tone. I ask for things to be done, I say please a lot, and thank you a ton.
- If I disagree on a parenting action, I talk with him about it in private, not in front of the children.
Communication
This is crucial in any relationship, but especially marriage. And with honest communication, there must be trust. Because we are not perfect parents, there are times that we have to point out faults to one another. This is done in a calm, sincere manner.
What this looks like for us…
- Pointing out that his tone was too harsh.
- Informing him that he did not follow through on what he said he was going to do.
- Mentioning things that he needs to be more attentive to.
Listen
Being the financial provider for our family, he can feel stressed from pressure with work related events. By listening to him vent about his day, he is then able to relax and enjoy family time when he is home.
What this looks like for us…
- I don’t fully grasp what my husband does for a living. I kind of hate it when people ask what his does. Because of this, I often get glassy-eyed when he starts talking too technical, and he knows this. The point is that I still sit there and listen. And sometimes I can even think of good questions to ask!
- I do not typically give advice, unless it’s an issue with a female co-worker, in which case I may play devil’s advocate and try to help him understand what is going through her mind.
Support
My husband and I do not have the same strengths, and for this I am thankful. If we had the same strengths, we would probably have the same weaknesses, and then we would be in a real mess. We are able to acknowledge these areas of weakness, which allows the other to fill-in the gaps. We are not perfect, but together we are strong.
What this looks like for us…
- At times I have trouble keeping boundaries with my boys. They just end up wearing me down. In these times, my husband is able to step in and be the enforcer. This allows me to be a better mom in the long run because I’m not so worn out. And I appreciate not having to be the “bad guy” all the time.
- My husband is super detailed with his career. With the children, not so much. I, however, am quite structured with home-life, and this allows everyone to be fed and clothed everyday.
- When one of us is having a bad attitude day, the other one goes into nice-guy mode. We have even been known to tell the other, “I’m in a crappy mood today, I need you to take over.” Rarely have we both been nasty at the same time. Thankfully.
Encouragement
All of us need a pat on the back from time to time. In the trenches of parenting, we need this often.
What this looks like for us…
- Simply saying, “You are such a good dad” goes a long way. And when there are specific attributes that he shows, I point those out as well.
- I can never say “thank you” enough to my husband. Knowing that I appreciate his sacrifices is an encouragement and motivator to continue all the work he does for our family.
In what ways do you support your husband to be a strong, loving father? I would love to hear your thoughts!
