Beloved: We are Pursued Even Through Darkness

We all have dark times of our lives where we think we are hidden from God. Times we want to be hidden from God. Yet, we are His beloved. We are recklessly pursued through any darkness. Our Creator fights for us.

Psalm 139 was the very first passage of scripture I ever memorized and not out of intention. Through Psalm 139, I learned a little something about God. He prepares our hearts with words He knows our lives will need. It’s as though while He was knitting us together, He weaved scripture throughout our entire beings. This passage has followed me through my whole life, without me ever forcing it. That can only be God.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

Psalm 139:13, NIV

Beloved Book

My beloved book. My most favorite book as a little girl. I knew I still had it. I’ve moved between 9 and 10 times in my adult life. I knew I kept this book. So, here I am, destroying my house to find it. I can picture the items packed along with it. I can see the box. The garage? The boys’ room? Under the beds? Mass destruction in my home, so I can find my beloved book.

I picture what it looks like, what the years have done to it. I remember specific pages and what they say. My book. Voiced by my parents. Hidden in my heart during scary times at night. I think of the countless times I read it to my stuffed animals and my brothers. Over and over, I chose this book. To the point the covers went missing; the pages are waring and fading.

Darkness

Out of the nest; on my own. I would describe my first flight as dark and broken. Shadows pursued and preyed on me; sensing I was without my “knitting”. A second flight came. Unfortunately, it was even darker. Full of pain that still likes to haunt me. I would describe that second flight as a void. Lonely, empty, without.

February is almost gone. It used to be, I couldn’t wait for this month to end. February has been a brutal month in past years. It seems like everything I considered to be ugly in my life, has fallen in this month. Though I don’t remember specific dates, the conglomeration of events left me dreading the feelings of February.

Most of these events stemmed from my separation from God; from my rejection for my “knitting”. Though I never denied His existence, I didn’t invite Him to dwell either. I stopped pursuing Him. Surely, He didn’t see me hidden in the mess. I was ashamed, broken, depressed. I actually thought if I didn’t pursue Him, He wouldn’t pursue me.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

Psalm 139:7, NIV

Beloved Words

I did not give up. I even dreamed about where my book could be. The attic! I have an attic; poorly lit, extremely hot or cold depending on the month, and an undesirable area of our home. There it was. Nestled with the books I imagined; in the box it has always been in. I fought through the mess, the uninhabitable parts of my home and found my beloved book!

God Is With Me -Debby Anderson; Based on Psalm 139

While I was searching, I could picture two of the pages. These were the pages that my little mind needed most. The pictures helped remind me no matter what, God is there. They brought comfort when my imagination got out of control and helped me remember to not be scared. The words were simple to grasp. I learned to rely on these words. “He is with me.” I tucked them deep in my heart. My treasure.

God Pursued

I am a treasure to God. I’m His beloved. I was the one lamb, lost from the ninety-nine and pursued by the Good Shepherd. Like my book, I was worn, faded, hiding in invisible covers. And, like my book, my world was torn apart so I could be found. The weaving never unravelled, it only tightened the more I was pursued.

In my darkness, God fought for me. He battled in the mess I thought I was hiding in. He never forgot about me, never left me alone, never gave up. I was (am) His. I can picture Him, bleeding from the briars that grew on my heart, pierced with the sins I gave power to, bruised by the hatred I had for myself. Yet, He prevailed. I tried to hide in the depths. I swam in shame and brokenness. Yet, God prevailed. He was there. Through divorce, medical rooms, abandonment, depression, alcohol… the list is longer still…. He was there. He never stopped fighting for my existence, my life, my heart. God fiercely pursued.

The Lord is with us, wherever we are.

This beautiful watercolor, painted by Katie Braswell, is available as a digital download in the Oh Lord Help Us Shop.
It will remind you of God’s ever present comfort.

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

In my darkness, God fought for me. He never stopped fighting for my existence, my life, my heart. Click To Tweet