To My Oldest Son

I am so glad you were born first. You have taught me and trained me to be the mother that I am, and am still becoming. Even though I am thankful my firstborn was you, I must apologize. Honestly, I’m never quite sure what I’m doing. You are my ultimate experiment. Some days I feel like we have a good system going. The next day, I feel like I am doing a horrible job. I guarantee you will not get through this childhood without a few scars, but you are strong because of them. Thank you for your patience and understanding. Thank you for your forgiveness. We have had plenty of tears over the last eight years, but thankfully they are far outweighed by the laughter.

I need you to know that I love you fiercely.

I love you for… your joy. Even when you are so angry, I know that I can make you giggle by simply making a silly face. You would much rather laugh than fight, and that joy is contagious.

I love you for… your compassion. Ever since you were so young you would feel pain when others feel pain. I will always remember you at 2 years old bringing me tissues when I was crying. I can still hear your sweet munchkin-like voice saying, “Here ya go momma.”

I love you for… your excitement. For you, every day is a gift. I have never known anyone to have their “best day ever” every single day. And because of this, life will just keep on getting better for you.

I love you for… your love for other people. You make new best friends every time you meet someone new. And although this makes me nervous for you, worrying that you will one day get your heart broken, I admire your boldness and confidence in loving others.

I love you for… your need for justice. I appreciate that you recognize when the game is not being played fair, and that you speak up when someone is not following the rules. And although you are unsure how to handle the injustice right now, I see this becoming a strong trait in you. I see that you will be a voice for those that cannot speak for themselves.

I love you for… your willingness to learn. Watching your mind when learning something new is simply the coolest. And when you teach me things that I did not know, I am in awe and feel so proud of you.

I love you for… your willingness to serve. I admit it, I depend on you. A lot. And even though I feel guilty for that at times, I see the look on your face when you are able to help, and I know that you are growing to be a kind and considerate young man.

But mostly, I love you for simply being you.

From the time you were born I have prayed that you would grow to be confident knowing who God has created you to be. And even though you are still figuring this out, I see this prayer being answered. I will continue to pray for you to be someone who is not only strong, but will bring strength to others. I pray that you will remember: The hugs that followed the tears. The satisfaction of mastering something difficult. The laughter while we danced, and raced, and played games. I pray for wisdom for myself; wisdom to know when to hold on, and wisdom to know when to let go.

I am completely honored to be your mom.

Happy Birthday!