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The transformation of Paul is a great reminder that God can use us, no matter what. When feelings of “I am not good enough for God to use me” sneak in, remember it is NOT true!

Power, righteousness, absolution, and control. Those were the coveted virtues of Saul of Tarsus. He wielded his certainty of righteousness like a sword, which would cut through the flesh of early Christians. This includes poor Stephen, who is considered the first martyr for God.

Saul extolled his power over the ringleaders of Christ’s church as he imprisoned not just men but women too. Saul tore families apart. He was assured of absolution from all this murder and mayhem because the Hebrew leaders told him he was holy in deeds.

One Story Ends

Then an amazing miracle occurred: transformation.

As he was going along, approaching Damascus, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him.

Acts 9:3

God stepped in and changed Saul to Paul. Paul who became one of the most influential leaders of the early church, who is responsible for writing between eight and thirteen books of the New Testament. He received grace, mercy, love, and direction. In the end, these were the virtues that led him to eternal life.

Do you feel like me? Too broken, too tired, too useless or too far gone for God to use?

I am so out of sorts right now. Some days I don’t even want to crawl out from under the covers. Laying in bed, eating popcorn, watching Hallmark movies, and daydreaming I am anywhere other than where I am. Being overscheduled, having children, being a wife and teacher can drive me to think I should just give up.

The Transformation Begins

Just last week, in a moment like this, God spoke Paul’s story of transformation to me and reminded me that all is well. I am broken, messy, tired, and self-involved. BUT I am exactly the creation that God can use to spread His word. Hey, I’m talking to you, aren’t I? Amazing!

There is no sin too great, despair too deep, or emptiness too vast in a life that God cannot restore and use for the glory of His Kingdom. My goodness, a scribe of the Word was a murderer, blasphemer, and persecutor of the early church. Saul literally tried to put God’s bride, the Church, to death. And instead, Paul became her champion.

The whole group kept quiet and listened to Barnabas and Paul while they explained all the miraculous signs and wonders God had done among the Gentiles through them.

Acts 15:12

A recent sermon at church was centered around Paul and his good works and motivation to move the early church forward. I admit, I totally checked out as I felt compelled to read the “before” story. How did Paul get to be such a paragon of the church? That’s when God told me… “I will always be able to use you. You are broken, messy, and sinful. But, if I can use Saul, oh how I can use you.” Maybe not out loud, but in a soft whisper in my heart.

There is no sin too great, despair too deep, or emptiness too vast in a life that God cannot restore and use for the glory of His Kingdom. Click To Tweet

Keep Moving Toward God

So, if that is possible, I must submit to the awesome plans of my God and allow Him to be my guide. I can’t give up, though I can rest. I shouldn’t spend so much time regretting where I’m not, but reveling in where I am.

God has made everything fit beautifully in its appropriate time, but he has also placed ignorance in the human heart so that people cannot discover what God has ordained, from the beginning to the end of their lives.

Ecclsiastes 3:11

So how do I do that? How can I find the courage to confess my sins of self-indulgence, coveting, and a myriad of other issues I see reflecting back at me on my worst days? How can I feel so worthless and still be an instrument for God?

He Has All the Answers

Starting where I always do with prayer, reflection, and acknowledgment, my transformation can begin…

I will cry out to God and call for help! I will cry out to God and he will pay attention to me.

Psalms 77:1

August 27

Dear God,

Please be with me today. I feel super cranky, and don’t even want to get out of bed. I want to lose my patience, yell and cry out that life isn’t fair. Really do I even have to “do” today? I can’t keep up with all of this and the kids, co-workers, family, ALL of IT is more than I can do. I feel like I am failing and falling. Please take it away.

Pity party, that is what I am having. I am focusing on the tasks and not the outcome. You’re right. If my mantra is to be a reflection of Your light in my everyday walk, I need to suck it up.

Forgive me for wishing my circumstances away. Help me use Your gift of today to do better, be better and give better.

Love,

All scripture references come from the NET Bible.

Often times, our insecurities breed defensive words and actions. We must learn to break free of this bondage to interact with those around us, in a Godly manner.

I am not one for speaking. In fact, I am much more eloquent in writing. I think it is because I can carefully think through the words I let others read. In contrast, this rule is not the same for talking. I have a hard time communicating my thoughts on the fly. I can be pretty awkward.

For this reason, God surrounds me with lots of people that know how to communicate well. They are great at speaking and I love to listen. However, I can be pretty quiet due to my personality and insecurity. I am interrupted a lot. My loved ones are used to my quietness and I don’t blame them. Except when I do…

Defensive: What It Looks Like

We were sitting there; my in-laws (I think of them as my own), my husband, and I. We were discussing many things. As usual, I was communicating my attentiveness with head nods and facial expressions. Thoughts were rolling through my head without a word spoken. Finally, a moment to interject. Then it was gone. I was interrupted.

I had an opportunity to show grace and maturity. However, showing respect, in that moment, was difficult. So, instead of waiting my turn, again, I became the interrupter. I became what had just hurt me.

“Can I speak now?!”

And there it was. It hit me like a brick wall dropping on my chest. God spoke to me.

“You’ve got an issue with defensiveness. It’s because you’re insecure.”

Defensive: What It Does

My words and actions hurt someone I love. I was so consumed with myself and my insecurity about speaking, that I became rigid. I allowed my tongue to become a dagger.

The words of the reckless pierce like swords…

Proverbs 12:18, NIV

…but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

Proverbs 15:4, NIV

The tongue has the power of life and death…

Proverbs 18:21, NIV

My defensiveness broke a heart. I was guarding myself, instead of preserving the spirit of the other person.

Defensive: How to Break Free

Submit :

First and foremost, we must submit all our insecurities over to the Lord. We can have complete confidence in ourselves, because He has complete confidence in who He made us to be. Accepting that God created me to be more reserved and quiet in conversations, should give me all the confidence I need.

Because we are human, it is hard to keep this confidence. At times, hateful words pour out of us, leaving the person receiving them confused and in pain. The other person doesn’t see the internal struggle, the insecurity. They only see the outcome of such struggle.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? […] Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

James 4: 1,7, NIV

Submitting this battle to the Lord will only give way for positive results. When you humble yourself to the Lord, He shows favor. Also true, our submission is not only to the Lord, but to those that have gone before us. Those who are older. When we do so, we honor God, we set an example, we solidify our testimony.

In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

1 Peter 5:5, NIV

Forgive:

Boy, forgiveness is pretty tough. Remember when I wrote about forgiveness and how it must be an immediate action: “Ever ready to forgive?” We must suffer in silence, hold our tongues. Had I held my tongue in a fiery moment and endured in forgiveness, I would have shown worship and reverence to God.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14-15, NIV

Do Not Jump to Conclusions:

I took it as a personal attack when I was interrupted. I jumped to conclusions because of my insecurity. Maybe that person had not truly finished their thoughts. Maybe they didn’t even hear me speaking. There could have been, and probably was, a very good excuse for the whole affair. Had I shown obedience in that moment, I probably would have seen the actual explanation.

Don’t jump to conclusions—there may be a perfectly good explanation for what you just saw.

Proverbs 25:8, MSG

Wait:

It never fails. When I learn a new lesson from the Lord, He always backs it up with opportunity. Most assuredly, there will be moments to act out our new freedom. His desire is to show grace and compassion. In my not so shining moment, He showed justice and mercy. In turn, I get to show Him how much I appreciate it! I get to show Him I heard His voice and will obey!

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

Isaiah 30:18, NIV

Defensive: Living in Freedom

When we live in freedom, those around us can tell. Not allowing insecurity to rule our minds and hearts, allows God’s love to shine through us. In fact, when defensiveness has no power over us, God can properly use us. I don’t know about you, but that’s what I want my life to look like.

I wish I could say I am completely free from this bondage. However, this moment will always stand out in my mind. I watched my own enslavement bruise someone I love. In my case, overcoming personal insecurity will allow for total freedom from defensiveness. The same may be true for all of us. Because, isn’t that where defensiveness stems from?

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

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Matthew Smith

Transformation: Allowing God’s Guidance to Use Us Where We Are