parenting – Oh Lord Help Us

To love our children is to teach them to obey. First, to the Lord, and, in turn, to us. How do we teach our children to be obedient and respectful?

Living the Obedient Life

Devotionals, Stay SaneSeptember 27, 2017January 13, 2019

To love our children is to teach them to obey. First, to the Lord, and, in turn, to us. How do we teach our children to be obedient and respectful?

Yikes! That title is super intimidating, but let me sell you for a second. What if I told you it’s vital for Christian living? It’s God’s love language. Our obedience makes His heart happy! Doesn’t it make your heart happy when your children do what they are told without a grumble or a whimper?

“Whoa! How do you get results like that, Katie?” I don’t. Not always. And, I don’t always give my Lord the same respect. I also grumble and complain.

As a parent, I give in. I’m clear on the rule, I communicate the consequence, but, if I am honest with myself, I can be easily swayed. Not hearing the complaining and the whining is a reward to my mental state. This is one of the biggest lies I feed into. “You will be happier if you don’t have to hear one more tantrum.” Am I teaching true obedience to my children if I continually buckle under the pressure of the arguments and crying fits?

Our youngest, at the ripe age of 2, quickly learned to cry for Mommy when he wanted a drink of water at night. The rule is set: no drinks in bed. Consequence: a wet bed, extra laundry, and a grumpy child. It seemed that no matter how many bottles of water I filled during the day or how much was consumed at dinner, his thirst was not quenched until he had that last sip while snuggled under his super hero blankets. We stood firm. Water Nazis, if you will. The worst ever. The tears, the anguish. Ultimately, I submit to one more sip of water to ease my ears and my patience. Choose your battles, right? No. He’s not thirsty. He’s letting me know that he can be disobedient without recourse. He’s getting his way.

Parenting is not for the faint. It’s a constant cycle of holding to account our child’s actions and being held accountable for our own. It’s absolutely impossible to be a successful parent without first bowing to the Lord. How do we teach our children to be obedient and respectful? The answer for obedience is obedience. Respecting and submitting to the Lord’s commands. Love God with our whole existence. To love God is to be obedient to God because He loves us.

I call Heaven and Earth to witness against you today: I place before you Life and Death, Blessing and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live. And love God, your God, listening obediently to him, firmly embracing him. Oh yes, he is life itself, a long life settled on the soil that God, your God, promised to give your ancestors, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

Deuteronomy 30:19-20 (MSG)

Because of this verse we have this verse:

Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, ‘so you will live well and have a long life.’

Ephesians 6:1-3 (MSG)

To love our children is to teach them to obey. First, to the Lord, and, in turn, to us. The lie says we will be happier in the end, but the truth is the exact opposite. When we choose disobedience in any form, we choose death. Life or death? Thanks, I’ll choose life. Somehow I think that if I would just remember this in the midst of a battle of wills, I would find strength to follow through. If I would just remember that when my children choose to be disobedient they choose to be separated from the Lord. Heavy. No, most children can’t grasp the intensity of this. Especially when it’s “just a sip of water”. So, how do we convey the importance?

Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (MSG)

We can’t instill honesty, kindness, love, self-respect, responsibility, and OBEDIENCE in our children with “giving in.” We have to LIVE in obedience without wavering. We have to speak the truth of God. We have to completely submerge our whole existence in God’s living word! This is the most important assignment the Lord has given his followers and ultimately those he has bestowed parenthood upon.

When we choose disobedience in any form, we choose death. Click To Tweet

You’re turn!

Listen, Ya’ll! I feel convicted, even now, while writing this post. It’s difficult. Life is hectic and nuts! It’s easy to let the day pass with just a short devotional, a 5 sec prayer, or even nothing at all (Gasp! For shame!). Honestly, it happens. It shouldn’t but it does. It does for every single one of us. That’s how I know this message is important. Parent or not.

In what ways can you better your obedience to God?

How can we practically show this important lesson to our children?

Daiga Ellaby

I Am Enough

Love, Stay SaneJanuary 3, 2016

This here is a safe place. A place we can be honest. A place we can trust each other. So please allow me to speak from my heart.

I have often felt like I am ruining my children. And am critical of my body. And am disappointed in myself, annoyed by myself, and frustrated with myself.

But…

Not as much as I once did. (Hallelujah!)

There are times I do not react to my children in the right way. And at times I don’t make healthy choices. At times I do disappointing things, annoying things, and frustrating things.

But…

I am not those things. (Hallelujah!)

I changed the dialogue in my head.

I was already doing this for my children. I speak over them what I want them to be. Sweet, loving, hard working, good. Not always easy to do. Sometimes I want to call them punks, brats, selfish, and annoying. And sometimes they are acting like those things (I’m not unrealistic). But they are not those things.

This may seem so awkward at first. Like you are lying. I assure you, you are being honest with yourself. I guarantee there has been at least one moment in your life you achieved the trait you are aspiring to live out. Think about that time, and speak it over yourself with faith.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Repeat After Me…

I am loved

I am healthy

I am beautiful

I am enough

I am kind

I am generous

I am happy

I am patient

I am fun

I am confident

I am wise

I am a good mom

So what do we do with ourselves when we do fail to be what we aspire to be? Acknowledge it. Confess that it was wrong. Ask for forgiveness (from God, our spouse, our children, our friends). And say…

I am forgiven!

Our actions do not have to define us, but can if we allow them. If we will change the dialogue in our heads, our actions will follow.

Finally, [mommas], whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8

xoxo

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How Do You Do Calm?

Parent, Stay SaneNovember 5, 2015November 11, 2015

In the past week I have had two different people ask me why I started this blog. The answer: a Target commercial. That and a good friend telling me I should.

In this Target commercial there was a woman that woke up early and went to the gym, got her kids off to school, looked beautiful going into work, came home and cooked dinner, and then spent the evening playing with her children. It ticked me off! I was so angry at this commercial for putting so much pressure on women to have it all together. I may be able to accomplish some of those things, but I probably won’t be smiling at the end of the day.

Perhaps you can relate to this feeling of being overwhelmed trying to fit a mold of what you think you should be. God has designed each of us mommas to be the best momma for our children. We don’t have our friends’ children, therefore we do not need to do things just like our friends. Or even what we think our friends/actresses on a commercial may be doing.

Several years ago when I was working as a dental hygienist I had a patient tell me, “I bet you are such a good mom. You are so calm and patient.”

Hahahahahahahaha!! I’m still laughing about that one. No one who knows me well has ever called me “calm.”

But I have tried to pay attention to what things stress me, and what things stress me more (not a typo-all things have a certain degree of stress). And I choose, as best I can, to take the calmer path.

After having my third child I felt like I needed to try the baby wearing thing. Little girl was being quite fussy and I had a couple people suggest doing that. Absolutely no pressure from them. They were being helpful by providing suggestions and I appreciate that. It was worth a shot. But I completely hated it! I was more stressed, which caused her to be more stressed. You know what calmed us both down? I put her in the crib and closed the door. She would fuss for about 30 seconds and then go to sleep. And now, whenever she’s getting fussy while being held, I lay her on the floor. Immediately she is happy and cooing. The girl needs her space, just like her momma!

Mommas, Listen Up!!

You gotta do whatever your calm is! Our children need us calm, not frazzled.

Does it stress you to be tied to a schedule? Then wing it!

Does it stress you to not have a plan? Then schedule your day!

Does it stress you to dust/sweep/put away laundry? Then let it go for the next 5 years!

Does it stress you to have dust/dirty floors/clothes unfolded? Then go clean while your kids watch Wild Kratz!

Does it stress you to be home all day? Then pack up the kids and hit the town!

Does it stress you to have to pack up the kids? Then stay home!

Final Thought

The only thing that is non-negotiable is that we MUST MUST MUST love our children. And I think we have that part covered.

I Am THE Tooth Fairy

Parent, Stay SaneApril 19, 2015July 10, 2016

I try to tell it to my children pretty straight. I figure if I talk to them matter-of-factly, then things won’t be a big deal. We’ve talked about why Pop can’t have sugar (diabetes), why my mom is not alive (cancer), and what those balls of skin are on women (yep, breasts). But there are things that we lie about or lie via omission. Mainly because they wouldn’t understand, or we want to protect their innocence.

A big one for us (and lots of others) has been Santa Claus. I was torn on how to handle this. Growing up the youngest of four, I never had a chance to believe in Santa Claus. I did grow up learning about St. Nicholas and the things he did for others and how that turned into what we now know about Santa Claus. So I figured this is what we would do with our children. But then one Christmas, when my older son was not yet 4, he said on his own that his presents were from Santa. He was not in school, and we rarely watch tv. I was shocked at how easily he believed, and disappointed that he didn’t know the gifts were from us. Now I play into it, but I feel a little bad about it every year, knowing that he will be heartbroken when he finds out.

I was all prepared to draw the line with Ol’ Saint Nick. Then he started talking about the Easter bunny. What the heck! He caught me in a mischievous mood last year and I said, “I have a secret! Dad. He is the….Easter bunny! Shhh, don’t tell anyone!” And that seemed to actually go over pretty well. He actually thought that my husband turned into a rabbit and brought kiddos candy.

My son has now started to lose his baby teeth. It was a long time coming. He was the last in his class to lose a tooth. This tooth was driving me nuts. It was so loose that it would stick straight out. I kept trying to get him to let me pull it, but he wasn’t going for it. Understandably, it was the first tooth and he was nervous about what to expect. I told him that I just wanted to wiggle it (a lie) and I pulled that sucker outta there! I didn’t win any parenting awards that day. He was quite traumatized. Eventually he calmed down and got excited that he had finally lost his first tooth.

Then the fun really began.

“Mom is the tooth fairy real?” Well, crap.

“What do you think?” Smooth, right?

“I don’t think she is.” This might not be so bad.

“Do you really want to know?” Should have stopped while I was ahead.

“Yes.” No! Don’t say it!

“The tooth fairy is not real.” Absolute heartbreak, massive tears, loud sobbing. “You said you didn’t think she was real!” Way to put it on the kid.

“But I wanted her to be!” Crap, now what.

“Okay, well maybe I’m wrong.” Way to really confuse the kid.

“Maybe you just haven’t seen her.” Sure.

“You’re going to believe whatever it is you want to believe.” Like I said, no parenting awards that day.

Of course that night I put a quarter under his bed. But not until I got dressed up. I thought, what if he wakes up. Then he’s going to blame me that I didn’t give the tooth fairy a chance to show up. So I put on a white skirt, a white tank top, white gloves, white scarf, and a tiara (everyone has white gloves and a tiara, right). With my pregnant belly, I was quite the site to behold. Ahh, the things we do for our kiddos. He of course did not wake up, but I did enjoy dressing up. The next morning he came out of his room in absolute triumph, “See mom! I told you she was real!” Sigh.

The next tooth he lost, I was feeling bold and didn’t dress up. I went in his room and started feeling around under his pillow. Stink! I couldn’t find it. I finally find it and he wakes up with my face about 8 inches from his. Quick! Think of another lie! “Are you ok? You were crying. It’s ok, go back to sleep.” Whew, that was a close one!

The next day he asked me if I was the one putting money under his pillow. I told him that I had told him the truth before, but he didn’t want to hear it. But that I had another secret for him. “I am the tooth fairy. Why do you think I became a dental hygienist. It’s my undercover disguise.” Clever, yes?

The third tooth he lost while we were having s’mores and he didn’t even know he had lost it. Not sure if it’s in the yard, or if he swallowed it.

“Mom, will I still get money even if I don’t have a tooth to put under my pillow?” Now it’s getting fun.

“This is an unusual situation, I’ll have to check my official ToothFairy Handbook to confirm protocol.”

That night, I just forgot to put the quarter under the pillow. The next morning I handed him the quarter and said, “I checked the rules, and it states that the tooth fairy can just hand you the money since there was no tooth to collect.” Parenting award granted.

At St. Patricks day he started talking about Leprechauns being real. Good grief. So I told him that his little brother was a leprechaun. Can you guess what we will all be dressing up as for halloween this year?

Please Don’t Give My Kid a Trophy

Parent, Stay SaneNovember 9, 2014May 24, 2016

This past spring my older son wanted to play soccer. I wanted him to play t-ball. He had played t-ball the year before and did great. He made good contact with the ball, and hit it hard. He hustled on the field and usually got to the ball first. Like, even if it meant running from one side of the field to the other. Five year olds. I was excited to start my journey as a baseball mom. But I messed up and signed him up for soccer at the same time t-ball was happening. So I gave him the choice. And he actually thought about it. And had a good reason. Gotta give him some credit. He said that since he had already played t-ball, he wanted to try a new sport. Ok, fine.

Oh.Lord.Help.Us. For real. It was SO PAINFUL!!

Like myself, if he gets overwhelmed, he shuts down. Well, it’s so chaotic out there that all he does is jump up and down. He doesn’t kick the ball, he doesn’t block the ball, he just jumps. It drove me bonkers. Part of it is the age, part of it is personality, and part of it is upbringing I suppose. We drill into our kids to be kind, and gentle, and not aggressive. Then we put them on the field and want them to fight for the ball. He has the skill. He plays great when it’s just us at home. And he can be aggressive with his little brother. So frustrating.

But alas, all is well. I figure, we will go back to t-ball. That’s easier, not so chaotic. Your turn to hit. Ball comes to you, you get it. It’s not a mob-fest. Hold up, not so fast momma. See, he got a trophy at the end of last soccer season. Just like all the kids did. He is super proud of that trophy. He truly thinks he was a star player. Oh dear.

This past week basketball started. Yep, here we are again. My husband took him to his first practice. Near the end of the practice he texted me out of desperation and frustration. It was the same thing as soccer apparently. Leaving practice he says, “I can’t wait to tell mom how good I am!” As sweet as that is it makes me want to scream. My husband’s response was a gentle, “you have room for improvement.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for encouraging my (and all) children. And I’m even fine with awards. But let’s actually encourage something worthwhile. If you are going to give the kids trophies, then make it mean something. How about, “Johnny, you get the award for always trying your hardest,” or “Susy, you get the award for being the most encouraging to your teammates,” and of course include “Billy, you get the award for points scored,” and “Betty, you get the award for most blocks.” Do you like my use of names from the fifties? But now my son thinks he is great, when really, he needs to practice and put work into. He needs to get out of his comfort zone and be bold.

But this requires more effort of the coaches and the program as a whole. And, of course, more effort of us. This means we (my husband) will need to work with him, teach him, practice with him. Then, perhaps, he will not feel overwhelmed. Then he can focus on boxing out and getting rebounds (do you like how I’m throwing out basketball terms, like I know how to play). With work and effort, he can then feel proud of that trophy, because he did something to earn it.

My House is Clean, and That’s OK.

Parent, Stay SaneSeptember 14, 2014May 24, 2016

My name is Rachael, and I like to clean. There, I said it.

I feel like there has been a movement of sorts to stop cleaning. I have seen several articles going around the social media scene about how people (we will call them moms) are accepting that their homes are not clean because they are busy being moms and taking care of and spending time with their children. Maybe this is because there is a crazy amount of pressure out there on us women to do it all and be it all and have it all and we are finally starting to crack under the pressure and rebel in our own little ways.

I completely agree with these articles, it is alright that homes are messy. But every time I would read one and then see one (because I had to stop reading them) I would feel so offended. See, I do have a clean house. I confess. I like things to be organized and I feel more at peace when things are put away. Why was I offended? Because I felt like they were implying that because I do clean, that must mean I’m neglecting my children somehow. But that is hogwash. I spend plenty of time with my children, taking care of their needs, and nurturing them in the ways they need. Daily I cook for them, clean them, read to them, do puzzles with them, color with them, train them.

Aha! There it is! I train them! See, a couple years ago I was expressing this guilt I felt (about having a clean home) to an older lady that has a PhD and had years of experience doing social work with children. And her response was a great encouragement. She said, “What’s wrong with teaching your children to clean and be responsible?” Oh, is that what I’m doing? So I’ve changed my perspective from “I’m just OCD” to “I’ll teach my kids to be OCD.”

When my older son turned five we introduced regular chores and he started to receive an allowance. It started with just making his bed, and has grown to making his bed, setting the table, clearing the table, dusting, cleaning windows, and helping with laundry. Then he started recruiting his 3 year old brother to help and he would give him part of his money. This is how I knew I could add chores for the little guy. He’s like an apprentice to my apprentice. It’s really cool to see their teamwork. We actually look forward to doing chores. My oldest knows that if he complains about the chores, he doesn’t get paid. If he asks to be paid, he doesn’t get paid. And he doesn’t get paid for everything. Dishes, making the bed, picking up are all standard stuff. Dusting, windows, laundry gets him 50 cents a job.

This is how we roll…

Picking up: I rarely clean up after my boys. For the most part they put their stuff away on their own when they’re done. This has taken training though. In the evening, about 10-15 minutes before dinner will be done (depending on how big the mess is), I set a timer and tell them to clean up. Whatever has not been put away by the time the timer goes off gets put into a basket and they will get it back the next day. This way their stuff is picked up before dinner, and after dinner we can focus on family time and baths and reading.

Laundry: They love loading clothes in the washer and moving them to the dryer and putting them in the basket. Like they fight over it. Weird kids. With their clothes, they are in charge of the socks. They have to sort and match, great for teaching colors to the 3 year old. For the towels, I fold the bath towels, 6 year old folds dish and hand towels, 3 year old folds rags. And we have conversation the whole time. We talk about some pretty deep stuff (for a 6 year old). This is what he craves, his “Love Language” if you will. To be with me and have me listen to him is so valuable. And the laundry gets done. Bonus!

Dusting and Windows: For this I turn on groovin’ music and we dance while getting it done. I’m usually cleaning bathrooms or sweeping while he does these.

Miscellaneous: If they leave their lights on, I take a quarter. I’ve explained to them that it costs money to use electricity and if they want to waste it, then they have to pay for it.

My strategy is, once my house is clean, it’s a lot easier to keep it clean. It’s never overwhelming to me, and I usually only spend 30 minutes at a time taking care of stuff.

I’m not saying you need to have a clean house. I truly could care less what your house looks like. And I agree that houses that are cluttered are fun to go to. And I know that sometimes, other things are going on and cleaning need to be put on hold.

We all have to do what helps us be calm. Because being calm, helps us to be better moms.