When we belong to God, we are equipped with His Power for every season of life, every instance, every circumstance. Surrendering our lives to this truth is essential in our walk with the Lord.
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3:16-17, NIV
Equipped. This word has been burning my ears for about a month now. It is a word I spoke over a stranger at a women’s conference, and a word that God continues to sprinkle around for me to pay attention to. If we know anything about God, it’s that He is constant, consistent, and relentless. Sometimes, He allows us to break so we can truly understand His whispers to our souls.
That’s what it took for me. A complete break down…
Surrendering…
Motherhood
If you could see my hair right now, you would believe I am currently the poster woman and the face of all tired moms in the world. I need a shower. Maybe some dry shampoo. Did I wear deodorant today?
Don’t judge me.
I would love to say I handle all that motherhood throws at me from a posture of grace, but I can’t and I won’t. I was having a particularly awful day, full of tantrums and tears. Overwhelmed with confusion, procrastination, and not being able to find the right shoes. That doesn’t even include what the kids were doing.
Then it happened; I said it. Through the sobbing and the blubbering… “I don’t want to be around any of you. I don’t enjoy being a mom right now. I hate this!”
Now before judging me again, I did not say this to my kids. My poor husband had to wade through the mess, and with his approval, I gave myself a Mommy-time-out.
Marriage
I forgot to mention that in the same breath I told my husband I didn’t enjoy being a mom, I also said I didn’t enjoy being a wife. Y’all, I am so thankful Casey is equipped to handle me at my worst. He could filter through the words and truly hear what I was saying.
I needed to take a step away. To remember the pride I had once felt in being his help mate. He knew that God needed to speak to me and I needed to hear Him. I couldn’t do that with all the distractions. It was obvious I needed a quiet place.
Ministry
I also took a ministry-time-out. It was only for two days, but it really helped me evaluate the time and energy I was pouring into tasks. To see the God-ordained missions I had abandoned while doing “Kingdom missions.”
You see, when I feel like I’m not doing a great job at something, I distract myself with something different. I do things I know I’m good at, instead of relying on God’s power to fill in my gaps. I was feeling ill equipped for motherhood and wifehood, so I poured myself into tasks and masking them as advancements for the Kingdom.
Equipped with Power…
I was doing all of these things on my own power, with my own tool box. I ran out of mommy-juice, wife-fuel, and I was starting to run out of ministry energy. All because I forgot, it’s not by my power but the power of God in me.
…for I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power.
Philippians 4:13, TLB
It doesn’t matter what special areas are in your life. Maybe you aren’t a mother or a wife. Your life is specifically you. Hear me, you are equipped for this time and the times to come because of the power of Christ in you.
Y’all, I believe that God is bringing “equipped” to my attention, because He wants me to rest. Stop running in circles, trying to do it all in my own power. Rest in the truth that whatever is right now or comes along the way, I am already equipped because HE is equipped.
We have tremendous amounts of influence. And with that influence, we can change our lives. Want a better marriage? Children who are growing into amazing people? Even better behaved pets? As women, we are always desiring control. Well, here it is. This is not about manipulation. This is about encouraging others to be their best selves.
Marriage
This past week I heard a talk about relationships and how men need respect the same way women need love.
Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33, ESV
I thought it was appropriate timing, as it was my husband and mine’s wedding anniversary. This was not anything new, I’ve heard this many times before, but I was so encouraged by what was said.
To be honest, I have been slipping with showing respect. Blame it on stress, or selfishness, but I can’t blame it on him. My tone has been becoming harsh. I’ve been quick to jump to conclusions. I was becoming a nag. Thank you Jesus for bringing this to my attention, and please forgive me!
If we want to be loved passionately by our spouse, then we have the power to change the cycle. Don’t wait for him to be Mr. Romantic. Instead, respect who he is. Focus on one thing that is impressive. And tell him.
Ways to express respect:
I am so impressed how you… (handled that situation).
I really admire how you… (work so diligently).
I think it’s great when… (parent that way).
You can only control your own actions. With our actions, however, we can influence others. By respecting our husbands, we are influencing them to love us in return.
Children
My middle child, who is now 5 years old, still tends to throw a tantrum when he is frustrated. It usually involves something he is trying to make that is not producing the results he desires. This past week he became frustrated that a drawing he was working on wasn’t looking the way he wanted. I understand getting frustrated, but when he starts whining and stomping his feet, my head wants to explode! My natural tendency is to try to overpower him, but this only results in him continuing to escalate. He was sent to his room, where he continued to to cry and yell. With a quick, “Help me Jesus,” I went in his room and told him to stop acting like a whiny baby. Yes, that is what I said. No, this is not the advice I’m giving. In the next moment, the Lord gave me the words.
“You are actinglike a whiny baby. You are not a whiny baby. You are a smart, talented, hardworking little boy! You are a hard worker who likes for things to be done well. You are fun, and compassionate. Be that little boy, because that is who you are!!!”
His tears of anger turned into one of his signature bear hugs. He was like a completely different child after that. I’m not saying to call your child names (although you may want to), but do affirm to them the traits that will continue to develop them into amazing people.
Overpowering our children to produce “better” behavior is a short term response at best. But by influencing their hearts, and speaking truth to them, they will be truly changed.
Pets
A week ago I was about to ship my dog to live with my parents in Kentucky. She was getting on my very last nerve, and I was struggling with being so angry with her. One of the best parts of this new house is a good size, fenced in backyard. I was looking forward to letting the kids and dog run free in a safe enclosed space. And then, wouldn’t you know it, she figured out a way to escape. That was how we met our next door neighbors. Our dog was humping their dog. And our dog is a girl!! What the heck?!? She also has been obsessed with the shed in the yard. I’m pretty sure there is some little critter living under there that she is desperate to get ahold of. So desperate in fact, that even when it was pouring down rain during the hurricane, she would run out to dig at the side of the shed. And of course, she wouldn’t come when she was being called. So out I go to get her, wet and muddy, and carry her back into the house. Something had to change.
I realized I was being controlled by a 15 pound ball of white fluff. Punishing her for being naughty was not working. Maybe praising her for being good would be better. I have given that dog so many treats this past week. The first few times I had to entice her from out in the yard to come inside. As soon as she came to the door I gave her a treat and showered her with praise. Then I could show her the treat and call her from the deck. Now, she actually comes! In just a matter of days, I have my sweet puppy back, and I don’t worry about what the neighbors think because I’m yelling at my dog.
Final Thought
We have the power to change our lives. By showing respect and kindness to all of those around us we can begin to spiral upward in our relationships rather than spiraling downward into despair. Respect produces love, which in turn produces more respect. I know this sounds super simple. Please know that I am not that naive, especially in regards to a relationship with a spouse. If the relationship has been spiraling down for years, it is not going to be transformed in a week, or month, or maybe even a year. Pray for endurance, pray to be satisfied by the love of Christ, and pray for the supernatural ability to pursue your husband even if you feel he doesn’t deserve it.
This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”
Who she is…
A wife, a mom to a 15 year old son (who lives with his father), a 6 year old girl and 3 year old twin boys, and a lover of Jesus. And she lives her life with lupus. She says it is “her lupus” because she owns it, it doesn’t own her. Lupus is an autoimmune disease that can attack any organ in the body. It will have seasons of flare-ups and then a period of remission. She was diagnosed in 2009 while pregnant with her daughter.
She had been exhibiting symptoms like feeling achy, or a fever for a year but was ignoring it, thinking that she was simply stressed or not eating well. After finding out that she was pregnant, she had blisters show up on her skin that resembled shingles. Her doctor agreed, and prescribed her medication. Her rate of deterioration quickened at this point. Fevers were occurring more frequently, and she was always exhausted, but she explained this away as simple pregnancy symptoms. Then the cough began, and she started to think it was the flu, but she wasn’t able to shake it. The nurse at her OB office told her to go to the ER. At the ER, they did blood work, and the results were off the charts. No one had any idea what was going on. It was so abnormal that they sent her to see an oncologist.
Within weeks she had marks that looked like bruises all over her skin. Her hair began falling out. She was not able to walk due to the pain in her hips. Her husband would have to pick her up and carry her up the stairs or to the car. He would come home at lunch to help her get to the restroom. She wasn’t able to eat. Everything tasted like glass, and it was too painful to even lift an ensure bottle. All she could do was lay there and look at the ceiling. She was giving up on life.
“While I was immobile, lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, I would talk with God, asking Him why this was happening? My eyes then focused on the textured ceiling and I could she the outline of a Jesus fish. I could hear him say, ‘I’m not through with you yet.’ From that point on, I didn’t have any more thoughts of giving up.”
They finally were able to determine that she had lupus. And had started her on prednisone, which she still currently takes. It helped, and she was finally able to eat, but it made her become jittery. She became paranoid, and unable to sleep.
The pregnancy had exacerbated the lupus, bringing out the symptoms and causing them to be more severe. She then switched to a high-risk OB, who told her they would try to get her and the baby to 26 weeks.
Her OB gave her Ambien to help her sleep. At first, she didn’t want to take it, afraid that she wouldn’t wake up. One day while asleep, her husband noticed that her complexion did not look normal, she looked very ashen. That same day, her rheumatologist called and said that she needed to get to the hospital right away for a blood transfusion because her hemoglobins were at a dangerously low level that could cause her body to fail. A low hemoglobin count means that there is not enough oxygen for the body. A normal count is between 11 and 14. Her count was 5.3. They administered a transfusion which brought her up to 7. Two days later she went for another that brought her up to 7.7. A third brought her to 9.3, and by the time her daughter was born, she was at 10.
She made it to 37 weeks; her newborn daughter completely healthy!
The drop in hemoglobin could have been due to the lupus attacking the red blood cells, but she believes that it was mostly due to the malnutrition from not being able to eat, and the baby taking what little iron she did have in her body. Lupus can effect any organ of the body; brain, heart, lung, blood, skin. She fears another flare-up will attack her blood. A flare up can effect a person differently each time, and each individual with lupus can be effected differently.
When her daughter was 8 months old, the lupus flared up again, this time attacking her kidneys and once again losing her hair. She was classified with stage 3 kidney disease, and yet another doctor was added to her repertoire. She was on the brink of dialysis, so they tried a medication to help her kidneys but instead she suffered from a rare side-effect that caused a condition with her liver. She decided to try a natural remedy that worked to improve the function of her kidneys without medication. Her kidneys have no remaining damage.
Because the pregnancy with her daughter exacerbated the lupus, they were advised to not have any more children. But they wanted a big family, so after her kidneys improved, they prayed about it and decided to let things happen. They knew that the Lord would take care of it, whatever the outcome, and soon enough she had a positive pregnancy test. Both her and her husband were hoping that she would become pregnant with twins. At her first ultrasound, it was confirmed!
“Praise God! We cried, we held hands, it was wonderful!”
Her body ended up doing better while she was pregnant the second time. Her twins were born nine weeks early, which was honestly really good. Otherwise they would have been too big.
“During that time my hair grew! It was beautiful and long and curly! Woohoo! I was actually able to do things with it. That’s the hair I remember!”
But a year later she started losing her hair yet again. And again she had a rash on her skin. She saw her rheumatologist right away, and they upped her medication so when the flare up did happen it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Thankfully this flare-up did not effect her kidneys, but she did lose all of her hair.
She has to avoid the sun since UvA and UvB rays have been known to induce flares. She keeps sunblock everywhere and covers her skin as much as possible. She keeps hats with her and wears long sleeves and long pants, regardless of the temperature.
Food can also be a trigger. She has been experimenting with her diet, and is trying to avoid dairy, gluten, sugar, certain vegetables, soy, and nuts. She has been learning, and her doctors have supported her, that our immune system is rooted in our gut. If our gut is not healthy, then our immune system cannot function properly. She has seen good results from this, especially in her skin.
“I’m not perfect at it, I definitely like ice cream! But I will feel it in my hips.”
After her twins were born she was diagnosed with avascular necrosis, death of bone tissue, in both hips. In the future she will be having double hip replacement. For now she is stable, aside from not being able to bend well, but she is still able to walk, so they wait and monitor.
“I’ve had to adjust. I used to run, but I can’t do that anymore. The salt water pool is the only way I can get some good exercise!”
What her days are like…
She is constantly being monitored by a variety of doctors, so she has to juggle her appointments, as well as therapy for her twins for developmental issues due to them being born early. In addition to these, she is homeschooling and participates in a co-op. She knows she has to respect her limits and not overdo physical exertion.
“When I’m good, I’m full speed ahead, trying to keep up as best as I can just like every other mom. But when my body is tired, I have to listen to it.”
Her husband handles giving the kids baths, putting them to bed, attends to them during the night. He takes off work on days that she is not able to function, or if she has appointments. They are both incredibly thankful for his employer who is so understanding.
“Without my husband, all of this… He’s my angel. God took two broken people and is writing a beautiful love story.”
What her strengths are…
She knows she has to lean on God.
“I wouldn’t change any of this because it has made me His, for real.”
She is passionate about her relationship with God, and His faithfulness. She has learned to pray about everything and through every trial. She prayed through every sleepless night, every feeding, every struggle. She gets through everything one moment at a time.
What she struggles with…
She struggles with the loss of her hair. Even though a year ago was the third time losing it, it is still difficult. She had always identified herself by how she looked, and being active. She has had to reassess where her identity is, and it is in Jesus. She is still working through it.
She struggles with wanting to do it all, but knowing that she can’t.
“Actually, I struggle with wanting to do all that I want to do! I know I can do what He wants me to do. I pray daily, ‘God, let me accomplish what You want me to accomplish today. Nothing more, nothing less.’ I have to figure out what my motivation is for wanting to do more. Is it for my purpose or His purpose? And then I surrender that and ask for Him to guide me. God has me where He wants me to be. I trust that it is for Him and it is good. And that is enough for right now.”
What her fears are…
She fears having a flare up that would take her away as a mom and a wife. She has to trust that God will take care of them.
“I would lose my hair everyday, as long as I know I’ll be around.”
What her joys are…
Her deep faith, knowing that this experience has brought her to a deeper and more intimate relationship with the Lord.
Her marriage, and the closeness between her and her husband. Her husband has lived up to his vows of for better or for worse.
Her appreciation for life in general. She hears her children’s laughter and feels their joy. It reminds her to enjoy life, and the simple things.
How she stays sane…
“I read my devotional in the bathroom!”
Yes, it is full of toilet paper!
What she wants you to know…
“Even though I’m broken on this earth, I am healed. This is temporary. Yes, there are trials but they draw me closer to the Lord. Don’t let someone tell you that miracles can’t happen, or that your hope is worthless. God is faithful. If you let him in and surrender your life, He will take it and use it. He is writing a really good story.”
And…
“Don’t feel guilty for taking naps!!”
I hope you were encouraged by this momma’s story to persevere and trust the Lord with whatever situation you currently find yourself in. Remember that His desire is to bring you closer in relationship to Him, to trust Him, and to be fulfilled by Him alone. You dear lady are being pursued, and you are enough. No more running, no more striving.
I’m an adventure seeker, risk taker, and a dreamer. And I’ll admit it, I don’t mind a little drama every now and then. Where I struggle is when life is mundane. When it’s the same thing day after day after day. I do like routine, don’t get me wrong. It helps me not have to think so much. But I need a good challenge thrown in there with it.
Driving through the mountains is more enjoyable than driving through corn fields. But much of our life is like driving through the fields of Indiana. Straight and steady. With some windmills (I don’t know what they are an analogy for, it’s just the only thing that’s exciting on I-65).
Right now, I’m driving through Indiana. And I’m not even to the windmills yet. I don’t want to just survive the mundane life. I want to thrive.
Motherhood
This past week I have wanted to turn in my resignation. The only problem is, my job is being a mom. I love my children fiercely, but some days weeks I just want a break. I want to lay in bed and not change diapers, or feed other people, or wash more clothes. I don’t want to say, yet again, “be nice to your brother,” or “get your hands off the wall,” or “you need to help with the dishes.” Day in and day out. When will they ever learn?
How do I thrive?
I talk to people that are a step or two or twenty ahead of me. I need to know that there is a light at the end of this long tunnel. I need to know that I’m not alone. I need to know that it is not just me. And I need someone to laugh with at the ridiculousness of it all.
Faith
When life is mundane, my faith is truly tested. Not when facing trials. For me trials bring me closer to The Lord and closer to other people. But doing dishes, and laundry, and feeding children, and wiping noses (and butts), and doing life day after day makes it difficult to feel spiritual.
How do I thrive?
I meet with other believers. When I am in drought, I gleen from their wisdom. When I am unable to pray, I listen. When I am bored with my life, I encourage theirs. We were designed to live out our faith with others.
Marriage
Usually when we go through a period of time where we are just going through the motions, it ends with a bit of an explosion. This then results in good conversation, a deeper understanding of one another, and a closer bond. But I don’t want it to require getting to that point.
How do we thrive?
We should probably not turn the tv on after the kiddos go to bed, but to be honest, that’s all I want to do. I am mentally tired and I just want to drink a glass of wine, watch a silly show, and not think. I don’t want to have deep meaningful conversations every night. But I do want to be with him. So we made it a requirement to sit next to one another while watching a show. And preferably snuggle.
That works for the day to day, but we do need to be able to have deeper conversations and connect sometimes. And the kiddos cannot be there. They just can’t. This means having regular dates (night or day-we actually prefer morning dates). For us it’s once a month. That works with our budget and is typically enough to get us through the next few weeks.
Health
I can eat healthy for several days in a row, and then get so bored with it that I binge on hamburgers, fries, and milkshakes. And doughnuts. I can’t resist the doughnuts. Also, I can exercise regularly for a stretch of time, and then completely lose interest in it.
How do I thrive?
“If we do the same thing we will get the same thing.” This is what my health role model always says. Pretty much we need to mix up the exercises and meals. Running is my thing, but I also cycle, swim, and lift weights. To continue eating healthy, I allow myself to “binge” on a meal once a week, then return to eating healthy. No guilt allowed.
With all of these, I have to remind myself that I am doing what I am meant to be doing and I don’t want to be doing anything else. I want to be healthy, and a good mom, and a loving wife.
Do you struggle with this? Hang in there, mommas! The day to day can wear us down, but know that we can persevere. We don’t want to merely survive the mundane. We want to thrive. How do you thrive within the mundane in your relationships, jobs, etc?
