marriage

Fulfillment: Relinquishing Our Earthly Search for Joy

Devotionals, Stay SaneJuly 12, 2018September 8, 2019

When we search for fulfillment on this Earth, we are robbing ourselves of ultimate joy. This world can offer no such thing, and that includes marriage.

Our mates cannot possibly fulfill every need our bodies and souls require. This is not the design for marriage the Lord has in mind. In fact, marriage is to help us better understand the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross and His mission here on Earth.

Honor Christ by submitting to each other.

Ephesians 5:21, TLB

Earthly Fulfillment: It’s a trap

We all know, the early days of marriage can be such a roller coaster. At least, it was for Casey and I. After dating for only 6 months, we entered the adventure of marriage. Both fresh out of divorce, and both trying to redeem what we knew marriage should be.

This is dangerous. With every disagreement, screaming fit, or falling tears, an overwhelming feeling of entrapment blanketed. Marriage was unfulfilling, depressing, and worthless. I already failed at it once…maybe I’m just not fit to be a wife and he’s not fit to be a husband. I don’t make him happy and he doesn’t make me happy. How can we do this the next 60 years??

Oh boy. Satan is relentless. Marriage threatens his mission. Godly marriages give him the shivers. He knows there’s power when two people join together to glorify God. His only way to penetrate, is shooting fiery arrows of lies at us. Unfortunately, I was weak, broken, and ready to believe anything…

“Your husband should be your greatest joy.”

“He should be able to fulfill your every want and need.”

“Your marriage is broken, just like you. Give up!”

So, with these whispers, how could I ever find joy in my marriage??

…hop over to Hope & Joy in Christ, where I answer this question and let you in on how my marriage is doing now. See you there!

Satan is relentless. Marriage threatens his mission. Godly marriages give him the shivers. He knows there's power when two people join together to glorify God. His only way to penetrate, is shooting fiery arrows of lies at us. Click To Tweet

Jess Watters

overwhelmed, equipped, surrender, power, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, ministry

Equipped: Surrendering Our Lives for God’s Power

Devotionals, Stay SaneJune 20, 2018September 8, 2019

When we belong to God, we are equipped with His Power for every season of life, every instance, every circumstance. Surrendering our lives to this truth is essential in our walk with the Lord.

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

2 Timothy 3:16-17, NIV

Equipped. This word has been burning my ears for about a month now. It is a word I spoke over a stranger at a women’s conference, and a word that God continues to sprinkle around for me to pay attention to. If we know anything about God, it’s that He is constant, consistent, and relentless. Sometimes, He allows us to break so we can truly understand His whispers to our souls.

That’s what it took for me. A complete break down…

Surrendering…

Motherhood

If you could see my hair right now, you would believe I am currently the poster woman and the face of all tired moms in the world. I need a shower. Maybe some dry shampoo. Did I wear deodorant today?

Don’t judge me.

I would love to say I handle all that motherhood throws at me from a posture of grace, but I can’t and I won’t. I was having a particularly awful day, full of tantrums and tears. Overwhelmed with confusion, procrastination, and not being able to find the right shoes. That doesn’t even include what the kids were doing.

Then it happened; I said it. Through the sobbing and the blubbering… “I don’t want to be around any of you. I don’t enjoy being a mom right now. I hate this!”

Now before judging me again, I did not say this to my kids. My poor husband had to wade through the mess, and with his approval, I gave myself a Mommy-time-out.

I forgot to mention that in the same breath I told my husband I didn’t enjoy being a mom, I also said I didn’t enjoy being a wife. Y’all, I am so thankful Casey is equipped to handle me at my worst. He could filter through the words and truly hear what I was saying.

I needed to take a step away. To remember the pride I had once felt in being his help mate. He knew that God needed to speak to me and I needed to hear Him. I couldn’t do that with all the distractions. It was obvious I needed a quiet place.

Ministry

I also took a ministry-time-out. It was only for two days, but it really helped me evaluate the time and energy I was pouring into tasks. To see the God-ordained missions I had abandoned while doing “Kingdom missions.”

You see, when I feel like I’m not doing a great job at something, I distract myself with something different. I do things I know I’m good at, instead of relying on God’s power to fill in my gaps. I was feeling ill equipped for motherhood and wifehood, so I poured myself into tasks and masking them as advancements for the Kingdom.

Equipped with Power…

I was doing all of these things on my own power, with my own tool box. I ran out of mommy-juice, wife-fuel, and I was starting to run out of ministry energy. All because I forgot, it’s not by my power but the power of God in me.

…for I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power.

Philippians 4:13, TLB

It doesn’t matter what special areas are in your life. Maybe you aren’t a mother or a wife. Your life is specifically you. Hear me, you are equipped for this time and the times to come because of the power of Christ in you.

You are equipped for this time and the times to come because of the power of Christ in you. Click To Tweet

Y’all, I believe that God is bringing “equipped” to my attention, because He wants me to rest. Stop running in circles, trying to do it all in my own power. Rest in the truth that whatever is right now or comes along the way, I am already equipped because HE is equipped.

Laura Vinck

You Are Powerful

Stay SaneOctober 23, 2016

We have tremendous amounts of influence. And with that influence, we can change our lives. Want a better marriage? Children who are growing into amazing people? Even better behaved pets? As women, we are always desiring control. Well, here it is. This is not about manipulation. This is about encouraging others to be their best selves.

Marriage

This past week I heard a talk about relationships and how men need respect the same way women need love.

Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33, ESV

I thought it was appropriate timing, as it was my husband and mine’s wedding anniversary. This was not anything new, I’ve heard this many times before, but I was so encouraged by what was said.

To be honest, I have been slipping with showing respect. Blame it on stress, or selfishness, but I can’t blame it on him. My tone has been becoming harsh. I’ve been quick to jump to conclusions. I was becoming a nag. Thank you Jesus for bringing this to my attention, and please forgive me!

If we want to be loved passionately by our spouse, then we have the power to change the cycle. Don’t wait for him to be Mr. Romantic. Instead, respect who he is. Focus on one thing that is impressive. And tell him.

Ways to express respect:

I am so impressed how you… (handled that situation).
I really admire how you… (work so diligently).
I think it’s great when… (parent that way).

You can only control your own actions. With our actions, however, we can influence others. By respecting our husbands, we are influencing them to love us in return.

Children

My middle child, who is now 5 years old, still tends to throw a tantrum when he is frustrated. It usually involves something he is trying to make that is not producing the results he desires. This past week he became frustrated that a drawing he was working on wasn’t looking the way he wanted. I understand getting frustrated, but when he starts whining and stomping his feet, my head wants to explode! My natural tendency is to try to overpower him, but this only results in him continuing to escalate. He was sent to his room, where he continued to to cry and yell. With a quick, “Help me Jesus,” I went in his room and told him to stop acting like a whiny baby. Yes, that is what I said. No, this is not the advice I’m giving. In the next moment, the Lord gave me the words.

“You are acting like a whiny baby. You are not a whiny baby. You are a smart, talented, hardworking little boy! You are a hard worker who likes for things to be done well. You are fun, and compassionate. Be that little boy, because that is who you are!!!”

His tears of anger turned into one of his signature bear hugs. He was like a completely different child after that. I’m not saying to call your child names (although you may want to), but do affirm to them the traits that will continue to develop them into amazing people.

Overpowering our children to produce “better” behavior is a short term response at best. But by influencing their hearts, and speaking truth to them, they will be truly changed.

Pets

A week ago I was about to ship my dog to live with my parents in Kentucky. She was getting on my very last nerve, and I was struggling with being so angry with her. One of the best parts of this new house is a good size, fenced in backyard. I was looking forward to letting the kids and dog run free in a safe enclosed space. And then, wouldn’t you know it, she figured out a way to escape. That was how we met our next door neighbors. Our dog was humping their dog. And our dog is a girl!! What the heck?!? She also has been obsessed with the shed in the yard. I’m pretty sure there is some little critter living under there that she is desperate to get ahold of. So desperate in fact, that even when it was pouring down rain during the hurricane, she would run out to dig at the side of the shed. And of course, she wouldn’t come when she was being called. So out I go to get her, wet and muddy, and carry her back into the house. Something had to change.

I realized I was being controlled by a 15 pound ball of white fluff. Punishing her for being naughty was not working. Maybe praising her for being good would be better. I have given that dog so many treats this past week. The first few times I had to entice her from out in the yard to come inside. As soon as she came to the door I gave her a treat and showered her with praise. Then I could show her the treat and call her from the deck. Now, she actually comes! In just a matter of days, I have my sweet puppy back, and I don’t worry about what the neighbors think because I’m yelling at my dog.

Final Thought

We have the power to change our lives. By showing respect and kindness to all of those around us we can begin to spiral upward in our relationships rather than spiraling downward into despair. Respect produces love, which in turn produces more respect. I know this sounds super simple. Please know that I am not that naive, especially in regards to a relationship with a spouse. If the relationship has been spiraling down for years, it is not going to be transformed in a week, or month, or maybe even a year. Pray for endurance, pray to be satisfied by the love of Christ, and pray for the supernatural ability to pursue your husband even if you feel he doesn’t deserve it.

You, dear lady, have power with your influence!

xoxo

Thrive in the Mundane

Stay SaneJanuary 17, 2016January 29, 2016

I’m an adventure seeker, risk taker, and a dreamer. And I’ll admit it, I don’t mind a little drama every now and then. Where I struggle is when life is mundane. When it’s the same thing day after day after day. I do like routine, don’t get me wrong. It helps me not have to think so much. But I need a good challenge thrown in there with it.

Driving through the mountains is more enjoyable than driving through corn fields. But much of our life is like driving through the fields of Indiana. Straight and steady. With some windmills (I don’t know what they are an analogy for, it’s just the only thing that’s exciting on I-65).

Right now, I’m driving through Indiana. And I’m not even to the windmills yet. I don’t want to just survive the mundane life. I want to thrive.

Motherhood

This past week I have wanted to turn in my resignation. The only problem is, my job is being a mom. I love my children fiercely, but some ~~days~~ weeks I just want a break. I want to lay in bed and not change diapers, or feed other people, or wash more clothes. I don’t want to say, yet again, “be nice to your brother,” or “get your hands off the wall,” or “you need to help with the dishes.” Day in and day out. When will they ever learn?

How do I thrive?

I talk to people that are a step or two or twenty ahead of me. I need to know that there is a light at the end of this long tunnel. I need to know that I’m not alone. I need to know that it is not just me. And I need someone to laugh with at the ridiculousness of it all.

Faith

When life is mundane, my faith is truly tested. Not when facing trials. For me trials bring me closer to The Lord and closer to other people. But doing dishes, and laundry, and feeding children, and wiping noses (and butts), and doing life day after day makes it difficult to feel spiritual.

How do I thrive?

I meet with other believers. When I am in drought, I gleen from their wisdom. When I am unable to pray, I listen. When I am bored with my life, I encourage theirs. We were designed to live out our faith with others.

Marriage

Usually when we go through a period of time where we are just going through the motions, it ends with a bit of an explosion. This then results in good conversation, a deeper understanding of one another, and a closer bond. But I don’t want it to require getting to that point.

How do we thrive?

We should probably not turn the tv on after the kiddos go to bed, but to be honest, that’s all I want to do. I am mentally tired and I just want to drink a glass of wine, watch a silly show, and not think. I don’t want to have deep meaningful conversations every night. But I do want to be with him. So we made it a requirement to sit next to one another while watching a show. And preferably snuggle.

That works for the day to day, but we do need to be able to have deeper conversations and connect sometimes. And the kiddos cannot be there. They just can’t. This means having regular dates (night or day-we actually prefer morning dates). For us it’s once a month. That works with our budget and is typically enough to get us through the next few weeks.

Health

I can eat healthy for several days in a row, and then get so bored with it that I binge on hamburgers, fries, and milkshakes. And doughnuts. I can’t resist the doughnuts. Also, I can exercise regularly for a stretch of time, and then completely lose interest in it.

How do I thrive?

“If we do the same thing we will get the same thing.” This is what my health role model always says. Pretty much we need to mix up the exercises and meals. Running is my thing, but I also cycle, swim, and lift weights. To continue eating healthy, I allow myself to “binge” on a meal once a week, then return to eating healthy. No guilt allowed.

With all of these, I have to remind myself that I am doing what I am meant to be doing and I don’t want to be doing anything else. I want to be healthy, and a good mom, and a loving wife.

Do you struggle with this? Hang in there, mommas! The day to day can wear us down, but know that we can persevere. We don’t want to merely survive the mundane. We want to thrive. How do you thrive within the mundane in your relationships, jobs, etc?

xoxo

How to Have a Great Marriage in 5113 Days

Stay SaneOctober 12, 2014June 26, 2016

5113. That is how many days my hubby and I will be married on Monday (yes, I included leap days). Fourteen years of marital bliss. Actually, 14 years of honoring, working, fighting, encouraging, being flexible, and resting. I was going to write a post giving advice, but the advice I would give would be to honor, work, fight, encourage, be flexible, and rest. So instead, I thought I would share our journey.

We met right before I turned 21. At church. He walked into the Sunday school class (my first time, he grew up there), and I thought, “well, looks like I found the right church!” He was (is) gorgeous. It all started very slowly (but married quickly). His best friend was engaged to his sister (nice move) and I had become good friends with her (what can I say, she’s a likable gal). The four of us would hang out quite often. A few months before their wedding his friend asks me (in front of him) what my intentions were with his best friend. My face turned crimson. My response came from The Lord. I said, “until he makes his intentions clear, my heart will stay out of it.” Good, right?!?!?

The next day he came over and made his intentions clear. The romantic that he is, his comment was, “you’re like the coolest chic I’ve ever known.” How’s a girl to turn that down. It took another month until he held my hand. And then another month to kiss me. At that point he tells me that he loves me. This was not said in return. That phrase had become cheap to me, and I had told myself (and him) that the next time I said that would be to the man I would marry. It didn’t take long. A couple weeks later I said it in return. He told me he wanted me to be his wife. Less than 3 months later he proposed with a ring. And less than five months after that we got married. On Friday the 13th. In October. With a full moon. We are risk takers. During our courtship he honored me so highly, and that has not changed.

The first year for us was easy. We were playing nice, too polite to be honest. The second year is when it got real. And feelings got hurt. And trust was broken. But it was also the year that we decided there would be no backing down. We are going to get through this. Defeat was not an option. We accepted that it was going to be work, and we were okay with it.

The third year was when our foundation was shaken. We had decided to move from Louisville to Atlanta for him to go to grad school. Our home sold within a week! That night I called my parents to tell them the good news. My mom didn’t sound so good, but she hadn’t for a while. Later that night she went to the hospital and didn’t get out until she went home to heaven four months later. While she was in the hospital we moved (with my father’s blessing). I wish we had waited. We didn’t make it home in time. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I was angry. At my husband, at God, at life. But I didn’t know what to do with it. So I turned inward and began drowning. My husband had his own set of struggles. And the rift began to form. We didn’t even see it happening. And then friends from church showed us (without even knowing it) what real honesty looked like. It was messy. Like, my-brother’s-room-when-he-was-a-teenager messy. We had already decided that defeat wasn’t an option, but I wasn’t prepared for just how painful it would be. Looking back, that was a crucial growth period for us. So even though the foundation was shaken, it stood firm. Now we weren’t just working on our marriage, we were fighting for it.

After living in Atlanta for two years, we moved on to Chicago. Well, the suburbs to be honest. It’s different. Really. The job that took us there didn’t last long for him. And so began a season of tremendous growth for him. Learning to find value from something other than his career. This is when as his wife I had to encourage him and assure him that he was valuable and he was talented and he will find work and he was and will be successful.

We decided to actually move into the city so he would have more work options, and we decided to open a coffee shop (that’s a whole long story I will share another time). For the first time we struggled, like really struggled, with finances. Now we had loads of debt and very little income. Nothing seemed to be easy, but what can I say, such is the life of a risk taker. And then, oh look! I’m pregnant! No worries, I thought, I’m Wonder Woman! I can do it all! Wrong. So we walked away from the coffee world and began to raise a little person. Things became pretty routine for a while. He worked, I worked, we bought a house, remodeled a house, made another little person. We were flexible. When the situation we were in was becoming destructive we did what we needed to change it.

But we were never really settled in Chicago. It didn’t feel like home. So we decided to move south. We didn’t really care where. So when he got a job in Greenville, South Carolina (aka heaven on earth) we said, sure why not! The first time either of us ever came here was with the moving truck. So here we are. We are finally in a season a peace. We are busy, but enjoying ourselves. We are appreciating where we are, because who knows how long it will last?

We have not “arrived” in our marriage. I’m not that naive. I know there will be struggles in the future. But I know that we will face them together.