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Life: Four Keys to Handle the Life We Didn’t Plan On

Devotionals, Stay SaneMay 29, 2018June 27, 2019

Life is full of unplanned detours and painful pieces. So, how do we handle life when it doesn’t turn out the way we planned?

Remember the 1994 movie “Forrest Gump?” Among the many quotables, Gump uttered the famous line: “Momma said life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.” Those words could perhaps be the subject matter of a college exit course, especially for the students who think they have their lives mapped out…

Unplanned Detours…

My husband and I attended a birthday party for the 32-year-old, handicapped daughter of some long-time friends of ours. This child came out of the womb with a heart condition, but mentally sound. However, due to complications and lack of oxygen during heart surgery days later, her brain was then affected. She is the youngest of three. Our friends did not have taking care of a multiple-handicapped child in their life plan, but you know what? They adjusted. They sacrificed, worked extra hours and extra years. I’ve never heard one complaint from their lips. Their other 2 children, and now their sons-in-law and grandchildren love her deeply. Life without her can’t be imagined, despite the hardship. And one day, when mom and dad are gone, one of those sisters will take over her care.

A reunion was held at the church where Gary and I grew up and raised our children. We saw many old friends, some who have experienced great hardships since we have last seen them. One woman had been in a motorcycle accident and lost her leg two years ago, but stood before me thanking God that her life was spared. Another friend who had dated my brother-in-law decades ago is now running a business while taking care of a husband and a grandmother who both have dementia!

I have a chronic medical condition. Symptoms began not long after I started a career/ministry I loved – definitely not in my plans. For a while after I was diagnosed, I stopped participating in life, but not completely because of my illness. I was more limited by the meaning I had assigned to the illness and the power I gave the meaning.

Painful Pieces…

The reality of life is this – it isn’t only to be lived by well people, or people who have their lives going as planned, or the super intelligent or the super spiritual.

In the early stages of my illness, (and sometimes during tough seasons!) I did not choose life in whatever form God chose to give it. I wanted to pick and choose the life I wanted.

Rachel Remen, M.D. said in her beautiful book, Kitchen Table Wisdom:

When I accepted certain parts of life and denied and ignored the rest, I could only see my life a piece at a time – the happiness of a success or a time of celebration, or the ugliness and pain of a loss or a failure I was trying hard to put behind me out of sight…We are always putting the pieces together without knowing the picture ahead of time. I have been with many people in times of profound loss and grief when an unsuspected meaning begins to emerge from the fragments of their lives. Over time, this meaning has proven itself to be durable and trustworthy, even transformative. It is a kind of strength that never comes to those who deny their pain.

Life involves many types of pain; you don’t have to have many years under your belt to know this. It is in our flesh-nature to avoid/ignore pain, to hide it from others when we can, or to rage against it as unfair, but we are sojourners and exiles in this world (1 Peter 2:11). Paul warned us in 2 Corinthians that things would become wearisome here.

For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling... For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened – not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.

2 Corinthians 5:2-4, ESV

Choose Life…

When God told the Israelites in Deuteronomy 30:11-19, to “choose life,” do you think they had been listening for the previous two chapters? I ask because, in my opinion, God spelled it out very clearly what would happen if they walked with Him and obeyed Him, or what the consequences would be if they didn’t. However, it doesn’t seem as though they were prepared for the latter years of trials.

Despite how clearly pain and trials are delineated in Scripture, I fear that many Christians today are not well prepared for the Life to which they are called, either. Hardships, pain, and trials arrive and some become shell-shocked and believe God has thrown them overboard. However, Jesus succinctly warned in John 16:33 (ESV): I have said these things to you that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

His disciples were clear on this point; in 2 Timothy 2:3, Paul invites Timothy to join him in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. Suffering was a given.

Keys to Accepting…

I believe the keys to accepting the life God gives us each day is hidden in the Deuteronomy 30:11-20 passage. God said that it isn’t too mysterious for you, nor is it far off…but the word is very near you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may do it (v. 11).

I love that – I can hear Him saying, “People! This isn’t rocket science!”

…I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days…

Deuteronomy 30:19-20, NKJV

The Keys…

Choose life
Love the Lord your God
Obey His voice
Cling to Him

Don’t wait for a new life. Live this one boldly as you cling to Him.

The reality of life is this - it isn't only to be lived by well people, or people who have their lives going as planned, or the super intelligent or the super spiritual. Click To Tweet

What Do You Want?

Stay SaneJanuary 8, 2017

Taking the month of December “off” was such a good thing. I was able to focus on things that I had been neglecting, and gain clarity on things I had been struggling with. I relaxed and enjoyed plentiful time with my family both near and far. I was present, and calm, and it was just plain wonderful. And now begins the journey of 2017!

I love the New Year. It is actually my favorite holiday. Not because of wild New Years Eve parties, though. Last year I didn’t even stay awake to midnight. No, I love New Years because of the promise of hope. I love being able to look out at the year and imagine good things. I imagine the year filled with excitement, and peace, and challenges. I don’t want an easy year. I want a year that will leave me being a better person than when I began it.

I may write down some goals, but I don’t let them control me. I don’t get upset if they are not achieved, or make myself miserable trying to accomplish them. I see goals like I see life. They are taking me on a journey. Some years are more difficult than others never knowing what obstacle is going to pop up next, and other years are slow and tedious and mundane. This is why we need to be flexible when setting goals. Having goals simply helps me to be intentional in knowing what is worth pursuing.

My Goals…

Spiritual I’m not going to tell you that I need to spend more time reading my Bible, or go to church more consistently. I have no time for “Sunday School” answers. These are great things of course, but what matters is my heart. Do I desire to know Jesus more? Or am I fine going along and doing my own thing. Do I long for His peace? Or do tend to worry and try to solve problems myself. My goal is to focus on him more and stop focusing on the messes in my life. Yes, he knows about my mess, and yes he cares. In times of chaos, it may be that all I can do is curl up in a ball and let him hold me. I will aim to be still, and let him comfort me. In my stillness, I will focus on his strength, not my weakness.

Health Healthy to me means being able to be active and do the things I enjoy doing. Healthy is not a number! I want to have energy, and not have aches and pains. Being healthy includes both exercise and nutrition. There is no simple, quick solution to being in optimal health. This may mean adding some things, and eliminating others. And it may require some trial and error, but that’s alright as long as I’m making progress.

Social I know this may sound silly, but one of my goals this year is to be better about acknowledging birthdays. See, I have this issue with my birthday. I’m afraid that it won’t be remembered or acknowledged. So, in order to “protect” myself I don’t acknowledge birthdays of other people. That way I have no reason to be upset. Twisted, right? The deeper goal here is to make myself more vulnerable.

Business I have big dreams and a vision for what I want to see happen with Oh Lord Help Us. This goal I have to hold with open hands. I will be sharing more about this in the upcoming weeks.

Your turn…

What do you want?

What are your goals?

What dreams do you have?

I want to hear about them!

Thrive in the Mundane

Stay SaneJanuary 17, 2016January 29, 2016

I’m an adventure seeker, risk taker, and a dreamer. And I’ll admit it, I don’t mind a little drama every now and then. Where I struggle is when life is mundane. When it’s the same thing day after day after day. I do like routine, don’t get me wrong. It helps me not have to think so much. But I need a good challenge thrown in there with it.

Driving through the mountains is more enjoyable than driving through corn fields. But much of our life is like driving through the fields of Indiana. Straight and steady. With some windmills (I don’t know what they are an analogy for, it’s just the only thing that’s exciting on I-65).

Right now, I’m driving through Indiana. And I’m not even to the windmills yet. I don’t want to just survive the mundane life. I want to thrive.

Motherhood

This past week I have wanted to turn in my resignation. The only problem is, my job is being a mom. I love my children fiercely, but some ~~days~~ weeks I just want a break. I want to lay in bed and not change diapers, or feed other people, or wash more clothes. I don’t want to say, yet again, “be nice to your brother,” or “get your hands off the wall,” or “you need to help with the dishes.” Day in and day out. When will they ever learn?

How do I thrive?

I talk to people that are a step or two or twenty ahead of me. I need to know that there is a light at the end of this long tunnel. I need to know that I’m not alone. I need to know that it is not just me. And I need someone to laugh with at the ridiculousness of it all.

Faith

When life is mundane, my faith is truly tested. Not when facing trials. For me trials bring me closer to The Lord and closer to other people. But doing dishes, and laundry, and feeding children, and wiping noses (and butts), and doing life day after day makes it difficult to feel spiritual.

How do I thrive?

I meet with other believers. When I am in drought, I gleen from their wisdom. When I am unable to pray, I listen. When I am bored with my life, I encourage theirs. We were designed to live out our faith with others.

Marriage

Usually when we go through a period of time where we are just going through the motions, it ends with a bit of an explosion. This then results in good conversation, a deeper understanding of one another, and a closer bond. But I don’t want it to require getting to that point.

How do we thrive?

We should probably not turn the tv on after the kiddos go to bed, but to be honest, that’s all I want to do. I am mentally tired and I just want to drink a glass of wine, watch a silly show, and not think. I don’t want to have deep meaningful conversations every night. But I do want to be with him. So we made it a requirement to sit next to one another while watching a show. And preferably snuggle.

That works for the day to day, but we do need to be able to have deeper conversations and connect sometimes. And the kiddos cannot be there. They just can’t. This means having regular dates (night or day-we actually prefer morning dates). For us it’s once a month. That works with our budget and is typically enough to get us through the next few weeks.

I can eat healthy for several days in a row, and then get so bored with it that I binge on hamburgers, fries, and milkshakes. And doughnuts. I can’t resist the doughnuts. Also, I can exercise regularly for a stretch of time, and then completely lose interest in it.

How do I thrive?

“If we do the same thing we will get the same thing.” This is what my health role model always says. Pretty much we need to mix up the exercises and meals. Running is my thing, but I also cycle, swim, and lift weights. To continue eating healthy, I allow myself to “binge” on a meal once a week, then return to eating healthy. No guilt allowed.

With all of these, I have to remind myself that I am doing what I am meant to be doing and I don’t want to be doing anything else. I want to be healthy, and a good mom, and a loving wife.

Do you struggle with this? Hang in there, mommas! The day to day can wear us down, but know that we can persevere. We don’t want to merely survive the mundane. We want to thrive. How do you thrive within the mundane in your relationships, jobs, etc?

xoxo