grief – Oh Lord Help Us

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Grief: Learning to Praise God in Times of Acute Pain

DevotionalsAugust 19, 2019August 16, 2019

Grief is crippling. Often times our physical bodies heal faster than our spirits. In these times we must learn to praise God through the pain.

Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint; LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.
My soul is in anguish. How long, LORD, how long?
Turn, LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.
No one remembers you when he is dead. Who praises you from the grave ?
I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.
My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.
Away from me, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping.
The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer.
Psalm 6:2-9, NIV

Spiritual and Physical Anguish

The moment after the ultrasound that showed that our supposed “miracle baby” was meant for Heaven rather than earth, my body ached with devastating grief. Sorrow is insidious, seeping in and replicating like a virus or cancer. It hits fast and hard — starting at the chest, knocking the wind out of you, and quickly traveling to every muscle, joint, bone, and nerve.

The bodily pain mended more quickly than my broken spirit, and that pain comes back now and then: when a friend has a baby, when I see the baby pictures of other people’s children, when I have none of mine, when I think of how my due date is fast approaching every November. It has been in those moments–those breathless, agonizing moments, where my faith has been tested. Would this be the time that I fell to my knees to pray for healing? Or would I shake my fist to rail at my Heavenly Father for His cruelty, His neglect, His silence?

Directing Our Anger

I’d like to tell you that I always ended up on my knees, but I have raised my fist towards God in anger more times than I would like to admit. Luckily for me, God has always been capable of taking the brunt of my anger. Fortunately for me, He has already forgiven my rage and impertinence. Thankfully, He has always guided me back to dedicated prayer and relationship with Him.

I know God has delivered me. He has saved me because of His undying, steadfast love. He always hears my weeping, my cries for mercy. God patiently listens to my pleas and accepts my prayers. His silence isn’t a sign of neglect. This silence has a purpose which He will reveal to me in His time.

Pain of Grief

I think it is important to remember this Psalm, even in the darkest depths of grief. The Psalmist cries out to God just as any one of us does on any given day. He feels the bodily pain of his grief and the weariness from enduring so much sadness. He wonders how long God will allow him to withstand his anguish.

My soul is in deep anguish. How long, LORD, how long?
Psalm 6:3, NIV

This is a familiar refrain. But the Psalmist remembers that no matter how his body aches, how much his soul anguishes, he is blessed with God’s unfailing love.

These Feelings are Natural

I think we, especially as women, find shame in lifting our frustration and rage up and directing it at God. We know that we are supposed to find solace in Him, to trust in His plans, His timing, His goodness. But the world presents us with such indefinable suffering that there is no tangible “who” to place our blame upon. God, then, becomes the logical culpability bearer.

This is natural. It’s normal. You are no different than I am in this transgression. Plus, God has proven time and time again to be long-suffering with our misplaced anger and doubt in Him. He hasn’t broken off relationship with us in the past, so why would He in our present or future?

This is the comfort we can seek, this unity in our weakness and assurance that our Father will love us through it all. Sit in that for a moment. But don’t stay comfortable too long, because comfortable people do not change. God tells us time and time again in Scripture, we are to be transformed by our relationship with Him. So, now that we have cast away the shame we feel in misplacing our anger in Him…

Seeking a Different Way

We have to seek a different path. Every time I misplace my anger at my circumstances and place it firmly on His shoulders, I go back to the question my small group leader always asks: “What do I know to be true?”

I know God is good beyond my capability to comprehend. I am assured that He loves me with an unfathomable love. I know that His Word bears evidence of His goodness through generation, upon generation who came before me. I know that His way is always best and that I never regret His way once the conclusion has played out in my life. I am certain that what I do not understand today, I will understand when I am in Heaven.

This knowledge should transform how I react. It should impact how I respond to my suffering. I should look to Job and Joseph and see how they embraced God in the midst of their troubles.

Job praised God. His wife wanted him to curse God and die. I know that feeling. I cannot judge her for having that resentment without living at the height of my own hypocrisy. But I can aspire to be more like Job.

Joseph had been so maligned by his brothers that no one could blame him had he cast his brothers out of Egypt without food. He, however, saw the good God did in the midst of his travails and was able to show genuine forgiveness to his bullies and assailants.

Praising through Pain

It seems counterintuitive. We know bad things happen despite our faith and God’s goodness, but in the midst of our suffering, it does not seem like God deserves our praise. That is exactly when we need to get out of our broken hearts into our heads.

What do we know to be true?

He is always worthy.

He is always good.

We must praise Him always.

In the end, we will endure our burdens much more easily when our eyes are set on Him in adoration. The trust we have in what we know to be true about our Father is a buffer that shields us from the harshest parts of our suffering. It won’t remove the stress and pain altogether, but it will shield us from the worst of it and allow us to see how God works in spite of the pain, because of it, and alongside it.

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5, ESV

We endure our burdens when our eyes are set on God in adoration. The trust we have in what we know to be true about our Father is a buffer shielding us from the harshest parts of our suffering. Click To Tweet

Kirill Pershin

Tragedy: Standing Firm through Grief and Suffering

Devotionals, Stay SaneFebruary 25, 2018June 28, 2019

Tragedy leaves us overcome with grief. How can we keep standing, praising, and trusting? Is God even there? Does He even listen to our cries?

There was another school shooting. It rocks me to my core every time I hear about children in school not being safe. As a teacher, and mother, I know that this is my worst nightmare.

I remember Columbine. God has had miracles come from that tragedy. At one school where I taught, we took part in Rachel’s Challenge.

I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will start a chain reaction of the same. People will never know how far a little kindness can go.

Rachel Scott, victim of Columbine High School massacre

Her family loved her and remembers her by trying to stop people from being left out, bullied or ostracized in the hopes that they never feel the need to pick up a gun and kill.

I remember Virginia Tech. There are now much better warning systems on all college campuses to alert students to danger. And as the mother of a college student I am grateful for that.

I remember Sandy Hook. There are not enough tears to cry for that senseless act. The babies that died that day and the adults who shielded as many as they could will forever haunt my dreams. But that community came together and supported each other in such amazing ways.

Now I have to say I remember Parkland, Florida.

So where is God in the middle of all this madness? Does he really want his children to suffer? He has to be here somewhere. He has to have a hand in this somehow. After all, He promised he would never abandon us. We cry out, “BUT WHERE IS HE?”

Grief and Praise

In times like this I return to Job. Everything was taken from him within a few moments. His servants and sons dead. His livestock stolen or killed. And what does Job do…he grieves and praises God.

When Job heard this, he got up, tore his clothes and shaved his head to show his sadness. Then he fell to the ground to bow down before God and said, ‘When I was born into this world, I was naked and had nothing. When I die and leave this world, I will be naked and have nothing. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Praise the name of the Lord!

Job 1:20-21, ERV

Horrible things happen. God doesn’t always intercede. I can’t tell you why. I just know that there is never a moment when He isn’t with us.

Standing Through Tragedy

As the story of Job continues we see that Satan is telling God that humans will not stand with him when tragedy strikes. They will turn their backs and blasphemy His name. But God has faith in his children and tells Satan to do his worst, but to spare Job’s life.

Satan put sores all over poor Job, he was grieving, he was in physical pain, he sat in ashes and used broken pottery to scratch at the sores. But his friends came and sat with him to offer comfort.

Then they sat on the ground with Job for seven days and seven nights. They didn’t say a word, because they saw he was in so much pain.

Job 2:13, ERV

Job does cry out eventually. He begs God to end his torment and let him die. He questions God, “Why was I even born if this is what You had planned for me?”

How many times have we done that? Questioned our Creator? I fully admit to asking him “Why?” and being angry when I didn’t get an answer.

Are You There God?

Most of Job’s friends and family weren’t much better. His wife tells him to curse God. His friends say he has to have been up to no good. They thought, “God is paying you back.”

Not true. God is there in the tragedy holding our hands, lifting us up if we let Him, but never pushing us down. He can use these times, just like He did with Job to show us how He is always there. We must trust in Him to see us through.

Job is blessed to have a great friend who will speak truth to him and who loves God wholeheartedly. Elihu tells Job, you are not innocent, no one is. But he tells the friends they can’t accuse someone of something when they have no knowledge of it. They cannot blame God.

Job, God is not only powerful, but he is fair.

Job 34:17, ERV

He does not respect leaders more than other people. And he does not respect the rich more than the poor. God made everyone. Any of us can die suddenly, in the middle of the night. Anyone can get sick and pass away.

Job 34:19-20, ERV

The Answer to Every Question

God, Himself, then enters the picture. He reminds Job that He is the creator. He has made everything, and everything exists because of God. God then tells the story of Leviathan in Job 41. If we see Leviathan as Satan we can see that God is telling us that only He can control Satan. He is a deadly enemy and we must arm ourselves with God and His Word. Only with His help can we escape the clutches of Satan.

Job and his friends repent and pray to God. God forgives them.

When these moments of tragedy happen we can’t rage against God or blame Him. God loves us. He is our Father and Creator. Find a friend who can help you seek truth and God. We all know that evil exists. Bad stuff happens, but faithfully accepting that our Father is there in the tragedy will help ease the suffering.

...faithfully accepting that our Father is there in the tragedy will help ease the suffering. Click To Tweet

Facing God’s Truth

Now here is the hard part about tragedy. We have to acknowledge if we played a part in it. This could be a blind eye that was turned, a cultural norm that goes against God that we have let slip by, a friend we weren’t true to, or a warning we ignored. Yes, there are times we didn’t play a part, but just as often we are complicit because we let society dictate its own mores. Humans are weak and flawed. God is not. We have to be the friend who stands up and tells the truth, no matter the consequences because we know that God speaks through truth.

Dear God,

Please open our eyes to Your Word. Help us align ourselves with You and put more faith in You than in the world. Let us be leaders of the Light of truth that comes from being Your followers. Thank You for guiding us through tragedy and never leaving our side. Give us the courage and wisdom to speak Your will.

Love,

Are you facing your own tragedy?

We would love to offer our support by praying with and for you.

If you have found this inspiring, share the encouragement…

Suddenly, Nothing Else Matters

Love, Stay SaneJuly 10, 2016July 10, 2016

This past week kinda got away from me. I didn’t take the time to write, and honestly was just not motivated to do so. This happens every so often, so I was just going to do something light-hearted. But that will have to wait. It just doesn’t seem right. I don’t feel light-hearted today. I actually feel very, very heavy. I feel heavy about loss of life this week. I feel heavy that there is so much hurt, anger, and division in our country. I feel heavy that my brother-in-law lost his father. And I feel heavy that 2 little boys lost their mom this weekend.

A classmate of mine from college whom I was in the dental hygiene program with, has lost her battle with cancer. It was all so sudden that it has left many, including myself, trying to catch up. What happened? How did this happen? Why did it have to happen. It makes me weep and want to scream.

Two and a half months ago she was performing in a local production of Steel Magnolias. Two months ago she was celebrating her son’s 9th birthday. A month ago she shared this on Facebook:

CANCER….for those who’ve wondered & those who’ve already known….yes it’s what I’ve got! The thing about cancer is, it causes a person to experience MANY different emotions but it also causes you to really reflect on life. One thing I’ve learned is that my family is so incredibly loved by SO many people that I can’t even begin to explain how that makes me feel!
And, so whatever happens during this journey…..I am blessed beyond measure because I know that I AM the daughter of a KING that is NOT moved by this world!!! There is nothing that happens in my life that HE doesn’t already know about. I shall not fear because HE goes before me! HE is the Great Physician & I know that HE will protect me….HE has great plans for me! My JESUS has me in the palm of his hand & HE knows exactly what I need when I need it!!!! And for that I am thankful!! So…It’s ALL GOOD y’all.

And today, she is gone.

She was not a close friend, but her death has hit me incredibly hard. The tears just won’t stop. Without Facebook, I probably would not have any clue what her life was like, or that any of this was happening. But I do know that she was an incredibly bright, loving, and kind person. She was when she was a part of my daily school life, and seeing the response of her death, I know that her influence has only increased over the years. Now, she is not just in the “palm of his hand” but truly in the arms of Jesus. What a beautiful image.

She was loved greatly, because she loved greatly. She is absolutely the daughter of a King who is in complete control. We do not understand His ways, but we can trust Him. We may not like the outcome, but we can rest in His peace. I agree with her, it is ALL GOOD!

I feel so much pain for her parents, her husband, and her boys. I know they are in shock, overcome with grief, and wondering how they will make it through each day. There is no advice, there are no words, to ease the pain they feel. Jesus says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” The comfort will come, but for now, just mourning. Deep, gut-wrenching, painful mourning.

It’s so easy to get caught up in day-to-day things. It’s not that those things don’t matter, or that the Lord is not using those things to teach us, or encourage us, or heal us. But there are seasons in life that our perspective shifts. For this precious family, suddenly nothing else matters. I’m sure they are not caring about what they are wearing, or what they need to get done this week, or who is running for president. They only know the love they feel for this incredibly special woman and the hole that exists in their lives now that she is gone.

For today, I have no deeper message to share. Only that I wish to weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15).

xoxo

I’m Done Running

Be Healthy, Stay SaneNovember 18, 2014

This has been the “Year of the Race” for me. Six trail races, two triathlons, and two marathons. I am ready to hibernate.

My last run before this past marathon got me thinking. I once believed that runners were running from something. I realized that I’m not running from something. I’m running to something. This has not always been the case.

I’ve been running since I was 14, and it was truly because I enjoyed it (and didn’t have the coordination to play a sport with a ball). My first road race was when I was 21. Then I attempted twice to train for a marathon but had to quit because of injuries. When I finally did accomplish it, it was because I was running away.

In March of 2003 my mom went into the hospital suddenly. She had cancer and was in a drug-induced coma. The doctors didn’t expect much, but we had hope. In June, my hubby and I moved to Atlanta. In July, she was gone. I had so much anger, and hurt, and heartbreak. I was in a new city with a new job with no friends and no family. So I ran. And ran. And ran. It was my therapy.

After my first marathon I decided to do another, and another, and…you get the point. Somewhere along the way I did let go of the anger, and was able to find peace and even joy in the heartbreak I had experienced. But any time my world starts to crumble, I plan another race. Hence these past two marathons.

Back in August I found out I was expecting again! And then that I was having a miscarriage (my second). I cried and yelled and cussed when I first discovered that I was losing it. But when they gave me the official word, nothing. Not a drop of saline came from my eyes. For nearly two months. Until my last training run. And I realized that I had been running away again. This song came on. Here are the lyrics:

You are good, You are good
When there’s nothing good in me

You are love, You are love
On display for all to see

You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in

You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling

You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering

You are joy, You are joy
You’re the reason that I sing

You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say

You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim

You are here, You are here
In Your presence I’m made whole

You are God, You are God
Of all else I’m letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough

And at that moment I decided that I’m not running away any longer, I’m running to my Lord, my Savior, my Love. That night I cried, and it felt so good.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there will be more heartbreaks in my future. And I’m sure I will be out there running. It is my stress reliever and therapy. The Lord has made me with the ability and the desire to do so. But I know that I will be running to the promises that He has for me.