change

While our world is ever-changing, we serve a God who is reliable and never changing. He can be trusted for He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Swirling Thoughts

Yesterday was not my finest hour. If I am honest, this hasn’t been my greatest week either. My son Evan and I are living in Philadelphia while he undergoes a bone marrow transplant. To say I am over it just does not do the whole experience justice. He arrived September 4^th to begin chemo, while I arrived September 11^th to be here during the transplant and for the rest of the treatment. Going in, we knew this would be a 3-month process here in Philly. I knew that.

But… 3 months in my head and 3 months in real time are just not the same. The days have gotten long. The room has started to close in. Evan has gotten bored. We both miss the rest of our family. And, I have been feeling it coming all week. The tears, the anxiety, the pressing grief from being away from all I know that is familiar. It has been a tough week.

Feeling Overwhelmed

As part of our exit from the hospital, I have to learn how to flush his line. So, there’s a lot of new vocabulary in the hospital. Line. Broviac. Flush. It has all been very overwhelming. Needless to say, I don’t function well under stress. I’m pretty sure nobody does. But, here I was in a class trying to process how to keep Evan’s central line flushed and in good shape and I melted into a puddle of tears.

I had texted several of my praying friends right before I entered the room for teaching to ask them to pray. The prospect of leaving the hospital was scaring me to death. I knew I needed the prayers. Within 5 minutes, the teacher had decided I needed more time to process all of this information. She was going to advocate for a slower pace. I was greatly relieved, but still super embarrassed to have gotten so upset.

Change is Hard

Change. I’m not a fan. I remember a day my college roommate moved our furniture around without telling me. It felt like grounds for moving immediately. The past month has been “change” overload and I am resisting it like crazy. I like sameness, sure, and steady. This experience here, waiting to see if my son’s health will improve, has been a rollercoaster of change. A new drug every day. Constant monitoring so doctors can decide if he needs a new drug. I had to change rooms this week so Evan could have his own shower. Did I mention I hate change? But, I am in a world that is always changing; that is never the same.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 16:33, NIV

He is Unchanging

I left the hospital for a breather and when I returned, I headed for the elevator. I glanced to my right and there was another mom with the same look on her face. Weary. Scared. Tears down her face. As we stepped on the elevator, I just quietly asked if I could pray for her. She gave me her name and I just asked Our Father for His care. His comfort. His help.

As I am struggling here, my emotions are fighting with my head on a constant basis. There is change all around me, but He has not changed. He is reliable, constant and steady.

There is change all around us, but God has not changed. He is reliable, constant and steady. Click To Tweet

He is Reliable

I’ve mentioned before that I like to put up scripture during difficult seasons as a way to remind my heart of what is true. Before we left South Carolina, I had been given some cards to open here in Philly as a way of encouragement for the long journey. One dear friend had put verses on index cards within her card and I have put the scriptures all over my room. I have a constant reminder that God is not changing, ever reliable, even if the whole of my world is swirling non-stop.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Hebrews 13:8, NIV

When I graduated high school I got my ear cartilage pierced. And then I got a tattoo.

When I left for college I had long hair down my back. The first week there I cut it all off into a bob, that just went shorter from there into a pixie cut.

After getting married I colored my hair blond. Which was awful, by the way, because I did it myself. It looked like straw and I had to color it back to light brown.

After my first son was born, I actually grew my hair long. Three and a half years later, after having my second son, I had it all cut off again.

Before my daughter was born I had my husband actually use clippers and buzz my hair on the sides.

Now, as I am about to move to yet another state, I have gone and gotten two more tattoos.

And I know I’m not alone in this.

My sister-in-law has colored her hair purple after moving and starting a new career.

My friend went and had her nose pierced after her daughter was born. And then got tattoos before moving.

Why is this?

There is something in us that goes a little berserk when we are experiencing a major life change. Maybe it is a way to feel hip or attractive, or maybe it’s a way to commemorate a major life event, or maybe it is a way to claim some sort of control over the chaos we are living in. Whatever the reason, we need to make sure we check our hearts for the motivation, and ideally don’t do anything too drastic that we will regret in the future. (Yes I know tattoos are drastic. Yes, I checked my heart for my motivation.)

Life is often out of control, and we all have our ways to find peace in those moments. For me, this is usually exercise and cleaning. But when life throws us major turbulence, we seem to need something a bit more significant.

What about you?

What crazy things have you done when life has thrown major changes at you?

Life is frantic and out of my control, but God... brings peace and I trust the plans He has for me. — Life is frantic and out of my control, but God… is in control. He brings peace, and I trust the plans He has for me.

My life is a journey. It has not been a straight path, but it is leading me to eternity.

xoxo

Reliable: Trusting Our Unchanging God in a Swirling World