abuse

abuse, bondage, freedom, reckless, release, repression, Oh Lord Help Us, Christian, women, mentor, ministry

Free: Allowing God to Break Repression and Bondage on Our Lives

DevotionalsAugust 28, 2019August 26, 2019

Abusive relationships, depression, sin are just a few things that can cause bondage in our lives. But we are set free through Jesus’ death and resurrection!

Set Free

The young girl ran towards the water with reckless abandon. She loved this time of year when she could swim in the ocean and pretend to be a mermaid. But, today would be different. A short while later while splashing around she was hit by a large wave. The undertow was strong. She was tossed in circles and hit her head on the ocean floor time and again. She was seized with fear and felt as though she would drown. After what seemed like an eternity the sea spit her body onto the shore. She was trembling and coughing up water, but she was alive. She was free from the grip of the ocean’s power.

Thirty years later the young girl was now a woman. She respected the sea and its power. Today she found herself floating on the still ocean waters. Her body gently moved with the ocean’s movements; the water rolling over her like a caress. Her face titled toward the sun; drinking in its warmth. She relished times like these when she could talk to God amidst the beauty of His creation. It was in that still moment, God reminded her of how she had been set free.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18, NIV

What I have to share is deeply personal and a sensitive subject for many men and women. Many of us have faced brokenness so deep that it leaves us crushed. There are all kinds of repressions we face in our lives.

Some know very little how it feels to constantly be knocked down with words or actions. But, far too many men and women know the real horrors of being physically, mentally, and/ or emotionally and verbally abused. The physical is unimaginably difficult to get over. I admire more than one of my friends who have had the courage to break free from the cycle of abuse and find strength in Christ to heal and move forward.

I took me a lot of years to recognize what verbal and emotional abuse look like. It does not mean I was not in a loving relationship. In fact, I still love this person very deeply. However, words and actions can still hurt us deeply. They can beat us down and make use believe lies about ourselves and even give us a distorted identity.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1, NIV

Recognizing What Binds

The effects of abuse are often debilitating. Depression, confusion, overwhelming feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and poor physical health are all effects. Cling to God’s words in I Corinthians 13 because God paints a very clear picture of what love truly is and is not. But, the first step to solving any problem is recognizing what the problem is. So, I ask all of you reading this, what binds you?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it doesn not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
I Corinthians 13:4-8, CSB

Realizing Your Role

I am a people pleaser and I know this about myself. But, it is not always a good thing. In fact, until I reached my mid-thirties, I used to allow others to run over me because keeping the peace was so important to me. So, I played a major role in allowing others to hurt me.

Now, of course, this did not make it right. However, sometimes we allow things to happen to us because we are seized with fear, anxiety, want to keep the peace, overwhelmed, or just think we are powerless to stop them from happening. If we are saved, then the Holy Spirit is within us. God’s power is within us! Claim it! Realize the power of Christ within you!

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us…
Ephesians 3:20, KJV

Releasing it to God

If you love someone let them go. If it was meant to be, then they will come back to you.

As a teenage girl with a lot of crushes, I used to cling to this phrase. As a mature woman, I now realize the value in these words. After decades, I finally had to let go of the one whom my heart loved. The one whom I shared a life and children with. But, letting go does not mean giving up. It means releasing it to God. As humans, we try to control and fix so many situations in our lives. But, it is important to realize there are many things beyond our power.

Reckless Abandon

When you think of a person who has reckless abandon you often think of one who is wild and careless and does not think about the consequences of their actions. However, I want you to think of living the Christian life with reckless abandon in a slightly different way.

The term “reckless” comes from the root word “reckon” which means to account for or to think of every thought. Is it our job to reckon with God and think through every little detail of our lives? No. We are not God. He is there to lead and guide us. If we try to reckon or reason with Him, then we are trying to take control away from God.

The verb for abandon means to leave. The noun for abandon means to lack inhibition or restraint. So, let’s put these two words together. Reckless abandon in the Christian life means to leave your life, without restraining or trying to control any part of it, and rely completely on God to control and direct every part of it. How freeing it is to allow the Lord to rule your heart. To allow Him to free us from things that bind our lives. He has a purpose and a plan we need only to follow Him with reckless abandon.

Until we meet again…Gracie

How freeing it is to allow the Lord to rule your heart. To allow Him to free us from things that bind our lives. He has a purpose and a plan we need only to follow Him with reckless abandon. Click To Tweet

Dieter Kühl

Haunted: Finding Redemption from Abuse

Stay SaneJune 4, 2017July 30, 2019

This week I have the honor of sharing a guest post from one of the bravest women I have ever known. Over the past year I have watched in awe her transformation and admire the boldness she possesses. Kelly is an advocate for women who have been victims of abuse and desires for them to experience the same redemption and freedom she now has after so many years of longing and praying.

Please support her mission and ministry by visiting Blankets of Redemption.

“God, please make it go away!”

“It” didn’t even have a name. There were memories, categories, ideas for “it” in my head, but I wasn’t even sure what “it” was. I just knew “it” had to go away. Most people in my life who knew about “it” were not supportive or helpful. I think they didn’t really know what to do with “it” either. So when my family moved two states away from where we had called home our entire lives, I was determined more than ever to make “it” go away and get a clean break.

I know, you probably are wondering what in the world “it” is. I have a name for “it” now. “It” is sexual abuse that I experienced for some time during my childhood. When God redeemed me, called me Daughter, I was certain I had to make it go away. All the other Christians I was surrounded by at the time seemed to agree, as they insisted it didn’t matter at all because “if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

So I prayed, “God, please make it go away!” I prayed the only words I could find for experiences I had no words for.

But it never did go away. I tried for years and years, yet it persisted. It’s impact seemed to spread to every part of me and my life. I was very good at pretending it wasn’t there and hiding all the ways it made itself present. Still, it haunted me, and still I begged God to make it go away…until I stopped praying because I thought God didn’t care about it in the first place.

I knew God loved me. I knew He cared about me. I had seen His grace, mercy, forgiveness, and kindness over and over in my life in every area but that one. Yet I always felt I was somehow less than because He was leaving “it” and refusing to hear my oh-so-desperate cries it seemed.

Then completely unexpectedly, God brought a woman into my life who began to walk with me on a journey to healing from the abuse of my past. He began healing parts of my life that “it” had left mangled and desolate. He began to teach me that “it” does not have to go away, and so many years later, He was beginning to answer that short, desperate prayer I had long since stopped praying.

The healing came slowly, but He is such a patient Father. One day, as I was having a conversation with a dear friend and sister in Christ, she said something that had such a profound impact on me I nearly burst into tears in an instant. She was talking about 1 Timothy 1:7 which says, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control.” As she talked about this spirit of love given by God, she said, “you don’t have to make it go away because you are loved with that part of you.”

That truth…what freedom it brings. Walls I have built decades high in hopes of self protection were shattered the moment she spoke that to me. In that moment I realized I do not have to make it go away, because I am perfectly, wholly, beautifully loved…all of me…even the broken, shattered, messy part that bears the wounds of abuse.

I am perfectly, wholly, beautifully loved...all of me...even the broken, shattered, messy part... Click To Tweet

As I meditated on and considered this truth, I thought back to that verse that was once used to tell me that “it” didn’t matter and should be buried. That verse which was used in such a hurtful and harmful way was used in an incomplete way also. I realized that the old passing away does not mean the abuse disappears and does not matter or have an impact on my life. It highlights the the place where the present and the eternal touch. I am already made new. Yet, I live in this body affected by sin. I am called to renewal in the present while having already been made new in the eternal. The old that passes away…it doesn’t disappear. The old is the pieces God uses to make the new mosaic of me that reaches completion when my journey on this earth is finished, and I am home with my Abba Father in heaven for eternity.

I am already new in Christ, yet He is making me new each day. He sees the mosaic, the work He is doing in me, already completed in His eternal view, yet He is making the new mosaic out of the old broken pieces right now in the present. He doesn’t make the old disappear. He redeems it all while it is already redeemed. I don’t have to make “it” go away.

I think we all have an “it” if we’re really honest with ourselves. That one thing we feel we must hide or pretend isn’t there. The thing we have pushed so far down into the darkest parts of us we won’t even let God in. “It” could be something we have done, or something done to us, or a combination of both. That makes no difference. Whatever your “it,” you do not have to make it go away. You are perfectly, wholly, beautifully loved with it, whatever “it” may be. It may be old, but it does not disappear. God uses it to create in you the newness He already sees. He will meet you in the middle of the mess “it” has left behind. He redeems you with it. He loves you with it.

Please, if you are a victim of abuse, seek help. You are not alone, and do not need to stand alone. Allow others to walk with you, or even carry you through this. I pray you were blessed and challenged by Kelly’s words. Please continue to share her story so that others will experience this same freedom of living life being who they were created to be.

In Her Corner, episode 5

In Her Corner, Stay SaneMay 1, 2016June 5, 2016

This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”

Who she is…

A single mom of two, working 3 different jobs in order to make ends meet. Trying to maintain time with her children while she works a hectic schedule. Living a life fueled by grace. Using her God-given gifts to encourage and motivate others. She gets it all done by waking early and staying up late.

“Honestly, some days I’m running on 4 hours of sleep and lots of coffee!”

Where she has been…

To understand the life she now lives, we must understand the life she has lived. She did not grow up with a father present, and her mother worked most of the time in order to provide. Because of this, there was not much supervision in their home, and this provided an environment that allowed her to be sexual abused by a sibling for several years. It was this time in her life that she learned how to “wear a mask” and put on an act that everything was fine.

“It’s just too painful to tell people how you really feel or what things are really going on.”

She was angry. Angry at her mother for not protecting her and for not stopping the abuse. Angry at her earthly father for leaving and not being there. And angry at her heavenly Father for allowing any of it. As a young adult, she accepted Jesus Christ as her Savior and realized that the grace God had extended to her, she had to extend to others. So, with God’s help, she forgave. She forgave her mother, knowing that she was just doing the best she could with what she had. She has forgiven her father, understanding now that he needed to leave because of addictions that he didn’t want to expose his family to. And she has forgiven her abuser even though remorse has never been expressed on their part. She still has scars that are not fully healed, but she is living by grace day by day.

Shortly after becoming a follower of Christ, she met her husband. And shortly after that, they were married. They both came from broken homes. Neither of them knew what a healthy family looked like.

“We were just putting together what we thought would be a good family with the broken pieces we had.”

A year into the marriage she started to see some red flags. It started with verbal abuse, being told she was lazy, a slob, and a horrible mom.

“My first Mother’s Day he didn’t get me anything. He said I didn’t deserve anything because I wasn’t a good mom.”

Unfortunately, she believed these comments. Then she found out she was expecting again. She was panicked. She already felt overwhelmed with one child, how was she going to be able to handle two? While she was pregnant, he was deployed. And even though this meant she had to handle things on her own, life was easier.

She found a good, supportive church and was mentored by other women, finally seeing what a godly woman and mother look like. She learned that it was alright to make mistakes, that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. She was learning the difference between conviction and condemnation. She was refreshed.

Her husband returned from overseas, coming home with PTSD. He was very withdrawn, and became easily angered. At this point he became physically abusive. She thought about walking away from the marriage then, but he wanted to make things right. They went to counseling, and even though it did seem to help, he was not as open about his own issues and made it seem to the counselor that the problems they were having were her fault.

Through all of this, she presented herself as happy in front of others. She made it appear that they had the perfect marriage. She lied to others in order to protect him, even though it put herself at risk. She wore the mask that she created as a child.

“You may love somebody, but they shouldn’t hurt you and you shouldn’t protect them if they are hurting you.”

Due to the PTSD, he was not able to find work. She, however, found a part-time job that she was able to find fulfillment in. The problem was, he did not want her to work. He accused her of trying to escape her duties at home and that she would neglect the cooking and cleaning. He finally agreed with her working as long as the money was going into their joint account.

As time went on, he became more and more controlling. He accused her of over spending and said that she could not be trusted with a debit card. So he put her on an allowance, which is what she used to buy food, and diapers for 2 small children. If she ran out of money and needed more, then he made her perform sexual favors. She had hit a new low.

Things continued to get worse. Her children were starting to become aware of what was going on. She discovered that he was having an affair. He was addicted to pain pills. If the food wasn’t cooked right he would throw food at her face.

“We were falling apart. I was falling apart.”

When she told him that she was leaving, he became enraged, took her car, and left. When he returned, he attempted to force himself on her. Thankfully, she was able to fight him off, but in doing so, it woke the children. He left again, this time taking his own car. She grabbed the spare key (that she had previously hidden) to her car, packed up her children and went to live at a women’s shelter until she was able to step out on her own.

Her divorce has been finalized for about a year now.

“The struggle right now is to see what God is going to do next. I’m just surviving, and I’m ready to thrive.”

What her strengths are…

Even if she is having a bad day, she is able to put that aside and focus on the task at hand. She is able to laugh and play with her children, no matter what situation they are currently going through. She is constantly teaching her children to trust in God’s provision.

“It’s scary to be in the position where trusting in God is my only option, but it’s the best place to be.”

She is teaching them that trials bring steadfastness, and that He will bring them out of the storm. She is teaching them to be nice to everyone because you never know what others are dealing with or going through.

What her struggles are…

She finds it difficult to stop and listen to her children. She has so many things to do and not enough time. She finds herself always talking at them, telling them what they should or should not do.

She struggles with her current work schedule. She is currently looking for a full-time position so she can be there for her children and not work crazy shifts.

What her joys are…

When she see them learning from their trials. When they laugh. When they pray. When they’re sleeping!

“I told him [her son] it’s ok to start over, we just have to keep going. And he said to me, ‘I know, I see you doing it all the time.’ “

What her fears are…

That they will end up in an abusive relationship. And she fears that they will walk away from God. She doesn’t want them to become discouraged, seeing their dad who is not struggling at all.

How she stays sane…

She needs time alone. She loves being around others, encouraging them and ministering to them, but she feels exhausted when she gets home. She spends this time praying, and reading God’s Word, and being still.

“It’s very important to have my quiet time, otherwise I am a mommy monster!”

She has learned that it is alright to take care of herself, that she is not being selfish, and to not feel guilty.

What she wants others to know…

“I see other women in bad relationships, and they stay. I want them to understand that they don’t have to stay. You don’t have to have it all together, it’s ok to be broken.”

She encourages others to share their brokenness. She shares her weaknesses openly because she wants people to see that where she lacks is where God picks up the pieces and pulls her through.

Oh mommas! We never really know what others are dealing with. Let’s encourage one another, support one another, and love one another. Hang in there momma, you got this!

I learned so much from listening to this momma’s story. Let’s spread the encouragement by sharing her story with others. Her story might not be pretty, but God has redeemed it and made it beautiful!

Are you a momma that needs encouragement? Do you know someone that needs someone in her corner? I would love to meet her! Please feel free to contact me and we can chat.

xoxo