Category: Stay Sane

Attraction to people who have strengths that balance our weaknesses leads to healthy relationships and deeper community. Together, with our differences, we are whole.

The other evening I was enjoying a soul-warming cup of tea with a friend, and having soul-warming conversation. In our conversation I was explaining a bit about myself. I find that it can be helpful in new friendships to just lay it out from the beginning. This way, it is less likely to have unmet expectations.

I was sharing with her how I am a dive-in-head-first kind of person. If I have an idea that I am excited about, I just go with it, even if I have no clue what I’m doing. I much prefer to learn as I go. Somewhere along the way I have given myself permission to make mistakes, to quit if it isn’t right, and to refine as I go. But I also know that this can be dizzying to those around me.

My friend sat there smiling sweetly at me, and told me that she needed people like me in her life. Unlike myself, she tends to overthink her ideas and has been known to talk herself out of things. A wave of relief washed over me, because I need people like her in my life. Actually, looking back over my life, most of the people I surround myself with are quite different from me.

Attraction: Appreciating the Differences

My husband is my steady constant. He is the engine that keeps me going. When my crazy dreams start to become overwhelming, he reels me back in and reminds me to slow down. When I am thinking discouraging thoughts, he encourages me to push through. And when the day to day of my dream feels boring, he reminds me of the goal.

Most of my friends are quiet, and introverted. I crave their calmness, it comforts my heart. They are the wine to my coffee. When my mind is racing, they remind me of the course I am on. When I am feeling shaky, they remind me of my foundation. And when I have a new idea, they cheer me on by thinking of details I am probably missing.

Perhaps you are like myself, and enjoy life being one big adventure after another. I absolutely understand the addiction to adrenaline and the power of endorphins! You and I would have it no other way. It does get exhausting though, doesn’t it? This is why we need calm and constant surrounding us.

Perhaps you are the steady constant one. Let me assure you, you are a strong support system for those around you. But your weakness may be that you find it difficult to move forward. Knowing this about yourself, you can be intentional about having those people in your life to push you out of your comfort zone. It is uncomfortable to take those steps, but this is where the most growth happens.

Attraction: Finding Strength for Our Weaknesses

When we know who God created us to be, we can be confident in our strengths. We don’t need to apologize for being who we are. But it’s not only our strength that we can be confident in. We can also be confident in our weakness. When we know our weaknesses, we can pull from the strengths of others. This is community. This is the body of Christ.

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.

1 Corinthians 12:4-7, ESV

Think about the people in your life. Do you find that they balance you, or do you find yourself in competition? Attraction to people who are opposite typically occurs naturally. But it is also wise to be intentional in the relationships we pursue.

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Azka Rayhansyah

With the hustle and bustle of the holidays, December can be a restless month for many. We long to return our souls to rest. How can we calm our hearts in the midst of all the busyness?

It’s December, y’all!

Are you relishing in the cooler weather, holiday traditions, and pretty lights? Maybe you’re more like me with a rush of adrenaline accompanying this month and the feeling that no matter how you try to prepare for the busyness you still always feel caught off guard by it.

Either way, it’s here along with the hustle and bustle, Christmas cookies and school plays, family visits and visiting family. This time of year is supposed to be one of peace and joy. Yet so often it’s easy to be short tempered and on edge with places to go and deadlines to meet that leave us always going to the next thing.

We want to slow down and enjoy this season and remember our Savior, but the to do list is daunting. It appears nothing can be cut from it. Let’s face it. December is just plain busy and exhausting!

You guys, I get it. December sneaks up on me every year. I know it’s coming, but somehow, I’m never ready. My husband works for a shipping company which means, of course, this is their busiest time of year. He’s always working, and we always miss him. Our daily schedule is at the mercy of his daily changing work schedule. The lack of consistency and family time wears on us all. Each year I think I’ll be better prepared, though each year I find myself blindsided, unable to breathe in the midst of the busy.

How do we balance keeping the obligations and traditions that are necessary and important while still finding rest in the middle of the business?

Return: Speaking to Our Soul

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
Our God is merciful.
The Lord preserves the simple;
When I was brought low, He saved me.
Return, O my soul, to your rest;
For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

Psalm 116:5-7, ESV

When I need to breathe again, I often go to this passage. Here, the psalmist speaks to himself. “Return, O my soul, to your rest.” As the psalmist did, I must also speak to my own soul. I must reach into my hurried heart and speak the reminder “return to your rest.”

Where does this rest come from? What provides rest to weary, busy souls?  The rest comes in remembering the Lords work.

Return: Rest For the Restless Days

Before speaking to his own soul, the psalmist spoke to God’s work in his life. God is gracious and righteous. He is merciful and preserves the simple. When the psalmist sunk into the depths, God saved him. He reminds his soul of this. Yes, soul, “the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.” That is where his soul finds rest…in the bountiful work of his God, his Savior.

Following the example in this passage, I speak to my own soul. “Soul, rest in His work. God has dealt bountifully with you. He is faithful. The Lord keeps His promises always. He saved you and called you Daughter. Return, O my worn and weary soul, to your rest. He will refresh you.”

This time of year, we remember and celebrate the birth of Christ. When we see the images of our Savior in the manger, that God-man in infant form, let us speak to our souls. Let us remind our busy minds and distracted hearts of the ways this child King has dealt bountifully with us.

As we sing Christmas carols of infinitely precious truths, let them be reminders to our souls of His gracious care of us.

While we are out and about going from one place to another to attend to our family’s holiday schedules, let us keep with the example of the psalmist and breathe, speaking truth to our souls and finding rest in the restless days of December.

Dear one, return, you precious soul, to your rest, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

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The need to control our lives is consuming and results in feeling anxious. Once we recognize the source of the anxiety, we can eliminate it.

On my quest to run a marathon in all fifty states, I found myself in Delaware. Up until a few years ago I honestly had no idea where Delaware actually was, or how small it actually is. Even on my way to the country’s First State, I did not know I would be crossing the Chesapeake Bay. HOLY MOLY!!! That was the most stressful bridge crossing I have ever done.

Something you may not know about me. I have, just a few, irrational fears. These include cockroaches, anything that stings, escalators (although this one has improved), and long narrow bridges. Fly-over bridges on the interstate make my head spin and bridges over water make me light-headed. All I can think about is how little there is to protect me from flying off the bridge (remember I said “irrational”), and wonder what they do if there is an accident. I mean, seriously, there is no shoulder. How would help get to me if that person riding my rear pushes me into the side!

Ok, take a deep breath…

Taking a deep breath is what I do when I recognize I’m being consumed by anxiety. When I’m anxious, I barely breath (hence the light-headedness). I become a little ball of intense energy. Taking deep breaths while I’m running is preferable, that is the best way to process my nervous energy. But there are things bigger than crossing bridges in my life that bring anxiety.

I can feel anxious about my marriage, my children, my dreams.

This is because I have no control. And neither do you.

Control: The Source

Recently, I was listening to a sermon from NorthPoint Church in Atlanta. The speaker made the comment that the opposite of anxiety was humility. This left me furrow-ing my brow, but he quickly explained. We feel anxious when we are trying to control things in our lives that we actually have no control over. We are prideful to fret like we do. We pretend to have control. We pretend to be God.

Acting like I’m God is pretty arrogant.

As much as I hate to admit it, I cannot control my spouse, my children, or my dreams. I can, however, control my response to circumstances. It is fully in my control to hit my knees in prayer when life is crumbling around me. It is in my control to submit to the Lord’s goodness and trust Him.

The Lord says: Let not the wise man bask in his wisdom, nor the mighty man in his might, nor the rich man in his riches. Let them boast in this alone: That they truly know me, and understand that I am the Lord of justice and of righteousness whose love is steadfast; and that I love to be this way.

Jeremiah 9:23-24, TLB

Control: The Solution

This does not mean that we sit idly by. It means we pray. And pray. And then pray some more. It means we focus on the task in front of us. Crossing the Chesapeake Bay Bridge was stressful. So, I turned off the podcast I was listening to, had both hands on the wheel, and kept my eyes on the car in front of me. It was tempting to look to the side; I wanted to take in the sights around me. I knew, however, that in doing so I would begin to feel the panic set in. Focus was necessary.

I am still reading through Draw the Circle, by Mark Batterson. Repeatedly, he makes the comment, “Work like it depends on you. Pray like it depends on God.” Therefore, I communicate and encourage my spouse, praying for the specific struggle we are in at the moment. I train and nurture my children, praying that they will have a deep faith and relationship with Jesus. I work diligently and well on my dream, praying for God to grow it as He sees best.

Then I breathe, knowing that I love a God who loves me fiercely. Because I know this, I know I can trust Him. I can trust Him with all those important things in my life, as well as the seemingly insignificant things!

…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Philippians 4:6, ESV

Final Thought

Please know, I am aware that these are minor situational anxieties. I by no means want to minimize the struggle of people who deal with anxiety disorders. Please, do not hesitate to seek help from professionals. I think there are times that our anxieties are a result of faith issues, but it would be foolish to give someone with a disorder a prescription of “just pray about it” or “you need to trust God more.” Medication can be extremely beneficial, as is professional counseling (speaking from experience). Take care of yourself, dear lady! 

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Owen CL

God promises healing of our wounds, but this can be an uncomfortable process. Understanding this, we can trust His goodness and accept His healing.

“Mommy, why do my eye lashes feel weird?” A quick look at my preschooler’s eyes, and I knew we woke up to pink eye. Ugh. Pink eye is just gross, but really, it’s not a big deal. We went to the doctor, who took one look at him and declared it was, in fact, pink eye, and left for the pharmacy to get some antibiotic eye drops. One week later all is well, and the pink eye is gone.

You may be wondering how in the world this little family adventure of mine has any connection to God, but God oftentimes uses my children to teach me about Himself. This small hiccup with pink eye was no exception. I’m sharing today what God taught me about Himself as I cared for my little guy.

Healing: Uncomfortable

To treat the infection, I gave my son one drop of medicine in each eye three times daily for a week. At first, eye drops excited him. It was the novelty of it really. His older brother used eye drops in treatment, and little brother thought “cool, now I can have eye drops too.” Then the first drop hit his eye. It was not a pretty sight. He wailed. He realized eye drops are just not fun. The first few days, it was a tremendous battle to get those tiny drops in his eyes, but I had to win this battle.

Though he hated the drops, they were necessary to heal his eyes. There I was, three times a day, making my own child cry. I didn’t like it any more than he did, but I understood that this unpleasant week was for his good in the end. My actions towards him that caused his discomfort and crying came from a place of care. The deep, unwavering love I have for my child meant doing what was best for him even when he didn’t like it.

I am also healing from deep wounds at the moment. They are not visible like my son’s pink eye. There is no medication to make it better in a week, but there is healing. God is the Great Physician. My wounds, the deep wounds of childhood trauma, can heal. He promises.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18, ESV

Yet He isn’t only near to the brokenhearted but…

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3, ESV

Healing: Understanding

Many times in this healing process, which is not a fast one, I find myself facing a next step that I don’t like. Like the eye drops, it’s not fun. There is discomfort. It is hard, and I don’t want to go through it. Just like my child battled against me as I gave him healing medication, I battle against God as He leads me along this healing journey.

I feel the brokenness. I gush from the wounds. Yet the binding and the healing doesn’t feel good, and often it feels worse before any semblance of relief hits. I fight against my Father who only wants what is best for me, even when I don’t like it.

I was reminded, as I saw myself in my son, just how good my Father is.

Withholding eye drops from my son because he didn’t want them would not have made me a good mother, though he would have been quite happy. That would have caused him more harm in the long term as the infection would continue to get worse. Providing him with care no matter how much he disliked it was the loving action to take. I was a good mother to him because I did what was best for him.

My good parenting moments are such a small, imperfect reflection of the goodness of my Father. As I considered the good I was doing despite my child’s protests, I found my own heart softened to the next steps in healing that my Father was lovingly taking me on. I did not like what lay ahead, but I found comfort knowing I have a good Father who is binding my wounds and healing my heart even when it hurts, or makes me uncomfortable. Though I protest, He is still good in continuing to provide what I need as He heals me. He is a good Father, and He always does what is best for me, His beloved daughter.

Healing: Acceptance

Sometimes the places we need healing require a treatment we would rather not endure, and we protest. Being honest, we all battle against our Father sometimes, don’t we?

What places in your heart is God bringing about healing, yet you still find yourself fighting against Him?

Sister, let me remind you how good your Father is. That healing and binding that is causing your discomfort and maybe is downright painful…He is only doing it because He is good, and He knows what is best for you.

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You may feel broken, but God loves you, and pursues you, and will redeem you and your story!