Author: Rachael

No one likes to be humbled, but if humility is what allows us to truly honor the Lord, then sign me up! Here are five ways that pride sneaks into our lives.

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You better believe, the Lord is sure to humble those who get too big for their britches.

Can I tell you a quick story about humility?

My husband and I were newly married, and we were going backpacking with a friend of mine, and a friend of my husband’s. (Yes, we were kinda thinking of playing match-maker. No, that didn’t happen. They are both with lovely people now. I digress). As we were preparing for the trip, I admit I was feeling pretty high and mighty, like I was a super-cool chic for being a backpacker.

This was probably the closest I have ever come to hearing God speak audibly to me. In my head I heard, “You’re going to learn humility.” Oh dear. I don’t know about you, but I HATE lessons on humility. Quickly, I acknowledged my arrogance and was hopeful I could skip the lesson.

I did not skip the lesson.

While we were hiking, I fell off a boulder. And when I stood up, we all saw that my pants were torn. It was like a doorway opened on my backside, from my knee to my not-at-all-sexy panties. Humility lesson – check! My rear end brought up the rear of our hiking party. So when I say “too big for their britches,” I literally mean britches.

Pride…

Perhaps you deal with pride too? Perhaps you would like to avoid getting too big for your britches??? Here are some sneaky forms of pride…

Comparison: Thinking we are owed something

One of the parables I most struggle with is found in Matthew 20. This is the one where the master of the field hires workers at the start of day, the middle of the day, and at the end of the day. Then pays them all the same. The people hired first and worked all day are upset they were paid the same amount as those who only worked at the very end. I’m thinking, heck yeah they would be upset, I would be too! I want to be given what I am owed. I want my fair share!

The thing is, those workers were given what they were owed. The master did not cheat them, he paid them the agreed upon amount, and he paid them promptly. They only felt cheated when they were looking at what the others had received. Like them, we are happy with what we have received, until we start comparing ourselves with others.

To expose this, we must keep our focus on the Master, and show gratitude for the kindness and generosity He has bestowed upon us.

Self-Pity: Focusing on our weaknesses

How many times have I sat and moped because I was not able to do something I felt I should be able to do. I have wished to be someone else, and have felt like God made a mistake with me.

We need to be aware of our weaknesses, but not focus on them. If we are trying to fix our weaknesses so that we have it all together, or an attempt to be perfect, or to be different, then we are focusing too much on ourselves.

To expose this, we must acknowledge our weakness and allow the Holy Spirit to transform us (Romans 12). Also, it may be that we need to humble ourselves and allow the strength of others to compliment our weakness.

Self-Reliant: Thinking we have our act together

I pride myself on being self-discipline. I am a hard worker, I don’t hide away from hard things, I am diligent until the job is done.

Having self-discipline is a good thing, but it can quickly become self-righteousness. When we think we are hot-stuff, and that we got to where we are on our own, we have forgotten that we have nothing without Christ and His generosity.

To expose this, take a step back and get a different perspective. There is nothing we can do to earn God’s favor, that is the beauty of grace.

Recognition: Expecting others to acknowledge us

I crave approval. To the point that if I don’t receive verbal affirmation, I take it as negative. It gets interpreted in my little brain as I let other people down, or I did not do a good enough job. Some of this response is because of my love language being words of affirmation, but it is also because of pride.

We all love to be recognized, but when we base our worth on the approval of others, instead of the approval of the Lord, we have elevated ourselves. We have placed ourselves at the center, expecting others to meet our needs. This, of course, is destined to fail, and it is our egos that will end up shattered.

To expose this, we must continually shift our focus back to glorifying the Lord, and be intentional about showing love and kindness to other people.

Expectation: Thinking others are the same as us

“Why can’t she get her act together?!?” Maybe you’ve never said that out loud, but I know I sure have thought it more than once. I am quick to expect others to learn the same way I do, at the same rate, and in the same order. I am prideful when I put the pressure on for people to be the same as myself.

It has been said that the things that most annoy us about other people are the things we do ourselves. Or possibly they are things we once struggled with and were able to move past. We so easily forget the road we have traveled to be where we are. We expect everyone to have learned the same lessons we have, and in the same way.

To expose this, we need to remember the lessons we have learned, and recognize that there are still many more lessons we have yet to accomplish.

Humility…

Now that we have exposed some areas of pride that have snuck into our lives, let’s trade it in for humility. But we must be careful about trying to do this on our own. Only Christ can provide true humility. Otherwise we may just get prideful about how humble we are.

We simply can’t achieve humility on our own.

…it is only by the indwelling of Christ in His divine humility that we can become truly humble.

…external teaching and personal effort are powerless to conquer pride or create the meek and lowly heart in a person.

Andrew Murray, Humility

...external teaching and personal effort are powerless to conquer pride or create the meek and lowly heart in a person. --Andrew Murray, Humility Click To Tweet

Your turn…

No one likes to be humbled, but if humility is what allows us to truly honor the Lord, then sign me up! What issues of pride are you dealing with? Have any good “britches” stories???

 

 

Joshua Fuller

Self-control is essential to being healthy in our mind, body, and soul. But it can easily be twisted into becoming an obsession for control.

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Before I begin, can I take a moment to be transparent? This post is going to talk about diet; And I feel really uncomfortable talking about diet stuff. I am that annoying person who has always been able to eat whatever and not gain weight. Mostly I think this is because I am very active and run a lot, but it is also genetics and I cannot take credit for that. I acknowledge that I cannot relate to so many women who struggle with weight. But I do know the struggle to be healthy. And I definitely know the struggle of self-control. So let’s encourage one another, shall we?

Within a weeks time I ate a dozen doughnuts. I lost all control. First, I ate doughnuts from Krispy Kreme. Then I had some from a grocery store bakery. After that I fully indulged in several from a local bakery. Then I wrapped it up a few unexpected ones from Duck Doughnuts. It would have been wrong to pass those up.

If you know me, you know I love doughnuts. I like other deserts, don’t get me wrong; cake, brownies, ice cream…those may tempt me, but I won’t regret not eating them. But to pass up a doughnut takes a lot of… well, self-control. Self-control has been a very prominent theme in my life over the past 6 months. Except for that week that I lost control.

My need for self-control…

Six months ago I was diagnosed with SIBO (small intestinal bacteria overgrowth). Feel free to look up details if you want, but I will spare you of those for now. This is by no means a serious, life-threatening condition (although it can lead to more serious things if not managed). It is more of a nuisance, but it is a nuisance I would like to be rid of. The problem is how to get rid of it.

There is an antibiotic, but insurance won’t cover it, and it costs $1800. Yikes! There is a back up antibiotic, but insurance won’t cover that one either. And I won’t take the back up to the back up, so that leaves treating it naturally and with diet. This is all fine with me, I much prefer the natural route if at all possible.

The natural route includes a diet low in fermentable foods. This means no sugar, and no wheat. Those are the first to go in just about any diet, so no big surprise there. The surprise is that it also means eliminating onions, garlic, mushroom, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, cabbage, avocado, apples, pears, mango, cherries, and about a hundred other of my favorite foods. What the heck was I suppose to eat???

For the first time in my life I had to have self-control with my diet. It was overwhelming, but I did it. I planned, I made adjustments, I found replacements, and I did it. For six months. And then… a dozen doughnuts.

So what went wrong?

I became discouraged. Even with eliminating all those things, it wasn’t enough. Symptoms would improve, and then worsen. Therefore, I eliminated more things. Still, I would experience improvement, then worsen. Finally, I said enough; I might as well eat what I want.

Then came the consequences. Not just the the symptoms of SIBO (although those were there too), but the crazy mood swings (my blood didn’t know what to do with all that sugar), and then getting sick (eating sugar lowers your immune system). My body went through the ringer last month.

Healthy in all ways…

Now I am back fighting to be healthy in mind, body and soul.

Mind

Self-control can easily be twisted into control. We feel powerful (and therefore prideful), knowing that we can exhibit so much control. For the first time in my life I could see why many women are sucked into the destructive world of eating disorders.

Self-control can easily be twisted into control. Click To Tweet

Body

We are to take care of our bodies, using them to honor God. We are not to honor our bodies. It is easy to become obsessive with health, always feeling like we have to do more to feel better. After all, the way we feel is always the thing we feel most. We need to be wise, and willing to learn, but be careful to not be consumed.

Soul

Practicing self-control is exhausting, especially if we try to do it with our own will power. But, hallelujah! We don’t have to do it on our own. It is promised to us. It is a fruit of the Spirit.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Galatians 5:22-23, NLT

If we do indeed have the Spirit within us, then we have the ability to live with all those wonderful traits, including self-control.

Encouragement for self-control…

We all deal with self-control. Maybe it’s with food, maybe it’s with money, maybe it’s thoughts, or emotions. None us can escape the need for it, or the temptation to twist it into an idol. It is only by the power of the Holy Spirit we can practice self-control in a healthy way.

In what ways do you need the help of the Holy Spirit for self-control?

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Patrick Fore

We have the freedom to ask for all things. Let us approach prayer with humility, and receive the gifts provided.

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For years, I could not ask the Lord for anything. Sure, there were many prayers, as in conversations, with the Lord. I would tell Him what was hurting my heart, and thank Him for blessings. The most I would ever ask for was peace, or patience. These were safe to pray for, the Bible promises that we will receive this. Promise? Sweet! I’ll ask for that! That way I’m sure to never deal with disappointment.

See, I had lived through disappointment. I was 24 when my mom died. We were finally getting to the sweet stage of life where we were becoming friends. My family said so many prayers, begging, and pleading. And it was looking like she was going to survive, only for our hopes to be left in a heap of shards.

I didn’t walk away from that experience doubting the existence of God. I could definitely see His hand on the whole situation. My faith was in Him, not the outcome of prayer. No, I walked away in definite awe of His power. It was that power, however, that left me not able to ask for anything. My thought was, since God is all-powerful, and He knows what is best, then why should I ask for anything. I’ll just go along for the ride. He will do what He needs to do, I’ll do what I need to do, and surely we will meet up at certain points along the way.

Years after that, living through experiences where I just couldn’t see what was taking Him so long to come through, I kinda just stopped talking. My prayer was simply to sit in His presence; neither one of us saying anything. Sure, there were moments when I was angry (actually, there were quite of few of those), but it was also comforting. I never doubted He was there. I never stopped loving Him, and I know His love never ceased for me.

This past 6 months has been like a crash course on prayer for me. I went from asking for nothing, to asking for everything! But let me tell you, it is a fine line between asking and demanding. I may have crossed it a time or two. Eek.

Humility to Ask

Yes, we are told to come boldly before for the throne, but if for a moment we believe we have a right to be there, we are deceived. Only after we acknowledge that we do not deserve to be there, and that it is by invitation we are there, may we ask with confidence. We can ask with confidence, not that we will get what we ask for, but confident that we have the freedom to ask because we have the invitation to do so.

…all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift…

Romans 3:23-24, ESV

When we can see ourselves as the sinful people we are, who do not deserve a single blessing, then we appreciate the gift of the invitation. In this posture, it is humbling to ask for anything.

Humility to Receive

After we ask, and make our request known, it also takes humility to receive the provision. How often do we long for others to help, only to refuse when the offer is given. It is nothing more than pride that causes us to behave in this ridiculous manner. We want to experience the generosity of others, but then do not accept the help because we want all the control.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 4:16, ESV

With humility, we are able to accept whatever answer is given. If our prayer was answered in the manner we hoped, then we know we cannot take credit for the outcome; God receives all the praise. If the answer was yes, but in a different way we thought, then we can see that God knew how to better accomplish His plan.

Some things to consider if the answer was “no”. First, we may need to simply trust that He is moving in a different direction, or on a different timeline. Or, secondly, it may be due to sin that we need to repent of. Please be careful here. Let us not act sorrowful in an attempt to manipulate God so that we receive the blessing. Trust me, this doesn’t work. I’ve tried. We must truly want God alone, not the blessings.

The Lord said to Joshua, “Get up! Why have you fallen on your face? Israel has sinned;

Joshua 7:10-11, ESV

Without humility, we come to the Lord with demands, not requests. We are not praying, “Lord your will be done.” We are demanding He follow our plans. We have placed ourselves on the throne, and this a dangerous place to be.

Final Thoughts

I am learning to ask. And when I ask, I ask for big things, because I have an invitation to do so. And when I ask, it is not a demand, but a genuine request.

“Lord, it is humbling to be invited into your presence. I don’t know if it’s part of your plan, but if it is, would you please…”

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jesse orrico

Once we overcome a struggle, we feel like we should never have to go back to relearn it. But we are forgetful people, and it’s ok to remember lessons previously learned.

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Currently, I am in a season of forgetfulness. It’s super frustrating. In fact, last night as I began walking up the stairs, I was thinking of something I would need to do. By the time I got to the top of the stairs? I completely forgot about it. Sigh. No big deal, turn around, and go do what I forgot to do. This morning I couldn’t remember if I had finished drinking my coffee. I had, I found the mug in the sink. That may be a good sign I need more coffee. And then there was the day I forgot to shave my other leg. Serious issues.

I know it is because my mind is currently running in twenty different directions, and at a high speed in each of those directions! Honestly though, I like it this way. Typically I will go through spurts of this in my life, and then go through a season of rest. I know I’m about due for a rest.

My walk with the Lord is also in a season of forgetfulness. It too, is super frustrating but for different reasons.

I have been forgetful with lessons I’ve previously learned. Actually, I have gone back to read some of the things I wrote before. Focused, Bold, Fearless, Control, Vision… Yep, there it is chronicled in the volumes of a digital library called a blog. Part of me doesn’t even remember writing that stuff, because that sure isn’t how I feel at the moment! Right now, I kinda feel Timid, Scared, Weak, and Frazzled.

Forgetful: Pride and Perfectionism

Aren’t I suppose to be the one encouraging others? People are encouraging me, and I’m thinking, “Isn’t this the advice I gave you six months ago?”

Yuck. Isn’t that disgusting? Sometimes I just really blow it. Honestly, I want to use a bunch of cuss words right here, because this pride is just so gross. Sometimes I can be a real spotted-spore-wagon (I highly recommend The Insultinator for moments like this. In this case it means “contagious seed planted by an alien on a butt”). It is in this moment however, I can acknowledge my need for a Savior. So much nastiness inside. So much grace needed.

The thing is, I actually do feel like I am letting others down if I don’t have it all together. The voice in my head whispering lies is saying, “You don’t know what you’re doing, and those people know that, and they are ridiculing you for it.” The spiral into perfectionism spins quickly.

Then, to add insult to injury – forgetting these lessons I thought I knew so well, makes me feel weak. I think to myself, “Rachael you should be better than this. Rachael, get your act together!”

Remember: Grace and Humility

To be able to go to friends, sisters in Christ, and ask for their grace and patience, has been healing for me. I’ve had friendships go awry, so it is a bit scary for me to be vulnerable with friends. Truly, the only person I have ever felt comfortable enough to show all my wounds and weaknesses to is my husband. I am learning though, that I do have my safe people. With these safe people I can say, “Pray for me, I’m struggling.” I can say, “I don’t know what I’m doing, can we learn together.” And then there are those truly rare gems out there that I can be completely vulnerable with, and they simply nod in agreement and pray for me without giving advice.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2, NIV

Christ is my ultimate safe place, even when I don’t feel it. Here recently, I haven’t been feeling safe. It all feels risky. I fear disappointment. I’m fearing doubt. It’s easy to feel bold when I am not exposed. Feeling bold when we’re vulnerable is a different story. Faith is easy when I feel like being faithful because everything is going smoothly, but being faithful when I don’t feel like it – this is where I will get stronger, this is where my endurance is developing.

For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.

James 1:3, NLT

In these unsettling moments, I go back to the core of what I believe. I know that God is holy, holy, holy. I know He is all-powerful; yet, He desires to make Himself known to me. He is kind, and good. I am His child, and I have the freedom to ask Him – not demand – but ask for anything, and can trust the answer He gives. Once I remember the foundation of my faith, I am once again brought to humility. Here the burden begins to lift.

Praise the Lord!
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Psalm 106:1, NASB

As the pride is lifted, and humility flourishes, I see that my struggles are a result of my sin. His kindness brings us to repentance. With repentance comes healing, and with healing comes restoration. Lesson re-learned.

Finally…

I know this will not be the last time I will need to walk through these lessons. I can rest knowing that the Lord is not expecting me to learn my lesson once and for all. After all, if we were able to obtain perfection, we wouldn’t need a Savior. He desires us so intensely, that nothing will stop His pursuit of us.

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Patrick Hendry

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The Lord loves us fiercely, and pursues us fiercely!

Judgement will divide and destroy us from within. As followers of Christ, we are to live in unity by loving one another, even when we disagree. 

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In the movie Captain America: Civil War (Yes, this is a life lesson from a superhero movie. I’m a mom to boys, what can I say?), the bad guy knows that he is not strong enough to fight and destroy the Avengers. So instead, he causes division among them so that they will destroy themselves. Only the Avengers are strong enough to fight each other.

Isn’t this what is happening? Our enemy knows that he is not strong enough to destroy us. He is, however, conniving enough to manipulate us into destroying each other.

Unity: The Opposing Sides

There is an incredible amount of divisiveness bombarding us. There is constant pressure making us feel like we need to take sides. And if we try to actually listen to the other side, we may face ridicule by the side we are supposedly on. Wow, that’s confusing. Too many sides. I don’t know about you, but I don’t really fit on a side.

We face division politically..

If you are a democrat, you must want to kill all the unborn babies. If you are republican, you must be racist and sexist. If you are libertarian, you must…smoke pot?

We face division with parenting…

If you bottle feed, you must be selfish and not want to give of yourself. If you wear your baby, you must not be able to set boundaries. If you send your children to public school, you must not care about the influences on their life.

And of course, we face division spiritually…

Unity: Among Believers

In private. As Christians we are to point out to one another if we are living in sin. That truly is the loving thing to do, even though it is uncomfortable. This confrontation, however, is to be done in love, and directly to that individual.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

John 13:34-35

After listening. Before speaking, listening is essential. Make sure that all the information is known and understood. No one is able to judge, and condemn, when we are only getting our information from outside sources.

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Matthew 18:15-17

Unity: Even In Disagreements

But what if it’s not a sin issue? What if it is just a disagreement?

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Romans 12:18

We are intricate creatures, each having different passions and perspectives. We are absolutely going to disagree. Maybe we just don’t need to battle it out on social media. However, if we do find ourselves debating in view of others, then it needs to be done with respect and love. We need to remember that people are watching our actions and reading our words.

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

John 13:35

Unity: Ending the Judgement

Is it disagreeing, or judging?

In our culture right now we are so concerned with not offending people that we are more afraid than ever to disagree, but have never been more judgmental. Maybe, if we learn to understand people, and/or assume the best of them, we can get beyond ourselves and leave the judging thing to The Lord. After all, He’s the only one that truly knows our hearts anyways, right?

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

Matthew 7:1-2

For me, the best way to combat division (whether it’s from sin, a disagreement, or simply being judgmental) is to encourage the one I am “at odds” with.

The areas we need the most encouragement are the areas we are weakest in. Therefore, these areas are the most vulnerable to judgement because we are not doing them as well as we would like. Perhaps we need to encourage others to live with the qualities that truly matter:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

When we see others struggling in these areas, let us speak words of encouragement to them, rather than tearing them down with ridicule. Instead of dumping shame on top of them, build them up in love. This is living in unity.

All scriptures used is from the ESV

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NordWood Themes

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Running…

It is tempting to run away from conflict, but God will meet us in the midst of it.
He will bond us together in love with others.

To fully appreciate a gift, we need to understand the sacrifice of the giver. Likewise, to fully appreciate provision, we need to understand our need. 

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If you ever receive a gift from me, you may not know it is from me. There is nothing noble here. It’s because I don’t ever think to put a card with it. In fact, at Christmas time I just write on the package with a Sharpie. I also don’t always wrap the present. It may just come wrapped up in a paper bag. I will try to put some tissue paper around it, but I make no guarantees.

This is because I am not a good gift giver. I think about it too late, and as all of you out there who love gifts know, the most important part of the gift is the planning involved. When a lot of thought has been put into a gift, it really is the thought that counts.

I also have come to realize that I need to work on gift receiving. In fact, I recently gave my mother-in-law an apology for my behavior in the past. See, gift giving is high on her love language scale (whereas it is my lowest), and it finally dawned on me that all the things I just brushed aside was her saying that she loves me! Yep, I was jerk. She graciously accepted my apology and said that we only know what we know at the time.

In this season of gift giving, we need to know how to show our appreciation. Some gifts have required sacrifice, and some gifts provide provision. We can appreciate both the diamond earrings and the skillet, even though they are very different kinds of gifts. A gift does not always require sacrifice, just as a gift is not always something we need.

Appreciate: Provision

The first Valentines Day my not-yet-husband and I celebrated was not one of his better moments. Or, at least this is how we tell the story. That year (our first year) he gave me a skillet. Not so romantic, right? But truth be told, it was a very thoughtful gift. I had just recently moved into my own home, and I did not have big skillet. Or much of anything, really. The skillet was full of spices, and herbs, and things to stock my shelves. He saw that I had a need, and he wanted to provide for it. We used that skillet for nearly 13 years!

We all have a need. It’s not for more money, or a nicer car, or a new position. Our need is for a Savior. Before we can truly appreciate the gift of provision offered, we have to see how desperate our need is. Without a Savior, we are dead. That’s a pretty big need.

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins… But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us… made us alive together with Christ.

Ephesians 2:1, 4-5, ESV

I am the most despicable person I know. I can say this, because I only know my own heart. And let me tell you, I can be pretty awful in my thoughts. When I was a new mom, and hormonal, and exhausted, I saw who I was without a facade. I was not able to put up the nice-southern-girl front. Thankfully, I was able to see myself that in that way. Never have I forgotten how great my need was. I often would sing the hymn, “I need Thee, oh, I need Thee; every hour I need Thee.” My life was definitely hour-by-hour during that season.

Because I am able to see my need, I can appreciate the gift of provision. For both my Savior, and the skillet.

Appreciate: Sacrifice

Now, the part of the skillet story that usually gets left out, is that my not-yet-husband also wrote me a poem. It was sweet, and beautiful, and it was sacrificial because he was sharing a part of his heart. Over the years, my husband has written several poems for me, and has handmade many gifts. These are my favorites. I know that he could have gone to the store and purchased an item that was similar. But knowing that he takes the time to research how to make something, and then spend the time creating it, truly makes me feel special. It is the sacrifice that I appreciate.

All of us want to feel like we are worth spending time one, worth fighting for, worth sacrificing for. The beauty of this, is that it is true. God not only sent His son to provide for us, He sent His son to sacrifice for us. Only by His suffering, and taking our punishment, are we able to have this gift of being alive with Christ.

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

John 3:17, ESV

Because I have this tiny glimpse of the sacrifice, I can appreciate the gift of grace given to me.

Appreciate: The Ultimate Gift

God is the ultimate gift-giver. By giving us Jesus, He demonstrated sacrifice, as well as providing for our ultimate need. The law of the old testament reveals to us our need. Only by recognizing our depravity, can we appreciate the provision. Only by recognizing the cross, can we appreciate the sacrifice.

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Attraction to people who have strengths that balance our weaknesses leads to healthy relationships and deeper community. Together, with our differences, we are whole.

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The other evening I was enjoying a soul-warming cup of tea with a friend, and having soul-warming conversation. In our conversation I was explaining a bit about myself. I find that it can be helpful in new friendships to just lay it out from the beginning. This way, it is less likely to have unmet expectations.

I was sharing with her how I am a dive-in-head-first kind of person. If I have an idea that I am excited about, I just go with it, even if I have no clue what I’m doing. I much prefer to learn as I go. Somewhere along the way I have given myself permission to make mistakes, to quit if it isn’t right, and to refine as I go. But I also know that this can be dizzying to those around me.

My friend sat there smiling sweetly at me, and told me that she needed people like me in her life. Unlike myself, she tends to overthink her ideas and has been known to talk herself out of things. A wave of relief washed over me, because I need people like her in my life. Actually, looking back over my life, most of the people I surround myself with are quite different from me.

Attraction: Appreciating the Differences

My husband is my steady constant. He is the engine that keeps me going. When my crazy dreams start to become overwhelming, he reels me back in and reminds me to slow down. When I am thinking discouraging thoughts, he encourages me to push through. And when the day to day of my dream feels boring, he reminds me of the goal.

Most of my friends are quiet, and introverted. I crave their calmness, it comforts my heart. They are the wine to my coffee. When my mind is racing, they remind me of the course I am on. When I am feeling shaky, they remind me of my foundation. And when I have a new idea, they cheer me on by thinking of details I am probably missing.

Perhaps you are like myself, and enjoy life being one big adventure after another. I absolutely understand the addiction to adrenaline and the power of endorphins! You and I would have it no other way. It does get exhausting though, doesn’t it? This is why we need calm and constant surrounding us.

Perhaps you are the steady constant one. Let me assure you, you are a strong support system for those around you. But your weakness may be that you find it difficult to move forward. Knowing this about yourself, you can be intentional about having those people in your life to push you out of your comfort zone. It is uncomfortable to take those steps, but this is where the most growth happens.

Attraction: Finding Strength for Our Weaknesses

When we know who God created us to be, we can be confident in our strengths. We don’t need to apologize for being who we are. But it’s not only our strength that we can be confident in. We can also be confident in our weakness. When we know our weaknesses, we can pull from the strengths of others. This is community. This is the body of Christ.

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.

1 Corinthians 12:4-7, ESV

Think about the people in your life. Do you find that they balance you, or do you find yourself in competition? Attraction to people who are opposite typically occurs naturally. But it is also wise to be intentional in the relationships we pursue.

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Azka Rayhansyah

The need to control our lives is consuming and results in feeling anxious. Once we recognize the source of the anxiety, we can eliminate it.

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On my quest to run a marathon in all fifty states, I found myself in Delaware. Up until a few years ago I honestly had no idea where Delaware actually was, or how small it actually is. Even on my way to the country’s First State, I did not know I would be crossing the Chesapeake Bay. HOLY MOLY!!! That was the most stressful bridge crossing I have ever done.

Something you may not know about me. I have, just a few, irrational fears. These include cockroaches, anything that stings, escalators (although this one has improved), and long narrow bridges. Fly-over bridges on the interstate make my head spin and bridges over water make me light-headed. All I can think about is how little there is to protect me from flying off the bridge (remember I said “irrational”), and wonder what they do if there is an accident. I mean, seriously, there is no shoulder. How would help get to me if that person riding my rear pushes me into the side!

Ok, take a deep breath…

Taking a deep breath is what I do when I recognize I’m being consumed by anxiety. When I’m anxious, I barely breath (hence the light-headedness). I become a little ball of intense energy. Taking deep breaths while I’m running is preferable, that is the best way to process my nervous energy. But there are things bigger than crossing bridges in my life that bring anxiety.

I can feel anxious about my marriage, my children, my dreams.

This is because I have no control. And neither do you.

Control: The Source

Recently, I was listening to a sermon from NorthPoint Church in Atlanta. The speaker made the comment that the opposite of anxiety was humility. This left me furrow-ing my brow, but he quickly explained. We feel anxious when we are trying to control things in our lives that we actually have no control over. We are prideful to fret like we do. We pretend to have control. We pretend to be God.

Acting like I’m God is pretty arrogant.

As much as I hate to admit it, I cannot control my spouse, my children, or my dreams. I can, however, control my response to circumstances. It is fully in my control to hit my knees in prayer when life is crumbling around me. It is in my control to submit to the Lord’s goodness and trust Him.

The Lord says: Let not the wise man bask in his wisdom, nor the mighty man in his might, nor the rich man in his riches. Let them boast in this alone: That they truly know me, and understand that I am the Lord of justice and of righteousness whose love is steadfast; and that I love to be this way.

Jeremiah 9:23-24, TLB

Control: The Solution

This does not mean that we sit idly by. It means we pray. And pray. And then pray some more. It means we focus on the task in front of us. Crossing the Chesapeake Bay Bridge was stressful. So, I turned off the podcast I was listening to, had both hands on the wheel, and kept my eyes on the car in front of me. It was tempting to look to the side; I wanted to take in the sights around me. I knew, however, that in doing so I would begin to feel the panic set in. Focus was necessary.

I am still reading through Draw the Circle, by Mark Batterson. Repeatedly, he makes the comment, “Work like it depends on you. Pray like it depends on God.” Therefore, I communicate and encourage my spouse, praying for the specific struggle we are in at the moment. I train and nurture my children, praying that they will have a deep faith and relationship with Jesus. I work diligently and well on my dream, praying for God to grow it as He sees best.

Then I breathe, knowing that I love a God who loves me fiercely. Because I know this, I know I can trust Him. I can trust Him with all those important things in my life, as well as the seemingly insignificant things!

…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Philippians 4:6, ESV

 

 

Final Thought

Please know, I am aware that these are minor situational anxieties. I by no means want to minimize the struggle of people who deal with anxiety disorders. Please, do not hesitate to seek help from professionals. I think there are times that our anxieties are a result of faith issues, but it would be foolish to give someone with a disorder a prescription of “just pray about it” or “you need to trust God more.” Medication can be extremely beneficial, as is professional counseling (speaking from experience). Take care of yourself, dear lady! 

 

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Owen CL