Santa Claus

The time had come. It was time to tell our oldest child, who is 8 (and a half), that we had been lying to him for the past several years. It was time to tell him that who he knew as Santa, was all make-believe.

This was not approached lightly. We sought advice from family and friends. I searched the internet to see when was the best age to shatter their little hearts. I searched for what was the best way to tell them. We even considered letting others tell him. And in the end…

Let’s go back a bit in time first. Way back actually to when I was a child. I personally have no memory of believing in Santa Clause. I am the youngest of four, so I have just always assumed that I never had a chance to believe in him because there was no way my siblings would have been able to keep that secret. My parents taught me about the real St. Nicholas, and that all good gifts come from God. Christmas was actually about the birth of Christ, and my Barbies came from my parents.

I never had any intention of starting the whole Santa fiasco. But kids just somehow pick up on it, even if they are not in school. When my oldest was 3 I asked him who his presents were from, and he responded with, “Santa!” Since then, we did get on the Santa sled of ~~lies~~ joy. We would leave out cookies, I would write notes “from Santa,” and of course go and see Santa! And oh! Going to see Santa was the best. For the past three years, we have taken our kiddos to a family Christmas event that my husband’s company would put on. It is so well done. All of it is put on by the actual employees, including Ol’ St. Nick. Turns out Santa works in the technology field. Who knew. My son truly believed that the real Santa Clause came to his dad’s work every year. Santa at the mall? He’s a fake.

Last year my husband considered telling him. I just couldn’t do it. And after talking with my sister, and hearing how her son reacted with a look of heartbreak, I knew it just wasn’t time. But this year… well, my son can be quite sensitive, and he is now in school. I just did not want him to be told at school and not be able to respond however he felt.

It was time.

It began with my sons making Christmas lists. Listening to my older son making comments about his list and Santa, my husband gives me the look. We step into the other room and have an impromptu how-we-are-going-to-handle-this meeting. It was decided. It was time.

We went outside and sat on the steps.

Me: So do you remember how we learned about the real St. Nicholas who lived many hundreds of years ago?

Him: Yes.

Me: And how he secretly gave gold coins so a young lady could marry who she wanted to?

Him: Yes.

Me: And people started to secretly give gifts to celebrate Christmas?

Him: Yes.

Me: And you know that the real St. Nicholas is no longer alive?

Him: Yes.

Me: And who you know as Santa Claus is based on this real person?

Him: Um, yes.

Me: There is no Santa Claus.

Him: (eyes wide as saucers) What?

Me: There are no elves…

Him: Oh, I knew that already.

Me: There is no workshop at the North Pole. There are no flying reindeer.

Him: I was going to ask Santa about that! Wait- Then who is that man at dad’s work?!?!?

Me: (fighting back giggles) Um, well, just some man who dresses up as Santa.

Him: Then where do all my presents come from?

Me: Well… dad and I.

Him: How do you do all of that on Christmas Eve?!?!?

Me: (all out laughing at this point) We don’t do it all on that night. We buy stuff ahead of time.

Him: You must be super tired then on Christmas, having to be up all night setting out presents. (You’d think that we buy them crazy amounts of toys. I assure you we don’t. I think last year they got 2 toys each.)

Me: So are you ok?

Him: Yeah. I’m a little bummed though.

Me: I know buddy. Now, you are not allowed to tell your friends at school, or your brother!

It really went very well. I expected tears and uncontrollable sobbing. It ended up being quite light-hearted and humorous. Now that a few weeks have passed, he is really getting into talking up Santa with his little brother. He is enjoying being on the inside of this little ploy with us!

Is it the right time?

Here is my non-psychologist-but-I-am-a-mom advice if you are finding yourself in this situation:

You know your child. Trust yourself and trust your little one. If you have developed a trusting relationship with them, they will continue to trust you. But you may want to confirm that they will still get presents even though Santa is not real!

Also ask yourself:

Are they able to know the difference between fantasy and realty?
If they find out from others, how will they respond?
Are they starting to question certain aspects of the Santa story (elves, reindeer, etc.)?

Have you told your children the truth about Santa? How did you tell them? Did they take it well?

xoxo

I try to tell it to my children pretty straight. I figure if I talk to them matter-of-factly, then things won’t be a big deal. We’ve talked about why Pop can’t have sugar (diabetes), why my mom is not alive (cancer), and what those balls of skin are on women (yep, breasts). But there are things that we lie about or lie via omission. Mainly because they wouldn’t understand, or we want to protect their innocence.

A big one for us (and lots of others) has been Santa Claus. I was torn on how to handle this. Growing up the youngest of four, I never had a chance to believe in Santa Claus. I did grow up learning about St. Nicholas and the things he did for others and how that turned into what we now know about Santa Claus. So I figured this is what we would do with our children. But then one Christmas, when my older son was not yet 4, he said on his own that his presents were from Santa. He was not in school, and we rarely watch tv. I was shocked at how easily he believed, and disappointed that he didn’t know the gifts were from us. Now I play into it, but I feel a little bad about it every year, knowing that he will be heartbroken when he finds out.

I was all prepared to draw the line with Ol’ Saint Nick. Then he started talking about the Easter bunny. What the heck! He caught me in a mischievous mood last year and I said, “I have a secret! Dad. He is the….Easter bunny! Shhh, don’t tell anyone!” And that seemed to actually go over pretty well. He actually thought that my husband turned into a rabbit and brought kiddos candy.

My son has now started to lose his baby teeth. It was a long time coming. He was the last in his class to lose a tooth. This tooth was driving me nuts. It was so loose that it would stick straight out. I kept trying to get him to let me pull it, but he wasn’t going for it. Understandably, it was the first tooth and he was nervous about what to expect. I told him that I just wanted to wiggle it (a lie) and I pulled that sucker outta there! I didn’t win any parenting awards that day. He was quite traumatized. Eventually he calmed down and got excited that he had finally lost his first tooth.

Then the fun really began.

“Mom is the tooth fairy real?” Well, crap.

“What do you think?” Smooth, right?

“I don’t think she is.” This might not be so bad.

“Do you really want to know?” Should have stopped while I was ahead.

“Yes.” No! Don’t say it!

“The tooth fairy is not real.” Absolute heartbreak, massive tears, loud sobbing. “You said you didn’t think she was real!” Way to put it on the kid.

“But I wanted her to be!” Crap, now what.

“Okay, well maybe I’m wrong.” Way to really confuse the kid.

“Maybe you just haven’t seen her.” Sure.

“You’re going to believe whatever it is you want to believe.” Like I said, no parenting awards that day.

Of course that night I put a quarter under his bed. But not until I got dressed up. I thought, what if he wakes up. Then he’s going to blame me that I didn’t give the tooth fairy a chance to show up. So I put on a white skirt, a white tank top, white gloves, white scarf, and a tiara (everyone has white gloves and a tiara, right). With my pregnant belly, I was quite the site to behold. Ahh, the things we do for our kiddos. He of course did not wake up, but I did enjoy dressing up. The next morning he came out of his room in absolute triumph, “See mom! I told you she was real!” Sigh.

The next tooth he lost, I was feeling bold and didn’t dress up. I went in his room and started feeling around under his pillow. Stink! I couldn’t find it. I finally find it and he wakes up with my face about 8 inches from his. Quick! Think of another lie! “Are you ok? You were crying. It’s ok, go back to sleep.” Whew, that was a close one!

The next day he asked me if I was the one putting money under his pillow. I told him that I had told him the truth before, but he didn’t want to hear it. But that I had another secret for him. “I am the tooth fairy. Why do you think I became a dental hygienist. It’s my undercover disguise.” Clever, yes?

The third tooth he lost while we were having s’mores and he didn’t even know he had lost it. Not sure if it’s in the yard, or if he swallowed it.

“Mom, will I still get money even if I don’t have a tooth to put under my pillow?” Now it’s getting fun.

“This is an unusual situation, I’ll have to check my official ToothFairy Handbook to confirm protocol.”

That night, I just forgot to put the quarter under the pillow. The next morning I handed him the quarter and said, “I checked the rules, and it states that the tooth fairy can just hand you the money since there was no tooth to collect.” Parenting award granted.

At St. Patricks day he started talking about Leprechauns being real. Good grief. So I told him that his little brother was a leprechaun. Can you guess what we will all be dressing up as for halloween this year?

Bye Bye Santa!

It was time.

Is it the right time?

I Am THE Tooth Fairy