What Are You Running From?

In this post we are discussing the temptation to run away from difficult circumstances and instead change our perspective so that we see that the Lord is pursuing us.



I’m a runner. I’ve been running since I was 14. It is a part of who I am that I love. It is my stress release, and my sanity. Trail running, road running, short, long, fast, or slow. I love being out there experiencing every inch of my journey.

I’m also a runner. I’ve been running my entire life. It is a part of who I am that needs to change. It causes stress, and threatens my sanity. When things get tough, I flee the scene. I hate putting myself out there experiencing the difficult parts of my journey.

When my husband and I moved away from our hometown, my mother was very ill. Fighting to stay alive actually. A month after we left, she was gone. Being in a new city, with a new job, no friends, my “therapy” was to run. That was when I trained for my first marathon. A couple years ago, after my second miscarriage, I told myself I didn’t care. That it was ok because there were other things I would rather be doing. I ended up running my 15th, and fastest, marathon after that.

Now don’t get me wrong, of all the things people can do to cope with grief, running is a pretty healthy one. But eventually I needed to stop running. I needed to deal with the pain. I needed to let God catch me before I totally shut down and shut Him out.

Disclaimer: There are times in life when it is necessary to run away. For instance, God told Joseph to get up in the middle of the night and to flee Egypt with Mary and Jesus. We are not always supposed to stand and fight like David did with Goliath. But even if we do need to flee the scene, we must allow our hearts to see that the Lord is moving us in order to pursue us and to bring us closer to Him and to believe that truth.



“Runners” are people who…

Avoid situations by removing themselves from people or places that make them feel uncomfortable.

This could be walking away from relationships that become too close (leaving us feeling vulnerable), or too difficult (not wanting to deal with the pain of solving conflicts). Or we stop going to church/stores/events/etc. because something or someone offended us. We can’t live life hiding from everything. Eventually we will run out of people to hide from and find ourselves all alone, with God still pursuing. Eventually we will come face to face with Him.

Stay busy to distract themselves so that they don’t use mental or emotional energy that will cause them to feel pain.

This could be letting ourselves be consumed with work, or hobbies, or even good deeds. This can be a fine coping mechanism for short periods of time, but running from pain and heartache will eventually leave us drained with nothing else to give. Eventually we collapse with exhaustion. Eventually we look up to see that God is holding us while we rest.

Try to answer their own prayers, being impatient with God’s timing.

This may seem like a way to tackle things head-on, but it’s still running. Only, instead of running away from God, it’s running ahead of God. We end up lost in dark, confusing places. Eventually we have to call out asking for guidance. Eventually we will see the path that leads to His peace.

 


What if…

When things get tough, instead of trying to escape, we stayed still and let the Lord meet us in our place of suffering?

When circumstances arise that feel like we are being attacked, we saw them as opportunities for Jesus to pour out love on us?

When matters seem to be forgotten by God, we waited (and waited, and waited…) instead of fixing things ourselves so that we could see His incredible power?

 


 

Does this mean that the pain we experience isn’t real? Nope. It means that that real, gut-wrenching pain we feel is going to bring us into a deeper relationship with our Savior if we allow it to.

Does it make it easier? Nope. At least not in that moment. But it does give us hope, and hope is a beautiful thing.

Do you believe that God is pursuing you?

Running…but God has pursued you.

 

runner

I’m Done Running

This has been the “Year of the Race” for me. Six trail races, two triathlons, and two marathons. I am ready to hibernate.

My last run before this past marathon got me thinking. I once believed that runners were running from something. I realized that I’m not running from something. I’m running to something. This has not always been the case.

I’ve been running since I was 14, and it was truly because I enjoyed it (and didn’t have the coordination to play a sport with a ball). My first road race was when I was 21. Then I attempted twice to train for a marathon but had to quit because of injuries. When I finally did accomplish it, it was because I was running away.

In March of 2003 my mom went into the hospital suddenly. She had cancer and was in a drug-induced coma. The doctors didn’t expect much, but we had hope. In June, my hubby and I moved to Atlanta. In July, she was gone. I had so much anger, and hurt, and heartbreak. I was in a new city with a new job with no friends and no family. So I ran. And ran. And ran. It was my therapy.

After my first marathon I decided to do another, and another, and…you get the point. Somewhere along the way I did let go of the anger, and was able to find peace and even joy in the heartbreak I had experienced. But any time my world starts to crumble, I plan another race. Hence these past two marathons.

Back in August I found out I was expecting again! And then that I was having a miscarriage (my second). I cried and yelled and cussed when I first discovered that I was losing it. But when they gave me the official word, nothing. Not a drop of saline came from my eyes. For nearly two months. Until my last training run. And I realized that I had been running away again. This song came on. Here are the lyrics:

You are good, You are good
When there’s nothing good in me

You are love, You are love
On display for all to see

You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in

You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling

You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering

You are joy, You are joy
You’re the reason that I sing

You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say

You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim

You are here, You are here
In Your presence I’m made whole

You are God, You are God
Of all else I’m letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough

And at that moment I decided that I’m not running away any longer, I’m running to my Lord, my Savior, my Love. That night I cried, and it felt so good.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there will be more heartbreaks in my future. And I’m sure I will be out there running. It is my stress reliever and therapy. The Lord has made me with the ability and the desire to do so. But I know that I will be running to the promises that He has for me.

 

 

I Got Screwed: Changing Our Perspective When Life Isn’t Fair

I got screwed. We all know what it feels like to have something unfair happen to us. We may need to change our perspective.



Here’s What Happened…

I’ve been running in this trail race series all year. It’s 6 races and you get points for whatever place you come in. Then at the end of the year they name an overall winner. Today was the fifth race and it was a 10K. So far I have come in 2nd place overall female 3 times, and 3rd place once. I felt like I would never get to come in first. Until today! I felt so good. Perfect weather, hubby running with me, and feeling good at a solid 7:30-7:45/mile pace. I was in first, with a solid lead. I was telling myself to not get too excited. Stay calm. Stay focused. And then it all slipped away.

We were suppose to be following yellow course signs. No problem. The course would be well marked they said. Well with about 3/4 of a mile left to go, there was a course sign that pointed left. Or so I thought. After realizing that I ran a complete loop, we figured out that the arrow was pointing the wrong way. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! I was so angry. SO SO SO very angry. I had a good lead, but not that much. The other people apparently knew that the course didn’t go that way (although there were a few others that made the same mistake we did). I don’t know what place I actually ended up coming in at. It was too heart-breaking.

And then…

At the end, we did tell the race director, but all he could say was “sorry”. I then proceeded to vent to my sweet friend that was there as a volunteer because she hurt her Achilles. She understood, and shared my frustration with me, but I gotta say, she is so much nicer than me. She was feeling concern about people getting hurt out there because they wouldn’t be expecting that extra distance. That didn’t even occur to me. So as I was sulking, hubby says “keep it in perspective.” Not exactly what I want to hear. I was in a foul mood.

We leave to go get brunch (because crepes and lattes will improve anyones mood), and I tell him that I didn’t want to hear “keep it in perspective.” He further explained that I was totally right to be frustrated. He was frustrated too. It was really wrong what happened and poor on the race organization to not have it better marked. His point was, “don’t hurt anyone in your frustration.” Wow. What an insightful thought. My words can be really sharp, and that was very kind of him to try to calm me down before I could do damage.

So I’ve been pondering this, and I have some thoughts that I would like to share.

Thoughts…

First, I was happy that my kids weren’t there to see how I was acting. I definitely was not setting a good example. There have been many times that my older son has gotten angry because something wasn’t fair. And I’ve said to him “life is not fair” many times. I thought that I need to remember this feeling of  life not being fair so that I can relate. It’s okay to feel frustration and disappointment, but are we going to hurt ourselves or others while we are pouting and throwing a tantrum?

Secondly, I began to realize that I was not mad I had to run further; I was mad that I didn’t come in first. What I wanted was recognition; A pat on the back. An “atta boy” as my father-in-law says. Wow, that’s petty. It’s not like there was a cash prize, or even a medal for that matter. Maybe I’ll have a piece of humble pie to go with my latte.

Finally, I did start to put it in perspective. I started to think of the things in life that truly aren’t fair. Yesterday a friend found out her mom has breast cancer. Screwed. Today a family member is going to spend time with a dear friend who has a rare type of cancer and can no longer take care of herself. Screwed. After the race my sweet friend told me of a guy that had a freak mountain bike accident and died. Screwed. On the way home I found out another friends sister is in the ER because a truck ran a red light. Screwed. When we got home our babysitter told us she just learned she can’t have children and has a mass in her brain. Screwed and screwed.

screwed

 

Thankful…

Life really isn’t fair. But we can still be thankful. I’m thankful for my husband that loves me enough to call me out. I am thankful for friends that make me want to be a better person. I’m thankful for where I live. And my health. And the ability to run.

I’m happy with my race today. I figure I just came in first in my 11K.

xoxo

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