moving – Oh Lord Help Us

The Do’s and Don’ts of Moving

Stay SaneOctober 2, 2016

My life here lately has been consumed with this move. We are now residing in the Raleigh, NC area. In case you are just joining in, here is the breakdown of the timeline:

Sometime in April, my husband found out that his boss got a promotion within his company that was going to require a move to Raleigh. My husband was super bummed, his boss was a fantastic manager and a good friend. I, however, was bummed because I could see what was coming. Immediately I asked if there was a move in our future as well. “Not likely,” he responded.

The end of May, my husband tells me that they were finally hiring for the position that his boss held. I asked if he was going to apply for it, he said he could but that it would require us to move. I said, “Baby, I’ll follow you anywhere. As long as it’s not north of North Carolina!” So he applied.

A couple weeks later, in June, he had the interview. And then…nothing. He didn’t hear a thing. We just took this to mean that he didn’t get the position, and honestly we were just fine with that. We were loving our life in Greenville, and quite content to remain there.

The end of July, my husband calls me during the day and I knew. I knew that my life was about to be shaken up, yet again. He got the the promotion. My response, “Well, crap!” At some point I followed up with a, “Congratulations, I’m so proud of you.” I then proceeded to cry, and laugh, and then cry for the remainder of the afternoon.

The first of August, we started prepping our house to sell. At the same time, I was talking with a realtor in Raleigh about the possibility of buying a smaller home that we could afford (albeit tightly) in case it takes a while for our house to sell. We came to visit the Raleigh area, and looked at such a house. We were going to put an offer on it. We spent the whole way back to South Carolina discussing the pros and cons of it. When we got home, my husband comes to me and says, “There is a sex offender who lives across the street.” Yikes! He is a 75 year old man, and his last offense was within the past 5 years. So we passed.

The next week, another house came on the market in a super cute neighbor. Our realtor contacted me right away to see if we were interested. It went on the market at noon. Our realtor came to look at it at 2pm. We had an offer on it by 5pm. For real, we put an offer on a house without seeing it (In person at least. Our realtor had kindly showed us the house via FaceTime).

Now here we are, the end of September, all moved in! A lot of our furniture we left behind to stage our house, because indeed it has not yet sold. We have gone from 3100 to 1300 sq. ft. No garage. No “his” and “her” closets. No laundry room. We do have a shed, and a workshop, and a nice yard, all of which we are extremely grateful for. And you know what, it works! My daily life is simplified. Everything has it’s place. And most importantly, our family is all together!

And the Lord continues to provide for us, and in ways that are not just materials. The evening we were unloading the truck, our neighbors, who happen to have 4 kiddos close in ages to ours, came over and helped. Our truck was being unloaded to the sounds of children laughing and playing. Immediately, we felt connected and cared for.

Tips

Through this process, I also learned a few tips that I would like to pass on to you.

Tip #1 Do tell your kiddos that if they argue over toys, they will get packed. You’ll have their stuff packed in no time. Or no arguing. Either way, it’s a win!

Tip #2 Don’t ask one of your main moving helps to go mountain biking the weeks before the big move. My husband and a friend went for one last ride. Unfortunately, the friend went flying over the handlebars. Thankfully, he was not seriously injured, but he was pretty banged up and was unable to lift heavy items on the day of the move.

Tip #3 Do leave out the band-aids. Thankfully I did have the sense to do this. Sure enough, one night while the boys were getting ready for bed a few days before the move, my younger son sliced his foot.

Tip #4 Don’t pack up the ibuprofen. Just like the friend who hurt his back mountain biking, my back went out the week before as well. And the pain meds? Yep, in a box. In the garage. Somewhere. Thankfully, a friend gave me some until I could go out and buy more.

Tip #5 Do feel all the feelings. You may feel like a crazy person, but it’s perfectly normal to feel utterly sad one moment, and super excited the next. Cry freely, and laugh often.

Final Thought

Feeling sad and disappointed when life presents a sudden change is ok. It can be scary to let ourselves feel sad. It makes us feel helpless. I was noticing myself wanting to feel angry at things and people. Anger feels powerful. But I wasn’t really angry, I was just sad. Or maybe we think that if we are sad, that means we are not trusting the Lord. I was thankful that the Lord gave me the freedom to feel sad. Feeling sad was evidence of the joy we had while living there.

Do You Trust Me?

Stay SaneAugust 28, 2016

This past winter my boys were thrilled that we had a significant snowfall here in South Carolina. Especially my oldest. He loves the snow and misses living in Chicago where snow was a guarantee each winter. And to make things even better, my parents were in town for it. In addition to snow, my oldest loves breakfast. It has now become an expected thing that he gets to have “second breakfast” with his grandparents when they get up and going.

The morning of the snow he was completely torn. He wanted to play in the snow, and he wanted to have second breakfast, but in his mind it didn’t look like he could do both. I encouraged him to go outside and play, knowing that he would still be able to sit and eat with them when he came back in. He, however, was in a panic trying to figure out how he could have both things. What I said to him was, “Do you trust me?” He responded with some protest and “buts” so I said again, “Do you trust me? Do you trust that I have good things for you?” And in that moment, I heard the Lord speaking to me, “Do you trust ME?”

I am no different than my son. I want to have it all, and will stress myself out trying to manipulate the situation so that I get my way. I think that I want to control things, but in reality I am unable to do so. And honestly, I cannot handle the pressure of being in control. I have to trust the Lord. If I truly believe that He has good things for me, then I can trust Him to take care of me.

My Past and Current Season

A few months ago I was sharing my heart with a new friend, and she was asking at what point God became real to me. It was a great question that really got me thinking. All relationships go through different stages, and a relationship with Christ is no different. The years we lived in Chicago were tough. To be honest, I was angry with Him. But I truly believe that that was alright. I may have been yelling, but at least we were talking. Maybe you have heard the quote, “The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference.” That kind of sums up my relationship with Christ for that season.

Then when we moved to Greenville, I felt like all my prayers were answered. My anxiety melted away, I liked people again, and my soul was able to rest. My relationship with Christ became loving once again. When I came to that thought, I gasped. I realized that I am a spoiled brat. It was not until I got my way, that I was happy with the Lord. And in that moment I could hear Him whisper, “Your time of rest is coming to an end. Do you trust me?”

Since it was finalized that we will be moving, I have been struggling with trying to understand. There have been so many wonderful connections and open doors recently, and it has left me confused. My life has been seeming to unfold the way I had envisioned it. I have felt like I am doing what I am suppose to be doing and am where I am suppose to be. Through tears, I have submitted that I am simply just not required to understand. I am required to be obedient. And obedience requires trust.

The weeks leading up to getting our house on the market to sell were extremely stressful because I had a long to-do list and little time. It was on me to get the stuff done. Sometimes stress is reality in certain seasons of life. Once the house went on the market, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. I had done all that I could do, and now it is out of my control. All I can do now is pray for a buyer. Now I have to trust.

I’m no longer feeling overwhelmed, but I am having to fight feeling discouraged. See, we haven’t had a single showing. Not one. And I can hear Him saying, “Do you trust me?” And several times a day I have to say out loud, “I trust you, Lord.”

Final Thought

Trust is not an emotion. It’s a choice that does not require me to understand. And it is one that I am very aware of at this moment. My family is entering a new season, and we must trust. Things may not go as planned, but I will trust. I will trust that it is not about me, or my comfort. I will trust that He wants good things for me, but that may mean being uncomfortable. I will trust Him.

What are you trusting for?

Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2 ESV

xoxo

In Her Corner, episode 3

In Her Corner, Love, Stay SaneMarch 6, 2016June 5, 2016

This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”

Who she is…

She is a military mom of three who has moved away from her hometown for the first time. She anticipated this move to be difficult and that it would be out of her comfort zone. Her whole adult life has been one trial after another, so she has just expected the bottom to drop out yet once again. Thankfully, the opposite has been true. A weight has been lifted, and she is feeling refreshed, relishing in her new life.

Where she’s been…

A month into marriage, she wanted out and she wanted to go back home. It wasn’t what she had pictured. She didn’t receive flowers, she wasn’t told she was beautiful, she wasn’t having fun. There was never enough money, and she didn’t like where they lived. In that first year she consoled herself by eating, and as a result gained 25 pounds. And then she became pregnant. She was a baby herself, only 19 years old, having to learn to be a mom and struggling with postpartum depression. Two years later, a second baby was born. She has very few memories of those first few years. She was on a high dosage of anti-depressants that left her feeling numb. She was chronically disappointed in her life and in the man she had married.

Her medication was adjusted and she eventually leveled out. Life was beginning to look a little brighter. She started to work a part-time job that helped build her confidence. Her spirit was rising. Then she decided to go down a wrong path and pursued a relationship with another man. And although adultery was not committed to the fullest extent, it was committed within her heart. There was then a massive divide in an already unstable marriage that resulted in years of repercussions.

But they stuck it out, and kept on working on their marriage. Six months later, she was pregnant again. There was still not enough money, and they were moving from one unhappy rental to the next. Her husband did finally have a good job, but instead of feeling relief the divide widened. She ate, and he drank. They argued. A lot. She finally told him that if he didn’t stop wasting their money and drinking she was going to take the kids and leave. She made good on her threat, taking her children to live with her parents for about 3 months. During this time she was able to find herself and her identity. She was being healed.

“I wasn’t just a survivor, I could thrive. I was still a daughter of God.”

She and her husband went through a lot of counselling, and reunited. It went smoothly for about a year until it started to slip, and they were sliding, once again, down that hill. They decided they were tired of living like roommates and not actually sharing the role of husband and wife. They were going to give up, and call it quits. Leaders in their church came along side of them and loved on them and gave them the freedom to split up. It wasn’t that the church wanted them to split, rather that the church wanted them to know that even if they did, they would still be loved and cared for by the church.

So they stayed together, yet again. She still expected the bottom to drop out, but she was no longer worried about it. Two weeks later he lost his job. He expressed interest in joining the military, even though she told him before they were married that she would never be a minister’s wife or a military wife. They talked together and decided that National Guard was the best choice. He enlisted, and left for basic training. Meanwhile, she went to school to be a nail tech. During this time they wrote letters. And letters. And more letters. In his 10 weeks at basic training, he wrote 50 letters.

“Through the mail, I fell in love with him for the first time.”

Since then, things have been improving. Not always easy, but improving. He served ten months in Africa, leaving her to work and care for their 3 children. Eventually that position ended with the Guard, and he worked a job that put them on opposite schedules. Her life was completely scheduled with work, church, children, family, friends.

“These trials that we endure, if we can be faithful, absolutely strengthen us. And they make us more fit for presenting the gospel, if not to the nations, then to my children. What better calling.”

And then, out of the blue, an incredible opportunity with the National Guard landed in his lap. Great job, nice area, good schools, and finally enough money. She never felt like she would arrive at this moment. She had resigned to the belief that her life was going to consist of simply surviving and only having the hope of heaven to keep her going.

In the first few weeks, they bickered a lot. They had to learn how to live on this new schedule, and to actually be with each other. They came to the realization that they didn’t know each other. They didn’t even know what the other’s likes and dislikes were. She is grateful to have this opportunity to start over and have a new beginning. She is learning who she really is without the baggage.

“Who we are becoming is the life I had dreamed and prayed for when I was growing up. And it’s even better than I hoped for!”

She knows that God has redeemed what has happened in their lives. Sometimes she lost sight that God was always pursuing her. Regardless of what she had done, He was always there pursuing her. After going through what she has gone through, it has made her appreciate what they have been given.

“God alone has done this. And it is marvelous!”

What her days look like…

Now she finds herself trying to be wise with what to do with her time. For the first time as an adult, she has had options for what to do with her day. She is relishing in it, and praying for wisdom in how to use it wisely.

After she gets her kids off to school, she spends time catching up with friends, does a bible study, workouts, gets ready, writes letters, runs errands, does housework, and then picks up her kids. And for the first time, they consistently have dinner as a family.

What her fears are…

She fears she will forget what God has done for her. In this season of blessing, she wants to remember how she got here and Who did it. She doesn’t want to take credit for any of it. It has truly been a gift. One that she has waited a long time for.

What her joys are…

For the first time, simply getting up in the morning is a joy.

“Here I am! I’m being blessed!”

How she stays sane…

She treats herself to fresh flowers in the house every week. She also has a love for writing. With an actual pen and paper! She loves blessing others by writing letters, and enjoys writing in her journal.

What she wants you to know…

She’s been told that she has a facade that makes it seem like she has it all together, and she feels like that makes her unapproachable, but she’s not like that at all. She doesn’t want to be read by her cover. She’s been deeply wounded, and she’s been restored. She doesn’t take the lessons she has learned for granted, and wants to be a friend to others. She wants to hear their stories as well. And maybe have a good laugh over a bottle of wine!

Oh mommas! We never really know what is going on behind the scenes of someone else’s life. Let’s carry each other’s burdens in times of sorrow, and rejoice with each other in times of blessing!