We have tremendous amounts of influence. And with that influence, we can change our lives. Want a better marriage? Children who are growing into amazing people? Even better behaved pets? As women, we are always desiring control. Well, here it is. This is not about manipulation. This is about encouraging others to be their best selves.
Marriage
This past week I heard a talk about relationships and how men need respect the same way women need love.
Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33, ESV
I thought it was appropriate timing, as it was my husband and mine’s wedding anniversary. This was not anything new, I’ve heard this many times before, but I was so encouraged by what was said.
To be honest, I have been slipping with showing respect. Blame it on stress, or selfishness, but I can’t blame it on him. My tone has been becoming harsh. I’ve been quick to jump to conclusions. I was becoming a nag. Thank you Jesus for bringing this to my attention, and please forgive me!
If we want to be loved passionately by our spouse, then we have the power to change the cycle. Don’t wait for him to be Mr. Romantic. Instead, respect who he is. Focus on one thing that is impressive. And tell him.
Ways to express respect:
- I am so impressed how you… (handled that situation).
- I really admire how you… (work so diligently).
- I think it’s great when… (parent that way).
You can only control your own actions. With our actions, however, we can influence others. By respecting our husbands, we are influencing them to love us in return.
Children
My middle child, who is now 5 years old, still tends to throw a tantrum when he is frustrated. It usually involves something he is trying to make that is not producing the results he desires. This past week he became frustrated that a drawing he was working on wasn’t looking the way he wanted. I understand getting frustrated, but when he starts whining and stomping his feet, my head wants to explode! My natural tendency is to try to overpower him, but this only results in him continuing to escalate. He was sent to his room, where he continued to to cry and yell. With a quick, “Help me Jesus,” I went in his room and told him to stop acting like a whiny baby. Yes, that is what I said. No, this is not the advice I’m giving. In the next moment, the Lord gave me the words.
“You are acting like a whiny baby. You are not a whiny baby. You are a smart, talented, hardworking little boy! You are a hard worker who likes for things to be done well. You are fun, and compassionate. Be that little boy, because that is who you are!!!”
His tears of anger turned into one of his signature bear hugs. He was like a completely different child after that. I’m not saying to call your child names (although you may want to), but do affirm to them the traits that will continue to develop them into amazing people.
Overpowering our children to produce “better” behavior is a short term response at best. But by influencing their hearts, and speaking truth to them, they will be truly changed.
Pets
A week ago I was about to ship my dog to live with my parents in Kentucky. She was getting on my very last nerve, and I was struggling with being so angry with her. One of the best parts of this new house is a good size, fenced in backyard. I was looking forward to letting the kids and dog run free in a safe enclosed space. And then, wouldn’t you know it, she figured out a way to escape. That was how we met our next door neighbors. Our dog was humping their dog. And our dog is a girl!! What the heck?!? She also has been obsessed with the shed in the yard. I’m pretty sure there is some little critter living under there that she is desperate to get ahold of. So desperate in fact, that even when it was pouring down rain during the hurricane, she would run out to dig at the side of the shed. And of course, she wouldn’t come when she was being called. So out I go to get her, wet and muddy, and carry her back into the house. Something had to change.
I realized I was being controlled by a 15 pound ball of white fluff. Punishing her for being naughty was not working. Maybe praising her for being good would be better. I have given that dog so many treats this past week. The first few times I had to entice her from out in the yard to come inside. As soon as she came to the door I gave her a treat and showered her with praise. Then I could show her the treat and call her from the deck. Now, she actually comes! In just a matter of days, I have my sweet puppy back, and I don’t worry about what the neighbors think because I’m yelling at my dog.
Final Thought
We have the power to change our lives. By showing respect and kindness to all of those around us we can begin to spiral upward in our relationships rather than spiraling downward into despair. Respect produces love, which in turn produces more respect. I know this sounds super simple. Please know that I am not that naive, especially in regards to a relationship with a spouse. If the relationship has been spiraling down for years, it is not going to be transformed in a week, or month, or maybe even a year. Pray for endurance, pray to be satisfied by the love of Christ, and pray for the supernatural ability to pursue your husband even if you feel he doesn’t deserve it.
You, dear lady, have power with your influence!
xoxo
