mistakes

Ever feel like life just isn’t fair? Yeah me too. I’m just going along, minding my own business, doing the right thing because it’s the right thing, and then BAM!!! Life slams you down.

It could be the death of a parent,

…or spouse,

…or even a child.

Or it could be an unfaithful spouse.

Or an employer who has it out for you.

Or that investment that left you unable to retire,

…or homeless.

Or how about cancer, it could be that too.

Broken

The things that leave us feeling broken are tragedies out of our control, or things that have been done against us, or a result of our own mistakes.

Tragedies emphasis our lack of control in this life more than anything else. You don’t plan for car accidents, or cancer, or for the housing market to crash. And even though it is completely out of our control, it’s easy to to question ourselves and the Lord. We start to play the “what if” game. What if we had made different choices? But we didn’t, and we are unable to undo what has been done.

Wrongs done to us or against us make us want to scream against the injustice. It’s an attack, abuse, or assault. And even though it has been done to us by someone or something else, we feel responsible. Maybe if we hadn’t taken that risk, or chosen that mate, or followed that dream then we wouldn’t be in this position of feeling broken. We wouldn’t have to feel this pain or take the first of many steps on the journey of healing.

Or maybe our brokenness is because of poor choices. The guilt is heaviest here. How long do we have to suffer the consequences? How many times do we need to say we are sorry? Probably, at least one more time…

You have taken up my cause O Lord, you have redeemed my life.

Lamentations 3:58

Redeemed

To redeem is to either compensate for bad, or to gain something in exchange for payment. In our desire to find redemption, we find ourselves asking, “What good could ever come from this?”

Know The Lord sees your hurt. He hears your groans. Believe that He wants good things for you. Trust His timing, not yours.

Confess If your brokenness is due to mistakes you have made, admit them, and apologize. And if it is possible to remedy the wrong, then do so. Your brokenness has also resulted in the brokenness of others. By confessing and repenting, you will be aiding in their redemption as well. And then please be patient with them as they are healing. Forgiveness may have happened, but trust takes longer to return.

Hope Continue to long for better things. We live in a broken world full of sin. Yet our souls were created for eternity. There will always be a yearning for more or better. Long for Jesus. Hope for His peace

Trust In the bleak hours, trust that He will redeem your story. He is faithful.

Now I’m going to tell you what you don’t want to hear. I want to be honest with you, and not mislead you in any way. It may be that the Lord will not redeem your story in your lifetime. I know that is not what any of us want to accept. We need to know that our stories may not be for our own benefit, but for those to follow. As a follower of Christ, who believes in eternity, I know that my time on earth is a vapor, a mist, and then gone. But that doesn’t mean that my actions don’t continually affect others long after I am gone. The purpose of life is to glorify God, not myself, or to have an easy, carefree life.

I know there are women reading this who have lived through domestic abuse, sexual abuse, cancer, eating disorders, loss of loved ones, affairs, physical disabilities, addiction, loss of income and homes. The list goes on. At some point in our lives, all of our hearts have been broken. He will redeem your story, and though it may not be pretty, He will make it beautiful.

Dear lady, the Lord loves you fiercely, and pursues you fiercely. He sees your brokenness, and He cares. He will mend you. He will redeem you, and your story.

Broken, but God has redeemed me.

xoxo

One-hundred, and eighty days. Done. Our first year of homeschooling has come to a close. And we are still smiling. Of course, there were a few tears and aggravation sprinkled along the way, but we probably would have had that regardless. Bottom-line: He wants to continue, and so do I.

Here is:

What worked
What did not work
How I occupied the other kiddos
The Negatives
The Positives

What worked

Being relaxed: I’m what you would call a structured, driven, type-A kinda gal. But there is something about having a baby that throws plans out the window. And since that is what happened right as the school year started it helped me be more laid back about our school day. We were constantly changing our routine, because our routine was constantly changing. Also, we did pretty much the bare minimum of what was required, but we did it well. Our school day was at most 2 hours. This is partly because I didn’t want to spend any longer than that and partly because we were adjusting to a new rhythm of life for our family. And of course he was just in 2nd grade. I know that every year is going to get more challenging from here on.

Starting early in the year: We started in July, but it was only two days a week. We did this because I was due to have a baby in August and I wanted to give myself a maternity leave. But it was awesome! And I think we’ll do it again this year. It gave us a lot of flexibility to go and do things that we wanted to do. And living in South Carolina, the summer is so stinkin’ hot and humid, that I would rather have more days off in the spring and fall.

Having a set start time: It took a little while, but eventually he understood that 8:00 meant sitting down to start. There was no argument, it was just what happened.

Using timers when needed: Half of his subjects he did on his own in workbooks. Some days he was completely focused and knocked these out with no problem. Other times, I would have to urge him to stay focused. And then there were the times that I didn’t think he was ever going to finish and I was about to lose my mind (REALLY?? 30 minutes for 6 math problems?? Are you serious?!?!). And it was at these times I busted out the timer. I don’t know why it is, but if there is a timer, he is super motivated (and this goes for anything from cleaning his room to getting dressed). I don’t like to use timers all the time though, because it does tend to stress him.

Curriculum: I did not choose to use one specific curriculum. We used a hodgepodge. Half of it I loved, a quarter of it I scrapped, and a quarter we struggled through and will switch next year. But this is the beauty of homeschool, I can tailor it to fit his learning style (which is actually different than I originally thought).

What Did Not Work

Squeezing two days into one: We tried this several times. As life adjusted to the new baby, I wanted to get back to running, swimming, and taking my cycle class at the YMCA. The running I could do at home on the treadmill, the swimming I could do in the evening, but the cycle class just couldn’t budge. And I am seriously addicted to this class (not just the exercise, but the people are amazing). So we would “double up” on Mondays so that we didn’t have to do any school on Tuesdays. Sounds like a great idea, right? Wrong!! It usually ending with me feeling aggravated and him feeling frustrated.

Doing school in the afternoon: Since doubling school on Monday didn’t work, I thought we would try to fit it in during the afternoon. I know this works for lots of families, but not me. I am just mentally done with kids in the afternoon. That is the time of day I want for all of us to have down time, and then for them to go run around outside, or goof-off indoors if the weather is bad. My solution was to make Tuesday a “half day.” On these days he only had workbook learning to do, which he could do without me (and I would check and correct errors the next day).

Curriculum: As I mentioned earlier, there are several subjects we will be changing next year.

How I occupied the other kiddos

The 4 year old: At the start of the year, when he had just turned 4, this was difficult. I had some workbooks for him to do, but I was not always available to help him with them because of needing to work with my older son, or having to take care of the baby. Having him play with puzzles and blocks worked much better. As the year went on, and he wanted to do “big kid” stuff like his brother, he became more into coloring in coloring books. And then towards the end of the year, he began participating in the lessons. He still struggles with his letters, but he can tell you what a preposition and pronoun is!

The baby: At first, she just slept and that was glorious. By the middle of the year, she was entertained in the exersaucer. Toward the end of the year, she was crawling and getting into everything. I’m a big fan of having babies of this age play in the pack-n-play. She is in the living room, so she can still see us, but she is contained. This may only last for 30 minutes, but that is precious time!

The Negatives

I have had to sacrifice a lot of alone time. My mornings that I used to spend at the gym, are now spent with all 3 kiddos. My afternoons that I once spent resting, writing, reading, etc. while my children napped are now interrupted every 10 minutes because my older 2 kids don’t nap. And even though we all have designated spots for “down time” they find me. They always find me.

Another negative is that him and his brother are always around each other. And even though they love each other dearly, I feel that they get tired of each other. Because of this, I am strongly considering joining a co-op next year. Some time apart would be beneficial.

The Positives

Our lives have such a calm rhythm right now. We don’t have to rush out of the house to get to school. I don’t have to wake the baby in the afternoon to pick him up from school. If there is something we would rather do than school, we have the flexibility to do so (within reason). I’m able to challenge him in certain subjects and work with him where he is weak. Last year, he came home almost every afternoon feeling discouraged and saying that he had a bad day. He has had moments of feeling frustrated this past year, but they were few and far between.

The choice to homeschool was a scary one, but I do not have any regrets. One year, one semester, one month at a time. I have no idea what we will be doing years from now, but I do know that I already bought the curriculum for next year!

No Longer Broken