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A Beautiful Romance

Love, Stay Sane

By the time I graduated from college, the phrase, “I love you” no longer meant anything. The words became cheap, and that made me sad. I made a vow to myself that the next time I would say those words, it would be to the man I was going to marry.

Thus began a great romance. Not between myself and yet another guy, but between myself and the Lord. I began to “date” Jesus. Does that sound strange? It shouldn’t. The bible calls the church (that would you and me) his “bride.” And what is more romantic than being at a wedding and watching the groom’s face when his bride enters and begins to walk toward her love? Picture it!! There is Jesus, his face beaming, full of admiration as you are approaching him. The thought gets me all teary eyed and so excited that I want to jump up and down and run to him and be embraced in his arms.

During this romance I would imagine the qualities that I desired in my future husband: Bold, strong, confident, kind, gentle. Jesus is all of these things. And I would think about things I would want my spouse to do for me. I wanted him to sing me songs. And I would notice as I was walking into a building a bird chirping in the tree, and I thought, “Wow, Jesus just sang me a song!” And I wanted him to bring me flowers. And I began noticing the most beautiful wild flowers, and I thought, “Thank you Jesus for bringing me flowers!” And I wanted him to listen to me, to hear all my hopes and dreams and not judge me for them. And I began to share my deepest thoughts with Jesus and I felt total acceptance.

I truly fell in love with Jesus. When I think back to that time, it was full of sweetness and tenderness. Before that time, I had settled. I had believed the lie that I was not good enough to be with a good man. But then…Then I chose to believe the truth. And the truth was, if Jesus (the truly perfect man) wanted me and was willing to die for me, then I am good enough to be treated well and loved by a good man on earth.

A godly man will be bold in his pursuit of a godly lady. He will stand up for her. He will respect her. He will desire to protect her heart before having her body. And this godly lady did get pursued by a godly man. And he did sing her songs and bring her flowers. And he did listen to her deepest hopes and fears and loved her for them. And even though this life has had it’s shares of trials and difficult times, there is no one I would rather do life with.

The truth is: I was worth pursuing. And here is the truth that remains to stand strong: I am still worth pursuing. Jesus still pursues me. I am still desirable. I am still beautiful. I continue to share my heart with Him. I continue to lean on Him. Goodness knows, I wouldn’t be able to stand sometimes if I didn’t. And I’m still worth being pursued by my husband. The romance continues regardless of jobs, children, mortgages, or illness.

Dear momma, you are worth pursuing, you are desirable, you are beautiful. And if you find yourself in a loveless marriage, please know that Jesus will always find you to be lovely. It’s never too late to begin your own beautiful romance.

xoxo

 

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I Am Enough

Love, Stay Sane

This here is a safe place. A place we can be honest. A place we can trust each other. So please allow me to speak from my heart.

I have often felt like I am ruining my children. And am critical of my body. And am disappointed in myself, annoyed by myself, and frustrated with myself.

But…

Not as much as I once did. (Hallelujah!)

There are times I do not react to my children in the right way. And at times I don’t make healthy choices. At times I do disappointing things, annoying things, and frustrating things.

But…

I am not those things. (Hallelujah!)

I changed the dialogue in my head.

I was already doing this for my children. I speak over them what I want them to be. Sweet, loving, hard working, good. Not always easy to do. Sometimes I want to call them punks, brats, selfish, and annoying. And sometimes they are acting like those things (I’m not unrealistic). But they are not those things.

 

 

 

This may seem so awkward at first. Like you are lying. I assure you, you are being honest with yourself. I guarantee there has been at least one moment in your life you achieved the trait you are aspiring to live out. Think about that time, and speak it over yourself with faith.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Repeat After Me…

I am loved

I am healthy

I am beautiful

I am enough

I am kind

I am generous

I am happy

I am patient

I am fun

I am confident

I am wise

I am a good mom

 

So what do we do with ourselves when we do fail to be what we aspire to be? Acknowledge it. Confess that it was wrong. Ask for forgiveness (from God, our spouse, our children, our friends). And say…

I am forgiven!

Our actions do not have to define us, but can if we allow them. If we will change the dialogue in our heads, our actions will follow.

Finally, [mommas], whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8

 

xoxo

 

ps. Don’t forget to subscribe. Subscribers have access to my new meal plan “Dinners for a Month” for free! Save money and reduce your time in the kitchen. 

You Are Loved, Fiercely

Love

Numerous times I have been speaking to my boys and I “feel” a tap on my shoulder. I know what I said to them was actually the Lord speaking to me. He is the perfect parent, so it makes sense that He would use our parenting to instruct us as well.

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Examples

“You are expecting it to do something it was not made to do.”

To my children: Several years ago I said this to my oldest child when he was getting frustrated with a toy.

To me: The Lord was telling me that I had been expecting more out of my child than he was able to do at that time. I still hear this. Now it is in the context that I am expecting my children to be someone other than who they were created to be.

“You can trust what I say. Because I love you, I will keep my word.”

To my children: This was just this past week. My 4 year old was throwing a fit (again) and I told him there would be a consequence if he didn’t stop. He stopped for a while, but then decided to test me. So I had to follow through. Which resulted in lots of crying and then lots of hugs.

To me: Whether or not it is what I want to hear, I know I can trust the Lord. Because He loves me, He will keep His Word.

“Doing your best is all that matters.”

To my children: Both of my boys get frustrated with themselves when they make mistakes and want to give up when learning something new.

To me: Often my own best doesn’t feel good enough. I think I need to be more and do more. Thankfully this is not truth.

“There is nothing you can do or not do that will make me love you more or love you less. I love you fiercely.”

To my children: My oldest was upset he didn’t pass the swim test, and was scared to try again. He actually asked me what I would do to him if he didn’t pass. Gasp. My heart broke.

To me: I struggle with trying to impress others to gain approval. Thankfully there is nothing I can do to change how much the Lord loves me. This is a beautiful thing.

“I am not disappointed in you, I am disappointed for you.”

To my children: This was also after he didn’t pass the swim test. I was still trying to confirm that it was alright. He absolutely had the skill and ability to pass the test, but it had become a mental battle for him. I wanted him to experience the confidence and satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something he had been working so hard to achieve.

To me: When I mess up (said something rude, lost my temper, been critical, etc.) I feel so ashamed and want to beat myself up for it. The Lord was gently whispering in my ear that I am not a disappointment. But I have done some disappointing things.

“Don’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. That’s called being dramatic.”

To my children and me: Umm, yeah. Pretty much my entire life right here.

“Don’t get frustrated. Just try again.”

To my children: My four year old gets frustrated so easily. He tries to draw the letter “A” and starts crying because the lines are crooked. It takes a lot of encouraging from the whole family to get him through it.

To me: I do this too. I love starting things, but get discouraged when it doesn’t come easily to me. So I usually end up starting and then stopping. And then starting and then stopping. And then… Thankfully I am also surrounded by encouraging people that help me through these times.

Final Thought

As you are in the day to day grind be aware of the moments the Lord is using your own voice to teach you.

There is one more I want to share with you. This was not from me, but what a friend said to her daughter. It was a punch in my gut, and something I desperately needed to hear.

“You are beautiful just the way you are.”

Oh dear mommas, please hear this, “You are beautiful just the way you are!”

xoxo

You Are Loved, Fiercely

Parent, Stay Sane

Numerous times I have been speaking to my boys and I “feel” a tap on my shoulder. I know what I said to them was actually the Lord speaking to me. He is the perfect parent, so it makes sense that He would use our parenting to instruct us as well.

 

1449886946760

Examples

 

“You are expecting it to do something it was not made to do.”

To my children: Several years ago I said this to my oldest child when he was getting frustrated with a toy.

To me: The Lord was telling me that I had been expecting more out of my child than he was able to do at that time. I still hear this. Now it is in the context that I am expecting my children to be someone other than who they were created to be.

“You can trust what I say. Because I love you, I will keep my word.”

To my children: This was just this past week. My 4 year old was throwing a fit (again) and I told him there would be a consequence if he didn’t stop. He stopped for a while, but then decided to test me. So I had to follow through. Which resulted in lots of crying and then lots of hugs.

To me: Whether or not it is what I want to hear, I know I can trust the Lord. Because He loves me, He will keep His Word.

“Doing your best is all that matters.”

To my children: Both of my boys get frustrated with themselves when they make mistakes and want to give up when learning something new.

To me: Often my own best doesn’t feel good enough. I think I need to be more and do more. Thankfully this is not truth.

“There is nothing you can do or not do that will make me love you more or love you less. I love you fiercely.”

To my children: My oldest was upset he didn’t pass the swim test, and was scared to try again. He actually asked me what I would do to him if he didn’t pass. Gasp. My heart broke.

To me: I struggle with trying to impress others to gain approval. Thankfully there is nothing I can do to change how much the Lord loves me. This is a beautiful thing.

“I am not disappointed in you, I am disappointed for you.”

To my children: This was also after he didn’t pass the swim test. I was still trying to confirm that it was alright. He absolutely had the skill and ability to pass the test, but it had become a mental battle for him. I wanted him to experience the confidence and satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something he had been working so hard to achieve.

To me: When I mess up (said something rude, lost my temper, been critical, etc.) I feel so ashamed and want to beat myself up for it. The Lord was gently whispering in my ear that I am not a disappointment. But I have done some disappointing things.

“Don’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. That’s called being dramatic.”

To my children and me: Umm, yeah. Pretty much my entire life right here.

“Don’t get frustrated. Just try again.”

To my children: My four year old gets frustrated so easily. He tries to draw the letter “A” and starts crying because the lines are crooked. It takes a lot of encouraging from the whole family to get him through it.

To me: I do this too. I love starting things, but get discouraged when it doesn’t come easily to me. So I usually end up starting and then stopping. And then starting and then stopping. And then… Thankfully I am also surrounded by encouraging people that help me through these times.

Final Thought

As you are in the day to day grind be aware of the moments the Lord is using your own voice to teach you.

There is one more I want to share with you. This was not from me, but what a friend said to her daughter. It was a punch in my gut, and something I desperately needed to hear.

“You are beautiful just the way you are.”

Oh dear mommas, please hear this, “You are beautiful just the way you are!”

 

xoxo

 

6 People We All Need In Our Cheering Squad

Love, Stay Sane

Life can be fun and exciting and full of energy. Or it can be a drag. Whether we are in the rush or the slush, we all need to be surrounded by people to challenge us to be our better self.

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I have been blessed to have a great “cheering squad” in my life. If I’m struggling with my day, or week, or even year, these people have been there to keep me going, or in some cases, keep me still. I know they love me and want what is best for me and my family. Without them, I would not be where I am today. With them, I know tomorrow will be conquered.

 

6 People to Have in Your Cheering Squad

The Dreamer: This is the person that is always coming up with ideas. Every time you see them they have a new adventure planned and one for you as well.

!!!!Warning, don’t be tempted to lose focus and get off the path you are on.

The Motivator: This is the person that once you have an idea, they tell you should go for it. They think you are the best at whatever it is that you are doing, or at least make you feel that you are.

!!!!Warning, don’t let this prompt you to act before you are ready.

The Brainstormer: This is the person that will keep you going once you have an idea or plan by keeping your mind focused on what you can do to keep improving.

!!!!Warning, planning is a good thing, but be sure to take action after you have done your planning.

The Realist: This is the person that will keep you in check and not allow you to run too far ahead.

!!!!Warning, this can feel like discouragement, but that is not the intent.

The Questioner: This is the person that will ask challenging questions to make you think through all the steps. The questions are not to discourage or encourage. Just to make you think through every possible angle.

!!!!Warning, nothing will ever have all the kinks worked out, don’t let this immobilize you.

The Encourager: This is the person that will shower you with compliments and make you feel like you are changing the world. And they will do this just about the time you want to give up.

!!!!Warning, this person loves you and what you do, don’t let it cause you to think higher of yourself than you should.

Final Thought

Some of your “cheerers” will have more than one of these traits. Or you may have more than one kind of “cheerer” (I know I have multiple encouragers in my squad). Life is too complicated and busy to spend time on discouraging thoughts. Surround yourself with people that will love you and challenge you!

 

xoxo

How Do We End the Judgement?

Love, Parent, Stay Sane

We have all been there. We have been the one standing alone while others made snide comments and pointed and laughed (although it may just have been in our minds). And we have also been the one commenting and pointing and laughing (even if it has just been in our minds). Nobody wins. Everybody feels cruddy after the fact.

 

 

Here’s What Happened

I found myself in this situation a couple weeks ago while my sons were at swim lessons. There is this one 5 year old boy in my younger son’s class that is, how shall I say….,very active. Now, I am no stranger to active little boys. I have boys, my friends have boys, I’m married to a man that used to be a boy. So I was not concerned with his activeness. I was concerned with how little regard this boy had for authority. Completely ignoring his mother, the teacher, and the lifeguard. This is scary to me because, hello! These are kids in water! The first couple weeks I was unconcerned, no judgement, just observation.

But then, a couple weeks ago, I crossed the line into judgement. The mom had told her son for the 14th time to put something away. Instead of obeying he threw a temper tantrum. And then… she gave in and handed it back to him. I’m so thankful that the pool area is loud and echo-y because a comment actually slipped out of my mouth. But then I felt cruddy. (And if by some bizarre chance this dear mom is reading this, please know that I did feel cruddy and I am sorry.)

Now, am I wrong to think that she could have handled that differently? I don’t think so. But I was wrong to point (in my mind) and make a snide comment (in actuality). I don’t know this lady. I don’t know what her marriage is like, or if she is even married. I don’t know what she deals with on a daily basis with her son. I do know that she was frustrated and probably could have used some encouragement.

At that moment I was not in the frame of mind to actually encourage her. But I did think of a dear friend that I know feels overwhelmed at times when dealing with her son. So I texted her a simple message of “I just want you to know that I think you are a great mom.”

 

So What Do You Think?

Is it judgement just to disagree with someone? Their parenting style, their health choices, the way they communicate. In our culture right now we are so concerned with not offending people that we are more afraid than ever to disagree, but have never been more judgemental. Maybe if we learn to understand people, and/or assume the best of them, we can get beyond ourselves and leave the judging thing to The Lord. He’s the only one that truly knows our hearts anyways, right?

So then, how do we encourage those around us? Whether it is someone we love, or a stranger, we can all use a bit of encouragement. And isn’t it true that the areas we need the most encouragement are the areas we are weakest in. Which means these areas are the most vulnerable to being “judged” because we are not doing them as well as we would like.

Perhaps we need to encourage “in faith.” In faith, I want my son to be a hard worker; so I praise him for being a hard worker. Our children will be what we tell them they are. So isn’t this true for others. If you want someone to be a good mom and for them to feel that they are, then tell them they are.

And finally, isn’t this true for ourselves. Don’t we deserve to encourage our own souls?

Stop judging others, and stop judging yourself. In faith, encourage the area that is weakest.

 

 

xoxo

busypeople

Check Out My Super Powers

Love, Parent, Stay Sane

One of the joys of homeschooling is getting to hear all of the quirky thoughts my seven year old has. I have always loved seeing his mind work and listening to way he explains things. When he was 5 years old he asked me, “Mom can you call your mom in heaven?” So sweet. I responded, “No Bud, it doesn’t work that way.” Very innocently he replied, “Oh, is your phone not that smart?” No. No it’s not.

With homeschooling, science is not required at the second grade level, so I let him pick what he wanted to learn about. It was no surprise that he chose animals. The boy is obsessed with Wild Kratts, and these wildlife cards that my hubby had as a child. Several weeks ago the lesson he was learning was about mammals, and what makes a mammal a mammal. You know, stuff like they give birth to live babies instead of eggs, they have fur or hair, they breathe with lungs, they have mammary glands, and are warm-blooded. After going over these mammal facts, my son asks me (you know what’s coming), “What are mammary glands?”

Now let me pause a moment and share with you that my son from the age of 3 has been a “boob man.” It’s true. He’s always been curious about them and noticed them early on. My approach has always been to just be matter-of-fact about it and not make it a big deal. At 3 he pointed to a boob and asked, “What is this?” At 4 he pointed to an undressed manequin in Old Navy and said, “Whoa! Those are some big nipples!” At 5 he asked, “Why don’t all girls have those balls of skin?” At 6 he started to ask, “Why do girls even have breasts?” I must say, I believe in each of those situations I handled myself quite well and maintained my composure while being direct and honest. Lord help me.

So back to the science lesson. I explained to him that it was the mammary glands that allowed mothers to feed their babies. And then I continued to say how incredible it is that can females not only grow a living thing within ourselves (keep in mind that I was 9 months pregnant at the time), but that our bodies are then able to feed the baby as well. He looked at me with awe and said, “That’s like a super power. I wish I had super powers like that.” I love him so much. What an incredible perspective. Yes, I am a woman and I have amazing super powers! I felt so empowered after that conversation with him.

 

lightning

 

“Yes, I am a woman and I have amazing super powers!”

 

And it is amazing, isn’t it? That life with a beating heart occurs from these two tiny things that join together. And it grows, with it’s very own blood type and separate DNA. And then, somehow, the mother’s body just knows to get it out at just the right time. And this tiny life that has never breathed air suddenly knows how to breathe. And this little mouth is equipped with a reflex to suck. And it grows and develops. It’s all designed so perfectly.

Perfect.

But it’s not always like that is it? The odds of conceiving are actually really slim. Miscarriage is an all too real risk. Birth defects occur. Complications in delivery happen. Not all babies get the hang of nursing. Children get sick. Families come apart.

But… But in this moment I am thankful and strong. I am thankful for the gift of these super powers. I am thankful for these children. And I will strive to hold them with strong arms and open hands and a loving heart.

What are your super powers?

 

photo credit: Brandon Morgan

The Couple That Works Together, Stays Together

Love, Stay Sane

My hubby and I love to do projects. Big or little, there is also something going on. Our problem is actually finishing a project before we start another one. I know not all couples enjoy working together (and honestly maybe shouldn’t), but for us it has definitely strengthened our relationship.

We’ve done little projects, like making a crafty-looking vase for our bathroom.

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And major projects, like a complete gut rehab of our second floor.

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And then plenty of in-between projects like the bunk beds we made.

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As we were working on the bunk beds we were commenting to each other how much we enjoy working together and how blessed we felt. But then several weeks later we were helping a friend with one of her projects (gut bathroom remodel) and it was not the same experience. We were on edge with each other and making snippy remarks. So what was the difference?

Normally…

We are willing to listen to each others ideas and we don’t hesitate to question one another. It’s not taken personal. A lot of times our concerns are not valid, but there have been instances that we have caught one another from making a mistake or have simplified the process or have come up with an idea to make it even better.

We are both willing to be the assistant. Sometimes I take the lead and have him hand me things. Sometimes he takes the lead and I stand there and look pretty (and hold the board steady).

We give each other the freedom to make mistakes. On the bunk bed, there was one board that my hubby cut the wrong length. Too short. Kinda difficult to put that back on. Instead of getting frustrated with him, I assured him that it wasn’t a big deal and that we would just use that one in a different spot and I would go buy an additional board. And then when I miscalculated and bought the wrong length of board for the shelves, he assured me that it wasn’t a big deal and we ended up patching in a piece (that only my older son would ever see).

So, why were we having problem at our friend’s house?

Well…

It started with miscommunication. I thought he needed something, so I left and went to the store to get it, only to come back and he had moved forward without it and looked at me confused when I was telling him that I got what he needed. So the frustration started right off the bat.

Even though it wasn’t my house it very much felt like my project and I was the one giving direction. This particular day though there were other people helping and not room for me to be in there. I know that I have the freedom to tell my hubby if something needs to be done a certain way, not quite so easy to tell others. And unfortunately I felt like this was because I’m a woman and should not be telling men how to do “manly” projects. Now, I’m in NO WAY saying that they behaved in such a way to make me feel that way. I put that on myself, but it made me angry and stirred up all these resentments within myself that I of course blamed my hubby for (and the church, but that is a different topic for a different day).

And then, when there was something that had been done “wrong” I got all upset again and felt justified in my resentments. If I had been in there, this would not have happened. Now to be completely honest, this “wrong” was so utterly minor, it was truly a non-issue. But I was not quick to let it and go and assure him. Instead I felt the need to point it out and complain that it wasn’t done correctly.

Afterwards…

We of course talked about the major cloud of tension that was occupying the space between us. We talked about why I was peeved and what the deeper issue was. Because let’s be honest, so often what gets us all riled up is not even the real problem. So ultimately we walked away having an even greater understanding of the other. Marriage is great.

Final though…

Yes, we enjoy doing projects together, but maybe this doesn’t work for you and your spouse. Maybe for you it’s being able to play together, or have a shared passion or hobby. The key is to have something to share, that is challenging, and results in both of you growing closer to each other.

xoxo

 

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Love My Enemy?

Love, Stay Sane

“But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…” These are the words of Jesus found in Matthew 5:44. I grew up hearing, and being taught these words. They’ve always sounded good, something that all people should strive for, but not something that was ever put into daily practice. Perhaps it should have been.

A couple weeks ago a tragedy occurred that perfectly demonstrated what this means. After the shootings in Charleston, SC there were no riots in response to the evil that occurred. Instead, people came together and loved each other. I believe this is mainly due to how the family of the victims responded to the young man that forever changed their lives. They forgave him. They showed love to him.

I came across the story of a teen that, back in 1996, was willing to sacrifice herself to stop a mob beating of a man they believed to be a part of the KKK. Instead of joining in, or even standing by, she protected him. She showed love to him.

But what is LOVE? And who is our ENEMY? And what does this look like day to day?

Love defined:

  • attraction based on sexual desire
  • strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
  • unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another

The bible describes love as:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

There is a problem with “love” though, because it means something different to different people at different times and it can only be understood in certain ways within certain relationships. I’m not going to show love to a jerk at the grocery store the same way I need to show love to my three year old (who can also act like a jerk). And I’m not going to show love to the friend I just made the same way I show love to my hubby (that would be awkward).

In the case of the Charleston shootings, the families showed love by forgiving. The teen showed love by sacrificing. As a mother (especially those first couple of months) love is given with nothing in return. In a relationship with a spouse, it’s not uncommon to show love by being confrontational with a truth that they don’t want to hear. And sometimes (like with strangers and social media) we can show love by simply keeping our mouths shut.

This is where it gets even stickier. In a society where our closest “friend” is Facebook, we feel like we need to be honest and confrontational with “truth” claiming it is with the desire to show “love” (the definition of truth is a whole different topic). But that’s kinda like being confronted with how to parent your children by the clerk at Target. This actually happened to me, and you know what? It TICKED ME OFF!!! And now I avoid her line at all cost. So don’t be surprised if people start avoiding you because you are “lovingly” telling them that they are wrong.

Next question is, just who is our ENEMY?

Is it an abuser? A religious leader or organization? Rednecks? Conservatives? Liberals? The clerk at Target?

Back to the dictionary:

  • someone who hates another
  • someone who attacks or tries to harm another
  • something that harms or threaten someone or something
  • a group of people (such as a nation) against whom another group is fighting a war

To “love your enemy” does not mean that you agree with or condone the act that is offensive. It may mean that you have to forgive them (and possibly sever ties with them), or put aside your own wishes and sacrifice for them. Perhaps it means you confront them, or maybe you simply need to bite your tongue and not say anything.

But one thing that is perfectly clear, we must pray for them. Pray more than you speak. Or type.

 

I’m Being Kicked Out

Parent, Stay Sane

For the past 7 and a half years I have had the privilege of being a member of the all so desirable “Boy Mom” club. And I have enjoyed it immensely. Now, come August of this year, I will no longer be a member. Yes, I am having a girl. And to be quite honest I have had some mixed emotions about this. And then guilt for having not all excited emotions. Truly, I think most people have been more excited about me having a girl than I have been about having a girl.

The most appreciated comment I received came from a mom that had three boys, and then a girl. She told me that she cried when she found out. She absolutely, positively did not want a girl. I so appreciated her honesty, because I was feeling quite cruddy that I wasn’t excited. She then went on to share how much her life has been blessed by having her daughter. Honesty and encouragement. Doesn’t get any better.

So, being the ever analytical person that I am, I began to wonder what my problem was. Why was I dreading this? Why wasn’t I excited? What was I afraid of?

Sure, there is the obvious answer of, I’m just use to having boys. I understand that the fascination of their penis begins at the infant stage. I expect them to wrestle until someone cries on a daily basis. It’s nice that they don’t care if their clothes match. And that the best toys are a pile of dirt and a stick. But it went deeper than that.

There is the fact that I am a girl and know the difficulties of growing up being a girl. Obvious, I know, but it was hard at times, and now I’m going to have to go through all of that again with her. And that just doesn’t sound like fun to me. But I survived, and so shall she.

On a selfish note, I like being the only girl. The queen if you will. And I feel a bit like my territory is being invaded. That’s not a pleasant admission. That’s an outright selfish, sinful, Lord-please-forgive-me admission. So after that was dealt with, I still was feeling a bit hesitant to be excited.

The final thing I had to deal with was my insecurities as a parent. See, with boys I feel like I can pass a lot of the responsibilities on to my hubby. He’s a boy too, after all. And I think my hubby is pretty stinkin’ great. So logically, my boys will turn out great too. But a girl?!?!? Holy crap!! That’s too much pressure! I’m definitely going to screw her up, I just know it! And that terrifies the crap out of me! Oh, but wait. God knows me and He knows my daughter in my womb. And He knew that I was the one to be the mother to her.

Oh Lord, help me to be the mother You want me to be!

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