The time had come. It was time to tell our oldest child, who is 8 (and a half), that we had been lying to him for the past several years. It was time to tell him that who he knew as Santa, was all make-believe.
This was not approached lightly. We sought advice from family and friends. I searched the internet to see when was the best age to shatter their little hearts. I searched for what was the best way to tell them. We even considered letting others tell him. And in the end…
Let’s go back a bit in time first. Way back actually to when I was a child. I personally have no memory of believing in Santa Clause. I am the youngest of four, so I have just always assumed that I never had a chance to believe in him because there was no way my siblings would have been able to keep that secret. My parents taught me about the real St. Nicholas, and that all good gifts come from God. Christmas was actually about the birth of Christ, and my Barbies came from my parents.
I never had any intention of starting the whole Santa fiasco. But kids just somehow pick up on it, even if they are not in school. When my oldest was 3 I asked him who his presents were from, and he responded with, “Santa!” Since then, we did get on the Santa sled of lies joy. We would leave out cookies, I would write notes “from Santa,” and of course go and see Santa! And oh! Going to see Santa was the best. For the past three years, we have taken our kiddos to a family Christmas event that my husband’s company would put on. It is so well done. All of it is put on by the actual employees, including Ol’ St. Nick. Turns out Santa works in the technology field. Who knew. My son truly believed that the real Santa Clause came to his dad’s work every year. Santa at the mall? He’s a fake.
Last year my husband considered telling him. I just couldn’t do it. And after talking with my sister, and hearing how her son reacted with a look of heartbreak, I knew it just wasn’t time. But this year… well, my son can be quite sensitive, and he is now in school. I just did not want him to be told at school and not be able to respond however he felt.
It was time.
It began with my sons making Christmas lists. Listening to my older son making comments about his list and Santa, my husband gives me the look. We step into the other room and have an impromptu how-we-are-going-to-handle-this meeting. It was decided. It was time.
We went outside and sat on the steps.
Me: So do you remember how we learned about the real St. Nicholas who lived many hundreds of years ago?
Him: Yes.
Me: And how he secretly gave gold coins so a young lady could marry who she wanted to?
Him: Yes.
Me: And people started to secretly give gifts to celebrate Christmas?
Him: Yes.
Me: And you know that the real St. Nicholas is no longer alive?
Him: Yes.
Me: And who you know as Santa Claus is based on this real person?
Him: Um, yes.
Me: There is no Santa Claus.
Him: (eyes wide as saucers) What?
Me: There are no elves…
Him: Oh, I knew that already.
Me: There is no workshop at the North Pole. There are no flying reindeer.
Him: I was going to ask Santa about that! Wait- Then who is that man at dad’s work?!?!?
Me: (fighting back giggles) Um, well, just some man who dresses up as Santa.
Him: Then where do all my presents come from?
Me: Well… dad and I.
Him: How do you do all of that on Christmas Eve?!?!?
Me: (all out laughing at this point) We don’t do it all on that night. We buy stuff ahead of time.
Him: You must be super tired then on Christmas, having to be up all night setting out presents. (You’d think that we buy them crazy amounts of toys. I assure you we don’t. I think last year they got 2 toys each.)
Me: So are you ok?
Him: Yeah. I’m a little bummed though.
Me: I know buddy. Now, you are not allowed to tell your friends at school, or your brother!
It really went very well. I expected tears and uncontrollable sobbing. It ended up being quite light-hearted and humorous. Now that a few weeks have passed, he is really getting into talking up Santa with his little brother. He is enjoying being on the inside of this little ploy with us!
Is it the right time?
Here is my non-psychologist-but-I-am-a-mom advice if you are finding yourself in this situation:
You know your child. Trust yourself and trust your little one. If you have developed a trusting relationship with them, they will continue to trust you. But you may want to confirm that they will still get presents even though Santa is not real!
Also ask yourself:
- Are they able to know the difference between fantasy and realty?
- If they find out from others, how will they respond?
- Are they starting to question certain aspects of the Santa story (elves, reindeer, etc.)?
Have you told your children the truth about Santa? How did you tell them? Did they take it well?
xoxo
